Frida opened her eyes suddenly as If she had been startled awake by something. It took her a couple of moments to realize that her eyes were open, her breathing was labored and she was sweating like when you have a fever. She turned her head to her right and squinted her eyes to better read her alarm time, still having her eyes cloudy from sleep.
4:38.
Fuck. It was so early and she had gone to bed so late the day before.
She grimaced suddenly as she felt a sudden pang in her stomach, one of those seemingly endless cramps that threatened to snap your belly and lower back in two.
Frida sighed, it wasn't like it was something that new, actually. Ever since she was a young woman, her period had always been accompanied by a painful and annoying preparation.
She curled up in her big bed and began rubbing her belly, mentally trying to remember when she'd expect that particular time of year.
She scoffed silently as she thought that her mood swings of that period must have been influenced by that too then. A small part, certainly, but it had evidently played its part.
Frida sighed deeply when another cramp finally passed and she tried to stretch her legs to relax the muscles in her lower abdomen.
When she was younger, she remembered all the times her grandmother had always told her that she needed to do less drama, that she was neither the first nor the last girl to have a painful period.
A small smile colored her lips when she remembered when she returned from school almost doubled over in pain and slowly went up to her room and found a hot water bottle waiting for her, the heavy blanket from her grandma's bedroom and a hot chocolate.
She grimaced, at that moment she'd have paid gold to get all that back, to be able to take a leap back to that period that seemed heavenly compared to now.
Frida sighed again and with great difficulty sat up in bed, pushing aside the covers. She opened the bedside drawer, but she found nothing that could help her. She knew the painkillers were in the bathroom cabinet, but the journey from the bed to there seemed almost miles long. When a further cramp finally made her breathe, she got up as quickly as possible and went in search of the longed-for pills.
She took two just in case and washed them down with a sip of water from the sink. She leaned against it to try to calm herself and then threw some cold water on her face.
She really needed to sleep, to find some peace, in her body and soul.
She wiped her face and slowly crawled back into bed, draping the soft cover over her head, curling up again and praying she could get some sleep.
***
When Frida woke up again, it was 6:45 and her stomach and back were killing her. The cramps had subsided, but she felt as If she had been hit by a truck. She already knew that she was going to be in pain all day.
She briefly thought about calling the studio and saying she was sick, but she knew she couldn't. They had a lot of work to complete, to start and it wasn't really in her plans to argue with anyone, at least for that day.
She forced herself out of bed and sighed with a grimace, trembling slightly when she tried to stretch her back.
She got up and got in the shower to try to relax. But in vain.
When she finished, she selected some comfortable, warm clothes from the closet, bypassing the heels for a pair of flat boots. She returned to the bathroom and as a precaution she decided to use a panty liner.
She went down to the kitchen and made herself some tea with honey and lemon, some toast and a banana. A long time ago she had read somewhere that bananas helped with period cramps. When she finished, she went back into the bathroom to get a blister pack of painkillers to put in her bag and her coat. She was almost out of them, she'd be going to the pharmacy before the end of that day.
Frida wasn't sure how she got to the studio safely by car. All the way from home, she had felt her arms tense and trembling on the steering wheel, feeling suddenly without strength. When she arrived at the parking lot outside the building, she slumped back in her seat when she felt the first signs of a headache hit her with the force of a stone being thrown at her skull. She rubbed her temple slowly, the first signs of nausea starting to get stronger.
She wished she had stopped at the supermarket that was on the street not far from there, to buy something useful at least for her upset stomach.
She reached out and took her bag, taking out the blister of painkillers and taking another one.
When she finally felt that she wasn't going to throw out everything she had eaten for breakfast, she grabbed her cell phone from the passenger seat and noticed that it had been almost half an hour since she had arrived there.
'Fuck'.
She hurried to get out. By the time she was on the second floor of the studio, she kept her head down, her mind focused on finding the recording room quickly and not ending up face down on the floor. The only thing she could think about was ending that day as quickly as possible and returning to bed in the tranquility of her home.
