--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------This is a semi-sequel to "The Not-So Grim Grotto", since y'all seemed to enjoy it so much. And I'm just warning you now: This one-shot is much longer than that one was. Oops!!!
Anyways, enjoy!!!! --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Unless you were born yesterday, in which case, welcome to the world, little baby, you have probably observed that things aren't always what they seem. The surface of a pond might appear to be calm, but, in reality, any number of secrets could be hidden beneath it. And I'm sorry to say the world is like a pond in that way. When you perform even the tiniest of actions, like dropping a stone, it can ripple until the whole world has been changed.
And I'm even sorrier to say that was exactly the case with the Baudelaire orphans as they rode in the back of a taxi that was being driven by the sister of my former V.F.D. apprentice and mentor, Kit Snicket, on its way to the Last Safe Place: The Hotel Denouement. Ever since that fateful day at Briny Beach when they learned from a most unhelpful banker named Mr. Poe that they had lost their parents in a terrible fire that destroyed their entire home, they had spent more time than naught evading a cruel and greedy man named Count Olaf, who had used a wide variety of wicked, yet only partially successful, schemes to try and get his hands on their family fortune.
And I'm finally sorriest to say that things may not appear to be what they might seem to be at a first glance, no matter how many times you look at them, and the Baudelaires had unfortunately learned that the hard way, a phrase which here means "finding themselves surrounded by many mysteries after learning about Count Olaf's connection to the letters V.F.D.", and as they rode in the back of the taxi that was being driven by Kit Snicket, they couldn't help but feel like things would never appear to be what they might seem to be at a first glance.
"Things aren't always what they seem, Baudelaires. It may seem like I'm speeding recklessly because I'm a taxi driver who doesn't care about traffic safety laws, but really, I'm trying to shake the car that's been following us." said Kit hurriedly as she accelerated the taxi.
"There's a car following us?" asked Violet worriedly. Kit looked at Violet through the rear-view mirror of the taxi and nodded. "I suspect it belongs to a pair of villains I recently encountered on a mountain." "We were there, too." said Klaus with a small smile on his face. Kit nodded again. "I know exactly where you've been, Klaus Baudelaire. I wish I could've helped you all along, but ever since the schism, there have been more fires than even a Volunteer Fire Department can put out." said Kit solemnly as she sighed sadly.
Klaus, Violet and Sunny nodded their heads in understanding and turned to look out the window at all the burned down homes. "Those look like they burned down, recently." "Our enemies are getting bolder. But the tables are about to turn, and so is this car, so hang on." said Kit before she swerved the taxi hard to the right. "I know you must have thousands of questions, and I wish I could answer them over a leisurely brunch, but our agents are already on their way to the Last Safe Place, so I'm afraid you'll have to settle for a quick debrief and a picnic in the back of a taxi. There's a picnic basket on the floor."
If you're someone who's content with living a slow-paced lifestyle filled with mundanity, than you must know that having to settle for the condensed, fast-paced equivalent to what you wanted to do for the day, whether it's enjoying a nice luncheon with some close friends or family, or being able to successfully hide yourself from your enemies in the same location for more than two hours at a time, is hardly an enjoyable experience. If you're forced to settle for the condensed, fast-paced version of a nice luncheon, than the odds are it will be very rushed and uncomfortable and someone will probably choke on a poisoned BLT sandwich, or you might be forced to eat your food in the depths of the ocean because the submarine you were traveling on exploded, and the worst outcome of all is that you may only be able to take one bite of your food before the secret police arrive at the restaurant to take you away for questioning.
In any case, the Baudelaires certainly wished they could've enjoyed a nice brunch with Kit instead of having to settle for a quick debrief and a picnic in the back of a taxi as she explained that she was worried that the telegram from J.S. asking all volunteers to meet at the Hotel Denouement on Thursday, and that she wanted them to go undercover as flaneurs to find out if J.S. was a friend or enemy of V.F.D., to which they quickly agreed to do for her, especially since she had told them that she was going to help their friend Quigley Quagmire rescue his siblings from Count Olaf's clutches after she dropped them off at the hotel.
As the Baudelaires sat in the back of the taxi in their concierge outfits, they couldn't help but feel an uneasy sense of creeping dread. "Do you think we trust Kit?" asked Klaus nervously. Violet sighed. "Since we got in her taxi, she's broken at least nine traffic safety laws, driven into a hedge and recruited us to spy for a secret organization. I like her." she said with a small smile on her face. "Me too." said Klaus before they got out of the taxi and joined Kit, who had her spyglass out, at the edge of the lawn of the Hotel Denouement.
"That's Frank Denouement. He's one of the managers. He's with us. You can trust him." said Kit right before someone who looked identical to Frank walked up to him. "I must need new glasses, because I'm seeing double." said Klaus as he looked out of his spyglass in confusion. "That's Frank's treacherous brother, Ernest. Do not trust him, no matter what he says. The schism has turned many siblings into enemies. Remember, F is for Frank, who is friendly. E is for Ernest, who is evil." said Kit sternly with a worried look on her face.
"How can we tell them apart?" asked Violet nervously.
Kit sighed forlornly. "Unfortunately, the only way to determine if someone is noble or wicked is through close observation. It's very important that you be careful about what you tell them, because if the wrong brother finds out what we're up to....." she began to say before they hid themselves behind the hedge to avoid being spotted by Frank and Ernest. ".....we could all be in danger. I've sent a message to Frank. He'll meet you in the lobby, unless it was intercepted by Ernest. Now if there are no further questions, I must be going. Quigley Quagmire will be arriving at Briny Beach soon, and if I don't leave to meet him right now, his siblings may be in Olaf's clutches for who knows how long. And we have reason to believe that he'll arrive at the shore within the hour, so I can't afford to waste any time. " she said with a sad smile on her face as she put a hand on Violet's shoulder.
"I'm sorry, melancholy is a side effect of my condition. I'm distraught and I'm pregnant. Good luck, Baudelaires. I'll see you tonight. And please be careful." she said as she watched them walk up the steps of the hotel through her spyglass before she felt someone standing next to her and smiled. "I was hoping I'd see you before I left." she said with a playful smirk on her face to the person standing before her, who looked identical to both Frank and Ernest. "Funny, I was hoping you'd stay." said the person with a small smile on his face. Kit scoffed, but felt a smile forming on the corners of her mouth. "I'll be back tonight. And if all goes according to plan, three siblings will be reunited at last and we'll have the sugar bowl." she said as she smiled at the mystery man. "We can end this once and for all."
