I love you, my lovelies.
Kaden's POV:
I gently brushed my lips against her enchanting curves, tracing their beauty with reverence. My fingers tenderly caressed her skin as I whispered questions about the true meaning of it all. Her trembles and sighs were my only guide, as I sought permission in the softest of her sighs. To be honest, I didn't have feelings for her, nor did I truly desire her. I was just captivated by her beauty, and in that moment, I felt so painfully alone. But those memories, initially insignificant, lingered in the recesses of my mind, only to be twisted into the most sinister moments of my life.
I found myself begging to go back in time, to take his place, to spare him the torment. I discovered that she had spiked his drink with roofies because she couldn't stand the thought of him being with me. She was the only one who noticed the way I looked at him, and she ruthlessly exploited that knowledge to destroy the person I loved most in this world, my Luke.
And now, she had tainted whatever existed between me and Ally as well. But I had to tell her because, after Luke, she was the one who saw me for who I truly was. I couldn't bear the thought of her discovering it from someone else. I needed to show her the monster I had become and let her decide what kind of forgiveness I deserved.
A tear trickles down my cheek as she presses her lips against mine, and for the first time, it doesn't feel like an act of hate. There was not a hint of disappointment in her touch. I cup her face with trembling hands, my touch bearing testament to the depth of my emotions. Our lips meet in a gentle, stolen kiss, a bittersweet blend of love, desire, and sorrow. The outside world ceased to exist as we cling to each other, savoring this fleeting taste of love that circumstance had denied us.
In another lifetime, where my best friend was still alive, where I didn't have to hurt others to find solace, in a world where I only needed her and him, I would confess everything to Ally.
Our kiss speaks volumes of our longing, a silent plea for a future where our love would no longer be forbidden, where happiness could replace the sadness that had bound us for so long. But for now, all we have are these stolen moments, a clandestine kiss that holds our hearts in its tender embrace, even as it threatens to break us apart.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Kaden. I shouldn't have done that, not after what you told me," she says, shaking her head, her lips still swollen from our kiss, tears glistening in the corners of her eyes.
"No, don't apologize, please," I whisper against her lips, pulling her closer and locking our eyes in an intense gaze.
"I needed this," I confess silently, more than life itself.
"It's not your fault," she reassures me once more.
"And I will keep telling you until you believe me. I have time. I'm a college student. What else should I do with my free time?" She says, trying to lighten the mood, and a small smile forms on my face.
"Now you have to share one of your deep, dark secrets," I tease, taking her hands in mine to warm them.
"I'm really glad the others already slept, so we "had" to be in here together." She whispers, tilting her head in a cute way.
"Ally," I reply with mock seriousness, a flutter of excitement in my belly at her confession, my cheeks blushing.
I study hear features when silence comes between us.
"Okay, okay. Well, sometimes I feel like the loneliest person in the entire world. Sometimes, I'm afraid I don't have a real family, and sometimes, I think it's because I'm unlovable," she confesses, her eyes avoiding mine.
My heart aches at her words. How could she not see what I see in her?
"You do have a family. I know you said your family hated you when we first met, but that can't be true. I'm sure they love you," I reassure her. How could they not?
She remains silent, her gaze still averted, a tear sliding down her cheek.
"No, you don't understand. I thought so too, because I was told that your family always loves you, and they told me they loved me. But I didn't know... I didn't know."
"What didn't you know?" I ask, concern deepening.
"I didn't know that real love doesn't let that hand slip," she cries out, finally meeting my gaze.
I close my eyes for a moment, trying to contain a sob made out of my anger and sadness, but they threaten to overwhelm me.
"I didn't know that sometimes being slapped, pushed around, or locked in a cellar... that even if it only happens a few times, it still counts. I didn't know that when the bruises are long gone, the pain lingers," she continues, and I gently cup her face with my hands.
"It's not your fault, baby. It's never your fault. You are so lovable. And you have a family. Emmabell and Adaeze love you to death, and Harvey and Ray... they adore you. They would do anything for you," I reply, lifting her chin so she could see the sincerity in my eyes.
Why couldn't she see that my friends, too, would kill for her? And if they wouldn't, I would make them.
