A/N - 5 chapters to go AH
Shorter and not so sweet 😍
~~~
The events from yesterday were still weighing heavily on my mind.
I'd thought my youngest brother was dead, and in amongst the nearly day and a half that we hadn't seen him, the twins had lost my trust- I didn't know what today was supposed to hold.
I'd been staring at my ceiling for a good few minutes now, barely having it in me to get up and go and face the rest of them after my quick exit last night- but who was I to cower away from the rest of them?
Moving into a sitting position I sighed, running a hand down the side of my face before I noticed a lump out of the corner of my eye; upon closer inspection I soon realised it was Alexander fast asleep under a duvet on my bedroom floor, right beside my bed.
His black hair was all over the place, a frown still set on his face despite the fact he was unconscious...that was usually one of the main ways to differentiate him and Xavier when they were asleep, the latter almost always slept with a smile.
And while I was relieved to see him in one piece beside me, I couldn't help but still feel the same anger from last night as I watched him sleep peacefully, even with his childhood teddy bear clutched to his chest.
It felt as if he was disregarding everything I'd done for him, as if this was all just some big game to him, as if he didn't truly care.
Which is why instead of waking him up, hugging him and telling him how happy I was that he was safe, I climbed out of my bed to throw on some sweatpants, then walked straight out of the room.
It would take a lot more than an impromptu sleepover for me to be all smiles and laughter again.
~
Three of my brothers were downstairs when I entered the kitchen, Prescott in the kitchen while Caleb and Chase were sprawled out across the sofas in front of the tv.
"Where's Xavier?", was the first thing I asked them all, knowing it was a school day but assuming he'd chosen to stay home instead; Prescott handed me a slip of paper that read 'not missing, at school'- well then.
"You know, you were kinda hard on him yesterday", Caleb spoke up, turning around, "you weren't the only one worried about Xan".
"And would you have been singing his praises if you were in my position yesterday, knowing he was hiding stuff while his twin was missing?", I wasn't in the mood for a lecture from them, I would've stayed in my bed otherwise.
"Xav said what he knew wasn't relevant", of course Chase was just as against me as they were, "did it ever occur to you that it's something Xan doesn't want us to know yet?".
"At the cost of his safety?", I raised an eyebrow, "I'll apologise to Xavier when he gets home, if I'm such a villain like you're all painting me out to be".
"Why are you trying to make this a you-versus-us situation?", Prescott scoffed, "he's safe, he's home, he's in his room- I don't know why you're still so worked up".
He was in my room, but I kept that to myself.
"It feels a lot like you're invalidating my feelings, Prescott, as if I'm not the closest thing the five of you have to a parent", I narrowed my eyes at him, watching him swallow, "I spent twenty-nine hours thinking that boy was dead yesterday, the boy who I see as more of a son than a brother, and you think I'm worked up?".
Silence filled the room and I moved over to the coffee machine, letting my words sink in for the three of them. I knew I wasn't the only one who had had a hard time yesterday, but that didn't give them the right to criticise me when I was the one who had raised that boy- done everything for him for the majority of his life.
"I need to be at the airport in an hour, I'm not leaving knowing the tension in here is this suffocating", Chase announced, rising to his feet and entering the kitchen area, "you, get over here as well". Caleb huffed out a laugh, probably at the fact that the youngest person in the room was giving us instructions, but obliged anyway- he always would where Chase was concerned.
"Therapist Chase", he mused, "you sure architecture's your calling?". Chase ignored him, adjusting his glasses and looking at the three of us, how he was nearly Prescott's height was beyond me.
"You're all in the wrong, and the right at the same time", he declared and Caleb frowned, "Scott's right in saying you were too hard on Xav, his twin was missing- but Zane's right too...you'd want to know anything and everything that might help find him, even if Xav claimed it was irrelevant. Cub, I don't know why you're acting all high and mighty as if you didn't have a go at Xav for the same reason yesterday...and Zane's right again, he's the one who's raised us, we'd be dead if it wasn't for him so you're in no place to be telling him he's overreacting".
Well shit.
"Can you get on a flight every time we fall out?", Caleb ruffled the nineteen year old's blonde hair and he groaned, "he's right, we shouldn't be going against each other right now".
"And I shouldn't have said that", Prescott said to me directly, "of course you're gonna be scared shitless about one of us going missing, I'm sorry".
"It's okay", I reassured him with a squeeze of the shoulder, "I'm not exactly in the best of moods right now".
"And that's only down to one person", Caleb snorted, freezing when he glanced to the side, "Xan".
What were the odds of him appearing at that very moment?
Our youngest brother was in the kitchen doorway, shirtless, an unreadable expression on his face as he gazed between the four of us before he focused on me.
"Can I talk to you?", his voice was quiet in contrast to how it usually sounded, desperation in his tone, "please?".
"I'm gonna go pack my bag", Chase announced, breaking through the silence as I stared at the seventeen year old, "Cub, you'll take me to the airport?".
"Course", he agreed, following him out of the room and leaving the three of us in here.
"My office", I told the boy, giving Prescott a brief nod before trailing behind him in complete and utter silence. Alexander lowered himself onto the sofa opposite my desk as I closed the door, then sat in my leather chair with a sigh.
