THE PRINCESS
Scarcely any time passes between that eve and the arrival of Rhaenyra's firstborn son, Jacaerys.
'Nyra's world changes when her baby comes. She is as perfect a mother as you think any woman could be, spending nearly all the hours of the day looking at him or holding him or caring for him. Having a babe has changed her, softened her hard edges and given her a calmness she had once lacked. All she wants to talk about is him. When she is not talking about him or being with him, she is in Council meetings, or she is with Papa performing whatever tasks the heir to the Throne is expected to do. She tries to find moments to spare for you, though it is far less often than it used to be, and she always brings her boy with her.
Jace is a pretty babe, dark-haired and dark-eyed, so unlike either of his parents, and he always seems quite serious in expression—but there is something that holds you back with him. Even though you love him—and he is one half of 'Nyra, so of course you love him—it is like a wall exists between you and him. His mother is your sister, and his father is your cousin, and you... you have no place there. You are on the outside looking in at a life you cannot have.
A part of you wants to stare down at the babe and tell him that you were here first. That you will always have known his mama for longer than he ever shall, that nothing can take away the fact that she belonged to you before she belonged to him. But you don't. 'Nyra is a new mother, and her child should be all that matters. If you were her babe, that is what you would want. She does not need the petty jealousy of her little sister to ruin things. It is better for you, for her, for him that you find other ways to fill your days.
Daeron's birth makes it easier.
It is almost like Alicent barely even notices the arrival of her third son, though you do not blame her. She had screamed so loud that even you had heard her in your own chambers. It was not like that with Aegon or Helaena or Aemond. The commotion had been enough to rouse you from your bed to creep toward the Queen's apartments, to hear Grand Maester Mellos tell Papa that her belly might need to be laid open like—
No. No. The throb of nausea is so vile just thinking of it. You put it out of your mind, doing your best to ignore the prickle of an old hurt and the word 'Mama' on the tip of your tongue, hushed and afraid.
Alicent is weak after the birth, and so you take it upon yourself to visit your new little brother, to keep him company where everyone else would have left him to attendants. He is so, so quiet, as though he is ashamed of the way he had entered the world, the way he had hurt his mother coming out. It is like he is an apology for the pain she was made to go through. He is sweet, barely crying though he goes for times without the attention he deserves, and he never fusses when you reach into the cradle to lift him up. You are not quite strong enough to carry him around places, but it is relatively easy to take him to the chair to prop him on your lap in the nursery while Helaena plays.
When Alicent heals, she makes no attempt to disturb your routine, and it is like you have your very own baby to match 'Nyra's. Sometimes, you imagine that Daeron is yours like Jace is hers and that you are 'El's mama too, and that you have the important task of being their whole world. Even though the idea of having babies is beginning to scare you a great deal, being a mama is nice. Playing pretend is nice.
But then, the wet nurses come or Alicent comes, and your brother and sister are taken away. It reminds you that you really are alone, after all. 'Nyra giving birth to her next son, Lucerys—Luke—only worsens that feeling. Her family is growingand growing while yours seems to only exist on borrowed moments. Still, you take what love you can and bury the rest of it—the despair, the resentment, the soft tender parts of you that cry out for someone, anyone at all to really, truly see you—far, far below the surface, so deep that no one can touch it, not even you.
You seek solace in knowledge.
Books become your very best friends. The older you get, the easier reading becomes—you leave behind folktales and children's myths to begin browsing through tomes with smaller letters and larger, more difficult words. Stories turn into histories and treatises on all manner of topics, with dragons, direwolves, men, and the fall of Old Valyria being but some of your preferred subjects of study. You learn the names of the Lannister kings before the Conquest; you gather as many legends on the Age of Heroes as you can; you peruse chronicles detailing the first coming of the Andals to Westerosi shores. Through books, the very land you live upon seems to unfold like a map through time itself, all the secrets of the continent opening themselves up to you through tooled leather and yellowed pages.
It makes Papa immensely proud. "If a woman is to sit the Iron Throne after I am gone," he says, "then perhaps a woman ought to be her right hand!"
You can tell this makes his other Councilmen nervous by the way they share glances. For all that Rhaenyra has been heir for years now, there are still many among the court who believe your brother ought to succeed him. But Papa does not seem to want to change his mind, for he is as determined to see your sister continue to attend Small Council as he always has been.
Still, you take it to heart. Being Hand of the Queen someday means that you will get to stay with your sister even if you are made to be married. It means you will be important in a way that you haven't really been so far. But a good Hand has to know so so much about all the lands and people a King or Queen might encounter during the years of their reign. You outgrew Septa's lessons moons ago, and the more you read, the more it becomes apparent that books aren't enough to teach you all you need to know. There is no one and nothing that can help you become the cleverest possible version of yourself in King's Landing—at least, not one willing to do such a task. The maesters would not abide by schooling a girl in the higher arts.
