One day and dozens of pain killers later, Ran entered the gymnasium again. The looks he received from everyone around differed greatly. Some looked confused, others almost like they judged him, but most looked worried. It didn't even wonder Ran that he immediately got pulled aside by Philippe as soon as he spotted him.
The same as always. 'You good?' 'Yes.' 'Did something happen?' 'No.' 'Attendance?' 'Will do better.' Always the exact same pattern, he was just too tired to remember whole conversations by now.
Tatsunori did not take a look at Ran. Or at least looked away whenever Ran turned. And Lord, it upset him. So much. Because it did not only affect both their gameplay, but doing any sort of partner work was associated with pure panic: both praying not to be picked as the others partner.
They were lucky –Three out of four times. And that one time was not received well by either of them. Especially Tatsunori seemed to be holding a grudge.
"Don't you know how to run after a ball?" "Don't you know how to properly pass?" Ran responded. It was seriously going on his nerves now. The older kept complaining, and angering him. He didn't even try to hide it.
Tatsunori rolled his eyes. "I do, but you don't really know how to receive, do you? Played Libero, but don't know how to make a good dig. Kinda embarrassing, don't you think?" He spat. Another strong spike right at Ran who barely managed to react, so he wouldn't be hit straight in the face.
That had been the third time now. The ball flew around the gymnasium, landing a few meters away from Tomohiro who just threw it back. He didn't even take a glance. Everyone knew that this was something to stay out of. Even Kai, who smiled so often, had put on a serious resting face.
"What was that for, Tatsunori? You and Ran, talk it out, now! In the office, both of you!" Philippe shouted. The French man did not tend to shout often, only whenever he was truely mad. Really mad.
And this was the case here. The shout caused sudden and complete silence around the arena. No one spoke another word, they all just stared at the three. Kento watched Tatsunori throw Ran a death glare. Then, both followed their coach to said office and treatment room.
"Sit down. Both of you." No room for debating. Two anxious but mad pairs of eyes dtaded at Philippes. But their kind of mad did not compare to his. He was furious. And his voice displayed just how much he tried to keep calm. It was deeper than usual as well. "What happened? Huh? Between the two of you? Are you aware that you are holding everyone back with that stupid little argument you have going on? Do you want that?"
They both shook their low-hanging heads. "Good. Then tell me. Why did you try to decaptivate Ran?" He addressed Fatsunori. His eyes faintly looked up, but he didn't manage to hold eye contact.
"I didn't. I just spiked the ball. But he couldn't receive it properly. How is that my fault?" "I stood like two meters away from you and you hit that ball like I was standing near the opposite end of the gym!" "Not true." "Yes, true! What the fuck is your problem?" Philippe didn't intervene.
He just sat there and watched. As relaxed as one could be, leaned against the wall. Tatsunori Rose his voice. "You screamed at me when I tried to help. Ungrateful! And then you don't even tell me what the duck is wrong with you! I am not saying that you have to tell me, but a little more transparency would be great." "What the fuck do you want to hear? That I am sorry? Because you couldn't respect boundaries? Get over it, Tatsunori!" This time, Ran screamed.
Two shocked pairs of eyes looked up at him. Especially Philippe seemed to be shocked by the sudden iutburst. And still, Ran wasn't done there. "Fuck you, just leave me alone. Right, leave me alone! When I tell you to leave my apartment, you do! That's how easy it is, but you had to annoy me, had to go on my nerves. Why is no one respecting my space anymore? Huh?" What was so weird about this was the fact that ran was so angry. However, the tears leaking from his face were weird.
Why would he cry because of something so simple? Tatsunori looked at him, baffled. Without even noticing, Ran started hugging himself while bouncing his leg following a fast rhythm. Why? No idea. But he did not plan on asking. He also didn't have time to as Ran suddenly shot up and just ran away.
They both just stared at the now open door. The sound of another door slamming shut felt years away.
Philippe merely nodded. "Alright. Tatsu, go back to practice. I will look for Yuki. Because it seems like he is the only one who still has Ran's trust."