This boy was going to be the death of me.
~
Isabella's birthday never got easier to endure, no matter how many years passed since she'd been taken from us.
The house was quiet, the life practically sucked out of it for twenty-four hours each year, my brothers and I just moping around the house instead. We'd eaten dinner in silence, apart from the odd random 'would you rather' questions from Xavier, and after that everyone had retreated to their own rooms, doing their own thing rather than spending time with each other.
But it was Alexander I was worried about.
He'd skipped breakfast, then lunch, and had to be coaxed out of his room for dinner by Xavier, he hadn't let anyone else in his room, let alone see him today. It felt as if the older he got, the more he tried to push everyone away..and now at fourteen it looked like he was trying to face everything on his own.
I'd been sitting on the floor outside of his room, back against the door, for a good twenty minutes now just trying to get him to open it.
No success so far.
"You don't even have to say a word, we can sit in silence", I offered, bringing my knees up to my chest, "or you can talk, and I'll just listen".
"I don't have anything to say", came his voice from the other side, I was nearly certain he too was sitting against the door.
"And that's perfectly fine", I replied, "I just want to see that you're okay".
"I'm not", he snapped, "and I don't want you to see me like this".
"Alexander", I sighed, tipping my head back against the hard wood, "I've seen you at your best, and at your worst- I'm your brother, hm? I'm meant to be here for you".
"It's a waste of time", he declared and I hummed, staying quiet as I raked a hand through my hair slowly.
"What's got you so angry at the world, hm?", my voice was quiet, I tried to swallow the lump growing in my throat, "tell me what's hurting you".
"You can't make it go away", he replied, I could just picture him balling his hands into fists in his lap currently, "nobody can".
"And that's bold of you to assume I wouldn't try until my last breath", I raised an eyebrow although he couldn't see me, "open the door Alexander".
Silence.
"It's just you out there?", he questioned, shuffling filling the room as I stood, hopeful that I'd gotten through to him finally.
"Just me", I confirmed, standing back as the door opened, "come here". He practically threw himself into my embrace and I sighed in relief, wrapping my arms around him tightly.
"You can't make it go away", he whispered to which I frowned, "you just can't".
"Well whatever it is", I pushed aside my confusion and kissed the top of his head, "you're not alone, hm? I'm always here for you, you know that right?".
"Yeah", he breathed out, resting his forehead against my chest, "always".
~
"You did nothing but break my trust yesterday", I broke the excruciating silence within the four walls of my office, staring at my brother with a blank expression, "I'm giving you the chance to tell me what happened- the truth". He shifted in his seat and cracked his knuckles, then his neck, blue eyes staring right back at me.
"I went on a drive", he started, wincing, "a long one, I needed to clear my head- kinda got lost in the middle of nowhere. Then my phone died, and it started to get dark, so I crashed in my car for the night, only found my way back yesterday evening".
"So not only did you vanish into thin air and waltz through the door as if nothing happened, but you just lied to my face", I leaned forwards ever so slightly, "is this all some joke to you?".
"Who said I was lying?", he scoffed, leaning forwards, "you don't trust me?".
"Trust you?", I laughed in his face, "I don't even know who I'm looking at right now".
I don't think I'd ever seen a hurt expression on Alexander's face like the one I was looking at right now; I barely had a chance to blink before he'd sprung from his seat and slammed both his palms on my desk.
"Fuck you Zane", he spat, "I told you where I was, you don't wanna believe me? Fine".
"You wouldn't remove your license plates if you were going to clear your head", I stated calmly, "you act as if I don't know you inside out-,".
"You don't!", he yelled, smacking the desk once more, "you really fucking don't Zane- you act as if you know everything about us, about me- but you don't".
"So talk to me", I leaned forwards, my own hands pressing against the desk now, "why won't you let me in?".
"Because I can't", he gripped his hair in one hand and tugged, "I can't, and you can't keep pushing me like this".
I snapped my mouth shut and watched him for a moment, the desperation written all over his face, the hurt in his voice.
He really couldn't trust me enough to just confide in me.
"Well, you don't trust me and I don't trust you", I rose to my feet and watched his expression falter, "where do we go from here?".
He stared at me as if he didn't recognise me, I did the same, my jaw clenching when his chin trembled and he rushed out of the room, slamming the door behind him.
Fuck.
~~~
A/N - long-ish author's note coming for those who care to read ✌🏾
I HAD to make Zane the (kinda) villain in this chapter because that's how his character's wired...even though I was sat here telling him to give Xan time in my head I had to write the complete opposite😭 the only thing Zane knows how to do best is protect his brothers, the second that's compromised he wants to know what's bringing them harm and get rid of it instantly - which is why he's literally trying to force the answers out of Xan 🥺 I think at this point it's where the boys are starting to have suspicions about what Xan's withholding, but ofc they won't pry and Xav will defend his twin's secret with his life🥹🥹
PS Zane asking Xan why he's so angry at the world in that flashback don't even :/
Obvs we know what Xan's keeping to himself, but through Zane's eyes he's being shut out and can't keep Xan safe...I promise there's a more lighthearted scene with them next chapter ❤️❤️
Okay rant over I could talk about these characters like they're real people for hours LMAO