Thus, you firmly decide upon the gift you would like for your name day. Standing in the King's solar two moons before the occasion is to take place, you impart your desire to your audience of one.
"I wish for a tutor, please," you tell Papa. "Someone who can teach me anything I wish to know."
Papa laughs. "And what is it you wish to know, my girl?" he asks. You are unsure if he is amused or delighted by your request.
His question makes you think. What do I want to know? There is no single answer you can produce. How do you describe the feeling of wanting to know something you don't know enough about to be sure you want to learn it?
"Anything," is what you reply with. "Everything."
"Anything and everything." Papa takes a drink from his cup, his nose scrunching when the liquid inside hits his tongue. You do not think it is wine. He returns the cup to the table beside him, reaching his hand out to you. You move forward to take it. "A lofty request. But you are soon to be ten summers!" He grins. A scab at his temple cracks with the motion. "That, I think, is a milestone worthy of celebration. Very well, daughter," he says with a grunt. "If a tutor is what you want, then a tutor we shall find."
He stays true to his word. Not long after you make your appeal to him, all manner of strangers the Realm over make their way to King's Landing to seek an audience with you and Papa. It is the first time you are allowed to remain by his side in the Great Hall, though it means you must balance atop a twist of melted-together swords to rest your rear against the edge of the armrest, one of the few places upon the Throne that cannot cut you should you make contact with it. Papa insists, however, for these people have gathered to seek employment with you, and so you must be the one to approve them.
There is frightfully little to approve. Several of those who come to answer Papa's ravens ignore you wholly, their eyes sliding over you as though you are not even there. One of them, a man named Robert, outright refuses to answer your query as to what would make cyvasse lessons so appealing to a girl of your station. It is enough to put you off the game entirely. But his conduct is by no means the worst. There are younger lads who possess no more skill than the average knight's squire, clearly hastened to the Red Keep by the promise of a lucrative wage and companionship with the King's daughter. More than one Septon shuffles in to lecture you and Papa on the merits of providing a holy education to the female mind, sinful as it is. Even noblemen like Lord Rosby come to offer to take wardship of you, suggesting that growing up with another girl your age is more than enough learning for a Princess. You suspect his proposal has more to do with the large sum he owes over East.
You and Papa reject them all, sending them away with nary a further glance. Those who grow angered by the refusal are easily frightened off by Ser Criston's hand coming to rest on his pommel at the foot of the steps. Since Alicent had appointed him your sworn shield some moons after Rhaenyra's wedding, he has taken to his task with a dedication that would worry you if not for the fact that he is made to take breaks. You think that if he were allowed, he would set up a pallet beside the door to your rooms to keep constant guard over you.
Four days after your tenth name day, someone different arrives. Someone new.
"Presenting Ser Lysan Marios of... er... the Free Cities!" the guard announces.
You crane your neck in curiosity as this Ser Lysan makes his way into the hall. He is dark-skinned, light-haired, and his robes are an odd assortment of various fabrics stitched together. It appears well-made, if unusual, and the colours are bright. Reds, blues, yellows, greens, oranges—it seems as though every shade is represented in the patches making up his attire, though you note that purple is missing. Not a noble, then. The man ambles slowly inside, helped by the use of a cane.
"I am from Volantis, Your Grace," he says when he is finally within earshot, bowing lowly. His voice is deep and rich; if a hug were to have a sound, you think this would be the closest you might come to finding it. "But I do suppose 'of the Free Cities' works just as well as any other epithet."
"You have come a long way, Ser," Papa says. He is smiling like he always does when these visits begin. You wonder how long it will take for it to fade this time. "You are welcome here in King's Landing."
Ser Lysan laughs. "I certainly feel welcome! Such pleasant people you have here, Your Grace. Not a single one has attempted to steal my books thus far—and I confess I have brought plenty!"
This is what spurs you to finally speak up. "Books?" you ask. "What kind?"
When his eyes meet yours, it is like they twinkle, like stars. His mouth widens, exposing pearl-white teeth. "And this must be the young Princess to whom I would be most glad to embark upon the journey of erudition with! Salutations to you, Your Highness!"
He bows again, attempting to cast his arm wide in a flourish—but it appears he had forgotten he was carrying one of his aforementioned books in hand, for it promptly clatters to the floor when he flings his hand out. You giggle, charmed. You cannot help it. He seems so kindly.
"Oh! Oh dear," he mutters, crouching to the ground to collect his quarry. "My apologies, Your Grace, Your Highness. Oh dear..."
Ser Criston darts forward as if to help, but the man has already taken hold of his prized tome by the time he is close enough.
