Carl's back got slammed against the cold wall behind him while he shamelessly kissed the blonde haired guy, Jack, with whom he had an argument with just a moment before they decided to make out. Jack grabbed Carl's thigh thightly around his hand and pushed him up against the wall, so the kiss grew into something less awkward, now that they were around the same height. Carl wrapped his leg around Jack's waist to deepen the kiss, not sure why exactly he was doing this and why this felt so fucking right. He just knew that he was for sure enjoying the big hand, which was almost covering his whole cheek, and the warm embrace from the taller boy.
His lips felt rough, teeths were touching and everything went by faster and rougher than he was used to. Girls lips were soft and more slippery and normally he was the one who dominated the other but it felt refreshing to be lead by someone else for once.
A soft moan slipped out of his lips and Jack took the chance to put his tongue inside the other's mouth which made Carl shiver in lust. They continued to kiss aggressively, totally forgetting in which kind of situation they were in a few minutes ago while they couldn't care less that this wasn't supposed to happen.
Jack grabbed gently onto the soft dark hair, deepening the kiss even more before letting go to catch his breath.
And now they stood there - the coldness of the room suddenly hitting them both and their forehead resting on the one infront of them.
They breathed against each other's lips for a few seconds, both out of breath.
The room went quiet, their breathing was the only thing to be heard and slowly Carl realised what he was actually doing. Not only was he kissing a guy, something he has never done before, but he also got aroused by it. His dick is hard and he was sure if Jack would have touched it just slightly he would definitely cream his pants.
Carl could not believe it - the fact that Jack's a dude isn't really that big of a deal though. He is in no way homophobic but he didn't expect to like the sensation of making out with a guy that much. Carl's sure that he likes girls, always did, and that this, whatever it is, didn't change anything. Does it?
Regardless of anything, making out with Jack wasn't on his schedule. It happened out of the blue.
A few minutes ago the pair were in class before they got kicked out because of an argument they had and now, instead of sorting everything out or at least yelling at each other like they did in the classroom, they were making out in a cold small storage room somewhere at school.
He opened his eyes in shock and pushed Jack away from him, who seemed to be confused by the whole situation as well. Carl looked Jack up and down, checking him out. Short dirty blonde hair, light freckles surroundering his whole face even in winter and the intense deer brown eyes weren't the only handsome traits the other had. He started to look down to his hands and the huge hard-on between his legs. Not that he would ever admit it to himself or to anyone else, ever.
Instead he muttered, "I cannot do this." through his teeth quietly and left, leaving a confused Jack all alone inside a cold room. Carl tried to hide his smirk, kinda happy that he made a guy hard. He was confused what to think, what to make out of it, but he knew that he had it in him to make, whoever it is, hot for him. That was a good knowledge to have about himself.
"Fuck." Jack whispered before going through his light hair. Then he followed Carl who was on his way to the classroom.
"Wait." Jack said and grabbed the shoulder of the shorter boy and held him back against the wall. "You can't go back inside looking like this."
"Why?" Carl asked with a furrowed brow.
Carl was a whole mess. Saliva was still dripping down the corner of his lips and his hair looked like he had the night of his life. And not only did Carl have a visible hard-on, Jack had it as well.
"How about we finish our business and then we go back together?" Jack whispered.
Carl took a step back, confused at first, but within seconds he realised what he was hinting at. "No." he said, rising his voice. "Don't tell me what I can't do, asshole. Leave me alone." he pushed him away again and ran to the next bathroom, alone.
Carl didn't even dare to look back. He was not sure what to feel. On one side he wasn't sure how, why and, again, how it happened but on the other side he was happy, quiet proud actually, that he made a guy hard simply by kissing him. But no, it was too much. It is unknown territory.
This time Carl actually decided to think about his feelings; in one way or another. Carl tried to think back as to when he became such a fucking pussy. He just ran away like one, as if that'd solve all his problems in one go.
But Jack was right. If he'd go back to the classroom, looking the way he did, people would start to look at him funny. Maybe he was a little too mean to Jack, but he didn't know what else to do. Never had he thought that he, out of all people, would swing that way.
At first he didn't think much of it, it's just kissing, a mouth is a mouth, not that big of a deal at all, right? Right. He made a guy hard and that was fun, nice to know that he's able to not only turn girls on, but he, himself, was ready to risk it all back there, doing more, damn, he wanted to suck Jack's dick so bad. Where did that energy come from? He never thought that he'd be into dudes.
