As I sit upfront the emperor, I try to calm my fast-beat heart.
It was not long ago that the empress wanted us to have lunch with her. She usually eats alone or with Lilian.
I often skipped my meal or ate alone. I had no interest in being uncomfortable while eating. However, today was different. The empress had personally invited me to join her for lunch, and declining such an offer would have been seen as disrespectful. Despite my apprehension, I knew I had to put aside my discomfort and seize this opportunity to tell her about the engagement.
The lunch is going on in silence, except for Lilian telling her mother things she likes or is interested in lately. She is such a baby; come on, she's sixteen. But yet again, I can't blame her. She has a naturally clumsy, extroverted personality. Besides that, it's good to have someone like her sometimes. The empress has always sheltered Lilian from the harsh realities of the world, treating her like a fragile porcelain doll. It's no wonder she still acts like a child at her age.
I don't know about others. But I feel good whenever she is like this. When she is not, that is what concerns me. It hints that something bad might happen.
Lilian had very good intuition. She could sense danger, and it would worry her. So, I can guess any situation according to her expressions, unless she's around.
"I had something to tell you all here." The Empress finally speaks. All? It's just you, your baby. Whom are you calling all? Do you even know Evory is here?
"Do tell, Your Majesty," I say, looking at my food.
"A war is breaking out in the North; at least one member of every royal kingdom is bidden to join the war." She pauses. I can feel the tension in the room rise as everyone processes this information. The Empress continues, "We must make a decision on who will represent our kingdom in this war."
Wait.. War? It was not mentioned in the novel. There was never a war in the north, nor in the south, east, or west.
Oh, now I remember. There was a war in the North just before Lilian's birthday. But it was not anything important. Lucas won the war, then broke off the engagement with Evory and proposed to Lilian on her birthday. But it was mentioned in a line or two. But why a war is happening way before that?
Does that mean my end is coming way earlier than expected? better not be it.
I pick a piece of meat and stuff it in my mouth. I shouldn't jump into conclusions. I need to gather more information before assuming the worst. It's important to remain calm and not let my imagination run wild.
"I learned you're quite a good leader in crucial moments. You also have very good fighting instincts. I'd like you to join the war, Evory." The empress says.
The meat I swallowed went into the wrong pipe, and I started coughing. Damn, I think I just saw my death right now. As I struggled to catch my breath, Lilian worriedly passed me a glass of water and confronted the empress: "Mother, you can't be serious. It's losing the war. Sister might die and never come back!" Lilian's voice trembled with fear and desperation as she pleaded with the empress. The weight of the impending war and the possibility of losing her sister weighed heavily on her heart.
"Then it would mean she'd get the honour of the martyr." The empress replies.
Hearing her say this, my heart sank. Her daughter's death means... nothing? It is a heartbreaking realisation that her own mother sees her potential death as insignificant in comparison to the cause.
I know being honoured as a martyr is worth history, but I might die, and she might never see me ever again. Every mother longs for her child. But they sometimes need to sacrifice their child despite feeling the pain of losing them. But hearing how coldly she said it, she doesn't care at all. Not even an ounce.
I could hardly gulp down the water. So I keep it aside from the plate and softly sigh. I try to hide my disappointment, but the weight of her words lingers in the air.
I speak between Lilian's whining. It's an honour. I'll gladly join the war." I have no choice. If I disobey her orders now, I might die right now.
"Evory, you can't."
"But I have a request, Your Majesty," I say. This must be the best opportunity to tell her about Lucas. She would at least grant her daughter's last wish before death, right?
"Do tell," she says. I glance at Lilian, who is also waiting for my answer. Please don't make it hard for me, Lilian.
"I want to break off the engagement with Prince Lucas. It's not because of the war. I've been longing to tell Her Majesty that I don't have any desire for Lucas. I don't want to marry someone I don't want." I say it in a calm voice, even though my heart is thumping like crazy, as if it would burst any second. Lilian's eyes widen in surprise, and I can see the weight of her expectations resting on my response. The room falls silent as I keep hoping that my mother will understand and grant me this one final wish.
"Lilian, have you reconsidered....." Before Lilian says further, I reply,"I hope he will understand the best."
"You've spent a considerable amount of time together yet you haven't developed any feelings for him?" The empress said but her voice more getting colder each word.
