Harry Styles
I didn't give her a time, I didn't give her an exact location. But if our souls are truly tied, serendipity will take its course.
A quarter past 1 am, I sit on a bench along the subway platform, the same station where she usually parks her car. Slouched back, hand in my pockets, hood up. I watch as people come and go, some catch their trains and others run off of them. New York really is the city that never sleeps. But as the night goes on, the crowds die down. No one approaches me—my demeanour and appearance are a little off-putting. A strange man sitting alone with his head down isn't very welcoming.
Until I feel her presence.
I don't know how, but there's an instinct in me that feels like pressure in my chest. It deflates my lungs and clutches my throat but makes my heart swell in excitement all at the same time. How is that possible? Turning my head to the left, my instincts are spot on yet again. There she is; leather coat, black dress, long beautiful legs. Her looks could kill. She walks along the platform, hands buried in her coat pockets. Her heels tap in an echo I can hear over the rest of the room. It's impossible to focus on anything else when she's around.
God, Av...can't you see what you do to me?
Her eyes catch mine through the passing people, a guarded look on her face at the sight of me.
I stay slouched on the bench with my legs jetted out—baggier blue jeans instead of black this time. I smirk to myself and stand up, meeting her across the platform. A slow walk to each other, we meet face to face. My grin doesn't leave, staring down at her as we almost align.
"Angel," I say in greeting.
"Why did you want to meet?" She cuts to the chase.
"One kiss and I'll tell you," I knit my hands behind my back.
She crosses her arms and tilts her head, the train pulling up.
"Worth a shot," I shrug as the doors open. "C'mon."
I nod my head for her to follow, heading on the train. It's not as busy as it usually is, giving us a lot of space to choose from. I politely gesture her into a set of two seats, she rolls her eyes at my grin and sits down next to the window. I sit beside her. The door shuts and we're suddenly off. She crosses her legs, tugging down her dress.
"And where is it we're going, Harry?" She turns her head to me.
"The kiss is still on the table if you want information." I turn my head, smiling down at her glossed lips.
She chuckles with a head shake, eyes narrowing to my neck. Her hand reaches up and pulls at my hood so she can see it better, her eyes catching the bruising hickeys.
"Look at those marks..." She examines them. "I did a number on you."
I slowly smile, remembering a specific moment from a time she's probably distorted. It still lives bottomlessly in my mind—waiting for moments like this to come alive again.
"You did." I whisper.
She lets go of my hood and peels her eyes away.
"What did the others say?"
"Niall hasn't let me live it down, obviously. He thinks it's the funniest shit he's ever seen. I knew that would happen."
"You just love being humiliated, right?"
"Funny." My eyes roam her face. "And Louis won't talk to me."
She nods, looking ahead again and yawns into the back of her hand. She's tired, I sensed it from the beginning. I'm also tired, I've barely slept since our last meetup. I wonder if it's been the same for her. Have we both lost sleep?
My eyes continue to roam her features, getting to see her up close in the fluorescent lights. I can't get over how her nose is different, but maybe it's just because of the makeup. Her eyebrows are thinner than they used to be, but her lips are just as plump as I remember. She's the same but not the same all at once. And as I look up at her forehead, I realize I can't see the scar in her hairline anymore. The makeup must be covering it.
I valley down to her collarbone, looking for the other scar. But it's not there. I remember the other night I couldn't see it either, but it was dark. Now I really can't see it. I don't know if it's surgically removed, covered up, or healed. I want to ask, but I don't want her to shell up.
"Why are you staring at me?" She turns her head again.
I smile, meeting her angelic blue eyes.
"Because you're pretty," I admit. "And your nose is different."
She furrows her brows.
"Sorry?"
"I had to say it." I laugh to lighten the situation.
"You're gonna call me pretty then point out my nose?"
"I didn't say it's an ugly nose." I defend, throwing my arm over her shoulders. "You had a beautiful nose then and a beautiful nose now."
She looks like she wants to be mad, but I can tell she's holding back a glimmer of something soft. She won't let herself show it though. She'll never admit she finds me funny.
"It's the same nose if you must know." She takes my arm off of her.
"Liar." I smile in amusement. "You don't think I know your nose?"
"Apparently not."
We arrive at the stop, making me get up and put a fork in the conversation. "We're here."
She gets up and looks at the map, following me out.
"Greenwich?"