"I know, but sometimes..."
"Sometimes is a cruel bitch, Ally."
She laughs, a bit of her sadness lifting, even if only temporarily. "Yeah."
"Want to hear another secret?" I ask, and her smile grows.
"A dirty secret?" I can't resist teasing her.
"Someone will love you one day more than you could ever expect, and that pain you feel... it will fade," She says, trying to reassure me.
I swallow hard, aware that being loved was something else entirely, and a voice in the back of my head told me that I already knew whom I would love in return.
"Do you want to hear my dirty secret?"
She nods eagerly.
"As your friend, your partner in crime, I'm telling you this from the bottom of my heart: There's not a man in the world worthy of you."
~~~~~~~~~
I brush the strand of hair, falling into her face behind her ear, not being able to avoid the twitch of my lips as I admire her peaceful sleep. She is so beautiful, with every goddamn color of hair, every piece of clothing in any point of time.
I slide of the bed and carefully open the door of the balcony we share with the others, so she doesn't wake up. I close it behind me and as I turn around the cool wind brushes my hot skin. I take out my metal lighter, my initials engraved at the bottom, being visible as soon as Ipush down the cap. As if it's the most mesmerizing thing in the world I watch the flame carefully, wishing I would look at her instead but I know the risk. Dorian motherfucking Crawford.
Even though the person behind me is trying to be quiet I can hear the steps already moments before they are stepping onto the balcony.
"You always liked fire. Even in high school. Good to know you haven't changed." I hear Oliver saying next to me.
I close the lighter, let it slide back into my pocket and straighten myself up on the railing.
"Believe me, that's the only habit that stayed with me." I reply, turning my head towards him.
"You couldn't sleep either?"
"Nah, not in the mood." I answer, short.
There is silence between us and after the conversation I had before I have the feeling that now that I dug up the past I cannot go back.
"I'm sorry for that idiot, months back in that car. He had no right to say that word."
"What word? Faggot?" He laughs, the pain in his voice evident.
I just nod, wincing at the word, I threw at my own mind so many times before.
"Thank you, well you always were my favourite of all the "cool" kids in high school."
"Yeah, I don't know if that is a compliment looking back at all of them." We both chuckle at that truth.
"I was always so jealous of you, you don't understand. If my 16 year old self would know that I am talking to you now, he would probably faint." He rubs his palm on the back of his head as I frown at him.
"Please explain that. I know I was more popular than you, but you always had money and friends, why did you admire an asshole?"
"You weren't an asshole." He defends me but I raise an eyebrow at him.
"Ok, sometimes you were a little grumpy but if someone needed your help you were there and you had all those girls..."
I look back at him, and he must see the shock on my face.
"Yeah, I know. That was the biggest reason for my jealousy. Girls threw themselves at you, yes not as crazy as they do now but you could have had anyone. I mean women ten years your senior who walked for Victoria's secret got on their knees for you."
I let out a breath, biting my lip, not knowing what to say.
"Oliver, I know I have lots of privileges, believe me that girl inside of there keeps me humble... sometimes." I point inside where Aleandra is sleeping.
"But those women. I didn't want them. Sure, I liked having sex, I often liked the attention but it wasn't always as it seemed. I lost my virginity at thirteen to a 23 year old grad student because "friends" told me it's an honor to have an older woman wanting you. Don't get me wrong, I don't see it in my personal case as rape because I don't notice much damage on myself but she shouldn't have done that. And later on I never once had the feeling I could say no if I wasn't in the mood. I- I Oliver I don't know what to say besides, I can't tell you how many times I threw up after sex because the self-disgust was running so deep."
I let out a sigh and rub my thumb over my eyebrow.
"I don't know what to say besides... I'm so sorry. I didn't realize that."
"Don't apologize. I don't want you to feel guilty, but I just want you to understand. It's no, problem man. I didn't realize until recently either." I let out a laugh before I turn around.
"I will try to get some sleep now. Thank you for the talk, I would gladly meet you somtime. I heard you like to read?" I ask him.
"Yeah, I do."
"Great, I will give you my number tomorrow so we can talk." Then I shake his hand and head inside.