"Come on, Malou!", Kiara called from the living room and Malou groaned, before she hid her face in her pillow. The pogues were waiting for her, since they had been invited for a kegger in memory of John B that night. Regarding the fact, that they had witnessed a murder just a night before, Malou wasn't really in the mood for a party. And she wasn't in the mood for people pitying her.
"Can I come in?", a voice suddenly spoke close to her room and Malou rolled her eyes.
"No.", she said, just to hear the door opening anyway.
"Seriously? I could have been naked. Or masturbating.", Malou complained and saw how JJ raised his eyebrows, before he closed the door behind him again.
"I'm disappointed you're not doing any of that.", he said cheekily and Malou rolled her eyes at him, just to hear him chuckle. Malou sat up and looked at the blonde boy. He looked good. His hair looked perfectly messy and he wore a plaid shirt with the upper buttons open, so his shark tooth necklace was visible.
"I don't wanna go, J.", Malou said and played with the pillow in her lap.
"I know, but they're throwing it for John B, so I think we should go.", he replied and watched how Malou pouted, before she let herself fall back onto the bed.
"We witnessed a murder last night and lost the only proof that could have cleared John Bs name and now you expect me to celebrate?", Malou asked again and dramatically threw her arms over her face. Walking over to the bed, JJ bent over the girl and pulled her arms from her face.
"You don't have to celebrate and if you'll feel uncomfortable, we can leave early. But we should at least show up. It's important for them, that you're gonna be there.", he tried to convince her and Malou sighed.
"And you know, it's for John B and Sarah. Maybe we should celebrate them, have some fun, tell their stories, share memories. I don't know, maybe it'll get our heads off everything else for a bit."
"Ok.", Malou eventually gave in and JJ smiled slightly at her.
"Ok. Get ready, we'll wait.", he said quietly and Malou noticed, how his eyes fell onto her lips. Pushing his thoughts aside, JJ quickly moved away from her and gave her an assuring smile, before he left her room again. Malou sighed. She liked the bubble with JJ and she wished, that it wouldn't bust whenever Kiara or Pope were around or whenever they left the Château. She wasn't sure, if JJ felt the same or if the bubble was enough for him. Either way, Malou couldn't deny, that her mind was either circling around JJ or trying to work out a plan to find another evidence that would proof John Bs innocence. There wasn't an in between.
With a sigh, Malou got up and put on some jeans and her sneakers. As she went through all her tops, she suddenly remembered JJs word of celebrating her brother and Sarah and thought it would be nice to honour him that night. Putting her hair up in a messy bun, she left her room, and, for the first time since he went missing on sea, she walked inside her brothers' room. It still smelt like him and everything was how he had left it. Malou had been scared to enter his room, not knowing what kind of emotions would set it free, but right in that moment, she felt close to him. Going up to his sideboard, she pulled out a yellow bandana and knotted it around her head. From his closet, she picked a dark blue shirt with yellow patterns and knotted it underneath her chest. Putting her phone and keys in her pocket, Malou walked outside to meet the pogues on the porch. As they heard her approach them, their heads turned towards the girl.
"What?", she asked, as they stared at her in silence.
"Sometimes I forget, that you're twins.", Pope was the first to speak up and smiled at her right after.
"It's because I'm way prettier than him.", Malou joked and heard her friends chuckle.
"You're definitely the hotter Routledge.", JJ agreed and winked at her. Malou shook her head with a smile and walked down the stairs with her friends following her. It was a good fifteen-minute walk to the beach, that was filled with all different kinds of conversations. Just like it had used to be. They reached the beach when the sun was about to set and were greeted happily by their schoolmates and other pogues they knew from surfing sessions. There were a lot of strangers, telling Malou, that the tourons had heard of the party and hoped, that no kooks would show up. To Malous surprise, the night hadn't started too bad. Most of the people had been genuinely happy to see them and just wanted to party with them to celebrate John B and Sarah, without a hint of pity or shyness. Only, when Malou talked to a girl from her school she barely knew, her mind seemed to drift off.
"But it must be nice to know, that he wasn't alone, right? I mean, he and Sarah were together.", the girl said and Malou just nodded her head, before she excused herself. Going back to the bonfire, she saw Pope sitting on one of the logs and sat next to him.
"You ok?", he asked and Malou nodded.
"Yeah, I guess.", she answered and Pope just nodded.
"What about you?"
"Yeah, I guess.", he repeated her words and smiled at her sadly, both knowing that in fact, they weren't ok.
"Do you think, that Sarah was really in love with John B?", Malou eventually asked, as she stared into the fire. Pope turned his head to look at her, before he shrugged his shoulders.
"Yeah, I think so. She decided to flee with him, after all.", Pope answered and Malou nodded again.
"Why? What's the matter?", he asked and Malou sighed.
"I don't know. I think I never really gave Sarah a chance, you know. I was afraid, that she would break his heart. I mean, she cheated on Topper with John B and then just left him, I was scared, she would do the same to him. And now I feel, like I never had the chance to get close to her or to tell John B, that I'm happy for him to find someone he loves.", Malou explained and placed her elbows on her knees to rest her chin on her hands.
