Title: Grimm Games
Author: LLSanders
Grade: 85% B
Review:
Disclaimer: There will be direct quotes from both the story in question and another one, neither of which belong to me. Excerpts are marked with stars.
The cover is EPIC. Do you see that cover? That's probably AI art, but the cover design is so good that we can excuse that if it is. And the description is nice and long just how I like it. Delicious.
My first impression of this story is the swift introduction of the first two characters.
The idea of the "Grimm Games", a fairytale spin on something like the Hunger Games, is a concept I can immediately get on board with. I'm already intrigued. Death sport and fairytales are some of my favorite things to read about, and death sports in fiction haven't yet managed to be overdone, so you've roped me in. I honestly don't know why more people aren't reading this thing. The first chapter only has 91 reads at the time I am writing this, which should be a crime, because this story's actually pretty good and there are flaming garbage heaps with thousands of reads on their first chapters. So if any of y'all have some time on your hands, go check it out and see if you like it any.
In the first paragraph, my thoughts are somewhere along the lines of: thank God this was written by someone who knows how to write prose, at least on a basic, comprehensible level. Although the style is a little repetitive at times ("sadistic" is used twice in the span of a few lines of dialogue; the headline emerged from my lips as I read it aloud is pretty obviously unnecessary repetition) and could use editing, it's more than readable. We are immediately introduced to two characters: Kam, the protagonist, and Jade, the girl who I assume based on her excessive physical descriptions is the love interest. Both names I like, by the way. I'm going to start out immediately with critique because I'm just a mean person. In the first five paragraphs, three describe Jade's appearance. Personally, I don't vibe all that much with so much description of one specific person. I'm a big believer in spreading out the details; a comment about hair here, a remark about a nose there. However, every once in a while, it works to do a nice little paragraph describing the overall appearance of a character — I do it. Everyone does it.
I'm going to show you the description that I didn't particularly like in Grimm Games, and then I'm going to compare it with an introductory description that I did like from another story (don't worry, I won't use my own story this time, mostly because I'm not all that good at concise descriptions either). Out of the first five paragraphs, only paragraph one and paragraph three don't focus on Jade, so I'll cut those out.
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"Isn't is so uncannily sadistic?" Jade walked through the narrow doorway with a crisp sheet of paper in her grip. She approached my secondhand desk with urgency. Her stunning brown eyes that usually light up with admiration toward me narrowed in disgust. "You see this, girl? We're nearing one-hundred thousand signatures and that's still not enough to get the State's attention."
[...]
"No one wants to die competing for a one in six chance at a few million dollars and have their death broadcasted to the masses, their families." Jade scanned the sheet, her dark, kinky ringlets hung from her head to obscure one eye. The urge to swipe it back behind her ear nagged at me. "These people are desperate, Kam. Desperate for an easier life, a chance at life, and who's fault is that?"
She slipped the paper on my desk before meeting my gaze. Her cute button nose reminded me of my own but complimented her face and complexion so well, as the tone of her rich brown skin contoured her facial features naturally.
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Dialogue seems pretty good so far, right? I'm enjoying the clever manner in which the author decided to infodump, slipping in worldbuilding through casual conversation. The dialogue is believable and flows naturally, which I applaud. But take a look at that last paragraph. The nose-complimenting-her-complexion and the skintone-contouring-facial-features sounds a little weird, doesn't it? Unlike the dialogue, these physical descriptions feel stilted and awkward, as does the comment about her eyes above. Her hair falling in front of her face to obscure one eye is the only one that seemed to work very well. Here's a couple of paragraphs of introductory physical descriptions in No One Mourns The Aftermath, from the perspective of a character who is seeing these characters for the first time just like the reader is.
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Aria froze. Two dresses dangled in front of her, one a sequined red and the other a modest tan trimmed with lace. Both were rugged and at least two sizes too large, dangling on hangers that were moments away from falling apart. Aria's heart raced; she tried to pull away but found duct tape snagging tight on her limbs. Dangling the hangers was quite possibly the ultimate contrast from the dresses' halfhearted girlishness: an array of slender limbs and peppered scars, scowling mercilessly as his eyes scanned every detail of the room as if it were unfamiliar to him. A biting gray as they scanned the escapes and rafters, the hangers and closets, the people.
So many people, she thought sharply. One, who she assumed to be Fuentes, shoved the dresses aside and glared at Gray-Eyes. She was stern and slim-shouldered, unruly curls tamed into a knotted bun that every stray hair congregated at. "Ignore him," she said, smoothing the fabric of a teal dress that was not unlike the second lace option.