"Ah—might I ask what areas you are learned in, Ser Lysan?" Papa asks, clearing his throat. His brow has furrowed ever-so-slightly, which means he finds the man before him a little confusing. It is more than a little funny. "My daughter has yet to decide upon an avenue of study."
The embarrassment slides straight off Ser Lysan's face. It is as though a bolt of lightning courses through him, such is the sudden shift of his expression into one of sparking joy. "Oh! What am I not a scholar of? I have studied in the physicians' arts with the Healer's Guild of Lorath; I have attended the great histories of Westeros and Essos with the esteemed intellectuals of Braavos; I have amassed a more-than-considerable lexicon of tongues across the known world—"
For a reason unknown to you, this piques your interest. "Languages? You know different languages?"
He nods. "Oh, yes! I am quite proficient in your ancestral tongue, Princess. Valyrio Eglio udrir jaehenka issa." High Valyrian is the language of the godly. He winks. "I am also well-versed in the Eastern dialects of Valyrian, though admittedly they have not the lyricism of their originator. But I must confess, it is my particular interest to devote my academic prowess to the Lekh Dothraki, the tongue of those who ride."
Papa's knee twitches beside you. "The Dothraki? How have you come to make dealings with them?"
Ser Lysan waves him off. "Oh, I would not profess to be so grand as to make dealings with the horse-riders of the East! Ah, but mine wife was a Dothraki woman, who gave herself to me in payment for preventing a Volantene herbalist from poisoning her brother. A strange and alarming custom, I once thought. She was the most marvellous of creatures." He sighs. For a moment, he is silent—then he jerks nearly full-bodied, as though he is awakening from some reverie. "The Dothraki are a misunderstood civilisation, Your Grace," he says to Papa. "It is my hope that, in time, I am able to repay my wife's goodness and bring knowledge to those who are ignorant of their ways."
"I see," Papa says. He coughs awkwardly. I don't think he has ever met someone so inclined to talking, you muse. "And... what of your wife now? I had thought the Dothraki were opposed to crossing the sea."
"They are." Ser Lysan's expression becomes shadowed, drawn. "It is my great sorrow that she has passed on to the nightlands, to roam the skies among the starry khalasar of her people."
"My condolences." This sounds more genuine; you know that Papa too still mourns your mother, even though he has Alicent now.
"My gratitude, Your Grace. But"—at this, he lightens, forcing a smile to his face once more—"that is not what I have come to discuss, is it?" He turns to you. "My apologies, Princess! If I am so fortunate as to be deemed worthy by you, you may well find such tangents a price to pay for the lessons I have to impart. I am not well known for brevity, I am afraid."
He's the one. He's my tutor. You know it. The way he speaks so happily about all the things he has learned; the way he cares so much about showing that some people are not always what everyone else thinks of them; the way he talks to you as though you are a person rather than just a means of earning coin or living in a palace. You want to know what it is like to be surrounded by that happiness, to spend your days learning from a person such as he rather than continue to quail under the yoke of Septa Marlow.
You readjust to curl into Papa, to lean forward and whisper into the shell of his ear. "I like Ser Lysan, Papa."
"You do?" He exhales, a long-suffering sigh of resignation. His stare narrows at you as though irritated, though it slowly morphs into a grudging sort of smile. "Naturally." If he were 'Nyra, he would be rolling his eyes by now. To Ser Lysan, he projects his voice far louder and says, "It appears my daughter has no taste for brevity, Ser. If you wish to take up this post, we would be... honoured... to accommodate you."
Ser Lysan's brows raise in surprise. "Oh! No, Your Grace! The honour is mine!" He bows a third time, and it really ought to be excessive, but you cannot help how amiable you find him. "I pray I will not disappoint you, Princess."
"I am very glad to meet you, Ser Lysan," you say, fighting the urge to leave Papa's side and go forth to follow the man before you wherever he might go, to let yourself be enthralled by his tales and his rambling, half-formed thoughts. "I hope we shall have a very good time together."
You are not to know it at this precise moment—but you will.
"We have made our introductions, Princess, and I have learned the lay of the land as best I can, so to speak."
Ser Lysan is settled in the chair opposite you, having just completed his surveyance of the room around him. You have been granted a solar for the very first time, a whole new chamber to fill with the tools necessary to begin your education. It is empty for now, though the bare necessities are present—namely, the considerable size of the bookshelves just waiting for their occupants to rest safely upon their surfaces. These will, in time, be filled by both your own and your tutor's collections, or so he has assured you.
The crinkle of a page rouses you from your thoughts. Ser Lysan has unrolled a scroll of parchment, the nib of his quill already inked and prepared for some unknown purpose. He stares assessingly at you.
"What is it you wish to know?" he asks, hand poised to write.