"And then what?" he asked as he smiled back at her. "You, me, a tropical island, and her." said Kit as she put a hand on her pregnant stomach. The mystery man chuckled. "Her? Is that a fact?" he asked teasingly. Kit smiled and shrugged. "It's just a feeling." The mystery man sighed contently and took her hands in his own. "I never want to be apart from you again, except in the restroom, at work, and when one of us is at a move the other one doesn't want to see." he said with a big smile on his face. Kit smiled and blushed at his compliment. "I'll see you tonight. Send my regards to Frank."
As Kit walked back to her taxi, she sniffled quietly as she thought about the Baudelaires putting themselves in harm's way and hoped that their mission would be a success and as she started the taxi to drive back to Briny Beach, she was very startled when she heard a low, gravelly voice behind her. "Evidence of a picnic, like evidence of a secret meeting, is best discarded, or it is likely to attract unsavory visitors or.....ants."
Kit gasped and felt her eyes begin to water when she turned to look at the person sitting in the back of the taxi. "Lemony. I thought you were dead." she said as a few, small tears brimmed her eyes. "Hello, Kit. Could I get a ride?" --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------When someone you believed to be dead appears in the back of a taxi or is hiding in a broken freezer in your laundry room, you may feel like you are seeing a ghost, and that is exactly how Kit felt as she walked down the dock to Briny Beach with Mr. Snicket so she could wait for Quigley Quagmire to arrive by helicopter. "I can't believe you're alive. The Daily Punctilio ran your obituary." said Kit in disbelief. Mr. Snicket shrugged and smiled thoughtfully. "Oh, you can't believe anything you read in The Daily Punctilio, although they did spell my name right."
"Where have you been?" "On the lam. It was better to let our enemies think that I was dead." said Mr. Snicket quietly as he looked at Kit with a faraway look in his eyes. "What about your siblings?" asked Kit bitterly. "I read about Jacques in the paper. That's why I came back. I had to see if it was true." Kit sighed sadly. "It isn't just Jacques. While you've been gone, we've lost so many good people. Monty, Josephine, the Quagmires."
Mr. Snicket eyes softened and his face fell. "And.....Beatrice?"
Kit nodded. "Lemony, I'm so sorry." Mr. Snicket sighed sadly and put his hands in his pockets. "I've missed so much. I feel like I'm arriving in the middle of someone else's story." he said as his brows furrowed. Kit shook her head and smiled. "It can be your story, too. Now that you're back you can help us." she said as she folded her hands together. Mr. Snicket sighed and rolled his eyes in annoyance. "I can't help anyone, Kit. You were there that night at the opera. You know everything that's happened is my fault."
Kit frowned and looked at Mr. Snicket insistently. "The world's troubles aren't the fault of any one person, but it is your fault if you do nothing. Come back to the hotel with me. Join V.F.D again. Join us." Mr. Snicket shook his head. "What can I do?" Kit smiled at him. "You're not dead yet. Do something." Mr. Snicket nodded as he smiled forlornly. "I saw you with--" "He's a good man." "I'm happy for you. Four children. I have missed a lot." he said as he sniffled quietly. Kit made a face and looked at Mr. Snicket like he had grown a second head. "Four?" she asked in confusion.
Mr. Snicket nodded vigorously. "One on the way. I saw you with three more at the hotel." Kit looked at him incredulously for a few more seconds before the realization dawned on her. "Lemony, those children aren't mine. They're the Baudelaires." she said grimly before the faint sound of a helicopter could be heard. "And speaking of children, I have a mission of my own to attend to." Mr. Snicket nodded in understanding as he watched her walk towards the edge of the shore. "What can I do to help?"
Kit turned to look back at him. "Do you still have a valid taxi driver's license?" Mr. Snicket nodded again. "That I do, Kit." "That's good to hear." she said as she grabbed the keys to her taxi and tossed them at him. "Take the taxi, and go back to the hotel. I'll be back as soon as I can." as the helicopter made its descent towards Briny Beach.
Nodding wordlessly, Mr. Snicket walked back to the taxi and quickly drove off for the Hotel Denouement right as Quigley Quagmire emerged from the jet-black helicopter.
"Quigley, I'm so glad to see you made it one piece. I hope the helicopter ride wasn't too bumpy." said Kit as she pulled him in for a quick hug. Quigley shook his head. "No, it was fine. Thank you." he said kindly, although his voice indicated that he was very anxious. "So, are you ready to rescue your siblings, Quigley?" He nodded. "More than anything in the world, Ms. Snicket."
Kit shook her head and wrapped her arm around his shoulder to comfort him. "Please, call me Kit. Now, there are some wetsuits on the Queequeg. However, we can't pull up right beside Olaf's sub if we don't want to get captured ourselves. So, you're gonna have to swim the last few miles in order to sneak onto Olaf's sub undetected. Do you understand?" she asked urgently.
Quigley nodded again as they climbed on board the Queequeg and he discarded himself of his coat, snowsuit, gloves and scarf as they raced towards Count Olaf's villainous octopus-shaped submarine. Before long, they were almost caught up to the large submarine, and Kit turned everything off on the Queequeg in order to not be detected. "Okay, Quigley. We're now almost caught up to Olaf's sub, so I turned everything off so he can't see us coming. I sent a Volunteer Factual Dispatch to Fiona Widdershins, and she's gonna open the hatch to let you onboard the submarine when she sees you. Are you ready to swim?" asked Kit as she and Quigley walked towards the airlock.
"Yes, I am. I've waited so long for this, and I'm not gonna let the butterflies in my stomach get in the way of me finally reuniting with my siblings." he said calmly as he breathed in and out to help calm his nerves. Kit nodded and helped him get into his wetsuit. "Alright, Quigley. If you're all ready to go, I'm gonna open up the airlock now. Good luck." called Kit from the other side of the airlock as she opened the hatch and Quigley found himself released into the dark, murky waters of the ocean.
The young cartographer felt a chill go up his spine and breathed in and out as he felt his eyes get adjusted to the darkness that was surrounding him through his diving helmet. "Come on, Quigley. Get a hold of yourself. What was that thing Mom and Dad had said?" he asked himself in a quiet, scared voice as he continued to inhale and exhale. "Oh yeah. "Do the scary thing first, and then get scared after." Let's do this." he said before he started swimming towards Count Olaf's octopus-shaped submarine and gasped when he saw just how large it was. Shaking his head to help get rid of the shock he was feeling, he began to swim towards the underside of the submarine and sure enough, the hatch opened up as soon as he was right beneath it and after he was in the airlock, a dark-skinned girl who looked a little bit older than Violet and was wearing triangle-shipped glasses walked up to him.
