please be patient with my writing loves, I am really self conscious about my writing so it talked a long time for me to finish writing chapters.
in this imagine you are Scarlett Johansson daughter.
tw: low self esteem, anxiety and talk about body image ⚠️
not me making this chapter a complete vent chapter
age:14
Y/n pov
I hate myself.
I hate my story
I hate every traumatic event that happened in my life
I hate when people yell at me
I hate my body
I hate my weight
I hate my height
I am scared of men
I am scared of myself, I don't trust myself enough to feel safe with my thoughts
I hate lots of things but the only thing I don't is my mom.
I love my mom to death but I've been keeping myself away from her this past week. I've been just so self conscious and feeling so bad about my body that I don't want to go out of my bedroom I'm just constantly sleeping the problems away and putting on a fake happiness mask so I can help my friends out
I feel like my body is way too large and my boobs are bigger than they should and I am taller than I should and I'm way too fat, that's why people don't love me. they can tell that they do but I just don't believe it.
to worse it all, I'm a dancer so I'm constantly with leotards. my daily routine is wake up, get yelled at, go to school while chatting with my friends on my phone, be at school and get attached to teachers just for them to not care for me at all
then I come back home, sleep my problems away and wake up late to go to dance. actually did I really wake up late or was I just staring at myself on the mirror wishing to be different?
today is one of those days, I had a silent anxiety attack at school because kids were yelling so fucking loud and my breath even hitched up on that attack but finally school is over so I throw myself on my bed and text my friends before sleeping all my worries away and when i finally wake up I spend 15 minutes looking at the mirror and correcting every flaw with my mind
it makes my head hurt so bad but I can't seem to stop it. as I'm going to sleep a knock was heard at my door
"yes mom" I said knowing it was my mom because my step dad or my little siblings wouldn't even bother knocking
"hi there um I just wanted to ask if you're ok?" My mom said as she walked in and saw me looking at myself on the mirror
"what's wrong love?" she said and I frown until I realize I've been crying, well that was exactly what I needed to break completely down
I started sobbing loudly in my moms arms
"why can't I be as good as her? why can't I be as pretty as her? why does everybody rather her than me? why can't I be a good dancer mom? the only thing I'm good at is dancing and I don't even think I'm good at it anymore" I keep on sobbing and she tries to shush me
"shh it's okay it's alright you are so beautiful my love and so so talented" Scarlett said on my ear softly
"what got you so worked up honey?" mom asked me and I reply with a sob
"I don't want to be like this anymore mama, I hate myself" I cry out
"hey don't you ever say that about my baby you don't know who your messing with" my mom says trying to get me to laugh but failing
"my love you are literally everything that I could ask for. Um i have a idea come here" she grabs my hand pushes me up before picking up a cute picture of little 3 year old me and glueing it on my mirror
"now everytime you look here you better not talk about this child, look at this precious smile this child has you can't just talk bad about her* mom kisses my cheeks
"I love you so damn much mama" I said and she nodded
"me too babygirl me too* she keeps kissing my head until I stop crying
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it's short asf I'm so sorry