I wake up. I see red, but only for a moment. Then it becomes yellow. Then blue. And then it's normal.
No, not normal. But it doesn't matter, nothing has to be normal here, everything can be as it wants to be.
As long as it's alright. Everything has to be alright.
I am alright.
I get up, I'm quite tired, but it's normal. Sleep inertia.
Why am I excited? Oh, right, today is Saturday and I wanted to play that new game. Cool. I don't want to do my homework yet, school can wait; no, it will wait until the very last moment.
I hear no noises coming from the living room, Mom is out somewhere. Maybe.
I open the door. I wanna eat something, my stomach hurts a bit.
I go to the kitchen. I open the fridge but.
No, it's empty, just my luck. Except for those little things there.
Small creatures, barely visible, run around. They die. And they live again.
But there's no problem, everything is alright.
I'm sorta disappointed. I sigh.
I close the fridge. I go back to my room, Mom isn't home. She's likely dead.
What? Dead? No, she's simply out buying groceries or something.
She would never die, she would never abandon me. I will always be with her, and she will always be with me, no matter what happens.
Right? Yeah, how could it not be right? After all, she's real, I'm living in a completely real world, so there's no problem at all.
The floor is creaking. Why? Who knows, I don't know.
But I don't care, I go back to my room and turn on the PC.
But when I press the button, it doesn't turn on.
It explodes, like a grenade. Cool.
I have pieces of glass and metal in my body, too many to count. I catch fire, the left side of my face burns. Not the right one.
But there's no problem, everything is alright.
I am annoyed. I walk to the bathroom to put out the fire.
It expands even more, I am enveloped in flames. My left side burns. Not the right one.
I take a bucket and fill it with water. I throw it against my face.
The fire immediately goes out, I'm not enveloped in flames now. But I can't play, the PC is broken.
Oh, what are these?
Cool, the same creatures from before.
They're all over the walls. But they die. They fall to the ground.
Now they're not all over the walls anymore.
I sigh. I am disappointed. I walk to the living room and kick a chair.
The chair gets angry. It turns into a giant ghost, white. No, not white, transparent.
Now it's chasing me. My house is small, I can't run anywhere.
It's getting closer to me, It's quite fast.
Then it touches me with its transparent arm.
No, ghost, don't disappear, I want to be with you. You're a nice guy.
I'm sad, ghost is no longer with me, he disappeared. Why does everything go away?
Why is everything fake?
I get an idea, I will prove that nothing is fake.
It's all real. As long as it's real, everything will be alright.
I jump on the floor. It doesn't disappear. It's real, it's real, it's real!
It's not real. It turns black.
An infinite abyss of black. I'm in an infinite abyss of black. I don't feel my body, I don't even know if I am existing in that abyss.
It's scary, but I manage to keep calm. I always do, I even did that time... not really though.
But that time, I managed to not panic and do what I had to do. I'm proud of myself for that.
The abyss stops, I come back, everything is real, nothing is fake.
After all, how could these white houses be fake? They're right in front of my eyes, they're not fake.
I hear a sound.
It's a horn.
I run away. Why do I run away? Because I...
If I don't run away, everything will not be alright. After all, this is real. Nothing is fake.
The walls are so big. Oh, why such an explosion? Who knows, I don't know. I go in.
Now there's a big gate. I knock. I don't know if they'll speak my language, but why?
Of course they will, this is reality. Why would they not speak my language? Such stupid thoughts I have sometimes.
They're...
They're-
No. Please no. It can't be.
Why are you here? What... are you doing here?!
But... this is... reality... yet you shouldn't be here. So this is.
Fake?
No, it isn't fake. You're not here, after all.
Ha... haha... they disappeared. See? I knew they weren't here, I was always right, this is all real.
Now I'm walking to the castle with these dudes. Dressed in red.
I get to the castle. It's big, very big.
Munir.
Mmh? Munir? Who is that? Oh, right, it's this old man in front of me.
Why do I know? I just know, it doesn't matter why.
No. I know because this is reality, that's why. How could I not know something that is so real? Haha... I'm really dumb sometimes.
He's speaking to me, I hear his words loud and clear. Too clear.
His voice is soothing, his eyes hypnotizing.
I continue with the conversation. I say what I said, but I don't know how or why.
Yeah, yeah, he's a chill person. It's nice here in Gurendam.
I don't really know anyone. They take me to a big room, tons of people inside, playing and chatting to pass the time.
I feel... excited. Something important is about to happen. I don't know what, I don't know when. But I know that.
Yes, Yuna! Nice.
Who the fuck is Yuna? Nice what? And Gurendam? The hell's this shit? It's not a fucking fantasy world. Fuck you. Who you? Fuck everything. Who everything?