"Give me your phone." I hold my hand out.
"Why?"
"Well, you don't want to be traced, right?" I keep my hand out. "No service on the subway, remember?"
She huffs and hands me her phone.
I look around at people clearing out, running the phone over to the garbage can and hiding it underneath.
"Gross."
"No one will find it here. And we'll grab it on our way back." I shrug, heading towards the exit. I pull out my cigarettes and put one between my lips.
"I'm not taking another step until you tell me where we're going." She says in the distance.
I turn back at her stubbornly standing there with her arms crossed.
"A walk, Aven." I articulate between the stick, lighting it. "I'll even give you a cigarette if you cooperate."
She chuckles and shakes her head.
"What am I to you?"
I grin and walk up until we're eye to eye, I take the cigarette from my mouth and put it between her glossy lips. My arms wrap around her lower back, pressing her against me and looking down at her angelic face.
"Better?"
She delicately wraps her lips around the filter and sucks it enough to make the tip burn orange. Her controlling eyes gleam into mine with tease. Pulling the cigarette out, she lets the smoke sit in her chest before softly blowing it in my face with attitude. I breathe in the second hand, it literally makes me starve for her like an animal. I clench my teeth with my smile.
"God, you're already driving me nuts." I squeeze her tighter into me, my teeth teasingly nipping her jaw before controlling myself. "Let's walk."
She smirks and shoves me away, taking the cigarette between her lips again. I throw my arm around the back of her neck and stride us out of the subway, selfishly grinning into the side of her head for a moment. She doesn't protest this one.
We get up the stairs and into the crisp night air, it's colder tonight. The streets are busy but not busy enough to be paranoid about it.
"This is another date, you know," I mention.
Taking a drag of the cigarette, she shakes her head.
"It's not."
I grab her wrist and bring it up to put the cigarette between my lips. It sits between her nimble fingers.
"Yes, it is." I blow out and release her wrist. "We're even all dressed up."
"You mean your blue jeans?" She looks down at my legs.
"You mean you noticed?" I grin as we turn a sharp corner.
We walk along the street until we turn under a massive stone arch entering a park. Stone walkways, the open area circles around a grand fountain glowing in warm lights.
"Now does this look like a date, or what?"
"Shut up," She pushes me away so we separate. I grin and snatch the cigarette from between her fingers.
"So," I face her and walk backwards with the filter between my lips. "Are we going to talk about it?"
Her eyes stay on mine, playing dumb and crossing her arms again.
"Talk about what?" She shrugs.
"You're little late-night call." I blow smoke, feeling the head rush.
She doesn't answer, keeping a guarded look on her face. She's a closed book, but I feel her need to connect. It's in there. I can pull it out, I just need to be patient. After all, she met me tonight.
I smile and turn around to reach the fountain, smelling the water and hearing how loud it splashes the coin-filled pool. I stare up at the top, watching the water fly out and trickle down the stone. In my peripheral, I see her walk up next to me and stare at the fountain.
"Bring any coins?" I ask while looking at it, tossing the butt of the cigarette. "I feel like making a wish."
"No." She says shortly.
"Right, I forgot you're too rich now for pocket change." I dive my hand into my pockets. "Lucky for you, I'm not."
I pull out two quarters, holding one out for her to take.
"Here, make a wish. It doesn't have to be out loud."
"I'm okay." She shakes her head.
"Oh c'mon, too dark now to even indulge in a simple coin toss?" I keep it held out. "I can do it, and I'm pretty fucked up myself."
She huffs and takes it from my hand. "Smart-ass."
She goes to throw it in the water but I snap it back.
"No-no," I halt with a laugh. "You make a wish first!"
"I did!" She goes to grab the coin back but I hold it out of her reach.
"I know when you're lying." I press one forearm to her chest and hold the coin away with the other. "Let me show you how it works..."
"Just give it back!"
"You shut your eyes and think of a wish." I shut my eyes.
"Harry—"
"Shut up, I'm thinking of a wish." I smile with my eyes closed, keeping my forearm out against her.
"You're ridiculous..."
"And then," I open my eyes and kiss the coin. "You kiss the coin to seal it in." I hold it out to her mouth.
"I am not kissing a dirty quarter."
"I cleaned it."
"I doubt that."
"You need to kiss it too so it really locks in." I keep persisting. "I want my wish to come true here..."
