NOT PROOFREAD!
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Prologue:
Pt 1:
"You look so good, babe...", Theo groans into your ear.
You giggle and push him away. "Theo, we've barely been here for 2 hours."
Not reacting to your protest, he pulls you sideways on his lap. "It's not my fault you are so hot."
He leans back, obviously pleased to the fact that he has you sitting in his lap.
One arm is wrapped around your thighs, the other is draped on the back of the sofa.
You lean pack against Theo's chest, resting your head on his shoulder.
"Ugh, you two are disgusting.", you hear a voice in your back. Turning around, you are met with Mattheo.
"You're just jealous that I got a girl and you don't.", Theo smirks, gripping you tighter.
"Oh shut up.", Mattheo groans.
You giggle at the bickering and rest your head again.
After a while, you hear someone shout: "Guys, I think it's time for a game!"
The call earns cheers and applause in response.
In the end, people decide on truth or dare Slytherin version.
Means nothing less than that every player gets to swallow a shot of fire whiskey that contains a bit of verita serum. That way they're unable to lie.
You pull Theo with you into the circle of people. He's not a big fan of truth or dare, but to make you happy, he joins.
As the flask reaches you, you take a sip and hand it to Theo. He hesitates for a second, but takes the shot in the end.
During the game, Draco has to tell which teacher he's most afraid of (Professor Moody), Pansy has to kiss Tom as a dare (he wipes his mouth afterwards), Mattheo has to take of his shirt and Daphne confesses her crush on Astorias boyfriend (they start yelling at each other).
Then the bottle stops at Theo. "Dare.", he says without hesitation.
The girl that spun the bottle, a bygone fling of Theo, fades him to kiss her with tongue. "No way.", he says, grabbing you thigh to demonstrate that he's taken.
People start to boo Theo for chickening out. The girl grins. "Pick truth then."
Theo shakes his head. "Nope. Choose another dare."
"Truth, truth, truth!", people shout in a choir.
Theo looks at you and you see sheer fear in his eyes.
You cup his cheek. "Call down my love. There's nothing to be afraid of. I'm with you."
Theo nods and prays to god that he won't be forced to confess his biggest sin to you.
He squeezes your hands and turns to face the girl. "Alright, truth."
The girl smiles; somehow it seems like a smile of cruelty and you shiver.
"What's your biggest fear?", she asks.
Theo closes his eyes and relaxes his shoulders. Thank god.
"My biggest fear is that y/n will leave me.", he says.
The room turns death silent; nobody expected that answer.
Your eyes widen. "Really? That's your biggest fear? Oh, Theo! Why do you think I could ever leave you?"
Instantly, his body stiffens. Words form in his throat that he does not want to speak out loud, but the potion flowing in his system forces the words out of him. With blank eyes, he stares at you and opens his mouth.
"Because you will find out that I started dating you to win a bet."
He presses a hand on his mouth as if that would magically make the words fly back into his mouth.
You gasp, just like most of the people in the circle.
"Fuck, y/n, I'm sorry.", Theo says and tries to grab your wrists but you quickly get on your feet and stumble away from him.
The betrayal stings in your heart. You can feel it rip apart, slowly and painfully.
Tears fill your eyes as you realize that everything you an Theo have is based on a lie. But is there even anything you have? You always expected that he loves you; maybe that's a lie as well.
Theo gets up and cups your face with his hands. "Y/n I swear on my life that you mean the world to me. I love-"
Before he can finish, you slapped him across the face. "Don't you dare. You do not love me.", you hiss and push him away from you. "Fuck you, Theo! You're a traitor, a fucking reckless arsehole!"
You don't care about the Slytherins staring at you and Theo. All you can feel is pain, both physically and mentally. It hurts to look into Theo's eyes. They're full of guilt, fear and pain - and they disgust you.
You turn around and stumble into the hallways, leaving everyone behind.
Pt 2:
Theo went to your dorm at the crack of dawn, determined to be there when you opened your door. He sat down at the top of the staircase and waited for hours, his face hurried in his hands.
Finally, the door opened and he jumped up. He was met with the scathing stare of your roommate.
"What the hell do you want, Nott?", she hissed.
"I need to see y/n."
His tone was stern; he made it known he wasn't going to let her keep you away from him.
Your roommate started laughing to his very surprise. "Well, good luck with that. She left."
Theo's heart dropped. "What do you mean?"
With a bang of anger, your roommate closed the door. "She was so hurt by your betrayal that she couldn't even bare the thought of staying at Hogwarts, so she left. I don't know when she will come back, but she's with her parents."