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Now, using "scanned" twice in only two sentences wouldn't be my first choice, but take in the quality of the descriptions themselves. There is no painstaking note taken of every single facial feature and no excessively flowery language, and yet you still get a pretty solid visualization in your head. You can interpret that Harlem (Gray-Eyes) is masculine in comparison to the dresses; slender and therefore probably tall; he has a rugged, scarred appearance; and his eyes are given more than just a color — we're told that he's attentive and distrusting, scowling and carefully watching everyone around him. Meanwhile, Jo (Fuentes) looks no-nonsense and has a slim build and curly hair. Pretty brief, but all these details are more significant than they seem at first glance. We can make interpretations from hairstyles and expressions, and the physical blends into the personality. You already get a sense of what Harlem and Jo might be like before they've even said a word, even with barely two sentences providing any description whatsoever for each. Even the dresses, which are intended to provide a stark contrast to the characters, are given their time to shine, but not too much time. They don't linger in the spotlight so long that it feels uncomfortable.
The description in Grimm Games is far more specific, and it doesn't flow as well. We get three sentences covering Jade's appearance total, whereas Harlem in No One Mourns The Aftermath got one full sentence and an added comment that his eyes are gray. Somehow, we get more personality out of Harlem than out of Jade in that time. Why? Because Jade's are entirely neutral characteristics. There's little here about the personality that shows through her appearance, only the shape of her nose and the color of her skin. Maybe we would know more about her if we were told about the soft curvature of her features that make her look unassuming and the bold eyes that are the reason Kam knows better, or something about the way she carries herself, or the way her clothes starkly contrast her skin rather than the awkward-sounding "her skin complements her features" because that doesn't make much sense.
Let's move on now to the actual substance of the story. There's a weird lack of "said" for some reason. All sentences end with periods. There's no: "Blah blah blah," she said. Just actions between dialogue. But anyway, we get some mysterious information about previous Grimm Games winners and find out that Kam has a rebellious twin sister. The Grimm Games are way cooler than The Hunger Games, and the fairytale elements make me VERY happy as a huge fairytale nerd. The description of Kam rewatching an old Games is great. It seems very exciting already and keeps me engaged. Frankly, I want to meet this Tommy fellow. The word sadistic gets used AGAIN, and I kindly pretend not to notice.
Then Kam discovers that her name has been registered for this year's Games. Her full name, by the way — Kamila Wendall — gorgeous. I think Este would approve; she's a huge name connoisseur.
So apparently she's got the worst sister ever. If any of my siblings ever used my name for credit cards, police files, or God forbid, to enter a death sport, I would rain hell down upon them.
The whole concept this revolves around is just so fun, I'm thoroughly enjoying this. I think the premise would make a cool movie. I'm now knee-deep in Chapter 2 and I was right that there would be consistent issues with dialogue tags.
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"Because she's not the sharpest tool in the shed." I huffed, [...]
[...]
"No," Jade lifted a finger.
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This should read, respectively: shed," I huffed and "No." Jade lifted a finger. These grammatical errors pretty much keep happening throughout these first few chapters, so since I've already addressed them, I'll leave them alone for the rest.
Chapter 2 continues to be interesting until I hit the part where the old man chucks an apple at the protagonist, which is a little confusing so I have to go back a little and read it again. It took me a hot minute to realize that they're at a protest and Kam is a well-known human rights activist, so people are probably pissed that she apparently signed up for the Grimm Games. Even then, it's kind of... out of left field for the guy to just start throwing fruit at her and calling her vulgar names? Maybe that's just me? Also, for the writers reading this: please refrain from using any unusual way to say that someone said something. The words exited the mouth of Character X is uncomfortable to read when you could simply use "said" or a more vivid equivalent like "shouted" or "spat harshly" or whatever. Weird phrases like "the words fell from her lips" and stuff like that should be used very sparingly.
The little cliffhangers at the end of each chapter build tension, so bonus points for that. We're on Chapter 3 now and our author has discovered dialogue tags! The descriptions of scenery and setting are way more enjoyable to read than descriptions of characters, and are generally just fantastic. Mother Holle seems cool although she's clearly a villainous figure (interpretation of the Fairy Godmother?) and has caught my attention just from the mystery and sheer power she exudes. The protagonist actually has personality and drive — SEE THAT, WATTPAD? PROTAGONISTS CAN HAVE PERSONALITIES! — although I'm struggling to fully grasp the character of the girlfriend. I'm assuming she'll get more characterization as time goes on, but she falls a little flat so far. Kam seems to see her as meek and softspoken but her dialogue all but contradicts this sentiment, and I just can't pinpoint her yet.