It blurts out of you before you can think to stop it. "You can only be called 'Ser' if you are a knight, but you have said you are a scholar. How is it that you have come to be called 'Ser', then?"
You wince. Your question is far ruder than you had intended it to be. Thankfully, Septa is not here—she has begun spending more time with Helaena as of late. She would surely have reprimanded you. The query only serves to make the man smile indulgently at you, though. He lays the quill to the side upon his blotting paper. The ink pools dark across the fibres.
"If you must know, Princess... I was a soldier in the Battle of the Borderland. The triarchs sent us in to attempt to wrest control of the Disputed Lands from Lys, Tyrosh and Myr. They were once under Volantene rule, did you know?"
Ser Lysan gazes at a spot on the wall just past you, and it is like he is seeing something altogether different. Something from another time and place.
"At first, we were sure of victory. Volantis has long held dominion in the East for a reason, after all. Our armies were larger; our armour finer; our steel sharper. But then..." He sighs. "Those cities joined forces. Formed the Triarchy. No one saw it coming. We ought to have. Such is hindsight, is it not? We understand now the things we missed then."
Ser Criston shifts by the door, clearly uncomfortable. You wonder when he will interrupt, when he will instruct Ser Lysan not to tell you such dark-natured stories. You can only hope it will not turn violent.
"One morn—the sun had barely risen—our garrison was set upon by the Triarchy's forces," the man continues. "It was... carnage. So few of us survived. Of those of us that did, even fewer still were able to stand. The alliance's warriors enjoyed leaving a rather particular token behind on the battlefield, as we were to learn. Severed legs are quite effective deterrents, it turns out."
"That's enough," Ser Criston barks, face set in a glare. Secretly, you are glad for the interruption. The tale had grown far too frightening for you.
"My apologies!" Ser Lysan says, coughing lightly. "I forget myself sometimes. To answer your question, Princess—I was able to make my way back to the main encampment, to warn the commanders just in time for our troops to pull back from the region. Many a life was lost; but thousands more were saved that day. I was knighted in the field." A wan smile curves his lips. "That is where my title of 'Ser' comes from."
"Thank you for telling me," you say. "I... I am sure it is not a pleasant memory. I am sorry."
"It is quite alright. I became stronger for it. I learned that if I wish to survive, I must fight for it with everything I have in me. The fires of adversity strengthen the spirit." He pauses, eyes locked onto your own. They are dark, almost black, like all the light in the world has been quenched. "Let this be my first lesson unto you—if you want something, you must do whatever is in your power to achieve it."
Silence lingers for one moment; two; three. All of a sudden, he is cheerful again, shuffling his papers like nothing of import has occurred. You share an uncertain look with Ser Criston, who looks positively bewildered by the shift. Ser Lysan is an eccentric man, you decide. This is no bad thing.
"Back to my previous question, Princess." Ser Lysan picks up his quill once more, dipping it in the inkwell and tapping it against the rim to return the excess to the bottle. "I am knowledgeable in a great deal about the world in which we live. What is it that you would have me instruct you in? Histories, statecraft, linguistics?"
Before you is a man who has lived. He has come from a strange land bearing a strange name, learned in all manner of strange subjects. He fought for Volantis. His wife was a Dothraki woman. He bears the title 'Ser' and yet wears a patchwork robe. What you know of him is bleak and terrifying, and yet here he sits before you, as jovial as a young man in his cups. There is a steady peace to him despite all he has seen, all he has likely experienced.
How has he come to be so merry? You think about the manner in which he'd brightened at the talk of his learning. Could one achieve such simple tranquillity through knowledge alone? Can books, can foreign tongues and foreign disciplines empower you with that sense of fulfilment you crave, that sense of belonging you have felt absent all your life?
You want dearly to discover the answer. It is this that permits you to finally settle upon your response to him.
"Anything," you breathe. "Everything."
You are not as brave as your sister. She is able to stand face to face against even the staunchest of her detractors—as of late, this being your very own lady stepmother, determined to discover what she believes to be 'the truth' of Jacaerys's parentage, for a boy so dark of hair cannot possibly be Laenor's, by her reckoning—without so much as a quiver in her lip. She can endure shouting, the strike of a switch, the endless train of whispers that seep through every crack in the walls of the Keep with barely a pause in her breath to mark the ignominy of it. She can laugh in the face of humiliation and continue on her way with her head held high and some cutting remark poised on the tip of her tongue like a steel barb waiting to meet its target. These are not things you are capable of. But then, you are only a girl; younger than Rhaenyra was when she was made heir.
Yet old enough to finally—finally—claim your own dragon.