Everything in Theo screamed to visit you, but he knew if he ever wanted to have a chance of making up, he need to stay away from you until you decide to come back.
And that was the case 16 days later. Your parents dropped you off and you left your luggage next to the Great Hall after being reassured they would be brought to your room.
Nervously kneading your fingers, you enter the common room. When people realize it's you, they fall silent and a few turn around to look at someone you can't see.
A moment later, Theo gets up from an armchair, his eyes finding yours in an instant.
A shiver goes down your spine at this intense gaze, and all you want to do is run away.
Theo hesitates for a second, then slowly approaches you. "Hey.", he whispers.
You nod, unable to say a word due to the lump in your throat. Fuck, how come you've spend 16 days on getting over this and the second you see him, everything comes crashing down?
"I had a dream about you last night."
His words take you aback; you didn't expect that to be the first thing he says.
"Huh?"
Theo looks over your shoulder, sighing heavily. "Fuck, I was holding you in my arm in that dream and now I have you in front of me and I know I'm not allowed to hold you anymore. I feel like my heart is getting ripped out of my rib cage."
You close your eyes, desperately trying not to cry, but there's a single tear that escapes anyways.
Without thinking, Theo wipes them away and instantly regrets it when you flinch from his touch. Not because you're afraid he's ever going to hurt you physically, but because it used to bring you so much comfort and now causes a terrible ache in your heart.
"I'm so sorry. For...everything. I convinced myself I was going to give you all the time you need, but fuck me, I can't stay away from you."
You groan, pressing a hand to your chest, where you can feel your heart ripping to shreds at his words. "Theo you can't say that.", you whisper, your voice shaky.
"But I have to. It took me everything not to turn up at your parents doorstep."
You lips are a thin line when you open your eyes again. "Theodore, you caused this mess. It's entirely your fault. You don't have the right to tell me how bad you suffer, because you knew what you were doing."
Another tear falls from your eyes.
His hands reach out for you out of habit, attempting to comfort you, but then he clenches them to fists to keep himself from overstepping the line you just drew.
"I'm sorry, I know this isn't about me, but how else can I make you realize how bad not being with you is? Fuck, I would give everything I own if that gives me the possibility of turning back the time. And I know this is all my fault, believe me, I really know."
His voice is pressed, and his whole body language gives you no other chance but to believe in his words. If you've ever seen a person regret something, then it's Theo. However, that does not do the job of fixing your heart of rebuilding your trust in Theo.
"I'm desperate to find a way to make you forgive me and I will find a way, if it's the last thing I do."
"I hope you like being disappointed, Theo, because I won't forgive you.", is all you murmur when you push past him and head down the corridor to your dorm.
Pt 3:
Apparently, Theodore Nott is a very pertinacious man. The last few weeks, he tried everything to rip down the walls you hastily hoisted up to shield your broken heart.
From approaching you at more occasions then you can count, cornering you to mumble apology after apology to dozens of gifts left on your doorstep and a pile of heartfelt letters you wasn't able to get rid off, he tried it all.
You felt how it get harder to stay strong with every day passing by, with every encounter. The walls were getting brittle.
Eight weeks without Theo felt like a whole lifetime, and mostly at night you could no longer escape the tormenting thoughts. You really wanted to take him back, and you knew how deeply sorry he was for what he did, but still...how is a relationship supposed to work that has no trust to begin with?
You've spend a lot of time in the courtyard lately, mostly in the darkness of the night, with no witnesses of your inner conflict.
And in the courtyard you are sitting now, caressing the folded paper in your hands. Todays apology letter.
Not aware of the presence behind you, you put the letter aside, pulling out a pack of cigarette from your pocket. After fumbling around, you come to the realization that you forgot your lighter.
"Oh for fucks sake!", you curse to yourself, snapping the cigarette in half and tossing it away. It's just all so frustrating.
You hear a soft chuckle behind you and freeze. Turning around, you see Theo standing in the shadows. Perfectly, just what I needed.
"Need a lighter?", he asks, pulling one out of his jeans pocket. You sigh, but nod anyways. "That's no invitation for you to stay though.", you state, holding out your palm.
The soft smile drops from Theo's face. "I know you come here to be alone. I just wanted to make sure you are okay, but I'll leave.", is his response as he carefully places the lighter in your hand.
You stare at it, swallowing hard.
"Oh come one, it's not that bad. At least you will think of me whenever you light a cig.", you laugh, putting the key back into your pocket.