"You must be Quigley Quagmire. I'm Fiona Widdershins. It's a pleasure to finally meet the third Quagmire triplet." she whispered in a kind voice as she shook his hand. "Now, we have to hurry. Count Olaf is currently asleep in the galley, but if he or Esme or Carmelita sees me with you, we're all gonna be in trouble. So, come on. But be quiet." she whispered as she led him towards the rowing room, where Carmelita was singing obnoxiously about how "cute" and "adorable" she was, much to the annoyance of the kidnapped Snow Scouts.
Sighing in annoyance, Quigley and Fiona quickly made their way across the rowing room whenever Carmelita and Esme weren't looking and before long, they were in front of the door to the brig. Feeling his eyes start to water, Quigley sniffled quietly before he gently knocked on the door and it open to revealed a disheveled and tired-looking Duncan and Isadora Quagmire, who quickly pulled their long-lost brother in for a tight hug. "We've missed you so much, Quigley." whispered Isadora quietly after they had pulled away from each other.
"I know. But we can't talk now. I'm here to get you out of here and take you to the Last Safe Place and the Baudelaires. The Queequeg is right outside, but we'll have to do a little bit of swimming to get there. Kit didn't want to risk being detected, so she turned everything off on the sub. Now, come on. Let's go." whispered Quigley hurriedly as his siblings followed him and Fiona out of the brig and towards the airlock of the octopus-shaped submarine. However, much to their annoyance and worry, Carmelita was still singing loudly at the top of her lungs and Olaf was now awake and wandering the sub, which forced them to hide behind a very tight and cramped corner. "Triangle Eyes, where are you, you little fungal freak?!" he asked in a loud, drunken voice before he sighed in annoyance a few seconds later. "I swear to God, you let your henchpeople wander around one time, and then they think they can do whatever and go wherever they want. Now, I'm wishing I kept those carnival freaks on a tighter leash." he muttered to himself in disappointment as he continued his search for Fiona.
The phrase "to keep someone on a tight leash" is a simply a really fancy way of saying "to control someone carefully and only allow them a small amount of freedom to do what they want", and both Duncan and Isadora, as well as Fiona, felt that way after they had went back to Count Olaf's villainous submarine in order to allow the Baudelaires to reach the Hotel Denouement before Olaf could. Knowing she had to report to Olaf before he could get suspicious, Fiona smiled at the three triplets apologetically before she slowly crawled over to the other side of the rowing room where Olaf was, and stood up behind him. "I'm right here, captain. What is it you wish me to do for you?" she asked in the most respectful tone she could muster.
Olaf looked at her with his eyebrow raised before he sneered at her and frowned. "I need you to go check on the twins. They've been awfully quiet, and I don't want them to die on me. Not yet. We're almost back to land, and as soon as Esme, Carmelita and I have left to go destroy V.F.D. at the Last Safe Place with that dentists' nightmare's diving helmet full of the Medusoid Mycelium, I want you and Hooky to go torture the little brats until they tell you where the sugar bowl is." he said in a slurred voice as he struggled to stand up from how drunk he was.
Fiona nodded wordlessly and waited until Olaf had walked off towards another part of the submarine before she used some hand gestures to signal to the Quagmires that they needed to escape immediately and quickly and without haste, a word which here means "immediately and quickly." However, at that very moment, Carmelita had decided to stop dancing and saw what Fiona was doing and walked over to where the Quagmires were hiding and pulled them out from the tight and cramped corner by their necks and threw them onto the floor of the rowing room. "Well, well, well. What were you three cakensiffers thinking trying to escape-----Wait, three?! I thought there was only supposed to be two of you!!! COUNTIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" screamed Carmelita loudly at the top of her lungs, which made almost all of the Snow Scouts, Fiona, and the Quagmires cover their ears until she stopped screaming when Olaf finally showed up.
"Yes, Carmelita? What do you wan---Hey, I thought you two were supposed to be locked in the brig. And wait, why is there a third one?!" he asked in confusion before he looked back and forth between the three triplets lying on the floor and Fiona, before he realized what happened. "Turncoat!!! I knew it!!! You're just like your brother, you little traitor!!!" he yelled at her before he attempted to lunge at her, but missed and crashed onto the floor. Duncan and Quigley got back up and started to race back towards the airlock before they realized Isadora wasn't with them and they looked back and saw Olaf had grabbed her by the ankle.
"No!! Let go of our sister!!!" yelled Quigley bravely as he silently hoped for deus ex machina to arrive in some way so they could escape. Olaf sneered again and stood back up, still holding Isadora by her ankle. "Never!!! I'm tired of you orphans always escaping my clutches and foiling my plans! Well, no more!!!!" he yelled loudly as he stared down the two Quagmire boys and Fiona. "V.F.D. will finally perish for good, and I'll come out on top at last, and there's nothing you can do to stop me--" he started to say before he was cut off by a loud, elephantine shriek that made his blood run cold and his face go pale. "Uh-oh. The Great Unknown." he said in a quiet, hushed whisper, as he let go of Isadora in his panic.
Seeing her chance, Isadora quickly stood back up, pushed Carmelita down onto the floor, and then grabbed her brothers by the hand as they hurriedly raced back down to the airlock, where Quigley helped get her and Duncan into some spare wetsuits and diving helmets from the Queequeg before Fiona quickly opened up the hatch again, and waved goodbye to them just as Olaf showed up.
"Okay, Quigley, how far do we have to swim to get back to the Queequeg? I really don't want to end up in the belly of the beast, you know." said Duncan worriedly right before The Great Unknown let out another loud, bellowing shriek.
Quigley shrugged. "I don't know. We'll just have to swim and hope for the best, especially with The Great Unknown surrounding us. Now, come on. If we hurry, we should be able to make it one piece!!!" he yelled loudly as he kicked his legs together and took off for the Queequeg, with Duncan and Isadora right behind him.
"You know, now I'm starting to wish we had gone with the Baudelaires to the Last Safe Place instead of going with Fiona. At least we wouldn't be risking becoming seafood, then." said Duncan with a nervous chuckle right before he felt something cold and slimy brush up against his ankle. "Uh, guys?! Please tell me we're almost there. I think The Great Unknown almost had me in its clutches."