"Morning".
Frida jumped and raised her head suddenly, finding Björn in the corridor, smiling at her.
"Hey" Frida muttered and quickened her pace towards him.
"Woah, are you good?" he asked, frowning.
"Why are you asking?" Frida asked when she was in front of him.
"You're pale" he replied, placing his hand on her forehead.
"I don't have a fever. It's just... that time of year, you know?" she said, sighing.
Björn looked at her a few more moments and then nodded "Oh, okay. Got it. I swear I won't bother you even for a second today, then. I care about my balls" he told her, motioning to lock his lips and throw away the key.
Frida chuckled, probably the first and last smile of the day "Shut up, you" and she passed him, going inside.
At the door, she stopped abruptly when all the heads inside the room turned towards her. She still was unused to that.
"Hello, sorry for being late" she said and then quickly took off her coat and placed her bag on the sofa, with her back to the others.
"Morning" Agnetha told her from the couch where she was sitting, smiling and nibbling the first gum of the day.
"Hey, you" Frida smiled slightly and then opened her bag to look for her cell phone charger.
"Do you want a cup of coffee?" Agnetha asked, fixing an earring that didn't want to be in its place that day.
"Oh gosh, no way. It's been a blessing that I still haven't ran to the bathroom to throw up" she muttered, standing upright again and rubbing a hand over her face.
"What happened?" Agnetha asked, frowning.
"I don't feel so good" Frida shrugged and sank on the couch next to her.
"Why didn't you stay home?" Agnetha asked her, speaking softly so the others wouldn't hear.
Frida snorted "Are you serious? Did you want my head served on a silver platter?".
Agnetha scoffed "As If you weren't independent enough to decide to stay home for a day or two".
"No, Anna... I really don't want to add more fuel to the fire...".
"It's not just him here, okay? So, If one of us is sick and decides not to come... Well, the others will adapt" Agnetha explained simply, but trying to be clear about her point of view.
Frida smiled slightly "Thank you, I know" and she squeezed her hand.
She looked up at the door when it quickly opened again.
"Oh... Hi" Benny said when he saw her, stopping at the door.
"Hi" Frida said quickly and then looked back at Agnetha, continuing with their discussion, avoiding any further contact with him.
"Okay, we can get started... finally" Benny said, sitting down at the console, his back to the sofa.
Agnetha shook her head slightly and Frida closed her eyes briefly, deciding not to comment.
"Going to take that coffee for me... Try not to kill him, please, we need him" Agnetha muttered in her ear with a smirk as she got up and headed out of the room, probably into the kitchen down the hall.
Frida sighed and lay down better on the sofa, making herself comfortable. She folded her hands on her belly and silently observed everyone in the room so busy adjusting a button there and a lever there. Inexorably, her eyes constantly continued to search for those shoulders and that blonde hair that she'd have been able to recognize among a thousand.
2 months.
2 months since her life crumbled before her eyes.
2 months since she had to learn to live on her own again.
2 months since the love of her life was gone.
She closed her eyes when the ever-present lump in her throat made itself known, bringing fresh new tears to her eyes.
She was aware that everything could end. She had always thought so. Her life had been a continuous whirlwind of great joys and terrible pains. She knew that her relationship with Benny wasn't easy, it was full of arguments, long faces, unspoken words and other words said out of turn. But she had never thought that such great pain could be experienced on a daily basis. That despite time, the emptiness she felt where her heart had been before had not yet been able to mend itself.
And seeing him there every day... Yes... Yes, that was probably the biggest problem that didn't allow her to move on with her life and put an end to a different pain.
She closed her eyes, massaging her belly with circular movements, trying to relax.
When she opened her eyes again, she felt like If she had slept for a month. She ran a hand over her eyes and grimaced when she felt her headache throbbing in her temples.
"You alright?".
Frida suddenly raised her head and found Benny crouching next to her, looking at her confused.
"Yeah... What... Why?" she asked, confused.