"It's fucking cheesy.", Theo chuckles, but tracing his finger over both of your initials that you just carved into the metal. A warm expression lays in his eyes, despite the words he spoke.
"Give it to me if you don't want it.", you say, trying to grab it from Theo.
He clenches his first around it. "Don't you dare.", he smiles, playfully nudging your shoulder. "It's mine."
You can't help but to trace your fingers over the T. Looking back up, you realize that Theo already brought a few steps of distance between you.
"Theo, wait!", you shout.
With his back facing you, you can't see the smile that spreads across his lips. He stops.
"I- Do you want to stay?", you ask, biting your lip, waiting for Theo's response.
In a matter of seconds, he falls to his arse, taking a seat next to you in the dewy grass. "No need to ask me twice.", he says.
The silence, only interrupted by the clicking of the lighter, is awkward.
Theo bites his cheek, trying desperately not to bring up anything concerning the bet or the current state of your relationship - or more the nonexistence of it.
You on the other hand try to figure out why in your right mind you asked Theo to stay. After a while, it occurs you that your mind simply is not right with Theo around. Your heart made the decision. Finally admitting to your feeling, the first time in weeks, you say it in your head: I am still in love with Theodore Nott.
Watching him from the corner of your eye, you wonder how you were able to avoid him for so long. It's as if by taking the lighter from him, you gave away the grip on the walls around your heart. It's all a little too much: the realization, the heartache, Theos scent in your nose and the overwhelming emotions.
You finally break the silence. "Sorry, this is probably confusing to you, but...could you please leave me alone? I- I need to think. But...can we talk tomorrow?", you whisper with a rasp voice.
"That sounds great. After classes?", Theo asks, a plant of hope growing in his chest.
You nod and with that, he leaves you to yourself. When you return to your dorm, you find the lighter sitting on your nightstand.
Pt 4:
You hardly managed to distract yourself from the fact you would be meeting Theo later. You zoned out getting ready, you zoned out at breakfast, you zoned out in classes, you zoned out at lunch, and zoned out at lunch again.
You had no clue where you wanted to go with Theo from here - if it even made any sense to go anywhere with him, but for the fist time in weeks you didn't feel the anxiety crawling out from under your skin.
After your last class, herbology, you quickly headed to your dorm to get changed into something more comfy than your school uniform, and then headed back out of the castle, to the courtyard you met Theo yesterday.
Exactly the place you texted him you want to meet him at.
After half an hour, you pull out your phone to check the time. No, you are not to early.
Then you open the chat with Theo. No, you did say 'courtyard at 4 p.m'.
And still you're sitting alone in the courtyard at 4:30 p.m. 4:40 p.m. 5 p.m.
Your text don't get through either. No call, no message, no sign of Theo at all.
Unbelievable. He stood you up. After how long he pleaded to get a chance to talk, he did not come.
Silently cursing yourself for giving him the chance, you get up and block his number again.
"I see where I stand.", you mumble to yourself, brushing away the dirt from your jeans.
Then you hear someone shout your name. It's not Theo though. It's Mattheo, panting heavily, leaning on his knees.
"Fuck, why is this castle so huge? Theo told me to get you, but the dumb fucker forgot to mention where you are.", he coughs.
"What the hell?", you ask. "Where is he?"
He hold up his index finger, signaling you he needs a moment to catch his breath.
You wait impatiently, hug eventually he gets up again and starts explaining. "I'll keep it short. Theo added the wrong ingredient into his potion earlier and the thing just exploded. He's in the infirmary, Draco and Blaise had to hold him down because he wanted to meet you so badly, but he is really not in the state to walk down here."
Your heart drops, and you feel the anxiety taking over. Deep breaths. Deep breaths. If he has to be held down by two people, he must be somewhat okay. "Oh god, is he still there?", you ask.
"Yeah, but-"
Before Mattheo can finish his sentence, you rush past him, heading towards the infirmary as quickly as your lags can carry you.
Mattheo runs after you, and you both make your way in silence.
Pictures flash through your mind - pictures about how bad Theo might be injured. You cling to the fact that he is conscious after all. And somehow it makes you tear up that his first thought was you, and that he had to be held down.
When you barge through the doors, you see Draco and Blaise first, sitting on a bed, their body's blocking your view.
You slow do and take a few deep breaths to collect yourself. No need to scare anyone.
They hear Mattheo coming in behind you and both turn around, then get up silently to allow you and Theo some privacy.
He has a few bandaids on the left side of his face, and the rest of his skin is red, just like freshly regrown skin normally is. His shoulders and neck are just as red, but not fully regrown red. His skin is glistening from a colorless salve.