She looks up at me with those big blue eyes, trying to stand her ground but knowing it's crumbling by the second. I smile again to further persuade.
"C'mon now..." I nod.
She slowly leans forward and kisses the coin, keeping her eyes up on mine.
"Beautiful." I pull the coin back and toss it into the fountain, holding out the other. "Now, your turn."
She hesitantly takes it from my hand, turning towards the fountain. I watch her with all my undivided attention, taking in every move, every breath. Her eyes stare at the fountain in thought, peering down at the coin. Despite how well I can read people, I couldn't give one guess as to what she's thinking right now.
But as her eyes close, all I know is I smile.
She brings the quarter to her lips to kiss, opening her eyes and holding it out for me to kiss next. Keeping my sight on hers, I slowly lean forward and kiss it.
She throws it in the water.
"Atta' girl..." I can't help but feel victory.
I sit down on the ledge of the fountain as she sits down next to me with a head shake. I take out a joint this time, putting it between my lips to light.
"Aren't you sober?" She asks.
"Oh but with the exception of weed, babe." I talk around it. "I'm not that perfect."
She nods at my cocky grin.
"So, why'd you come?" I fold one leg up on the ledge so I can face her, grabbing my lighter.
"You told me to."
"Right, I forgot you always do what I say." I chuckle in sarcasm, lighting the end and breathing in the hot smoke.
She shrugs and turns herself to face me, crossing her legs. I hand her the joint, she takes it effortlessly.
"It's good to get out of the house sometimes." She places it between her folded lips and gentle sucks, watching the tip. "Not having Zayn breathe down my neck."
I nod, shifting closer. "Sounds overwhelming."
"It's whatever." She says while holding her breath and blowing out at the end, handing it back to me.
"Is that why you called me last night?" I hesitantly ask, taking my turn. "You were overwhelmed?"
She looks up at the fountain water trickling down the stone. I breath in, keeping one leg off the edge and the other against my chest. I take in the gradual high as I blow the smoke from my lungs.
"I met my future husband last night." She keeps her eyes studying the fountain.
Shit.
"Did you?"
"I've met him once and it's already arranged that he's going to marry me." She whispers in acceptance of it all.
"Ah," I nod and hold out the joint. "Do you want to marry him?"
"It wasn't in my best interest getting married off so soon." She looks at me and takes it. "But, life carries on."
She brings it to her mouth, watching her the fountain with a quiet mind. I catch her chest puffing with the inhale, sinking it as she exhales with a certain poise.
"Do you know where you are, Av?"
She turns her head back at me, confused.
"A park?" She glances around casually, unamused.
"Washington Square Park," I clarify. "You're sitting in the heart of NYU."
Her face drops, every muscle in her body going stiff. Eyes on mine, I can't read her. She blinks and looks out to the left, scanning the area.
"I...didn't even recognize it. I used to look at the pamphlet constantly." Her voice goes quiet before she looks back at me with more assertion. "Why did you bring me here?"
I stiffen up and throw the joint away, grabbing her cold hands. She stares at me in discomfort.
"Because you need to remember the things you used to want," I whisper sincerely, holding her hands tight.
"You mean...the things I can't have anymore?" She clarifies, sharpening her jaw.
"No, you can still have all this and you know that. We just have to fight."
She rips her hands back.
"Aven..." I warn before she completely retracts.
"That's what you were trying to do tonight? Trick me into—"
"Hey, hey..." I slide closer to her, grabbing her face so she stays with me. "There's no tricking. It's just a conversation."
"It's a conversion!" She shoves my hands off her face, scooting back. "You think because I had a weak moment yesterday that it gives you the opportunity to brainwash me against my family?"
He messed you up bad, Av.
"When do you think this is going to get any easier?" I ask calmly, shaking my head. "After you're forced into a marriage? Have a couple of kids? This world is rapidly moving around you and before you know it, you'll be in too deep."
"I can't listen to this." She gets up and strides off.
I leap up and follow her across the campus.
"I know you don't want this life, Aven. I can see right through the heartless act you put on for everyone. You feel. You feel and you can't bury that away forever." I follow her pace.
"God you're so fucking...selfish!" She turns around and stops in her tracks. "You don't even care about what I want! You just want me to be the girl in that journal again!"
"I want you to have free will! If you escape this family and still want to be heartless then that's fine but at least it was your choice! I don't care who you want to be or where you want to go. I just want you to have the freedom. Because right now, you're lying to yourself. You're forced to be this person."