"Don't worry, Duncan. We're almost there. I think I can see the silhouette of the Queequeg in the distance." said Isadora as calmly as she could as she started to swim faster.
"Okay, you guys, it's not much further. We've only got a little bit farther to go and as long nothing else happens, we should be just fine---" Quigley began to say before he let out a scream and felt himself being pulled deeper and deeper into the dark depths of the ocean.
"Quigley? Quigley?!" shrieked Isadora in worry as she turned back and squinted in the dark as she tried to spot her brother in the dark, murky waters, but to no avail, a word which here means "unsuccessfully". Whenever you try to search for something while you're in the dark, you may encounter any number of roadblocks, a word which here means "difficulties". You may find yourself being forced to fight off a troupe of murderous ballerinas with nothing more than a rusty car battery, a pencil and the last stanza of a rather grim poem. Or you might constantly trip over discarded pieces of playground equipment and end up breaking both of your legs and your favorite arm. Which is why whenever you're forced to search for something while you're in the dark, you should always have a flashlight on you in case you want to avoid the murderous ballerinas from killing you with their pirouettes or if you don't want to break your neck on a set of low-hanging monkey bars.
"Duncan, I can't see Quigley in this dark, murky water!!! Can you?" asked Isadora frantically as she employed a series of evasive maneuvers to avoid being caught by The Great Unknown. Duncan attempted to shake his head, but felt something grip the back of his diving helmet and pull him downwards. "No, but I think The Great Unknown is about to make me its lunch!!! Hey, wait!! I think there's something rattling around in the pocket of my wetsuit!!!!" he shouted before he managed to pull a small object out of the back left pocket of the wetusit. "It-it's a flashlight!!! I'm gonna turn it on and see if I can spot Quigley!!!!" he exclaimed as he freed himself from the grip of The Great Unknown and then turned the flashlight on and shined it down in the direction of Quigley's screams and felt his blood go cold when he saw what was swimming directly beneath him and Isadora.
It has been said by a certain submarine captain that there are some secrets too terrible for young people to know, and while some secrets aren't that terrible for young people to know, the one and only exception to that somewhat irrational statement is finding out what The Great Unknown actually looks like in all of its monstrous glory. For years to come after their encounter with the deadly sea beast, Duncan, Isadora and Quigley Quagmire would have nightmares about ending up in the belly of the beast and its terrifying appearance, and it is only thanks to a loose scrap of paper from a commonplace notebook, that I am able to write down the appearance of The Great Unknown in all of its monstrous glory. However, I must warn you that if you choose to read on, you might find yourself having nightmares for years to come as well, so I would highly recommend that you shut down the electronic device you are reading this story on and go run away to live in a cabin in the woods instead of continuing to read this miserable and depressing tale and crying yourself to sleep.
The Great Unknown, previously thought to be a beast that was believed to be half-horse and half-shark, is actually a large dark, swamp-green monstrosity about three times the size of a sperm whale and has scales running down its slimy body. It has eight large clawed tentacles on either side of its body and deadly sharp fangs in its mouth and two dark-yellow raptor-like eyes. And a loud, deafening shriek that makes even the most deadly of ocean predators, whether it's a Great White Shark or Count Olaf in a large, villainous octopus-shaped submarine, cower in fear and start to say their prayers.
When Duncan turned on his flashlight and shined it downwards in the direction of Quigley's screams, he felt his blood run cold when The Great Unknown looked upwards at the light of the flashlight, and let out another loud shriek, which made Duncan drop his flashlight, leaving them in the dark once again. "Izzie, I found Quigley. He's trapped in one of The Great Unknown's deadly tentacles, and something tells me he didn't like the flashlight being shined in his face----Woah!!!" he cried out in fear as he felt something sharp grab him by the waist and pull him downward with excessive force.
"Duncan? Duncan!!!" cried Isadora in fear as she realized The Great Unknown now had both of her brothers in its clutches and that it was up to her to save them. "Come on, Izzie. Get a hold of yourself. You're not gonna be able to reunite with the Baudelaires and kiss Klaus' handsome face if you just sit here and do nothing while your brothers become fish food!!!" she exclaimed in worry before she sighed deeply and began to swim downwards into the darker depths of the ocean in the direction of her brothers' loud screams.
"Violet!!! Violet!!!!" they both cried out loudly as they were pulled deeper and deeper into the ocean by The Great Unknown.
"Hang on, guys!!! I'm coming!!!" cried Isadora in desperation as she finally caught up to them and managed to grab one of her brothers' hands, but she couldn't tell which one because of how dark it was, and struggled to pull him free before they both kicked at the sharply clawed tentacle of the large sea beast, which finally allowed the Quagmire brother Isadora had grabbed onto to wriggle free and swim upwards with his sister right beside him.
Swimming as fast as their legs could carry them, Isadora and her brother were finally able to reach the Queequeg and after they reached the airlock, Kit quickly ran over to them as Isadora knelt down and pulled off the diving helmet of whichever brother she had rescued, and saw a head full of shaggy, messy hair. "Quigley, thank goodness!!! Stay with Kit. I'm going to rescue Duncan!!!" she yelled bravely as she began to stand back up before a rapid tap-tap-tap! noise could be heard on one of the portholes of the Queequeg, which startled both Quagmire triplets before Kit ran over to the noise and frowned. "It's Duncan!!! He somehow managed to escape The Great Unknown's clutches, but something tells me it really didn't like that." she said worriedly as she motioned to Duncan for him to swim around to the other side of the Queequeg.
"We've gotta go, now!!!" yelled Isadora as she ran over to help Kit start up the Queequeg again. Quigley nodded as he watched Duncan swim around to the airlock, and helped pulled his brother, who was missing both of his flippers, into the submarine. "I agree." said the cartographer as The Great Unknown let out another loud, monstrous shriek and began to grab hold of the Queequeg before Kit put the submarine into turbo drive and they managed to speed away from the ginormous sea monster.
"Okay, so, some bad news: Olaf managed to get away, and he's probably already at the Last Safe Place by now." said Kit regretfully as she looked at the triplets standing before her with a sad smile on her face. "But thankfully, you three are finally reunited at long last. I can't imagine what would've happened if you three had ended up in the belly of the beast." she said with a nervous shudder. Isadora sighed nervously before she turned around and embraced her brothers in a tight hug and before long, they all started laughing and crying happy tears, overjoyed with finally being reunited with one another.