"You've been asleep for almost an hour... We've been trying to wake you up for a while" Benny muttered, staring at her.
Frida looked around at the empty room "Where is everyone?".
"They just went for a break" he said, getting up and sitting next to her.
Frida sighed, putting her hands on her face "You can go, don't worry. I'm just tired".
He looked at her over for a few seconds, suddenly realizing "You've cramps, don't you?" he asked.
Frida slowly turned her face towards him "How do you know that?" she asked.
"I know you" he simply said "I've lived with you for years. I know you".
She scoffed and shook her head "Well, thank you very much... But I'm not your concern anymore" and she reached for her bag, searching for a painkiller.
"What's happening? Why are you sick?" he insisted.
"I'm not sick, Benny. What do you want?" she asked irritated "Don't worry, I'm able to work. I won't slow you down".
"It's not what I mean".
"Then what do you mean?".
Benny stared at her for a few seconds and then lowered his gaze "I'm just worried about you".
"Worried?" she chuckled briefly "And since when? Until yesterday I had you breathing down my neck and today you're worried about me?".
"It's not like that..." he started to say, sighing.
"Oh no? Oh right, you're right. It's not even that" she snorted.
"Why don't you go home?" he asked "We can cover everything for today. Besides, we've to fix some technical things, we probably won't record anything today".
"I'm here and here I'll stay" she said, getting up and gritting her teeth to avoid doubling over in pain, not wanting to be seen by him.
Benny sighed deeply, annoyed "You're so stubborn... As always".
"Exactly. So mind your damn business" she muttered through clenched teeth.
Benny stood up, walking behind her "Do you know what the stupid thing is? That I thought that sooner or later we could coexist peacefully... But I see that you're doing everything you can to make sure that this doesn't happen".
Frida turned around, glaring at him "I'm doing everything against it? Me?! Maybe you forgot about the woman waiting for you at home. Maybe you forgot that we broke up because you weren't able to wait a little while to see some damn results from all the therapy we were doing!".
"That wasn't the problem, Frida!" Benny said exasperatedly, raising his voice.
"It's never that for you! But it was that too!" she shouted and then put her hands in her hair, taking a few steps on the spot.
She took a few deep breaths and then turned back to him "I'm trying to give you space, to let you breathe... Let me breathe too, Benny... Please..." she said in a voice broken by unshed tears.
She turned to walk to the door, but she doubled over as a searing pain shot through her stomach and climbed onto her back. She let out a painful moan.
She felt a warm hand on her back and then his voice "Frida... What the hell? What's happening? I've never seen you like this before".
"I'm good" she said painfully "Just... Let me go to the bathroom".
"I'm taking you to the hospital" he said resolutely, moving to take his car keys from the console.
"No!" she said loudly "Leave me alone... Please".
"For once... Just for once in your life, shut up and do what I said without putting up a war" he said sharply, placing one hand on her back and one on her shoulder.
"I've had cramps like this before, my period is coming. It's just that. Happy now that you know?" she explained, trying to avoid his hands "I just need my bed, a hot water bottle and some other painkillers. Nothing more".
"Okay, fine. Then let's go home".
"I can do---".
"Frida, just shut up. I'm serious" he hissed in her ear, taking her bag and coat and almost forcing her gently to exit the room, holding her against him.
Frida walked slowly, guided by Benny's hands. Her eyes clouded by her tears, for the pain and for him.
Without even realizing it, she found herself sitting in Benny's familiar BMW. She looked around and sighed, it was like the last time.
When he opened the door and got in, she dropped her head against the car's window, closing her eyes.
"Is there anything I can do right now?" he asked, seeing her wince as he started the car.
"No..." she muttered.
He didn't say anything more and started driving.
They spent the rest of the ride in silence. She attempting to keep herself from crying. Benny trying to keep an eye on her while driving.
Frida suddenly felt warm and the cold of the window created the perfect mix of temperature for her body, which was hot, but shivering with cold.
She just needed her bed. Just her bed and to stay away from him.
TBC...