Too vulgar here. Sorry. I walk. I meet a girl, I know her name: Yuna.
How do I know it? Because she's real, and I know whatever is real, or else it would be fake.
She's cute. She's nice. Wow, a friend. I'm not good at making friends.
No, no... you're not here. Not you. NOT YOU! That's because you disappear, right now, forever.
I don't want you to disappear. I really want you to disappear. You have to disappear, you were never real.
Nothing is real, everything is fake. Was it the other way around? It doesn't matter. I'm thinking. It means that everything is alright.
Sadness, sadness for something that never existed. I only would be able to feel such a useless feeling. It doesn't matter how real it felt, it's clear that you never existed. I proved that it was fake long ago. That world doesn't exist anymore. It never existed.
We play a card game, I have lots of fun.
But who knows whether I played with a real person or not? Is Yuna real? Ah, right.
Unlike you, she's real, but... you know, you never know. Maybe you're real too.
No.
I can't think, there's not enough time anyways. I mean, they just called us for the post-battle meeting. And yes, I know what it is because it's real. That's why I know everything: because everything is real, because everything is alright.
I go to the meeting, I've got Yuna staying beside me.
We just talk, nothing too particular, but it's nice.
And there it comes, the big event.
I fucking get stabbed. A damn assassin appears behind me and stabs me, but I manage to play it cool and grab its wrist, then Yuna kills it.
Heh, I want to... nah, it doesn't matter.
It goes on: they take me to the hospital and shit happens... damn, this is so real.
Fast forward a bit. Metzek's annoying as fuck, but I gotta say, he's kinda funny. Yuna's holding her embarrassment so hard, haha.
And fuuuuuuuck. It hurts, you know, this fucking operation of whatever it is, but better than staying weeks here I guess.
It's reassuring though, it just means that it's real... I mean, I can feel pain over something that's real, but I could never feel anything over something fake.
That's why I don't miss you at all. I don't care that I'm crying, if I say that I don't miss you, it means that I just don't, okay?
And that world also didn't exist.
Like, for real, how could anyone believe the existence of shit like black holes... 'they invert space and time inside them'... hahahaha! What bullshit.
This is the only real world. No shitty science or anything, just plain reality.
Everything is real, nothing is fake.
Ah, anyways, time has passed I guess.
The second course arrives! Other assassins, lurking in the village. Or not really 'lurking', more like invading the square and streets...
No stabby-stabs now though, I don't wanna go through that shit again.
Uscher! Uscher! Uscher!
The fuck? Like, who the fuck am I screaming at? I don't know, but I know.
Nope, he dies. He was cool, but everyone dies at some point, his time had just come a bit earlier.
She won't die though. That woman's damn scary.
The one in front of Yuna's house, or I should maybe just say her mother.
Yup, she's strong.
I talk to her, she coldly stares at me. She then departs towards the square and likely just kills every assassin.
Great, now I'm alone with Yuna again. We talk a bit, as usual.
Oh, come on, why do I feel the urge to run to the hospital? Alright, I'll go... how annoying.
Uscher is dead. Yeah, I already knew, nothing special... I don't even know why I actually said that.
But still, the fact that I spoke to him not too long ago and now his lifeless body is lying right in front of me is quite disturbing.
Metzek's sad, then Yuna comes, then Metzek gets angry... he shouts something like 'HUNDREDS?! FUCK!'
He goes somewhere, but he comes back soon enough. Meanwhile I talk with Yuna... just the normal stuff.
Boring... it's so boring... but am I really bored? Maybe not. Who knows, I don't know.
Then boom, the cool part arrives. Or not cool? Who knows, I don't know.
The castle. It's reaaaaaal big. Just how is this Gurendam so rich? I have a feeling I've asked myself this before... oh, it's just the fake memories trying to take over, I must stay strong, everything was fake.
But nothing is anymore.
Sick, I feel fucking sick. I don't know why.
Wait, no. I know why, else it wouldn't be real.
But if I search my memory I find nothing, meaning that I don't know.
Meaning that it isn't real.
Meaning that everything is not alright.
Nah, nothing is fake here, unlike you and that fucking world.
So I just chill and proceed, ignoring that annoying glitch in my head.
We get to the castle, Freya is menacing, I get in my room, it's an amazing six-star hotel which I got for free for absolutely no reason.
Oh, right, this I don't know.
But it doesn't matter, 'cause I take the art of water and start reading it... it's damn cool, although a bit too formally written.
Yōkyl.
YōkylYōkylYōkylYōkylYōkyl.
YōkylYōkylYōkylYōkylYōkylYōkylYōkylYōkylYōkylYōkylYōkyl. The fuck's that? I've got no idea... I'll find out soon enough.