It is one of the only really happy truths in life that immediately after someone has lived through a series of unfortunate events, a person might embrace his sibling or closest friend in a tight hug as they smile and celebrate with one another and cry tears of joy. And while I have yet to reach the conclusion of my own sorrows and woe, I can take some comfort in knowing that when the three Quagmire triplets spent the rest of their time while on board the Queequeg with Kit Snicket laughing and crying tears of joy as they celebrated their little family reunion, that is exactly how the story goes. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Meanwhile, back at the ranch(or Last Safe Place), things were finally beginning to fall into place for the Baudelaires, a phrase which here means "they had gathered enough information about who J.S. was, what Esme was planning to do with a harpoon gun, and the unfortunate death of a beloved waiter in a comically large vat of spicy curry, and were now waiting for the Quagmires to arrive", as they anxiously awaited for the arrival of their dear friends, the Quagmire triplets, in the hotel lobby.
"Are you awake?" asked Violet.
Klaus shook his head. "I can't sleep." "Me neither." "These sofas make terrible beds." remarked Violet as she rubbed at a sore spot on her neck. "It's not the sofas. There's something bothering me."
Violet sighed. "I know, Klaus. I want the Quagmires to be safe, too. I can't imagine them being trapped in Count Olaf's clutches for the rest of time." she said with a faraway look in her eyes, as if she was reminiscing about a certain moment of privacy she had shared with someone on a chilly afternoon halfway up a frozen waterfall.
Klaus saw how upset Violet was, and reached over to put his hand on her shoulder to comfort her. "It's gonna be okay, Violet. The Quagmires are all very brave, strong and noble people. I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that they will make their way back to us and then, after Thursday, there's going to be no one that can stop us from running away to live in a nice house together." he said with a faint smile on his face as he thought about the kiss he had gotten to share with Isadora Quagmire before she and her brother Duncan had left with Fiona Widdershins in order to allow him and his sisters enough time to get to the Last Safe Place before Count Olaf could.
However, just then, they heard the sounds of people walking towards them and three familiar voices, and the Baudelaires stood up from the sofas they were using as beds and saw their dear friends, the Quagmire triplets, more or less run towards them and the six kids all had tears in their eyes as they embraced one another again.
Violet and Quigley just held each other close as tears fell down her face and she struggled to think clearly or form a comprehensive sentence. "Quigley, I-I-I-I'm so sorry that we were separated and that we couldn't----" Quigley smiled at her and simply pulled her in for a tight hug. "Shhh, it's okay, darling. I'm here now, and I'm never gonna leave you again." he whispered to her in her ear as he pressed a gentle kiss to her cheek.
Meanwhile, Klaus had practically been knocked backwards onto the sofa by Isadora as she held him close to her, and almost made his face go purple. "Oh, Izzie, you look more beautiful than ever. I hope Count Olaf didn't hurt you or Duncan. He's my best friend and I wouldn't want either of you to have to face his wrath. He's a wicked person, and no one should ever have to stay in the company of wicked people." he said with tears in his eyes. Isadora frowned. "But if he's your best friend, then what does that make me?" she asked sadly as her face fell. Klaus smiled and cupped her face in his hands as he leaned in close. "My girlfriend." he whispered before he pulled her in for another passionate kiss to the lips, much to Quigley's slight disgust.
After they pulled away, Isadora had a small blush on her cheeks. "I'd love to be your girlfriend, Klaus. You're the only one for me. I'm sorry for accusing you of having feelings for Fiona." she admitted sheepishly as she moved some of her hair back. Klaus smiled and put a hand up to silence her. "As far as I'm concerned, it's in the past. And I never want to be apart from you again, Izzie, except in the restroom, at work, or when one of us is at a movie the other one doesn't want to see." he said with a small, content smile on his face. Isadora blushed at his compliment and pulled him in for another hug. "Ooh, Klaus, I never took you for such a romantic. Did you make that up just to impress me, your girlfriend?" she asked teasingly. Klaus shook his head. "No, actually. I heard someone say that to Kit as we were walking up the steps of the hotel. I wonder who." he said with a confused look on his face.
As Sunny watched her siblings be embraced in tight hugs by their respective loved ones, she looked over and saw Duncan standing beside the concierge desk with a small smile on her face and decided that he shouldn't have to be left alone and slowly got up and walked over to him and pulled on his leg to get his attention. "Duncan?" she asked with a happy smile on her face as she watched him kneel down to hug him. "Hi, Sunny. I missed you." he said quietly as he looked up at siblings spending time with their loved ones, and sniffled. Sunny frowned and put her hand on his cheek to make him feel better. "Don't cry. You have me. Kissing gross." she said as she watched him stand back up and walk over to behind the concierge desk.
Duncan chuckled at what she said, and realized that she really had grown up from the last time he saw her at the Village of Fowl Devotees and looked down at a piece of hotel stationery that was on the desk, and frowned. "Uh, guys? If you would be so kind as to stop sucking face with one another for five minutes, would one of you please care to explain what this is?" he asked as he picked up the piece of stationery with Klaus' drawing of the hotel and the flypaper on it.
Violet and Klaus blushed at Duncan's comment, but nevertheless led Quigley and Isadora over to the desk and explained what they had learned while they were undercover as hotel concierges and how Esme was planning to recover the sugar bowl by shooting down a crow with a harpoon gun so the crow would land on the flypaper and the sugar bowl would fall down into the laundry room, but that there was still a piece of the puzzle that they were still missing.
"I don't understand. You guys know who J.S. is. And you know that the sugar bowl is being delivered by those carrier crows Quigley met while he was at the remains of Anwhistle Aquatics, but you don't know why it's so damn important or which brother helped Sunny put the lock on the laundry room door." said Isadora in confusion as she scratched her head.
"But that's exactly the problem." said Violet as she held Quigley's hand. "Klaus said he was with either Frank or Ernest at three o'clock, and he heard the clock strike three. Sunny was with the other brother at the same time."
"So.....?" asked Duncan and Quigley in confusion.
"So, I was with one of the brothers too. All three of us were somehow with Frank or Ernest at three o'clock." said Violet slowly as she watched Klaus finally understand.
"I see what you mean. Two brothers can be in two places at the same time, but not three." said Klaus as his brows furrowed in concentration.
"Unless....." said Quigley under his breath.
"Unless what, Quigley?" asked Isadora in confusion. "I've got a theory about how you were all with one of the brothers at three o'clock, but I need to know something first:Is there a Dewey Decimal number for mysteries?" he asked as he looked at Klaus, who frowned. "Yes. 135. But there is no Room 135."