-
Yuki had to search for ten minutes. Because he had not expected that Ran would be hiding in the janitors room. Only his faint cries and heartbreaking sobs revealed his position. Yuki carefully knocked on the door. Immediately, any sound from inside stopped. "Ran, can I come inside?" No answer. "Please? It's me. Yuki. No one else is here, just me." Still, no answer.
Instead of trying to enter, he continued standing outside. Even though the door wasn't locked. "No one is mad at you. They are concerned. Everything is fine." Some shuffling on the other side. "They hate me." "They don't, Ran. Why would they? They might not know the reason why, but they know that something is up. Which means that they also know that this isn't their Ran talking. I don't know what happened just now, but Tatsunori probably didn't mean it like that. He is your friend." "He hates me." "No he doesn't. Did he tell you that? No. He is hurt by your words, yes, but he doesn't hate you. He simply wants an explanation."
The door creaked open. Out walked a pair of red, puffy eyes and a hunched over Ran. His efforts to try and avoid Yuki's stare were painfully obvious. There were some teeth imprinted on the youngers skin, like he had forcefully bit down. The area around them was still red. But he didn't address it. Yuki just watched Ran wipe remaining tears off his face and enter the gym, still shaking.
-
It all ended with Philippe calling quits at 8pm. 3 hours of pure torture. Because everyone had decided to avoid him. Not because they were mad, but rather because he had the trait to make everyone asking him a simple question mad.
However, what they didn't know was that said question certainly wasn't as easy. Because constantly his mind shouted at him. 'You are in danger. Nothing is safe. He is coming again.' But at the same time it told him to embrace them, hug them, tell everyone that he is fine, that he is simply overreacting.'
A fight in his head, two voices simultaneously shouting different words. It was so. So. Exhausting.
Ran had been untying his sport shoes to switch to his normal sneakers when someone suddenly tapped his shoulder. He flinched, immediately turning to check it out.
It was Tomita, who had packed up a little faster. "Ran, your friend is here." His finger pointed at the stand. Ran's eyes flew over it and finally landed on a person sittingg gf there, legs crossed and a shy smile on their face. Kanta.
"Thanks, Tomita." The other patted his shoulder, then picked up his stuff and left as well. Ran now walked over to the stand with his backpack on and awkwardness spreading through his entire body.
Kanta looked equally as awkward, but he did have a smile drawn on his face. A faint one, but it was there.
He stood up and approached the athlete. "I am sorry." Ran had suppress sarcastic remarks. Because, why did he only now apologise? "Okay." He knew that he was acting cold towards his friend. "Ran, I said I am sorry. I shouldn't have behaved that way, should've stayed quiet." "Thank you, Kanta. Really. I appreciate it." There was a moment of awkward silence.
Kanta could still feel some tension between them. "Are you gonna go to school tomorrow? It's Friday. You like Fridays." Ran took a moment to consider his choices: Either he could swallow thousands of pills to calm his mind or avoid the university for the rest of his life. "I don't know yet, I am sorry." He stated, proceeding to check the clock. Already quite late. "I am gonna go take a shower now. Talk to you then. Bye, Kanta."
-
Once again, Ran woke up feeling like dog-shit. He has had trouble sleeping, falling asleep or even staying asleep ever since it first happened. It felt like whenever he closed his eyes the moment would repeat over and over again in his head, like it was stuck on loop. And whenever he opened his eyes, he was scared that Haruto might stand there. God, he was paranoid to the point of not wanting to leave the house, not even a short walk to the supermarket or nearest restaurant. But it didn't matter to him, the lack of food.
Ran had trouble eating. It was not necessarily the fear of food itself, but rather the fear of swallowing or even putting something in his mouth or stomach. To fill his stomach up. Because it reminded him too much of the times- And the third time that Friday, Ran pushed the plate with food away from himself. He just couldn't.
Instead he sat down on his living room couch and just stared at the white wall. Complete emptiness. Ran was so tired, and not just physically. It all was just so exhausting. So fucking exhausting.
And sometimes he found himself wondering- Why.
Why him. Why in this lifetime? And why did he blame himself for everything? Why had he not been strong enough to fight him off?