Intro:
This review is for both A Midsummer Night's Dream and Your Devil: A Doomed Catastrophe, but for sake of brevity in the title, I only put one, I hope that's okay. Both of these stories are by the talented author Pviscelle, and one, A Midsummer Night's Dream, is a fantasy story while the other, Your Devil, is a Jeon Jungkook fanfiction.
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A Midsummer Night's Dream - Detailed Feedback
What Worked:
I like how the main character, the female protagonist, isn't a good person. It's not even up for debate that she's just... terrible. However, there is more to her than her morally wrong deeds and obvious issues with impulse control.
I also like the decision to write this from the perspective of the incubus describing her life. I think that was an interesting decision that was unique from anything I have seen before. The way the incubus describes her is really nicely done, and after reading the ending, it packs a different punch upon rereading.
I like the overall concept of the story. I have only seen an incubus story once before, and it wasn't as dark as this one. It was more, uh... "fun." Which I suppose makes sense considering what an incubus is, but I appreciate how you covered the dark idea behind an incubus and didn't shy away from it.
Another thing I enjoyed was how much there is to think about in this story. There is a lot of darkness, but it feels like it contributes and isn't just dark for the sake of being dark. Many authors be dark just for the sake of it, but this is very purposeful and it definitely feels that way. It comes across as thought-provoking.
While on the topic, something I appreciate about your writing is how you aren't scared to make people think. There is rarely a clear answer that you tell us, but rather you show us what we need to then let us fill in the blanks.
It's a very thoughtful piece that covers the darker side of humanity, mostly through the main character, who is engaging. The entire story is engaging and I didn't even realize the eleven minutes had passed by until I reached the end and got the "next chapter" button.
I think this is an overall solid story and not what I was expecting, but I mean that in a good way. It took me off guard because after reading YD a few times before reading any of your other work, I was not expecting you to go where you went with this story, but I'm so glad you did. It shows you aren't scared to explore different themes, settings, and ideas, which shows how versatile you are as an author.
Versatile authors are the best since they always bring something new to the table. This story has its own style and unique flavor that makes it stand out, and even though I have three of your four works (Remember You, YD, and now this), I find myself feeling like each one is distinctly different despite being written by the same author.
You give every piece its own rich flavor while having the central core of your writing style still there. I admire that a lot, and I hope you're proud of yourself for being able to execute different ideas and separate them from your previous works. It's much harder than it sounds, and you do it very well!
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What Didn't Work:
I actually don't have many suggestions, and of the suggestions I have, they're technical.
There are some grammar errors and sentences that made me scratch my head. The one that stood out the most was this:
"He acknowledged it, too but never made his sentiments regarding it apparent, always dodging around and keeping their conversation short and astute."
There are, of course, many ways to write, but I'll offer an alternative that sticks as close to the original as possible:
"He acknowledged it but never made his sentiments apparent, always dodging around and keeping their conversation short and astute."
The "regarding it" makes the sentence a bit clunky, and the comma coming before too is a bit strange considering there's a conjunction right after it, so I would recommend removing the "too" altogether since it doesn't do much for the sentence other than cause confusion.
You do a better job balancing pace and complex vocabulary, but there were still some words and sentences that were redundant (like the one I mentioned above). Another was the use of the word "glabella." It felt very off and jarring for the sentence. I'm not saying don't use complex vocab words, but try to make it so the audience at least has a chance to figure out what the words are without needing to Google them, such as through context clues. There were no clues in the sentence featuring "glabella" to let me know what it meant. I hope that makes sense.
You don't have to do this every time since you are writing for a mature audience, so complex vocab is to be expected, but if you're using words not even English majors know, I'd recommend using context clues.
It's fine for things like medical reports; it makes sense for complex vocab to appear w/o explanation or context clues there, but I'm talking about in the general text.
This is so a me thing so I perfectly understand ignoring what I'm about to say, but giving a warning about schizophrenia made me know how the story was going to end by the first line. I've read a couple stories that had schizophrenia in the warnings and I was able to know the endings just based on that, which kind of hurts the flow when I'm expecting it.
It is a very well-done twist, but for me, it wasn't as impactful. I have mixed feelings about it because on one hand, putting a warning about schizophrenia makes sense, but on the other, reducing the warning to "mental health issues" could do the trick too.
That's why I'm saying I perfectly understand if you want to ignore what I'm saying because it's not really a criticism of the story. This topic is such a slippery slope so it's hard to talk about. I'm not saying you did anything wrong, it just personally didn't work for me because it was like spoiling myself. Or maybe it's just because I've read stories with similar endings that all had one common thread: schizophrenia.
I'm not suggesting you change the warning because, like I said, it's a slippery slope and one I don't want to get into. But since it was my experience with the story, I thought I'd share anyway.
Otherwise, I have no suggestions. Like I said earlier, I really didn't have many.