He wasn't supposed to care. Carl cleaned his face and looked into the mirror. Carl then looked down, not able to keep his own gaze. He fixed his hair aggressively and waited until his dick calmed down. Jack did that. Made him feel this way.
*
He didn't go back to class. He went home and thank god no one saw him enter. It was unusually quiet, maybe even too quiet, but Carl couldn't care less and he definitely didn't complain.
He stumbled across his room and he laid on the dirty ground; he really had to start to clean his room like he promised Fiona a year ago. But for now he didn't move, too lazy to do anything, really. All he could do was to look up the ceiling, sorting his thoughts.
His brother Ian is gay and Carl doesn't see anything wrong with it, same goes to the whole family. No one bat an eye. Maybe he should talk with Ian about everything. Or maybe he shouldn't. He wasn't sure what to do. Carl couldn't imagine to talk about fucking feelings with his brother.
He grabbed his phone. He recieved some messages, one of them being Jack's which he ignored. He wanted to talk but he can't deal with him right now.
Does he like him? Was he even capable to like him? All he knows is that his heart beat like crazy as Jack touched his back, as he cupped his cheek into his big hands and as their eyes met. He was proud as he saw that Jack felt good and he wanted to finish their business. He wanted to kiss more, feel him, but at the same time he wasn't sure what to do, what to think.
He definitely needs to talk with someone. Not with Jack and he also won't talk with Ian.
Suddenly someone knocked on the door. He stood up and slowly opened it.
Jack stood there. "Gallagher," he said serious. "we need to talk." he entered the house fast before Carl could even think about closing the door.
"About what?" Carl tried to sound clueless, which didn't work.
Jack took Carl's wrist and went to the living room to sit on the couch.
"We need to talk about what happened this morning." Jack started. "What does all of this mean?"
Carl sighed. If only he knew the answer. "Jack, I can't deal with this right now." he said with an unsteady voice. He sounded like such a pussy.
"But-"
"Let's talk about it later, okay? I- I need to think about it before I can give you an answer." Carl said clear, his cheeks glowing red from uncertainely.
Jack nodded. He touched the shoulder of the boy infront of him and gave him a supportive smile. At first, he wanted to ask him why he was being so stubborn, but then it hit him. Carl was confused. It was probably his first time being so close to a dude and Jack definitely understood that he needed to come in terms with it before he could talk. After all Jack got the time a few years ago too.
"Alright, but we'll definitely talk, Carl. I won't let you shrug it off that easily, y'know." He was about to open the door to leave, but someone else did it for him beforehand.
"I bought some groceries." Debbie said as she entered the house with a piece of bread in her mouth. She did not notice Jack at first. "Come on, Carl, stop being lazy for once and help me."
"Yeah Carl. Help the girl out." Jack mocked Debbie and grinned at Carl slyly.
"Shut up." Carl said before he got up the couch. He looked into the bag for something good to eat instead of helping her.
"Who's that?" Debbie asked, pointing at Jack. "Didn't know you had any friendly looking friends."
"Jack isn't my friend." Carl said angry.
"And he was about to leave, right Jack?" He glared at the blonde haired boy.
Jack looked down, nodding. "Yeah, I should probably leave. It was nice to meet you-"
"Debbie." she said. "My name's Debbie. Carl's sister."
"Alright." Jack smirked. "It was nice to meet you Debbie." He winked at her before he closed the door behind him and Carl felt a piercing pain in his chest.
"He's handsome." Debbie said into the awkward silence. "Don't you think?"
Carl bit into his bread and shrugged his shoulder. "I guess."
Debbie laughed. "It's okay to admit that another guy is handsome, Carl."
He couldn't help, but blush a bit at the thought of Jack's handsome face. "Yeah, he is handsome." He admitted with a raised voice.
Debbie smiled pleased and once again everything became awkward. She sorted out the groceries while Carl sat down on the couch and ate a piece of bread in peace. From Carl's unusual expression and rather unusual body language Debbie knew that her brother had something to say, something that bothered him.
There must've happened something and she was here to listen. But she couldn't just offer her help like that because if she would he'd just tell her that it's none of her business and he'd run off to his room, probably not going out of there for the rest of the day. So she waited for him to approach her.