Haha, just kidding, I already know because it's real.
Yōkyl is...
Fuck you, who the fuck are you? Why do you want to know everything? I don't have to tell you anything, and I won't.
Damn these fucking mind stalkers... luckily I can at least think without anyone reading my thoughts. It'd be a nightmare if someone could just always know what I was thinking.
Ah, I got distracted, sorry. Anyways, I read it and do stuff, train etc., but I stop after a while.
To the Tzwernej!
La-la-la-la-la, I descend into the darkness.
La-la-la-la-la, I go down along these stairs.
La-la-la-la-la, it's cutting me with its sharpness.
La-la-la-la-la, I might die but I don't care.
Tu-ru-lu-ru-lu, what the fuck am I even singing?
Ru-tu-lu-ru-lu, the rhymes aren't even good.
Lu-tu-ru-lu-ru, it is something that I'm bringing.
Ru-lu-tu-lu-ru, I am nothing more than food.
I sing this nice song I just made up as I go down the endless stairs to the Tzwernej.
As soon as I arrive, I'm of course stunned by the room.
Yuna proceeds to tell me everything about it.
Oh, I forgot to mention, she appeared out of fucking nowhere before explaining to me how it works here.
We go into a room. We order, I take chicken wings 'cause I just wanna go for something I'm sure I'll like. Sorry, too many I's.
Not that it's written or anything, I'm just...
What am I doing? Who am I? Am I thinking? Am I writing? Am I saying?
Who knows, I don't know.
The food is really, really good. I again wonder how the hell everything is so amazing in Gurendam.
Right, Yuna wants me to tell her my story. I warn her that it'll be a weird one, even though I had already done this in the hospital some time ago.
I mean, I just got sent to this world... this is all so weird even for me.
Being taken away from my habitual reality and thrown into such a strange world is something quite out of the ordinary.
Haha. No.
What did I just?
This is reality. Everything before this was fake, only this is real.
Everything is fake, nothing is rea- NONONONONONO! IT WAS THE OTHER WAY AROUND!
EVERYTHING IS FAKE. EVERYTHING IS REAL. EVERYTHING IS.
Not alright.
My head hurts... quite a daaaaamn bit. Heh, this fucking headache... it's making me feel weak.
I'm not weak though, I'll just endure it.
Except it hurts more. And more. And more.
Yuna is not Yuna, Tzwernej is not Tzwernej, Sae is not Sae. Sae? Who is Sae?
It's this one, in front of me. His face is evil. His evil smile reaches up to his eyes, it scares me.
Yuna is also evil. They want to kill me. I don't- I can't die. This is my only reality.
I scream, I scream, I scream. I can't keep calm, why? Why? Why? I can always keep calm, always, always, always.
No, it can't be... I cry, I'm afraid, why are they evil?
But, they are not fake.
They can't be fake.
After all,
How could the enormous knives they are holding be fake?
How could their disturbingly malicious smiles be fake?
How could their murderous intent be fake?
It's simple:
it can't.
It's all real, fully and vividly real.
They get closer and closer to me, their eyes fixated on my body, their smiles even creepier.
I freeze, and I...
Smile. I am reassured, and so I smile. I am happy. Because everything is real, nothing is fake.
Ah, here they come. The stabs.
The warm feeling of the sharp blades ripping through my skin, muscles and nerves as they embed themselves inside my body.
I can feel my tissues being torn apart, the streaming blood gushing from the wounds. I can vividly feel the excruciating pain caused by their huge knives... it is, simply put, amazing.
Yes, that feeling. The feeling of their evil laughter as they stab me repeatedly.
I feel my breath being lost as they rapidly pull their knives out of my body, before pushing them again and again into my thorax, only adding to my immense pain.
The movement of the blades inside me, their scraping against the ribs... the cold, terrifying feeling of metal against bone...
My consciousness is slowly fading, my life is slowly being drained... it's so amazing to finally live in reality, away from the fake.
The taste of despair is indescribably superb: the fear that's spreading in my mind, the pure terror caused by the agonizing pain, the denial and later acceptance of my terrible fate.
They are all so, so incredible. Being alive is so incredible. Being real is so incredible.
But then I feel tired, impossibly tired...
the pain's vanishing...
the fear's dissipating...
the...
...
..
.
I lose even more blood, some splashes onto my face, I see red...
But only for a moment.
Then it becomes yellow. Then blue.
And then it's normal. No, not normal.
But it doesn't matter, nothing has to be normal here, everything can be as it wants to be.
As long as it's alright. Everything has to be alright.
I am alright.
Everything
Is
Alright.