"Why can't you just accept it for what it is? What is this egotistical desire you have to make this right?"
"Because you saved me," I say more calmly, taking a step forward in the middle of the park. "And because of that, my life purpose is to make sure you get everything you deserve."
She stares at me with guarded eyes, shaking her head.
"What happened to you not doing anything against my father unless I say so?" She mutters.
"I'm not going to." I nod in assurance. "But it doesn't mean I'm going to stop reminding you of what you could be fighting for."
"You?" She furrows her brows.
"You." I correct, grabbing her face again. "The girl that once had dreams," I look around at the campus. "The girl that felt something for life and the people that loved her."
She stares at me as I gently stroke her cheekbones like a porcelain doll. That's what she is now, something that looks so pretty but could shatter into a million pieces any second.
"The more you push her away, the harder it will be to get her back. And before you know it, the memories of her will fade like she never existed in the first place." I whisper, hoping she'll actually listen.
She stares timidly up into my eyes, grabbing my hands and pulling them off her face.
"I shouldn't have called you last night, it was a mistake." She says quietly, turning around and pacing off.
"Aven—"
"Don't!" She shouts back in her exit.
I clench my jaw, watching her hurry through the park. I put my hands in my pocket and start to follow, walking fast enough to keep her in my perception. Out onto the street, I watch her cross her arms and slow down to walk normally. I would give anything to know what she's thinking about. Deep down she knows what I said is true. She's hiding from it. I understand why she's hiding from it, it's easier that way. She knows if she goes against her family, someone will get hurt. But how can she continue living like this?
I keep my eye on her only a few stores away, I can tell she knows I'm close by.
She turns into the subway station, clicking down the steps. Once at the bottom, she leaps over the turnstiles and out to the platform to grab her phone where we left it. As I reach the platform myself, the train is already pulling up, it's even less crowded than earlier.
She gets on and sits by the window.
I get on after, walking over and sitting down in the seat next to her. She doesn't acknowledge me, but it's clear she knows. Her eyes stay looking ahead, nothing to say.
The door shuts.
Both of us facing the same direction, I sit quietly, hands in my pockets. My eyes glance down at our legs touching, such a small thing that goes such a long way.
Five minutes of silence goes by.
I don't want her to clam up on me again after all this progress we've made. But I can't just forget about the situation she's in. Getting to see her is a blessing, but it will only last so long. She has to be reminded that things aren't going to get any better if she keeps sitting back and watching her life slip away. I know she's mad at me now, but if it makes her think, then it's worth it. I don't mind being the bad guy in her head sometimes. She can be mad all she wants, but I'm still going to do everything I can to—
Her head slowly meets my shoulder.
I nearly flinch but my mind halts the action. I slowly peek my head down to her, quietly taking in the fact her eyes are closed.
She fell asleep.
"Av..." I whisper, just to make sure.
She doesn't move, all I can hear is her gentle breathing.
She's dead asleep, just like that. She said she hadn't gotten much rest over the past couple of days. Laying on my shoulder must mean she's absolutely exhausted—I'm sure the joint didn't help. She would never do this consciously, especially after what just happened.
I look forward again, staying frozen like stone. I never want to move again. I keep my arms crossed, slouched back enough that it's easy on her posture. My head eventually drifts on top of hers, taking a gentle breath in.
And just like that, Av. There we stayed in the back of the empty subway train, a little high and silently drifting off against each other like we were the only two people left in the city.
When it suddenly hurts to open my eyes in the fluorescent lights, I realize I'd fallen asleep. As I come to, my head is still tilted on top of hers with the sounds of the train doors opening. I feel disoriented, sitting in the exact same position. I don't know where we are or how long it's been. I turn and realize Aven is still asleep on my shoulder.
"Av—" I shake her leg.
She sucks in a breath and wakes up, her head jumping from my shoulder with startling caution. She meets tired eyes with my own tired eyes, her head looking out the window in red alert.
"What time is it?" She checks her phone. "4 am!"
Fuck.
I look to where we're stopped at. How many times has this thing looped with us on it?
"I think our station is a couple back—"
She leaps up from her spot, fleeing out the train and across the platform.
"Aven!" I get up but the doors shut right after her. The last thing is see is her weaving through groups of people before I descended into the dark tunnel.
//
flashback galore here!