It had taken you years to wear down Papa, the scar on your arm serving as a perpetual reminder of the dangers that lie ahead in seeking out your birthright. Whenever you had made the request—"oh, please, Papa! I swear that I am ready!"—he had only to look upon the mark bisecting your flesh before his eyes hardened, the musculature of his neck clenched and poised to shake in refusal.
Once, his rejection had been sufficient to prevent your asking for several moons' turns at the least; but Ser Lysan has been of great influence in his two years serving as your teacher, your companion, and your dear friend. If you want something, you must do whatever is in your power to achieve it. These words have remained as carvings in stone within your mind since that very first meeting. It is not within your power to unleash fire and fury the way your sister might—but you have come to learn that such a thing was never in your power. Your strength lay in other qualities. Your courtesy. Your placidity. Your modesty. These are strengths in their own way.
You had continued to ask. Over time, the nature of your appeals changed from churlish, infantile insistence to restrained, unaffected enquiry. Upon rebuff, you had smiled and said, "Very well, Papa. Thank you for listening." You had repeated this same tactic over and over, sennight after sennight, until, at last, Papa had been worn down to his bones from weariness.
"You'll not let up, will you, my girl?" he had asked, utterly fed up.
Instead of responding, you had simply maintained your carefully blank gaze, prepared to don your quiet acceptance like armour when his denial should strike. He had sighed; rubbed his eyes. The pull of his skin had cracked open another fissure in the lines of his face, red slowly beading up to the surface.
"Fine!" he had finally exclaimed, his hand thumping down upon the table so hard that you had wondered at his not feeling it. This was before the maesters agreed to remove it from his person, and so the flesh was mottled grey and black from rot. "Do as you will, daughter. Far be it from me to dissuade you."
Thus, the ravens had been sent to the Dragonkeepers residing on the ancestral isle of House Targaryen; the ship had been made ready; your retinue arranged; and you had been sent off on your first great journey.
The moment you step foot upon the shore in the low light of early evening, you hear it. You feel it. Like a rattling in the core of your bones, or an unearthly siren song catching faintly on the wind. It is not a sound, though, nor a sensation that you can describe in any language you know. All that you are sure of is that there is something here, something... expecting you.
Come, it says. I am waiting.
The Keepers linger past the shoreline, scarcely a stone's throw away. "Urnēbās, darilaros!" one says, eyes darting nervously about. Be watchful, Princess! "Va īlō Zōbrios issa." The Dark One is near.
"The Dark One?" you ask, frowning. "Who is that?"
Septa Marlow's face pales so starkly that she looks like she has applied paints to her skin. She seems entirely distasteful of the island itself, a curl to her lip that she only gets when seeing or hearing something she does not like. Meanwhile, Ser Criston's fist tightens on the grip of his sheathed sword. He too glances around, tracking the skies like a shadowy shape will make its appearance at any moment. He seems familiar with the name.
It must be a dragon, you think. Very few living creatures reside upon the island, save for those that had been introduced by your blood long ago. Dragons are the only wild things that can weather such inhospitable climes.
The Keeper leans in. "The Cannibal." He shivers. "He is most wroth as of late. Beware of the beaches—too many of our Order have been lost to his appetites."
The Cannibal. It is a story you have heard only when one had sought to frighten you—that of a winged beast so monstrous that not even his own kind would endure him. A creature so malevolent that he found his joy through death and destruction, ripping apart the younger members of his species so thoroughly that, at times, it was as though blood rained down from the heavens. The Cannibal, a being so malignant that any man who attempted to ride him had vanished cleanly from the face of the earth, consumed whole or left to rot away in some deep, dank pit below the mountainous terrain.
And yet—for all his supposed cruelties—no cities, no villages, no lands have been brought to waste beneath his flames. It is the one part of those tales that had never made sense to you. If he were as awful as that, surely there would be no one and nothing safe from him?
"Let us not waste our time, then," Ser Criston says firmly, hand pressed between your shoulders to spur you onward. The weight of it grounds you in the present. He turns to bark orders at the attendants making their way ashore. "To the Keep!"
You are taken past the Great Hall, catching a glimpse of the Painted Table on your way to a smaller chamber. You know the name of Aegon I's table is not quite correct; that it is made mostly of wood and rock, and that the rock itself is what Ser Lysan has told you is thermoluminescent, 'thermo' meaning heat and 'luminescent' meaning light. The table glows like lava when you ignite the candles below it, casting the great map of Westeros into fire. You should very much like to see it. But this visit is not to take in the sights of your family's seat.
Much to the Keepers' confusion and consternation, you reject the offer to examine the eggs they have concealed within the hatchery. Or rather, you feel that the eggs would reject you if you should try to seek your companion in one. It is difficult to explain even in your own mind, so you make no attempt at voicing these thoughts—these almost-whispers at the back of your mind, like a soft brush of fingers at the base of your skull.
