Chapter 38
We already submitted the pretrial brief. We just needed to attend the pretrial conference now. I didn't know why I was trying to psyche myself. Hindi naman 'to ang unang pre-trial ko. I'd done this before. I'd just to this again. But... who was I kidding? Iba 'to sa mga kaso na nahawakan ko. Hindi naman involved iyong ex-boyfriend ko sa mga kasong nahawakan ko dati. Of course, this case's going to be different! Niloloko ko lang ang sarili ko for thinking otherwise.
Sinilip ko muna ulit iyong sarili ko sa salamin bago ako lumabas ng sasakyan. Diretso akong naglakad sa venue pero bago pa man ako makarating doon, agad akong napahinto dahil nakita ko agad si Samuel... kasama iyong nanay niya.
Shit.
Hindi ako nakagalaw sa kinatatayuan ko. He already warned me, sure, pero iba pa rin na nandito na nakikita ko sila! Alam ko iyong itsura ng nanay niya kahit hindi kami nagmeet before. I used to ask Samuel tungkol sa nanay niya because I wanted to make a good impression kapag nagkita kami.
That ship has long, long sailed.
Muli akong huminga nang malalim. Wala akong choice dahil kailangan kong dumaan doon para makarating ako sa pupuntahan ko.
"Good morning."
Halos mapatalon ako nang marinig ko iyong boses ni Shanelle mula sa likuran ko. She looked so... fresh habang ako ay para nang mamamatay sa kaba!
"Shit," she said nang mapatingin siya sa gawi nila Samuel.
"Kailangan na nating pumunta," sabi ko sa kanya dahil ayokong nale-late kapag ganito. I didn't want to make a bad impression na tardy ako kapag may court appointments.
"I know," sabi niya. Tumingin siya sa akin. "Fair warning—"
"I know. She hates me."
Kumunot ang noo niya. "Okay... So, you've talked to Samuel, I presume."
Bahagya akong umirap. I still found it so freaking weird tuwing magpapahaging siya sa akin na kausapin ko si Samuel after ma-finalize ng annulment. Yeah. Because this would take a year at the very least (warp speed na 'yan.) Ang dami pang pwedeng mangyari sa isang taon.
Hindi na ako umaasa kasi feel ko si Samuel na talaga 'yung love of my life pero malay ko naman! Baka may iba pa! Kung hindi, e 'di work is life na lang talaga ako.
"Partly my fault, you know," she said as I was, once again, psyching myself up para magpatuloy sa paglalakad. "I told her that you're one of the reasons why my marriage was failing."
Napatingin ako sa kanya at nanlaki ang mga mata. "What?!"
She shrugged like it was so casual na sinabi niya sa nanay ni Samuel na ako ang dahilan kung bakit nandito kaming lahat ngayon para umattend ng pre-trial ng annulment proceeding nila!
"It's not like I can tell her that I have a girlfriend," she said in a low tone.
"Pero bakit kailangan ako?" I asked, frustrated, kasi kahit naiintindihan ko naman siya, still, bakit ako?!
Halos mapatalon ako sa kinatatayuan ko nang biglang tawagin ng Mama ni Samuel ang pangalan ni Shanelle. Shanelle stopped walking. Rinig na rinig ko na iyong tibok ng puso ko. Parang anumang oras ay tatalon na siya palabas ng dibdib ko.
"Ma," Shanelle said.
For fuck's sake.
Why was I feeling this way?
Of course 'yan ang itatawag niya! She's still her daughter-in-law. And she would probably always be her daughter-in-law because in the eyes of God, habang buhay na silang kasal na dalawa.
Tumingin siya sa akin—at sa tingin niyang iyon, ramdam na ramdam ko na na ako nga talaga ang sinisisi niya.
"Shanelle, anak, does this really have to come this far?" sabi niya habang nakatingin kay Shanelle.
"Ma—" sabi ni Samuel, pero natigilan siya nang tignan siya ng nanay niya. Isang tingin lang ay agad siyang natigilan. I saw Yago looking at me. He shook his head like he was telling me that he's sorry for the situation that I was in.
"Samuel has made mistakes, but as his wife, you should give him a chance... Ganyan kapag magasawa na," sabi niya.
I pressed my lips together. I even bit my tongue back dahil baka kung ano ang masabi ko at mas lalo lang akong mapasama sa mga mata niya. I had heard that line—iba-iba pa nga ang bersyon. But they all meant the same thing—that once you're married, you should stay in the marriage. You should give unlimited forgiveness. Like it was some prison that you're not allowed to escape from.