But he didn't do that.
*
It was a chilly night. It rained heavily and everyone was still outside. The only ones who were at the Gallagher's household were Debbie, who was inside her room and Carl, who had Mickey in his room as well. He came over to see Ian but Ian wasn't here yet, so he was waiting, drinking a cold beer with Carl.
There was a comfortable silence. Bottles falling and their steady breathing were surroundering the quiet, but messy room. Carl sat on his bed, looking down at Mickey, scratching his head and thinking about the questions he was about to ask.
"How did you find out that you like guys?" Carl suddenly asked, getting Mickey to stop nipping on his beer and he gave Carl his full attention instead. Mickey tilted his head in confusion.
"God, Carl. Where did that come from?"
"I-" he began, shaking his head. "Forget it."
"I didn't mean it like that man- It's- It's just that I didn't expect that kind of question from you right now."
Carl buried his head into the pillow in regret.
"I always knew it, but I always tried to deny that shit." he replied. "I grew up in a household where anyone gay was looked at as someone disgusting and realising that I prefer dick over some pussy, well," he began to laugh. "that was quiet an experience. For a while I couldn't come in terms with it. I tried to hide it, but then I met Ian. He helped me and I guess everything that counts is that I'm happy now."
Carl smiled into his pillow. "Does he make you that happy?"
"He's kinda everything I have."
Carl laughed. "Geez, that sounds so weird and cheesy coming from you."
"That's what love has done to me I guess." Mickey said, laughing with Carl.
Thanks to the conversation he realised that there wasn't anything to be ashamed and afraid of. He'll be happier if he'll just let things happen on their own, being open, not just with himself but with everything. Not that everything was better all of a sudden after a little silly conversation with his brothers boyfriend but he felt a little better, really.
"Mickey." he started. Mickey gave him his full attention while Carl paused. Was he really going to do it? Yes, he was.
"I like girls." he said, getting himself to sit straight onto the wall.
"Never met a braver guy than you Carl." Mickey said jokingly and grinned.
"And I... think I like guys." Carl continued, looking straight and serious into Mickey's eyes. "or at least one guy, I guess". Damnit, he didn't even know.
At first he looked at him in an empty sort of way and Carl was stunned by the silence. Maybe he was a little too bold and maybe even a gay guy wasn't able to accept him.
But then Mickey started to slowly smile proudly, not saying anything at first but then he said, "Like I said, Carl, never met a braver guy than you." That was enough for Carl.
He told someone, who didn't make a big deal out of it and who accepted it and for the first time in days Carl could finally breath in peace again.
Later, before Ian bursted into the room, they continued to talk normally as nothing ever happened and Carl was glad to finally think about something else.
They talked for a short time, then Ian and Mickey asked Carl if he could leave the pair alone in the room, so he decided to take a walk outside.
It was cold, kind of windy and his breath transitioned to smoke in the air. He couldn't feel his nose anymore and thank god he decided to wear the yellow gloves Fiona bought him. He didn't like them at first, still didn't, because of the harsh colors, but it was dark. No one was going to see them, he thought, and he wasn't planning to meet anyone. He just wanted to take a walk alone, happy that he finally managed to talk with someone.
He walked some rounds around the neighbourhood, but after some rounds he got bored of seeing the same things over and over again, so he decided to go to the park. No children were going to be there around this time, so it'll be quiet.
As he arrived he unexpectedly heard voices. One of them was rising his voice at someone, one tried to defend himself and there was also a woman, who tried to explain the situation, but everything she said went unheard.
"You fucked her, didn't you," a loud deep voice screamed. "She's mine you asshole!"
"I'm not anyone's, Ross!" the female voice screamed back.
Carl couldn't help but laugh. Why were they having that kind of an argument in the middle of the night in a fucking park? Carl held his smirk while he glanced between the bushes to the scenario and he couldn't believe who he saw.
Jack was beside the pretty dark haired girl. Carl felt his heart ache by the sight. Jack had a rather unimpressed expression on his face, which made the tall angry boy even more aggressive.
"Don't look at me like you judge me." he said quiet, slowly rising his voice again. "You messed with the wrong person."
For a second it looked like he was about to leave, but then he punched Jack into his face and god did it look like it hurt like shit. His nose began to bleed, but it didn't stop him to punch him back even harder.