He is fast asleep, his head slightly tilted and his expression peaceful.
Not able to resist, you be brush a strand of hair out of his face. "Oh Theo..."
Out of nowhere, a chair appears next to you and when you look up, you see Madame Pomfrey standing a few meters away.
"He asked for you.", she says. "His two friends had to force him to drink the sleeping potion, that's how badly he wanted to see you. You two must be madly in love."
You stay silent and lay your hand flat on his chest. Under your fingers, you feel his chest rising and falling in a steady rhythm, and the warmth of his body is balm for your soul. Slowly, the worries start to fade as you realize that he will be fine.
Still, you can't deny the way your world stopped for a moment when Mattheo told you that Theo got hurt. In that moment it became crystal clear where you want to go with Theo.
Patiently, you continue your movements and wait for him to wake up, so that you can tell him that you forgive him.
Part 5 (last part):
During the hours you spent at Theos bed, you could watch him heal. The balm all over the burned skin strengthens his own healing abilities and within two hours, his skin went from red and covered in blisters back to normal. Only a nastier cut on the left side of his face stays.
„That will most definitely leave a scar.", Madame Pomfrey said the first time she checked on Theos healing process. Satisfied with it's state, she hums in approval and leaves for her office.
The majority of the time you spent caressing Theos arms and hands in sooting motions, hoping he can sense it even in his deep sleep.
Mattheo comes rushing in at some point, stopping at the foot of the bed. „He better wakes up soon.", Mattheo says jokingly; you can hear the slight soreness of his voice. He pretends not to be bothered at all, but you can tell he is. It hurts him to see his best friend like that. Sighing, he pulls out a cigarette from his pocket. „Do you have a lighter?", he asks. „Mines empty."
„I don't- oh, wait. I do have a lighter." Rummaging in your bag, you finally pull out a lighter - silver, with two initials carved into it. You rub your finger over the T, then hand it to Mattheo.
„Isn't that Theo's?", he asks with furrowed brows.
You nod. „It is."
That's as much of an answer you serve and Mattheo doesn't push you; instead, he strolls for the window and smokes.
Your eyes roam over Theos face - the sharp features, dark brows, long lashes. It's the face that makes your heart flutter and as you watch him sleep, you can't help yourself and fall a little more for him.
„Do you know that Theo treasures this lighter? He carries it everywhere and never lets anyone borrow it.", Mattheo says when he comes back and takes a seat on the bed behind you.
„I know.", you answer finally, reaching out for the lighter. You carefully place it on the nightstand. „I gave it to Theo before we got together. He told me that he keeps breaking his cheap plastic ones, so I bought him this instead. One night, we were at the astronomy tower and I carved our initials into it. Theo gave it to me yesterday; I think it was his way of telling me-„
„-that I love you.", a rasp voice interrupts you.
Snapping your head back, you find Theo wide awake, a loving smile on his face.
„Theo!", you shriek, throwing yourself at him. You hug him tightly with your hands around his neck.
„Easy, y/n!", Theo laughs, but wrapping his arms around you just as tight.
When you pull back, Mattheo is already gone. Theo keeps one hand laying lightly on your waist. „Crazy what one wrong ingredient can do, right?", Theo jokes.
You punch his shoulder. „I was worried sick about you, you dick!", you tell him off.
Theo groans, pretending to be hurt. „Now you gotta kiss my bruise.", he laughs.
„According to that logic Id have to kiss your whole face.". You can't keep a straight face when his eyes start glinting mischievously.
„I'm not going to complain", Theo teases you even further.
„Oh shut up, you say, attempting to punch him again, only that he is leaning sideways this time and you fall forward, right into him. Theos grip on your waist tightens as he feels your breath on his neck.
Not able to resist, you place a light kiss on the sensitive skin, causing Theo to shudder. You kiss him again, a little higher on his jaw this time. Theo groans. „As good as this feels, Id rather talk things out before we-„
You take the words from his mouth by looking him deep in the eyes. „I know what I want, Theo. I want to be with you; I want us to rebuild the trust and have a proper relationship.", you speak from the bottom of your heart.
Theo smiles warmly. „You have no clue how many times I imagined you saying just that. No lies, no secrets; just love and honesty, I swear it on my life. Now come here, please." With one hand on the side of your neck, he pulls you in for a long awaited, passionate kiss. „I love you. So fucking much.", Theo mumbles in between kisses.
Your heart is overflowing with love as you pull Theo even closer by the collar of his shirt. „I love you too.", you sigh.
„From now on, we'll have someone else brew your potions though."