Septa Marlow huffs her displeasure. "This is most unbecoming of you, Princess. You ought to know better than to refuse a gift such as this."
'They are not for me,' you want to say. 'The thought of them does not rouse me.'
You know not why you feel certain of this—that the mere prospect should stir you beyond simple anticipation. But it is as though you have always known this, for you do not find yourself disappointed by the missed opportunity nor by the censure.
A faint recollection sparks from your earliest youth, an old fear of what should occur if an egg comes into your possession and refuses to hatch, turning to stone over years and years. You do not wish for such a future. No; it is for the best that the eggs are left for another. Another time, another day, another person. Perhaps when it comes time to have your own children, you will revisit the notion.
To make matters even more complicated, however, there are no hatchlings upon the isle. It is what you had counted on all this time, but it seems that this is not to be, either.
"Zōbrios pōnte iprattas," Acolyte Zūgis tells you, wringing his hands for good measure. The Dark One ate them all.
What a nervous man, you think. Since meeting him on the beach, he has been continuously anxious, ready to jump clear out of his skin at the slightest disturbance. You wonder if his path is best suited to Dragonkeeping if he is so afraid of it.
"Pōntālosa sikagon kostis, yn jēdraro toliot dorolviktys se dorolviktys sittaksi." His mouth twists. Sometimes they hatch by themselves... but that has become rarer and rarer over the years. Your stomach twists at this. There was once a time where dragons hatched aplenty upon the isle. No more, it seems. "Vermithor dārligon kostā, darilaros. Yn uēpys issa se zaldrīzāeksio bōso jēdo syt mijetas. Qopsa kessa, se avy hinikilāks."
You can try to claim Vermithor, Princess, he concludes. But he is old and has long since been without a rider. It will be difficult, and dangerous.
Neither Septa Marlow nor Ser Criston understand High Valyrian—but the name Vermithor agitates them nonetheless.
"A dragon of such size and stature is not appropriate for a well-bred lady," Septa exclaims, fingers like claws clasped together before her. "What of Silverwing? Good Queen Alysanne's mount? Does it not reside here? 'Tis far more suitable beast."
The Keeper shakes his head. "We believe Silverwing is gravid. She has shown much aggression as of late. The last of us to attempt approach..." The silence that hangs at the end of the sentence leaves no mistaking his meaning. He clears his throat. "Well. It is far too perilous at present. Vermithor is the Princess's best option."
"The Princess is a child," Ser Criston says, expression flat and eyes flinty. "Vermithor is a dragon of war. I am sorry, Princess"—he kneels before you, angling his head up so he can look directly at you, and one hand folds around your elbow—"but I cannot let you risk yourself so."
You know what you are being told, albeit in a roundabout way. The despair renders you mute. What am I to do? What am I to do? You nod, an agreement to your sworn shield's words, though your heart is scarcely in it.
"Perhaps on the morrow," the Keeper says, "we may... reattempt with the eggs, then. We have several, though they have been kept for some years now."
Ser Criston makes his agreements to Acolyte Zūgis, entering into discussion with him and Septa Marlow as to the following day's schedule. None of them so much as turn their faces to include you, despite the fact that you are central to their plans.
While they talk, another thought comes to mind. You wonder why none have so much as dared to broach another possibility—that there are three wild dragons upon the isle. Silverwing and Vermithor are not your only options.
Sleep is hard to come by, that same, pulsing sensation tingling through your limbs and keeping you awake.
Come, it seems to say. I am waiting.
You rise before the sun comes up. Septa Marlow is likely to be awake at this time, but she will not venture your way until the skies are bathed in light. Ser Criston does not begin his shift until an hour after you rise; his replacement is usually whomever can be spared.
It is even easier than usual to make your escape.
Dragonstone is an old fortress, and so there are a great many secret passages winding between rooms. You need only to check behind the tapestry along the inner wall to determine that an opening has been concealed. Brandishing the candle from your bedside, you slip into the looming maw that awaits.
Inside, it smells of damp and salt, and you can hear a faint, steady drip. It continues no matter which direction your feet take you, and you feel your breath stream from your mouth and nose in a cloud of warmth that gives the skin of your face and neck momentary respite from the wintry chill. The walls are rough-hewn, made for function rather than appeal, so you are careful where you place your hands.
Because you are so unfamiliar with the layout, you wander for what seems an age before you finally surface upon the outdoors, a dim glow emanating from between metal grates at the end of a dark tunnel. The hinges squeak shrilly as you push them open, shutting behind you with a clang. Your slippered feet sink into the sand upon the beach.
