Chapter 9-I
"Did you have fun while I was gone?"
Nagpatuloy lang ako sa pagtitig sa mga buildings at streetlight na nadadaanan namin. Ayaw ko sa tanong niya. Naiinis akong hindi ako naglakas ng loob na humingi ng tulong sa iba para malaman kung sino siya. I would been completely justified if I hire a private investigator. But now, we're like this. Our first reunion only went on in silence until he invited me to go out. I thought he would apologize or give an explanation.
But instead he wants to know my sufferings.
I started flipping my sketchpad, kaso pang-school ang nakuha ko, may portrait pa dun. Masyadong ako distracted. I'm turning into a damn dysfunctional because of him." Nagkwento na ako diba? Tatlong araw ka lang naman nawala. Things don't happen in just three days."
"Is that the transferee boy?" Percival change the topic when he Ricos in my sketchbook." Masyado pa siyang batang tingnan diba?"
"Don't be fooled by his innocent looks."
My boyfriend just shrug." His right face unfinished, Hon."
It was just a casual comment, pero nandiri ako sa tyempo niya." May burnscars siya, hindi ko alam paano idrawing. Moreover, it just felt weird drawing him, it's nostalgic but uncomfortable."
Percival eyes were almost soulless as he listens. Inabot ang player ng kotse para magpatutogtog. Malumanay ang kantang lumabas na parang mas nagpapalamig ng simoy ng hangin." Marami ka pang oras para kilalanin siya. You met different people in three days, a lot has happened to you even without me. You could have bad and good things all by yourself----you can have the world."
"Enough about me. San ka galing? Umuwi ka ba?"
His smile slowly vanish. "I don't know-----I'm not sure where I was..."
"Don't hide things from me. Don't sound so patronizing, may mentally ill na bata na palaging kabit sa akin. Katuwaan lang ang tingin sa akin ng mga tambay." I narrated bitterly, I might be falling deeper in the rabbit hole." Moreover you just left without saying anything. Yes, you're just a stranger, but you made a promised.Akala ko atleast yung pangako mo hindi kasinungalingan."
"Are we messed up?"
My pencil broke on the pad of paper." Wala akong pake sa normal."
Not even right or wrong.
Nagpatuloy si Percival sa pagmamaneho ng hindi sinasabi kung san kami pupunta. Hinayaan ko na naman siya. I must have let myself go with world's flow too much until I completely lost control of life. First I allow my self to be isolated then, I next I let myself to be crazy for a man, for a mere replica of my first love. Kahit sa kanya ginagawa kong baliw ang sarili ko.
Niliko ni Percival ang kotse. " How about that boy who saved you?"
"Ibang tao naman." I scowled.
"I know you want to know him too...Was it Ronald?" Ulit ni Percival.
"Ah...Ronald...We were just together earlier... And before that, on the night you just disappear. He walk me home. Introvetred at matipid sa salita, maliban na lang pag naiinis sa akin..." Kwento ko sa boyfriend ko. My fingers tapping the wrong sketchbook I brought." I'm not sure if he wants me around... He seems to be mistrustful... As if he dislike people... But maybe things would work out..."
"Not even friends? Kahit yun lang?" Tanong ni Percival." Did you ask?"
"Lang? Not even that "second best"." I laugh in that "hierarchy", on how we "made" the world work." He seems want nothing."
Yet my companion seems to take my words against me." But really, what's better than nothing, Sheena? Paano kung yung second best sa atin ayun yung pinakamahalaga na sa iba? People seem care more than the presence of something than the absence---Don't they?"
"Ideals are rooted in reality." Mariing sagot ko."Forever are less scary that way."
Percival nodded." And people aim for their happiest. Panakip butas man."
I glared at him." False happiness."
Pagkatapos ng isa pang liko unti-unti ko ng nalalaman kung saan kami patungo, napalingon ako kasintahan ko ng hindi siya humihinto sa pagmamaneho. Percival seem to be satisfied to be just driving pass all the places we used to pretend to be lovers.
Our memories flashing like picture book-----its just three weeks.
Finally, he pried his eyes off me. He gaze at the empty road instead, a road as empty as our promises."No happiness is ever fake, Sheena. Kulang lang."