"I'm sure, that he knew that. And Sarah probably understood, that you were protective over your brother.", Pope tried to comfort her and Malou nodded again.
"It just... didn't make sense to me, you know? Like, how can you fall in and out of love so easily?", Malou questioned and Pope shrugged his shoulders.
"I guess that love doesn't make sense. Or maybe she didn't even love Topper."
"But why be with him then? I mean yeah, I had a thing here and there with someone and dated for a few months, but never would I agree on a serious relationship, if I'm not in love. I mean, where's the point?", Malou wondered and took a sip of beer from her red cup. It was warm by now and Malou pulled a disgusted face, before she poured the last swig in the sand.
"I think that most people mix up loving someone, being in love with someone and having a crush on someone. Maybe she did have a crush on Topper and just mistook it for love. Like you know, most of us look for the kind of love that stories, movies and poems teach us. The one with butterflies in your stomach, the one where we try to impress each other and stuff like that. But in the end, that's bullshit. That's not love."
"What do you mean?", Malou asked and tilted her head a little.
"I mean, having butterflies in your stomach is a sign of nervousness. Wanting to impress someone is a way of lying to yourself just to make someone like you. None of that is healthy, right? Yeah, you do that, when you have a crush on someone, we all know the feeling, but that's not love. Love is... the exact opposite. Love is, when you feel safe and at peace with someone. When you don't have to pretend and you can just be yourself. And of course, you won't feel any butterflies, because you aren't nervous around them, it's just logical. And that's also why so many people break up after some time, because they don't feel the butterflies anymore. Which is only a sign of trust and safety, but they think they fall out of love. And it's also why so many childhood friends find each other again after decades, because they realise, that after all, they have been in love their whole life, they just haven't noticed, because they have been looking for the wrong things.", Pope explained and Malou suddenly questioned her whole life.
"Sounds plausible, but where's the difference then between loving someone as your partner or as your friend? I mean the things you described is everything a friendship is about, right?" Pope nodded his head, before he raised his eyebrows a little.
"Well, the physical attraction I guess, right? I mean the whole physical part. Not only the attraction, but also the desire you feel and how your body craves for them, not even in a sexual way only. Also, how your mind is wrapped up about them. I guess it just feels, like your soul and body is made for them. To find mental and physical peace and safety within them." Malou slowly nodded her head and when she looked up from the burning fire, her eyes spotted the familiar, shaggy blonde hair, the piercing blue eyes and the heart melting smile. As she watched JJ from a distance, it suddenly hit her. Popes words repeated in her head over and over again and just like in movies, her whole life flashed in front of her eyes. Suddenly, the world seemed to be upside down. Quickly standing up, Malou was about to flee from the situation, when suddenly, her phone vibrated. While she pulled it out of her pocket, she could see Pope doing the same with his new phone. She opened the text of a strange number and her mouth fell open, as she stared at the picture of John B and Sarah.
"Did- did you get that?", Malou whispered and looked at Pope with horror in her eyes. Pope just nodded and quickly stood up. Malou looked up, just to meet JJs gaze, who looked at her with shocked eyes from a distance. He had his phone in his hands and Malou looked down on her phone, telling him, that she got it, too. Quickly, he made his way over to the girl and Pope and was about to freak out, when Kiara ran towards them.
"Did you get it?!", she asked and everyone nodded.
"Let's get out of here.", she said and ran into the darkness with her friends following. Malou felt her heart racing rapidly, thinking, that it might explode any second. Looking behind her, she saw JJ trying to keep up with them and how he clutched his hand to his chest. Malou stopped and waited for him, before she reached his hand out for him to take. He did so and even if it wasn't much, they both felt a little calmer at their touch. When the pogues seemed to be far enough from the party, Kiara eventually stopped and typed something on her phone.
"Is this even possible?", Malou asked shakily and felt JJs grip around her hand tighten.
"I don't know. What if it's actually him though?", Pope replied and Malou felt JJ let go off her hand to run his hands through his hair as he breathed heavily.
"I'm just gonna ask.", Kiara said and typed something on her phone. "WTF is this you???"
"He's typing.", she said and Malou stared onto her phone watching the dots moving. Her heart stopped beating, when another text arrived. "Is Malou there?" Malou exchanged a look with everyone, before she typed "I'm here." Just a few seconds later, her phone vibrated again. "Code pink. Gonna make up, when I'm back."
Code pink was a thing they made up as kids. Whenever they had a fight, the guilty one would call in code pink. Meaning, that the other had to forgive them immediately and for that, they could choose what the other one had to do as an apology. Usually it would be something like cooking their favourite meal or cleaning up each other's rooms.
"It's him.", Malou whispered and pressed her hand over her mouth to suppress a sob. Hearing JJ cheer in the background and Kiara whispering something under breath, Malou let out a shaky laugh, before it turned into crying. Soon enough, she was pulled into a group hug by her friends, that was disturbed by another text. "Laying super low in Nassau. Please clear my name, so I can come back home."
"P4L baby!", JJ cheered into the dark night again and Malou felt like a heavy burden finally left her heart and body, leaving her in a peaceful trance.