The carriage ride home was eerily silent. Each of us too shaken in our own individual ways to even try to carry on an empty conversation.
Though I could probably assume correctly what we all had been thinking.
That could have been me.
One wrong argument at a very bad time could have cost us our faces and one of our eyes, like it had Marjorie, and none of us knew how close it was to being one of us instead.
Part of me felt as if Thomas held some of the blame, because it seemed as if he had chosen Marjorie to dance because it would anger Castellana. But I doubt he had known his jest would end in such a tragic way.
However, that could not have been the only reason she snapped. Yes, she had a horrid temper and was obnoxiously rude to no end, yet those ill qualities of hers weren't enough to convince me she had acted just to act.
Not when what she had done could have ruined everything she had been working toward.
Once we arrived back at the palace, we four bid one another goodnight and retired to our rooms.
"You are back early." Cordelia had been putting away fresh sheets into one of the cupboards in the receiving room of the apartment. "Did something happen? You look pale."
"Yes, a great many things did happen." I laughed weakly, "Mother berated me, Henry kissed me and Castellana mutilated Marjorie all because she wasn't Thomas' first dance of the night." I took a seat on one of the tufted chairs, pushing my shoes off with my feet.
"What?!" Cordelia quickly walked over towards me and kneeled so that we were face to face. "Someone was hurt? Henry, Prince Henry the Heir to the throne of Myrce and the brother of the man you are trying to wed kissed you?!"
"Oh fuck." I covered my face with my hands trying to hide my embarrassment.
She pulled my hands from my face, "Oh no you cannot run from this one. Emma why in the name of the Gods of old were you kissing Henry?"
"I-I. . . it just, well-" I stammered trying to figure out how to explain it.
"Gods Emma." She sighed, "You love him."
I stared back at her, expecting the look of disappointment to be glaring back at me but all I saw was a mix of confusion, joy and pity.
"I do." I admitted, completely defeated.
She was silent for a while, brows raising and falling, lips scrunching and relaxing as she internally argued with herself. Then, she closed her eyes and placed a hand on my cheek, "Well how are we going to proceed?"
"What do you mean?" I was taken aback by how calm she was.
"How are we going to secure Henry?" She sat back on the floor, crossing her legs while she waited for my reply.
Out of everything I had expected to hear from her, that was not it. I was sure she would have lectured me on how dangerous the situation I had found myself in was, or that I needed to focus on Thomas because he was the one I had come to secure. But she did not even question my motives, my love for Henry. She just accepted my feelings and that was that.
"I am unsure." I shook my head, tears flooding my eyes, "Up until tonight, I was not sure he had felt the same as me. So when he confessed and then kissed me, I did not even have a chance to consider where to go from there."
"Did he say anything about a future together? Or make it seem as if his intentions were to claim you as his own?" Her brows were beginning to furrow again.
"We were interrupted in the middle of things." I realized just how foolish I looked, having kissed the brother of the man I was competing to wed without even confirming whether or not he planned to actually court me. 'But he did say he would come see me tonight after he talks with his father."
"How would he do that?" Her tone remained soft, but I could tell just how tense she was getting.
"Come." I insisted, desperate to prove I had not made a mistake. "I will show you."
She cocked her head to the side, uncertainty riddling her eyes, but took my hand anyway and followed behind without protest. I pulled her through the apartment, flinging open the doors to my bedroom and continued on until we stood beside my bed and in front of the hidden door.
"You see." I pointed at the hardly visible seams, "This is a door that leads to the hidden passages in the walls. Henry visits me sometimes and he uses the passages so that we won't get caught."
She looked closer, as if she couldn't see what I did. "Emma," She breathed, "what you are doing is very dangerous. What if he is only infatuated with you for the time being but has no real intentions of marrying you. What if you risk everything for him and he leaves you with nothing?"
"I know!" I sobbed, body shaking as I finally succumbed to all the emotions I had been holding in all night. "I have thought of every and anything that could go wrong! He could use me and then walk away as if nothing happened, ruining me and not even scratching his princely image. Or perhaps after sacrificing everything I have worked for up until this point, he ends up being murdered for his birthright. The queen is sure to hate me, Thomas will never forgive me, and if I do marry Henry I will have to see them and be reminded of how I betrayed them both for the rest of my life." My throat started to tighten as I felt the urge to scream. "The risk is excessively high if I choose Henry, but I cannot stop myself from loving him. His voice permeates my mind, his gentle yet firm touch haunts my dreams, plaguing me with this insatiable need to see more of him, feel more of him. If he is not near I long for him, and if he is I cannot help but go to him. It is maddening, wanting someone so badly when I know I shouldn't. But I cannot help it, I have tried to erase him from my mind, destroy the indention he made on my heart, yet it has been to no avail as here I am more in love with him than ever."