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Summary:
- Interesting main character
- Interesting decision to have the story take place through the incubus' eyes
- Creative concept
- Overall engaging story
- It feels different and unique
- Some grammar errors and confusing sentences
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Your Devil: A Doomed Catastrophe - Detailed Feedback
What Worked:
I believe I have reviewed YD twice before, so if anything I say here is repeating what I've said before, I apologize. I don't reference my old reviews if I'm reviewing the same book again because I want to read it with a fresh mindset. Rereading books with fresh mindsets allows for the fairest reviews, in my opinion. I also think it gives me a chance to pick up on details I didn't notice the first time!
Let's start with the smaller stuff then work up to the bigger stuff.
For starters, I see you've changed the cover a lot, and I've liked all of them, but I like this current cover the most (as of September 25, 2023). I think it's a great cover with a nice color scheme and good aesthetics.
While on the topic, there was a lot of work done to make this book aesthetically pleasing, and I think you did well there. The banners are very pretty and well-placed to make the story feel more immersive without feeling distracting.
Lastly, the chapter names do a good job immersing the reader as well, with my favorite being the first one, "The Turtle & Her Rabbit." If that doesn't build intrigue, I don't know what does.
When it comes to the physical state of the book (the look, the cover, the chapter titles, etc.), it's very good and I like that a lot. I don't mention these types of things often, but I thought I would because I can tell you put a lot of work in to make it as immersive as possible when it comes to the overall aesthetic of the book, and I think you succeeded.
Moving into the creative side of the story.
Even though your writing style includes extremely complex vocabulary, I'm glad that isn't present in the dialogue. For the most part, the dialogue isn't overly formal except when it needs to be, like when Jimin talks to his father. It makes sense for them to talk overly formal with each other.
In general, the characters aren't talking using these overly wordy sentences or anything like that, which is good. Many writers who have a style similar to yours have the complex words in the dialogue too, which feels very out of place.
I like how each character is introduced. They have their own unique introduction that says a lot about their character without us needing to be told their traits or who they are as people. Every opening scene packs a solid punch.
I think I mentioned it before, but I'll mention again how I like how Jungkook is alluded to in the prologue. It creates an ominous feel surrounding his character and builds tension for his eventual appearance.
As the story progresses, I'm surprised at how much you gave Jimin to do. He has a solid character with traits and a backstory that makes him stand out from the others.
In general, every character stands out from each other, and they all have their own unique roles in the story.
The character dynamics are also pretty good. I like Jinkook's dynamic, I think they were a highlight for me as well as Yoongi with literally everyone.
I mentioned the tension you build with Jungkook's character, but I also want to say there is a lot of tension in the entire story. The chapters are packed with tension and each chapter contributes to the characters and story in some way, I didn't notice any fluff.
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What Didn't Work:
Although I don't have a good memory, if I'm recalling correctly, most of my suggestions I've given in the past are similar to the ones I have now.
Grammatically, there are some tense issues but not many, so that's a very minor suggestion to just make sure you're keeping everything in the same tense except in rare cases, like in character thoughts.
The same thing I've said before applies again: make sure the complex vocab is purposeful, and also watch telling over showing.
There were a few cases where we are blatantly told the character's feelings, like "She would surely miss the benevolent figure to whom she grew close with all these years." This sentence isn't a huge deal, this is actually a sentence I think you should keep, but it is an example of telling and something to look out for throughout the text. I mostly used this example so I can explain the tense issues a bit better because there is one in that sentence.
You're writing in past tense, but this sentence takes place in the past due to this relationship growing "all these years," so it should be "...the benevolent figure to whom she had grown close with all these years." She grew close in the past of the story's timeline, hence why the word "had" is required. It's like the past past tense. I hope that makes sense.
Again, it's not a big deal, but it is something to keep in mind for future works.
I mentioned telling over showing earlier, and another example are the adverbs. There aren't as many as I noticed the last time I read this piece, but words like "subsequently" are used often and it doesn't really fit, in my opinion.
Some of the dialogue tags are a bit strange too. Like "theorized" and "asserted," with "asserted" being used quite a few times. I'd suggest using more actions to show who's speaking instead of telling us with the tags. Some of them can come off as over-the-top.
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Summary:
- Good aesthetics
- Good characters
- Interesting character introductions
- Every character feels distinct + has good character dynamics
- Lots of tension
- Tense issues and some confusing sentences
- Some telling over showing
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Overall:
A Midsummer Night's Dream is a thought-provoking piece for anyone who wants to sit back and ponder what they read instead of read the usual fluffy fanfics you see everywhere on Wattpad. This story feels different and has a unique tone, which makes it stand out as an awesome story I strongly recommend.
Your Devil: A Doomed Catastrophe is an engaging story with interesting characters and good dynamics between said characters. If you enjoy works with good characters, you should check this story out even if you haven't read BTS fanfic before!
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Thank you for submitting your stories, it's always a pleasure to read your work. I hope these reviews are helpful for you despite how I have reviewed YD before. At the very least, I hope the review for A Midsummer Night's Dream is useful. I can't wait to read your future works, keep up the great writing!