Duncan and Isadora's eyes then both lit up as they realized what their brother was getting at, and they looked over towards the elevator. "I'll bet if we go to the elevator, and pressed the buttons for 1, 3 and 5, we might get some answers." said Quigley excitedly.
Before long, the six kids were all in the elevator and Quigley had pressed the buttons but much to their confusion, the elevator went all the way down into a sub-sub-basement where the doors open and the children stepped into a small, but cozy room with a desk in the center and filing cabinets lining the walls. "Someone's been repairing a book. The paste is still hot." noted Klaus absentmindedly before a voice that was identical to Frank and Ernest called out. "Kit? Kit, is that you?" asked the voice as the manager came out of another door.
"You're not Frank." said Klaus in amazement. "And you're not Ernest, either." said Violet as the Quagmires faces brightened. "Of course. You're our Uncle Dewey." said Quigley in awe, much to Violet and Klaus' visible confusion. "Uncle?!" they asked in simultaneous disbelief.
Duncan and Isadora both nodded. "Yeah. The Denouements are second cousins on our mother's side of the family, which explains why triplets often run in the family. Shortly before our parents left for their V.F.D. "work trip", I heard Mother say something to Father about her wanting us to meet our Uncle Dewey." said Quigley with an excited smile on his face.
Dewey nodded. "Kit told me the six of you were all very clever children." he said with a small smile. Klaus and Violet both nodded in understanding. "But then, why didn't Kit tell us about you?" asked Violet in confusion as her brows furrowed.
Dewey nodded slightly and pressed his lips into a thin, confident smirk. "My existence is secret, which suits me just fine, because my work is secret, too. You see, the Hotel Denouement isn't just organized like a library----"
"----It is a library." finished Klaus and Isadora in a quiet, awed whisper as the six kids watched Dewey open a door which led into the V.F.D. tunnels.
"We collect reports from every V.F.D. agent, ballerina, cartographer, detective, explorer, film director, gardener, herpetologist, inventor, journalist, karate black belt, lepidopterist, mountaineer, naturalist, optometrist, philanthropist, quilter, receptionist, sea captain, taxi driver, ultrasonographer, violinist, waiter, x-ray technician, yoga instructor, and zookeeper from all around the world." said Dewey as he led the children through the tunnels.
"Can you repeat that?" asked Quigley teasingly, which earned him a glare from both Isadora and the sub-sub-librarian.
"Our volunteers are everywhere, observing the world, and writing all of their findings down in books. These books then pass through a number of safe places, such as hospitals or carnivals, to end up here, the Last Safe Place." said Dewey as he pushed open a hatch and led himself and the children outside to the hotel's front yard.
"Ever since the schism, it's more important than ever to keep our research safe, catalogued and secure. So while Frank and Ernest run the hotel, I do my work in the shadows. And here we are."
Klaus made a face and raised his eyebrow. "Where's the library?"
"You need to look below the surface." said Dewey knowingly as he stretched his arm out over the pond of the Hotel Denouement. "It's a sub-library, so it's submerged."
"It's under the pond." said Duncan with a small smile on his face as he gently squeezed Sunny's hand.
Dewey nodded. "That it is, Duncan Quagmire. Our enemies could burn the hotel down to the ground, and our work would still be safe. It's a secret library."
Isadora looked up at the sub-sub-librarian and her apparent uncle with a confused look on her face. "Then, why are you telling us this?" she asked as Klaus held her hand for comfort.
"After Thursday, Kit and I are leaving V.F.D. to raise our child, and The Last Safe Place will be in need of a new sub-librarian. Or six. I've read all about you, Baudelaires, and your brave and valiant efforts to rescue the Quagmire triplets from Count Olaf's clutches." said Dewey with a calm and ambient tone, a word which here means "he had a clear implication of who he wanted to take his place."
"Violet Baudelaire. You've invented amazing things under intense pressure. Imagine what you could do with all the time and resources you'd have here."
"Klaus Baudelaire. Your researching skills are on par with V.F.D.'s greatest librarians. Why not use them in honor of its greatest library?"
"And Sunny Baudelaire. I've heard wonderful things about your cooking. And as a wise man once said, you should never underestimate the way that a good meal can change the world."
Quigley stepped forward, and placed his hand on Violet's shoulder. "And what about us, Uncle Dewey?" he asked with a small, hopeful smile on his face. Dewey chuckled. "I haven't forgotten about you, Quagmires."
"Duncan Quagmire. Your skills as a journalist have rivaled that of even V.F.D's most skilled reporters. I can only imagine what kind of stories you could uncover and write about if you continued your work here."
"Quigley Quagmire. Your cartography skills are one of a kind. Never have I seen someone so passionate about mapmaking in all my time here with V.F.D. and I have no doubt in my mind that you will achieve great things with all the atlases you can use, especially if you have a brilliant inventor by your side."
Dewey's comment made both Quigley and Violet blush, but the young cartographer still found himself nodding his head in affirmation nonetheless.
"And finally, Isadora Quagmire. I've heard that your poems are some of the greatest of your generation, and are definitely greater than most of my generation. If you stay here, your poetry skills could improve greatly and you could most likely become the next Ogden Nash or Alexander Pope. And I'm almost certain that a kind and intelligent researcher would be more than willing to help you with writing your couplets."
Now, it was Klaus and Isadora's turn to blush, but she still nodded at Dewey regardless. If she didn't know any better, she might think that he probably knew about her secret couplets centered around Klaus Baudelaire. But personal feelings aside, the sextet----which is really just a fancy word for "the six children standing with Dewey Denouement"-----looked up at the sub-sub-librarian and found themselves being touched by his kind words.
"After Thursday, Count Olaf will be behind bars, and you'll need a new home. Why not here?"
Klaus and Violet sighed forlornly. "Well, it's just that Justice Strauss wants us to live with her. She promised to keep us safe."
Dewey nodded in understanding. "And I'm sure she would. But you're not children anymore. Is a safe life really enough?"
Duncan stepped forward. "Before we answer, there's one secret we want to know: What's in the sugar bowl?"
However, before Dewey could answer the question which has haunted the minds of even the most skilled researchers, this small mercy in the lives of the Buadelaires and Quagmires was cut short by the dreaded reappearance of Count Olaf, but thankfully, he had appeared to have lost interest in the so-called "villainous" laugh he had made while under the sea by making a series of strange noises that began with the letter "H", and that was enough of a small mercy to the sextet as they stared down the villain with Dewey Denouement by their side.