I always left Lilian and him alone. I wanted them to have the chance to bond without any interference. I'm gladly breaking off the engagement, so it would be easier for him to propose to Lilian. I trust that they will find happiness together.
"I never understood the feeling behind the word Finacé; I always saw and respected him as a brother. But now it feels uneasy to think of him that way."
Before I could complete the sentence, the empress said, "Did you speak with him?"
"Yes, you majesty. He said he would cooperate with us" I say. That was a risky lie. I can only be saved If The empress haven't spoken with him. I hope that the empress doesn't suspect anything and that my lie will not be exposed. It is crucial for the success of our plan that she remains unaware of the incident. if she does, my lie will be exposed, and I will face severe consequences.
"I see." She pauses. The long pause is ripping my heart out. "Then I'll talk with them."
My heart starts to beat even louder and clearer. I softly sigh. If it were this easy, I wouldn't have been so worried. It's it! She agreed. I'm lucky as hell Today. I hope she doesn't uncover my lie during the conversation. I must remain composed and pray for a favorable outcome. I hope she wouldn't go against her words. Please please..
"But please call me Mother, Evory."
What? I must've heard wrong, right? There was no way the empress would smoke weed before lunch.
"You don't have to be intimated by me. I'm your mother. And why do you keep looking down whenever you see me? Look at me, Evory," she says. My heart raced as I tried to process her words. The empress, my mother, wanted me to call her 'Mother' and was concerned about me.
I slowly look at her. She gives me a soft smile. That's when I saw a very sad face, trying to hold back some vulnerable feelings. It was a side of the empress I had never seen before—vulnerable and in need of reassurance.
But the cold voice gave me the wrong impression. She was feeling the pain of losing her daughter. But the empress is not like this.
But..
I couldn't help but wonder what else I had misunderstood about her all these years.
I can feel an unknown pain in her wind.
"You know I can feel your mixed feelings," she says as she looks away, not wanting to show her vulnerable side yet again. But I don't avert my gaze, not once.
I forgot she was a mighty wind element. She can obviously sense my emotions.
"I know you don't want to go to war, but words have already spread about your abilities. Everyone expects you to join the war. Everyone assumes that you're the mighty water element," she says while eating.
As water is the weakest element, a mighty or dragon water element is considered to be found in one in a million. But that doesn't mean I must join the war.
But first of all, how did the words about my abilities sneak in? I never heard about it. Could it be that I didn't pay attention? Words did get out of the knights, and I was unaware of it.
If not Noah, perhaps the other knights?
"It's alright, Mother. I'll bring back the glory and bring pride to your name." I say this determinedly, wiping my mouth with a napkin. I paused for a moment, contemplating her words. It's true; the pressure to fit in with expectations weighs heavily on me. The thought of going to war terrifies me.
Is the empress acting like this because I might be a mighty element? Stupid. It's not impossible. The empress can feel these emotions for Evory. She never hurt her or anything; she just ignored her, making Evory feel like she hated her. To be honest, I thought and still think the same as Evory.
Still, she's a mother. The empress could've killed Evory before when she was causing harm to Lilian. Oh, but she was never aware of it. But what if she just didn't want to harm her daughters and took action in secret?
Bro, Why am I trying to look out for the empress? These are just emotions that come and go.
Lilian opens her mouth to say something but stops again. Seeing Lilian's hesitation, I give her a reassuranceing smile and say, "It's okay. I'm glad I got the glory to represent our pride in the war".
Lilian smiles at my reassurance. but She looks down at her hands, fidgeting with her fingers. Then the empress speaks, "Evory, as the eldest heir of the empress, you are expected to fulfil your duty and represent our kingdom in this war," I immediately look at the empress, expecting bad things to come. However, there was a slight warmth in her tone; it's the empress's way of being gentle and caring.
I can see Lilian feeling sorrowful. She doesn't want her sister to die. But this is her mother; she must listen to her.
The empress looks out the window at the snow-capped mountains in the distance. As I look at her face, I see a different empress from before—one who is softer and sweeter than she appears to be to the world. I know that my mother's vulnerability in this moment is a rare glimpse. But whenever I see that complicated look of hers and the panting pain in her wind sails, I can't help but feel an unknown emotion.