Intro:
Pinkie's Visit is a one-shot children's book by Rainshade123. Set in the MLP universe, this short story is absolutely adorable and definitely worth a read for anyone who likes MLP or liked it in the past and is looking for nostalgia. As someone who grew up with MLP but hasn't watched it in like eight to ten years, this gave me a lot of nostalgia.
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Long Review (5-8 sentences):
The grammar is great, the characters are adorable, and everything is described well. The plot is cute, easy-to-follow, and simple, which fits the genre you're writing in. I really love how this story is lighthearted and just so pretty. The way things are described is so vibrant and vivid; you use awesome words like wondertastical, which is not only in-character for Pinkie to say, but also super fun and immerses you in the world. Overall, I found this story super cute and fun.
I only have two suggestions. One, I would suggest putting character thoughts in italics, otherwise you'll have tense issues. Two, consider your target audience; this is tagged as a children's book, but some of the vocab is very complex. For example, "effervescent essence." While that is a pretty expression, it took me a few seconds to know what that meant and I'm a 20-year-old English major. That's just something to keep in mind if you plan on continuing to write for a young audience.
Otherwise, I think the story is great!
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Side Note:
This isn't necessarily a flaw or criticism, but I strongly suggest adding a cover. The current cover is just the default Wattpad gives to stories without one. Even if it's just a picture of the main characters, that will be stronger than the default option. If you aren't comfortable creating covers, then I recommend looking for graphics shops.
Stories with covers get so many more reads than stories without, so that's why I suggest adding a cover. You don't have to if you don't want to, but that's just a suggestion depending on your goals for this website and if you want your page to grow.
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Summary:
- Good grammar
- Adorable characters and plot
- Interesting word choice
- Good descriptions of the world
- Try to put character thoughts in italics, otherwise you'll have tense issues
- Consider using less complex vocabulary if you continue to write for a young audience
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Overall:
Pinkie's Visit is an adorable adventure with cute characters and interesting word choice to make the world feel more immersive. I recommend this story to fans of MLP. No matter if you're old or young, you can find something to enjoy in this short story. It's a quick and easy read, so why not check it out?
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Thank you for submitting your story. This was a very pleasant surprise that helped me look into the different types of authors on Wattpad. Your writing is beautiful, and I think you have an interesting writing style that will take you far.
I really enjoyed your story and it gave me a lot of nostalgia, so thank you again, and I wish you luck for your future stories! Please let me know if you have any questions or if you would like me to review any of your future works.