"Ha! An interesting question, Quigley Quagmire. I searched the entire hotel for you orphans, which wasn't an easy task because it's so poorly organized, but you're in my clutches at last! Ha!" chortled Olaf loudly.
"It's not poorly organized. It's arranged like a library catalog." said Klaus bravely as he held Isadora's hand for comfort. "And we're not in your clutches." said Violet as she scowled at the villain standing before her. "We're standing at the edge of a pond. Also, I'm not Quigley." said Duncan with a hint of annoyance in his voice at being confused for his brother again, but he really couldn't blame Olaf this time. His hair had gotten considerably longer since he and Isadora had boarded the Self-Sustaining Hot Air Mobile Home and now, it was almost the exact same length of Quigley's hair.
Olaf snorted obnoxiously. "That's what you think. I'm afraid the man standing next to you is one of my associates. Hand them over, Ernest."
Dewey smiled. "Oh, I'm not Ernest."
"Well, then, hand them over, Frank. You should really consider doing your hair different so I can actually tell you apart."
Dewey smiled again. "I'm not Frank, either."
Olaf made a face as he raised his eyebrow in confusion. "Wait, what? Well, you can't be Dewey. He's a myth, like unicorns or Giuseppe Verdi."
Klaus huffed in annoyance. "Giuseppe Verdi is real. He's an Italian composer."
Dewey grinned confidently. "You're outnumbered, Olaf. This hotel is full of volunteers who have arrived early, as noble people do, while your accomplices being wicked, will arrive late."
"Of course we will." cried a familiar voice. "Being early is out. That's why the call it fashionably late." said Esme Squalor as she and Carmelita Spats, who had a harpoon gun in her hands, came out of their hiding place in the bushes of the Hotel Denouement's front lawn.
Although I have no doubt in my mind you have either read or seen Part One of this penultimate peril in the Baudelaires miserable and woe-filled lives on Netflix, there is no reason you have to suffer any longer by reading what happens next, so I'll do you a kindness and spare you the ghastly details of Olaf and Carmelita's pointless argument about spitting and Esme and Olaf's not so amicable breakup and just skip ahead to when Olaf asks for the V.F.D. phrases to the lock on the laundry room door.
It's better this way.
For everyone.
"Oh, Baudelaires. Going somewhere?"
Dewey frowned. "Put the gun down, Olaf. You've lost your associates."
Olaf shrugged nonchalantly. "I never needed them, anyway. All I need is the Baudelaire fortune, and the three phrases to the V.F.D. lock."
Dewey smirked bravely. "Even if you open it, you'll find nothing in the laundry room except laundry. The lock is a decoy."
Olaf snorted again. "I may have a handsome and youthful glow, but I wasn't born yesterday. I'll give you until the count of ten."
"One."
"Two."
Violet stepped forward in front of Dewey, and felt her heart pounding in front of her chest. "If you want to shoot him, you'll have to shoot me!" she cried bravely.
Olaf shrugged again. "I can live with that. Three!"
"You'll have to shoot us, too!" said Klaus as he and Isadora stepped in front of Violet and they held their hands to comfort one another.
"You're just sweetening the pot, lovebirds. Four!"
Dewey was shocked by this development. "Children...."
Violet smiled and turned to face him. "If he shoots us, he'll never get his hands on the Baudelaire fortune."
"Or the Quagmire fortune, for that matter." said Quigley with a soft smile on his face as he and Duncan stepped in front of Klaus and Isadora.
"There's still the baby! Five!" yelled Olaf.
However, Quigley picked up Sunny and handed her to Violet. "You have a choice, Olaf. You can choose not to pull that trigger."
Olaf sneered. "Yes, and you can choose death by harpoon. Six!"
"Seven!" he said loudly as the six children slowly walked towards him.
"Eight." he said as his voice faltered.
"Uh, nine." he said hesitantly as his face began to fall.
"You don't have to do this, Olaf." said Violet quietly as she, Klaus and Quigley stretched their arms out to take away the harpoon gun.
"It's all I know how to do, orphans." he said quietly, his voice almost breaking, as he suddenly shoved the weapon into Klaus, Duncan and Isadora's hands, which startled them and caused the harpoon gun to go off just as someone stepped out onto the Hotel Denouement's front steps.
"What's going on out here?"
"Good God, that man's been shot!"
There is an opera called "La Forza Del Destino" written by an Italian composer named Giuseppe Verdi.
"La Forza Del Destino" is an Italian phrase meaning "the force of destiny", and destiny is a word which tends to cause arguments among those who use it.
Some people think destiny is something that you cannot escape, like death or curdled cheesecake.
Other people think that destiny is an invisible force that guides people through their lives, as if they are simply characters in an opera.
In the opera La Forza Del Destino, the characters argue, fall in love, run away to monasteries, engage in duels, and drop a gun on the floor, where it goes off and accidentally kills somebody.
The opera is a tragedy, and so is the story of the Baudelaires and Quagmires, who were about to experience a similar incident.
However, I can take some more comfort in knowing that when the voice yelled out and startled the six orphans, they did not drop the harpoon gun in the direction of Dewey Denouement, but they instead dropped the weapon in the direction of Count Olaf. And I know all of this, because I saw these unfortunate events unfold from the balcony of my room at the Hotel Denouement just before I found a weasel hiding in my bathtub.
"I said, good God, that man's been shot."
And it was true. When the Baudelaires and Quagmires opened their eyes, they saw that Count Olaf had a harpoon through his stomach and his face was now going pale.
"Baudelaires, you and those other people just shot that man with a harpoon gun. You're going to wait right here until I get the manager." said Mr. Poe as he turned on his heel and went back into the hotel as the Baudelaires, Quagmires and Dewey watched Olaf slowly stumble towards the pond before he fell to his knees as his breathing became quick and heavy right as a taxicab pulled up in front of the hotel and two people came out.
"Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire. My name is Lemony Snicket."
"Baudelaires! Quagmires!" cried another voice who the six children recognized as Kit Snicket and they ran right into her arms. "What happened here?" asked the pregnant woman quietly as Dewey walked up and kissed her cheek.
"It's Olaf. We accidentally shot him with a harpoon gun, and we think he might be dying." said Violet quietly as she struggled to hold in her tears.
Kit gasped softly and slowly walked towards the wounded villain lying on the hard concrete in front of the pond as the sextet, Dewey and Mr. Snicket watched in quiet astonishment. "Wh-what can we do?" asked Duncan quietly.