"Mrs. Fortalejo," pagtawag ni Yago. "We should go. Pretrial will start."
Binigyan niya muna ako ng matalim na tingin bago nagsimulang maglakad paalis. Kinailangan pa siyang hawakan ni Samuel at marahang hilahin para lang maglakad na sila.
"Oh, my god," sabi ko nang makaalis sila.
"Yeah... I'm sorry," sabi ni Yago sa akin.
Napapikit ako at napahugot ng malalim na hininga. "Aattend ba siya sa lahat?"
Yago shrugged. "Kapag sumigaw, malay mo ma-cite in contempt ni Judge?" he replied humorously.
I frowned at Yago dahil kahit ganito ang nangyayari, nagagawa pa ring magjoke. Wala ako sa mood tumawa kasi stress lang ang dumadaloy sa katawan ko ngayon.
"Bad joke," sabi niya.
"Sorry. Wala lang ako sa mood," I replied.
"Yeah... who would be, right?"
I gave him a small smile bago kami naglakad. Nauna akong pumasok sa loob. Doon ako naupo sa tabi ni Shanelle. A little later, dumating na rin iyong psychologist namin.
"I'm nervous," sabi ni Shanelle.
Tumingin ako sa kanya. I'd always seen her as someone who's confident—she's always looked sure about herself. But now, she looked... shaken. For some reason.
"Don't be," sabi ko sa kanya. "You'll just have to be honest—it's mostly the truth, anyway."
Truth be told, nung unang i-propose sa akin ni Yago iyong ground na psychological incapacity, my immediate response was no dahil alam ko kung gaano kahirap patunayan 'yan sa korte. The government values family and it will do everything to preserve family—nasa Constitution 'yan. A small whiff of collusion at madidismiss agad ang petition namin.
But... the guy's got some convincing powers.
He told me that annulment is a tedious process, and yes, it is... And unless master manipulator at degree holder sa pagsisinungaling iyong dalawa, we'd have a hard time to make our case dahil mahahalata na nagsisinungaling sila. In my experience sa mga kaso na nahawakan ko, karamihan na nagiging problema ay inconsistent sa mga detalye. I mean, it makes sense... kasi kung totoong nangyari naman, bakit nagiiba-iba iyong detalye?
It's tricky... but I believed in his plan.
"Hinga lang," sabi ko kay Shanelle nung marinig ko iyong pagbukas ng pinto dahil alam ko na nandito na iyong Judge. Inabot ko iyong ballpen ko at saka hinawakan iyon. It's the pretrial. Magiging puro tanong lang dito. Naipasa na namin lahat. Shanelle just needed to be consistent with her answers.
"Is the petitioner present?" tanong ni Judge.
"Yes, Your Honor," I replied, standing up. "The petitioner is here," I continued as I pointed my hand at Shanelle.
"Is the respondent here?"
Tumayo si Yago. "Yes, Your Honor, my client is here today."
Muli akong huminga nang malalim.
I fucking hate this game.
* * *
"State your name," panimula ko pagkatapos niyang mag-oath.
We just needed to restate everything and to mark the documents ngayon para diretso na kapag nasa trial na kami.
Nakita ko na huminga si Shanelle nang malalim. "Shanelle Nuevas," she replied.
I continued with the line of questioning, mostly just confirming everything that was already stated in the affidavits and the brief that we submitted to the Court. This is a really tedious process dahil paulit-ulit na itatanong sa 'yo na para bang sinusubukan na hulihin ka dahil baka nagsisinungaling ka lang.
Yago's really right... Instead of embellishing some completely different lie, it's better to stick to a story that's a lot closer to reality.
"And your husband is?" tanong ko.
"Samuel Hayes Fortalejo," she replied and I knew that that was the answer, but that still made me a bit uneasy on my feet.
Huminga ako nang malalim. "When did you last see Mr. Fortalejo?" I asked.
"Two months after the legal separation," she replied.
Bawal na talaga magusap o magkita once na filed na iyong petition dahil gagawin agad na ground for collusion na kesyo nagusap kayo at nagplano para sa petition. The smallest detail can get the case dismissed. We talked to the people who saw Samuel go to Shanelle's office. It was surprisingly easy... It was like they were already aware na si Shanelle at Clary. Maybe Shanelle was not that good with hiding it—o baka ayaw lang talagang makita ng pamilya niya kahit halata naman para sa iba?
You really can choose not to see things if you don't want to.
"What happened? Why did it end up with legal separation?" I asked, beginning the hard part of the process.