There are very obvious elements of dystopia everywhere, but there's beauty in the subtler ones too. A commenter made a great dissection of the manipulation of letting Kam participate in the Games alongside her sister Millie:
It's an excellent marketing strategy. What's better for ratings in a violence-obsessed society than having two sisters pitted against each other in a deathmatch? The risk of negative publicity the show would face and small platform Kam may gain from appearing on the show is far outweighed by the sensationalism having a set of twins fighting it out would bring.
Shoutout to SidaSilene for the spot-on commentary. I love when you can extract little details like this and expand on them the more you think about it. That's the mark of a good dystopia author.
So, even though Kam's sister is apparently a little prick, she loves her enough for her to fuel her motive to join the Games. It's the classic Katniss-Prim dynamic with a spin on it — the sisters don't actually like each other in this one, but they're devoted to each other all the same, like TRUE siblings — and it works quite well.
Okay, by the end of Chapter 3, I've decided I like Jade after all. She's got an edge to her, but she's also feminine and sensitive. It took a while for her character to really come through, and I hope she gets a meaningful role later (I'm assuming we won't see her again until after the Games).
Chapter 4 almost feels... much better-written than the rest? I think it's because we're getting pure narration without dialogue for a bit, but it feels like a breath of fresh air.
MY INNER FAIRYTALE NERD IS SCREAMING. THERE IS AN ABSOLUTELY SICK VERSION OF BLUEBEARD WITH A WIZARD. I FEEL NOSTALGIA-BAITED BUT I'M HERE FOR IT.
So Kam is thrust into an escape room that I would ABSOLUTELY not be scared of, I would be THRILLED to participate. It doesn't waste time with the action, which is good because I have the attention span of a seven-year-old tablet kid. I'm engaged, it's very thriller-y, it's exciting. Kam is acting like an idiot and asking what do I do as if anyone is going to answer, but I'm sure most people would respond the same way. She was told that the Grimm Games didn't start for a week. This is a little crazy for her, give her a break.
I will say, I love that she sucks at this right off the bat. I'm sick of overpowered female protagonists that are perfect and not flawed and know everything already. That's boring. But Kam is a total loser who doesn't know anything about solving puzzles and joined this game on impulse, and that's exactly how it should be. She's inexperienced (and her sister points it out pretty bluntly). She's not dumb, though. She's smart and resourceful and has at least some background research to her advantage, and is forced to pick things up quickly when new obstacles are thrown at her out of the blue. Her stubbornness makes her blind at times, and so she struggles.
I like Millie right away, and she gives away information in tidbits, making the reader ache to know more. She's pretty aggressive towards Kam, but the beauty here is in the difference in perspective. Everything Millie says sounds harsh... but she's right. Kam just doesn't agree with her and doesn't want to hear it. She might be my favorite at this point, actually. So that's when we get this absolute BANGER which I have to put here because it's my favorite quote so far:
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"You're no hero. You're no better than me or any of us, Kam. You're a loser. And you should've never came because now you put me in the position to save you."
My heart stopped. Years of butting heads and not seeing eye to eye accumulated in a single hot tear gliding down my cheek.
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AHHH, IT'S JUST SO — IT'S SO GOOD GUYS.
I love it. Not everyone is cut out to be the hero. And that doesn't mean you shouldn't try, it just means that you're just like everyone else and you shouldn't expect to be special. Not to mention that single hot tear bit that encapsulates strained sibling relationships so simply and nicely. See this, guys? Even if you're no Tolkien, you can come up with good lines. You don't have to be the best writer out there or even the most original — you just have to apply your creativity and go with your gut. This isn't the most well-written book I've ever read. But that right there? That is one enormous seed of potential. If you've got potential like this author does, do. Not. Waste it. You can get an editor, you can get feedback. Write your damn WIP. It just might turn out to be something good in the end.
At this point I paused writing my review and went ahead and read the rest of the book (which is ongoing, by the way). It's one of those stories that gets progressively better as it goes on. The games within the plot are both terrifying and fun, and honestly, I can get on board with the appeal of having this sort of thing broadcasted. I know that's the opposite of the point, but it's just so exciting, and I'm a huge sucker for anything fairytale themed, and PUZZLES? 100% up my alley. I honestly wish there were even more complicated puzzles, so that the reader can engage their mind with the protagonist.