Carl couldn't just look anymore. He had to do something, so he quietly went out of the bush and walked toward the angry guy who was busy to fight Jack.
He didn't notice Carl, who took him by his wrist with force to take him down. He hit into the air, trying to hit Carl, but the shorter boy was stronger and had more experience. (The boy only managed to hit him once)
For a few seconds they looked into each other's eyes. The boys eyes were wide, probably because he didn't expect another person to fight him and to be even stronger. Carl smirked at him, full of adrenaline. The body under him froze in fear.
He shamelessly pushed him onto the ground and hit him into his face. He bled a lot and his nose seemed to be broken, but that was what he gets for fighting Jack.
He somehow managed to stay conscious and tried to stand up. Carl helped him, grabbing him by his hair and making the now not so scary looking guy look into the pair of his bright eyes.
"Don't you dare to touch him ever again." he said, pointing at Jack. He let him go, kicked him into his stomach for the last time and the grunt he let out made Carl cackle.
Jack seemed to be impressed by him.
"Wow, Carl that was-" he began, but got interrupted by Carl, who slapped his cheek.
Before Jack could react, Carl hugged him tightly, hiding his face into Jack's chest. Jack hugged back in confusion, leaning his chin onto Carl's shoulder.
"What was that for?" Jack asked slyly.
"For making me scared, or whatever." he replied.
Jack looked down at him and said, "Look at me." Carl slowly looked up. "You see, I'm fine." Jack smiled, carefully cupping Carl's cheek with his hand.
He noticed a small bruise beside Carl's right eye but Carl didn't seem to notice it, so it probably didn't hurt much.
But still - Jack leaned his forehead onto Carl's and both of them laughed quietly. "Thanks for helping me." he said softly, looking down at Carl's irresistible lips.
He thought about whether it was the right moment to lean down and to press his lips against the others or not, but got interrupted by the dark haired girl beside them who coughed a few times for their attention.
"As cute as you two are, I think we should leave." she said, pointing at the lifeless body on the ground. "Don't wanna get caught by the cops." was the last thing she said before she went away.
"She's right. Let's go."
"Wait." Carl said, holding Jack back by the wrist. "Who is she?"
Jack smirked. "Jealous?" he asked, grinning bigger, making Carl blush a bit.
"You wish, asshole."
"Let's talk about it later, kay? It's a long story." Carl nodded and together they went home. Jack wanted to hold Carl's hand, tried it a few times, but backed away, too afraid that he was going to make Carl feel uncomfortable because that was the last thing he wanted to do.
But Carl would've loved it. Like he said before, it's midnight, no one is going to see them anyway.
Therefore, he took Jack's hand instead and caressed Jack's palm with his thumb. Jack didn't wear any gloves, so his hands were freezing from the cold.
After awhile, they stood before the Gallagher's house.
"So," Jack began. "See you tomorrow at school?"
Carl looked at him with big puppy eyes. "Don't you wanna stay the night here?" he asked, smiling softly.
Jack nodded, smiling back. "If that's okay with you, I would love to."
Carl let go of Jack's hand and took him by his wrist instead and together they entered the house.
"Oh, it's you again!" Debbie said, eating a bowl of cereal. "How are you?" she asked, but Carl sighed.
"Not the time for small talk." he said, walking up the stairs, to his room.
He should've taken a moment to fucking think before doing so, because the two of them caught Ian and Mickey doing something they weren't supposed to see.
Mickey laid under Ian, who thrusted into him under the bed sheets. Thank god for the Spiderman bed sheets, Carl thought.
He said a simple "Sorry." and closed the door with force. "Sorry to you too." Carl said, looking up to Jack.
"It's okay. I'm used to it. Sometimes my older sister forgets that there are also other people living in the house." he laughed.
"I know what you mean." Carl said, laughing with him. If Jack wouldn't have been beside him, he would've probably just walked in, laying on his bed while he'd simply ignore them, but he didn't want to look like a freak to Jack.
"So I guess you have to have the small talk with my sister now until they've finished." Carl joked. "Sorry."
"Oh, that's not a problem at all. Your sister seemes to be cool." Jack said, and Carl felt his heart aching strongly again. Not that he was being jealous of Debbie, out of everyone, what the fuck, no, but at the same time he couldn't help it.
*
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