Nakita ko na huminga nang malalim si Shanelle. Nakita kung paano siya tumingin sa nanay ni Samuel. She really didn't want to do this... Pero ang layo na ng narating namin. Ang dami na naming kasinungalingan na nagawa. Ang dami na naming batas na nabali.
Ganito ba iyong pakiramdam nung iba?
Na... may nagawa naman na ako na mali... kaya ano pa ba na dagdagan ko pa ng kaunti? Wala namang magbabago.
God... what a fucked up way of putting things into perspective?
"Samuel had lots of baggage—I knew it even before we got married," she stated. The incapacity should have existed before the marriage, otherwise, hindi pwedeng maging ground.
"Please specify," I asked.
Muli siyang huminga nang malalim. "He basically got ousted from his fraternity. During his last year in law school and during his review years, he was involved in a criminal investigation involving the death of one of his frat mates. His brother died. He failed the BAR after. In the middle of everything, he started to seek solace in drinking."
Pilit akong huminga nang malalim. I knew these happened before... way before... pero parang kahapon lang. Naaalala ko pa lahat nung nangyari. Kung kailan nagsimula lahat.
He should've listened to me.
He shouldn't have gone there.
Kung hindi siya pumunta sa initiation na 'yon, hindi siya madadamay... But if he didn't, hindi rin siya iyong Samuel na nakilala ko. Kasi tumawag si Lui sa kanya. His friend called and asked for help... kung hindi siya pumunta, alam ko na pagsisisihan niya 'yon.
God.
Things really couldn't just be easy.
"Can you describe his drinking habits?"
Nakita kong napatingin si Shanelle kay Samuel. Napatingin din ako roon. Nakatingin lang si Samuel sa lamesa. I knew that everything we're hearing now were true... almost all of them... And it's... heartbreaking to say the least to know that he went through all of this.
"When we first became friends, we'd sometimes drink together. But then I noticed that he drinks quite a lot. I pointed that out because I was worried for him. He said he just needed to drink to be able to sleep. I didn't think any of it anymore."
"Did you see him drink after you asked?"
Umiling si Shanelle. "No."
"Did he invite you to drink again since you said that you two drink?"
Muli siyang umiling. "No," she replied. "And if he did, I'd ask the same thing again. I have an alcoholic uncle. I know what happens. I didn't want him to go through the same path."
"What path?"
"The dark path."
"Can you please elaborate?"
"With my uncle or with Samuel?"
"With Samuel."
Muli siyang huminga nang malalim. "He started being missing for days in time. Hanggang sa hindi na siya umuuwi. There was a time that I had to go to the hospital because his jaw got broken when he instigated a fight in a bar. And... there was a time when I had an operation. I texted him to accompany me, but he never replied. I was alone in the hospital with my husband nowhere to be found."
"When you two got married, did you know that he was struggling with alcoholism?"
Mabilis na umiling si Shanelle. "No," she firmly replied. "He told me that he was just having a hard time then, but that he's already fine. There was no indication that he had that problem when we got married. Had I known, I would not have married him," dugtong niya. I saw guilt cross her eyes nang mapatingin siya sa gawi ng nanay ni Samuel.
I fucking felt awful.
She didn't even need to be here!
"It's... it's hard to be married to someone who couldn't even be bothered to be physically there... or even when he's there, he's really somewhere else..."
The line of questioning continued. I just... went on with it. I just needed to finish this. Kailangan ko lang tapusin iyong nasimulan namin. But the next questions were harder to ask... Kasi kailangan naming patunayan na hindi niya na talaga nagagampanan iyong pagiging asawa niya. Na nakakaapekto na talaga 'yung pagiging alcoholic niya. That's it beyond alcoholism but already a mental incapacity. That... he's incapacitated.
Ang hirap.
Kasi kahit alam namin na hindi totoo, hindi naman iyon alam ng pamilya niya... And he loves his family... but he was willing to go through this para lang matapos na.
"Thirty minutes recess," sabi ni judge nang matapos ako sa mga tanong ko. Mabilis na narinig ko iyong pagsara ng pinto. Wala na iyong nanay ni Samuel sa pwesto niya. Nakita ko na papalabas na rin si Samuel doon.
My feet brought me outside because I knew that he'd needed someone to be with him, pero nang paglabas ko, agad akong napahinto sa inabutan ko.
"Your brother would be ashamed of you, Samuel," sabi ng nanay niya bago mabilis na tumalikod at naglakad papalayo, leaving Samuel standing in the middle of the hallway, with no one standing by his side.
**
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