The secondary characters introduced bring nuance and a broader perspective to the Games. I do lament that Tobias gets so little in the way of characterization. Something I've noticed both in books and films is that some people are better at writing one sex or the other — that is, some people are great at writing male characters and not so great at writing female characters, or vice versa. I don't know if I'm one of those people, but I do have an easier time writing male characters, so I tend to make them my protagonists often. I try to keep a nice balance anyway, and mix things up by making female protagonists sometimes. The reason I brought this up is because the author of Grimm Games is very obviously better at writing female characters. Keep in mind I'm judging only off this story and not any of her others, so take this with a grain of salt, but I'm pointing it out for the sake of giving advice to other writers who do struggle with this issue. From my point of view, there are almost zero male characters with any actual significance. I can name four males we've seen so far: the old guy who threw the apple, the Games announcer, Tobias, and the wolf dude. Then in Chapter 14, the last one published at the time of my writing this, a pair of brothers shows up, but we don't really get to know them just yet.
That's it, and the only one of those that actually has a character is Tobias. But I'm using that term loosely. I was a little curious about him, and so it was somewhat disappointing when he ended up with little in the way of personality and masculinity, at least so far. The male characters aren't bad, per se, they just don't have as much depth as their female counterparts. Having said that, my advice to other writers is this: it is better to have a practically all-female cast than to force male characters in that are awfully written. That's why I'm glad that this author has so few male characters. It's also better — and I see this issue more in movies — to have virtually no female characters at all than to write awful female characters. Don't be afraid to do this. I can excuse a cast made up of only one sex, but I can't excuse unrealistic, flat, 2D characters of one sex and not the other. I feel like that's reasonable.
Anyway, the rest of the story is great. The thriller elements are fun and done pretty well, the fairytale elements are woven in at every turn, and things are constantly moving and changing and building tension. Even with all the obstacles the focus is never totally taken off the main character's morals and her hatred for the Games and the twisted world she lives in. The reader is kept aware of the sinister side of it all lest they get lost in the cool obstacles and puzzles. There's always something darker and more grotesque around the corner than the last thing we saw — poisoned apples, sentient trees. It keeps you guessing and makes you question everything, and though some elements end up slightly predictable if you're familiar with the genre or with the folklore some of the story is based on, you do have to grapple with the fact that anyone could die at any time (except for the protagonist, for obvious reasons). I sat there for about nine chapters straight just reading without stopping because I had to know what happened next.
Nearly every character is either likable to some extent or fascinating to another. I still think Millie is probably the most based character in the whole thing, even though she's a vagrant (hey, that's the book's words, not mine!) and uses her sister's name to build up a bad credit score. Mother Halle continues to be a source of intrigue, and the voice of the announcer is always there to introduce some new, horrifying task to take on. Kam is the most compassionate and feminine character, the least ruthless, but she's also stubborn, determined, and decisive. I'd never thought I would like a character whose identity mainly revolves around being an activist, especially since I struggle to like a lot of female protagonists in general — I've seen one too many that are annoying, pretentious, boring, brash, or whiny — but what do you know? She's pretty cool.
The action scenes are all pretty brilliantly written; no complaints here. Sure, there were typos and grammar errors. The words "sadistic" and "twisted" are probably used more times than the word "destiny" is in Lost Destinies, so I do think a thesaurus would go a long way. The writing style wasn't always my favorite, but it did always keep me engaged with the material, and the substance of the story itself was just SO much fun. The biggest issue with this story is that it wasn't a screenplay, because this is the type of book that could easily go straight to film. Like, seriously, where's Hollywood when you actually have an entertaining and interesting story to tell? Nowhere. They only make stupid movies. FIND NEW WRITERS, COWARDS.
It's a solid book so far. It's not going to turn the genre on its head or be the greatest thing you've ever read or anything, but it has some good things to say. It even manages to be entirely unique at times. It's still ongoing, but once it's finished and has gone through a few rounds of editing with a professional, I think it's certainly worth adding to my shelf. Kam's character has already grown so much, and I can't wait to see what's in store for her. I'll end this off with a line that sent chills down my spine when I read it, because I knew Kam finally knows exactly what she's doing and that she's not going down without a fight.
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"Play the game?" I hissed, fueled by a fury that had been building within me. I clenched the blade in my fist so hard the pain of the molded grip felt cathartic. "I'll play the damn game."
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That's all, folks. Go take a look at this one if you're interested, because it really does deserve more reads. Have a good one.