You do not know where you are headed—to find Vermithor or Silverwing, to find one of the wild ones, or simply to wander. All you know is that one of them is calling to you through the magic of old, the magic that 'Nyra and Papa have always said lives in the blood of the Targaryen line. It is how Papa knew that he was destined to be Balerion's last rider. It is how 'Nyra found the courage to mount Syrax when she was so young. You feel it now, singing in your blood as it has since you crossed into the shallows surrounding the island.
Come and find me, it says. I am waiting.
You trudge along the beach, allowing the sand to sink into the opening of your shoes, to fill the small spaces between shoe and skin with stinging grit that collects between your toes and rubs to rawness. The wind whips at your hair and your robe—you did not bother to change from your evening wear—and the sound of the waves crash like thunder.
You walk. And, as you walk, you wait for the purpose to reveal itself, a part of you hoping that whomever you are meant to claim will find you.
You ought to be more careful of what you wish.
A dark shape swoops across the sky above you, casting you even further into shadow, and you hear the rumble of something powerful. The beat of its wings is great enough to be heard from a distance, you think, and stirs up the sand before you into a cloud of dirt and dust. The beast growls, deep and terrifying, raising the hairs on the back of your neck.
It lands ahead.
Oh, no. Oh, no.
The Cannibal.
He is enormous, far greater in size than Syrax, than Caraxes, than any dragon you have ever seen or read about. His scales are black—no—blacker than black, the complete absence of colour or brightness, and each muscle honed from years upon years of eking out his existence ripple below the skin. His lips peel back, exposing at least two rows of sharp, jagged teeth. Perfect for tearing me to bits, your mind supplies in your panic. His stocky frame hunches low, claws sunk into the sand, as though poised to attack, and he hisses, a rattling threat that fills you with the urge to run.
His eyes glow green. You feel it again.
Come. I am waiting.
What is it Ser Lysan said, again? If you want something, you must do whatever is in your power to achieve it.
Come. I am waiting.
It may be courage, it may be madness, but you are moving onward before you realise it. The dragon hisses again as you approach, and any moment you expect to be bathed in dragonfire or snapped up in his almighty jaws, but your footsteps remain as rapid as your heartbeat.
The attack does not come. The fire does not come.
Something more is at play here. You may only be twelve summers, but this you know. A dragon as fierce as the Cannibal would never let a person so close as this under ordinary circumstances. Old magic thrums through the air, a tether forming between you and the form ahead. A bond. A claim.
You reach out a hand. Skin to scale. Heat that ought to burn courses through you, but you are safe. You feel his pulse, your pulse, pounding through dermis, reforming your own to match.
Your eyes well. "Gierior glaeson ñuhon avy rhaenagon jumptan," you whisper. I have waited my whole life to meet you. In the rumble he releases, you think he must believe the same of you.
Dressed only in your nightgown, you make the climb up his wing. He lets you, chuffing irritably as you seek out the correct handholds and footholds to make your way up. It is entirely different from mounting Caraxes; this dragon is much, much larger, and so you are forced to actively coordinate your movements to ascend the perilous terrain. Still, there is enough of memory remaining to you of that day, years ago, that you can draw some reference from. You rely on those recollections to hoist yourself up. Finally, you are able to settle somewhat awkwardly between the blunted spikes below his neck.
From far off, you can hear faint voices. Atop the crest of the Cannibal's shoulder, you look to the horizon. The sun has risen. The world is awake, which means that Ser Criston and Septa Marlow will be leading the search for their wayward princess.
It startles the dragon. Before you are ready—before you would even have dared to tell him to fly—he shifts, growling so deep that the vibrations buzz through your legs, your toes. You jostle where you have perched, gripping frantically to the spike in front of you as he sets off on a crawl that morphs to a run, building momentum to flap his wings up and up and up—
"Princess!" echoes through the breeze as you rise. Below, you see the forms of the guards, of Ser Criston, of Septa, growing smaller and smaller as the dragon—your dragon—takes to the air.
You keep hold of the Cannibal's spike as he soars through the skies, letting the wind billow your hair about. It is both the same and so, so very different from your first flight. It is freezing up here, for one thing, and you can discern no sound but that of the air whistling so stridently in your ears that it is like a shriek, and the dragon below you is warm enough to keep the worst of the chill at bay. Your belly swoops and twists with each wingbeat, the momentum rocking you forward every time, but none of the discomfort is enough to tamp down the sheer exhilaration.
The Cannibal turns, revolving away from the distant line where sky and sea meet toward the island again. The change in direction gives you a momentary reprieve from the rush of air hindering all noise, and you hear something else.
Beneath your legs, beneath your skin, you feel it as the Cannibal bellows to the world, a roar that pierces the still of morning and announces to all that his wait is over. That he has claimed his rider, that you have claimed your mount—that you have done what no one else has been able to and emerged victorious.