I stood there, out of breath as tears silently fell down my cheeks. Relief hit me in more ways than one after letting out everything I had kept inside for months. I was scared. Terrified of all the bad things that could happen, as well as all the good. But, for once in the past two months, I felt as if I could finally breathe.
"If this is the path you wish to tread, then I shall be there every step of the way." Her brown eyes looked back a me with such warmth, making me question why I had kept it all a secret I the first place. "I did not care much for Thomas anyhow." She softly giggled at her own joke, "But Henry? He seems like a good man. Though I am not happy about his sneaking into your room, and you better tell him to keep his hands to himself unless he intends on marrying you."
I wrapped my arms around her, squeezing her tight, "I knew you hated Thomas." I laughed into her shoulder.
"Please be careful, Emma." She gently patted my head, "Love can blind and make fools of us if we allow it to consume all that we are. Just remember that you and your safety are the most important things at the end of the day, and if that love will compromise all that you are and or put you in harms way, then it is not love at all."
"Thank you." I whispered, wanting to say more but could not find the right words to say. She had been like a mother, a sister and a best friend to me since the day we had met, and if it were not for her, I probably would have ended it all years ago.
"Of course." She squeezed me back. Then after I had calmed down a bit she broke the silence, "Now, tell me more about how Castellana maimed Marjorie."
"Oh!" I pulled back, having completely forgotten about everything that had happened.
The two of us shared a cup of tea as I recounted all of the events that had taken place at the Ball. Her getting angry about what mother and Adela had said and done, rolling her eyes at the parts that had involved Thomas, blushing at the bits about Henry and gasping at the details about Marjorie.
It felt good being able to tell her everything and not have to hold a single ounce back. Something I missed dearly.
We continued on for a while, me explaining all the meetings with Henry and how he and I had ended up like we had when a knock resonated through the apartment.
"I'll get it." She quickly rushed to the entrance of the apartment, "Thank you." I heard her say, then she returned to the bedroom where I had been seated on one of the loveseats in front of the unlit fireplace.
"Who was it?" I asked, sipping on my lukewarm tea.
"Someone brought you this letter." She had an uneasy look on her face.
"Oh?" I reached out for her to hand it to me, "Lets see who it's from."
She took the seat next to me as I popped the vaguely familiar seal off the back of it.
"Dearest Emma,
I believe you already know what this letter means, but if you have already forgotten then I shall refresh your memory.
You are to take the cloak from the guard that is waiting outside of your room and follow him until you find yourself standing before me, just as we agreed at the ball.
And remember, you cannot refuse.
Waiting desperately for your arrival,
Your Prince,
Thomas."
My stomach twisted in on itself as dread crept up my spine. I had completely forgotten about his plan to send for me once we returned to the palace, and now that I had sobered up, wished he had forgotten too.
I knew what he had wanted from me, and it was something I was not willing to give.
"You cannot go." Cordelia protested, "No good will come of this."
"I cannot refuse." I sighed, "He will take it as proof that I do not love him."
"But that is the truth, you do not love him." She shook her head, "So what if he sends you home because of this, his heart is no longer the one you pine for."
"If I am sent home now, before having a chance to speak with Henry and securing a new future, who knows what will happen." I grabbed her hands, "I have no choice but to obey."
"And what of Henry?" She knew better than to fight me when I had already made up my mind, "What if he comes while you are gone?"
"I shall leave him a letter asking him to wait for me." I assured her, "He stayed back to go after Marjorie's attacker, so he will be late coming anyway. I am sure I will return before he has even spoken to his father."
"Please be careful." She sighed, "No man calls on a woman this late at night with pure intentions."
"I know." I quickly wrote Henry a note, then pushed it through one of the seams of the hidden door so that he would see it before he knocked. "I must go before the guard leaves."
I tried to hide my shaking hands as I made my way through the receiving room, hoping she had not noticed how nervous I truly was.
"I will be back soon." I forced myself to smile.
Then opened the door.