That feeling—the one that has plagued you—has changed, you realise. You have found me, it seems to say.
Yes, you think, turning your head to admire the expanse of this creature, this being who is and was always meant to be yours. I have.
When you land, Ser Criston and Septa Marlow nearly shake you from your body with the force of their panic, their vexation, their "You do not ever run off like that, do you hear me, Princess?" and their "Just wait until your father hears of this!" They try to dissuade you from your course, but the Keepers wring their hands and mutter that the deed has been done; there is no unbinding what has been bound by the magic of old.
Still, their refrain is just as shocked, just as bewildered. "The Cannibal, Princess," they say, shaking their heads. "The Cannibal..."
"No," you reply. "His name is Athfiezar."
Dothraki is fairly new to you, 'tis true, for Ser Lysan did not agree to teach you until well into your acquaintance. And there is a certain irony in the choice; many a person will surely raise their brows in question of your use of such a savage tongue, which is rather best suited for a dragon of his reputation. But the word—the name, for he has long gone without one, and it seems only right that he should have something of his own, free of the censure of old—seems apt enough. Love. That pure, uncorrupted kind, the kind you think you have been searching for your whole life, the kind you find in small moments that are never, ever enough for the gaping maw that is your heart awaiting someone to fill it. You just know the Cannibal—Athfiezar—is a creature with a soul like yours. How long has he gone without love?
Never again, you think. Not with me.
You hold onto that thought as Papa rails at you upon seeing the hulking behemoth touch upon the top of the Dragonpit, heralding your return to King's Landing.
"You could have died! What in the blazes were you thinking, girl?" he yells.
He has never yelled at you before, and perhaps you might have cried once, but you keep firm to the memory of Athfiezar's eyes upon yours, the life palpitating through his immense form into yours like some sort of cycle, elemental, mysterious. No matter what Papa says, no matter how he says it, it is as the Keepers said. The deed is done.
The news spreads like wildfire, bringing with it a most unwelcome attention. For much of your life, you had been largely ignored by court and commons—now, with having claimed such a dragon for your own, many a considering eye falls upon you. Their thoughts are louder than if they spoke them: perhaps we have gotten the wrong measure of this one. Perhaps she is worth more notice than we had given her. Invitations to tea come to your door with a regularity that is almost predictable; and, maybe worse, many an enquiring lord approaches Papa with the pivotal question upon their lips: "When is she to be wed, Your Grace?"
Your mother was wed at eleven—it is not impossible that you should be given to some man to settle a treaty or forge an alliance in due course. It is your duty as Princess, after all. One day, yes; but not now. Besides, all they truly desire is the power you have suddenly amassed. They do not want you.
You retreat into yourself, using all the courtesies Septa had imbued into you like plate steel to shield yourself from the worst of it. Save for your two freedoms—your Ser Lysan and your boy, Athfiezar—you commit to being the most polite, the most recalcitrant, the most dull creature you can be. You help 'Nyra with her boys where you can, for a useful girl is best kept than discarded, and your sister is the heir which means her rule will someday be law. You take on two ladies, noblewomen from Houses in the Reach, in accordance with your stepmother's wishes. You try your very best to devote time to each, spreading yourself between what is rapidly developing into entirely separate factions in the Keep—the Princess and the Queen, the Blacks and the Greens, or so they are called. Such silly names, you think. And, over time, it all becomes less performative and more intrinsic. Your propriety is your defence, and you use it well.
But it will not last forever. One day—one day soon—you will be called in by Papa. You will be told that your life is no longer to be your own, but passed on into the care of a man you will call husband. You will be asked to choose he who will be your master, he who will use your womb to give his House sons and daughters of royal blood, and you will be expected to be glad for the opportunity to make the decision, that it was not taken out of your hands entirely.
You wait for the day, spending what evening hours you can in the Sept entreating the gods for their intercession. Please, you think, on your knees before an effigy of the Maiden. Please. Deliver to me a husband who will love me as I am.
You wait, you hold your breath, and you pray.
* * * * * * * *
"The claiming of the Cannibal came as a great shock to the Realm, not least because of she who had claimed him. King Viserys's younger daughter by his late Queen Aemma Arryn was by all accounts a diffident, well-mannered girl most unlike her elder sister... Several parties were of the view that the Princess ought to be wed quickly to keep her mighty mount out of the hands of those considered less than desirable. However, it was not until the year of 126 A.C. that the King finally consented to the courtship of the girl, with many a man seeking her hand. Of those suitors, only three were truly deemed worthy—Lord Jason of House Lannister, Lord Denys of House Tyrell, and the Princess's own half-brother, the Prince Aegon."
- 'Fire & Blood, Being a History of the Targaryen Kings of Westeros' by Archmaester Gyldayn