"You can get in my taxi. Sometimes when I'm in a dangerous situation, such as a public place where I'm being accused of a murder that I did not commit, I find it useful to get away quickly in a taxi."
"You said your name was Lemony Snicket. Are you---" Violet began to say before Mr. Snicket cut her off with a solemn nod of his head. "Yes, Violet Baudelaire. I'm her brother, and she sent me to help you. However, in a nice twist of fate, she was able to meet me at our rendezvous point with no trouble at all." said Mr. Snicket with the smallest hint of a smile on his otherwise stoic face as they watched Kit kneel down so she was eye-level with Count Olaf, who was quickly bleeding out and coughing violently.
"K-Kit?"asked the villain in disbelief as his face softened.
"You are a wicked man. Do you really think I'm in the mood to deal with you and your theatrics, especially given my condition?" she asked wryly.
Olaf chuckled. "I missed you, Kit. But I still haven't apologized." he said quietly as he coughed violently again before he looked back up at her.
"The night has a thousand eyes, and the day but one."
"Yet the light of the bright world dies with the dying sun."
"Yet the light of a whole life dies when love is done."
"I never forgot you."
Kit sighed in annoyance. "You hurt people."
"Yeah. And people hurt me." said Olaf before he coughed again and struggled to keep his eyes open as the Baudelaires and Quagmires walked forward.
"What's that thing your brother used to say?"
"Man hands on misery to man."
"It deepens----"
"----like a coastal shelf." said Klaus quietly as his eyes widened in disbelief as he heard what Olaf was saying.
"Get out as early as you can----"
"----and don't have any kids yourself."
and with that, Count Olaf took his final breath as his eyes closed and all color fell from his face.
"Olaf?" asked Sunny quietly as Quigley helped Kit stand back up.
"He's gone, Sunny. He's dead." said Klaus as he pulled Isadora in for a tight hug.
However, just then, Kit let out a sharp cry of pain as some fluid ran down the side of her leg. "Dewey, it's time." she said quietly, which made everyone's eyes widen in alarm, disbelief and shock just as I was drawn away from the scene unfolding before me by the sound of something scratching at the walls of the bathtub in my hotel room.
"R-Really?" asked the sub-sub-librarian as his face momentarily went pale.
Kit nodded. "Yes. Lemony, taxi." she said in a hissed voice as a contraction suddenly came on, which made her moan in pain.
Mr. Snicket nodded quickly and started the taxicab as Dewey helped Kit into the front seat. "You're welcome to come with us, children. However, you'll have to squeeze into the back of the taxi and possibly cover Sunny's ears." said Dewey with a worried look on his face.
Violet and Klaus nodded in understanding and with that, the six children carefully got themselves situated in the back of the taxi before Mr. Snicket drove off towards the hospital right as Mr. Poe came back outside with Ernest.
"Baudelaires! Baudelaires! Oh, not again. Mr. Tamerlane is not going to be happy with me. I already lost them twice. I can't lose them a third time!!!" cried the banker in exasperation while Ernest simply rolled his eyes.
"I don't get paid enough for this job." he thought in annoyance. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------As I'm sure you know, "labor" is the term for the process by which a woman gives birth. By no coincidence, it is also a word that means "a very difficult task."
In any case, almost as soon as they arrived at the very same hospital where all three Baudelaire children were born, Dewey and Kit were rushed upstairs to the hospital's maternity ward while Mr. Snicket, the Baudelaires and Quagmires made themselves comfortable in the waiting room. Violet and Klaus knew from experience that labor was not only the term for when a woman give birth, but it also meant that it was a very difficult task, so they knew that they could be here at the hospital for a while.
And at first, no one really said anything. The six children were still shaken up and trying to wrap their heads around the fact----a phrase which here means "trying to understand"-----that Count Olaf was now dead and wouldn't hurt them anymore. Violet had soft tears running down her face, Klaus was just sitting in the chair with a blank expression on his face and not saying anything, Sunny was staring up at her siblings with a curious look on her face that didn't quite resemble sadness or relief, and all three Quagmire triplets were sitting together and holding one another close, each triplet worried that if they let each other go, they'd be separated again.
But the silence was finally broken after Mr. Snicket kindly offered Violet a handkerchief to help wipe away her tears, which she gladly took, and he smiled softly at her and her siblings. "You look so much like your mother, Violet. And I just would like to say that I've heard all about the misfortune you and your siblings have encountered, and I'm deeply sorry that I couldn't have done anything to help you. Living a life on the lam can be quite exhausting, and you often end up doing more running for your life than naught." said Mr. Snicket quietly as he folded his hands together.
Violet nodded in understanding and lightly sniffled as she wiped away some more of her tears. "We understand completely, Mr. Snicket. And you said that I look a lot my mother. Did you know our parents before the schism? Were you also a part of V.F.D.?" she asked with a curious look in her eyes as Klaus' face softened.
Mr. Snicket nodded and smoothed out the legs of his suit. "Yes, I was a part of V.F.D. and I knew your mother quite well. Before the schism, her and I actually loved each other very much and were engaged to be married at the end of the year. However, the schism happened and one night at the opera, everything finally reached a boiling point and I became a wanted man for a crime that I did not commit." he said in a quiet voice with the slightest hint of tears in his eyes.
By this point, the Quagmires had gone to sit with the Baudelaires, and Klaus was holding Isadora close to him and no one seemed to say anything as Mr. Snicket spoke until Quigley's face fell into a frown. "We're very sorry to hear that, Mr. Snicket. Now, if you don't mind my asking, what's even in the sugar bowl? Why are both sides of the schism after it in the first place? I mean, if you ask me, it seems kinda stupid that a secret organization came to blows over a freakin' sugar bowl of all things."
Mr. Snicket didn't say anything, but merely hummed in response to the young cartographer's question as he pursed his lips together into a thin smirk. "A most interesting question, Quigley Quagmire. And the answer to your question is that sugar is what is in the sugar bowl."
Everyone's faces fell, and Isadora stared at him like he had said something untrue and irrational. "Sugar?"
Mr. Snicket nodded again. "Yes. Sugar. But not just any type of sugar. It's a special sugar processed from a botanical hybrid V.F.D. developed to defend us against the Medusoid Mycelium."
Klaus stared at him quizzically as he played with Isadora's hair. "I thought that was horseradish."
Mr. Snicket shook his head as his face returned to its stoic expression. "Horseradish simply cures you. The sugar immunizes you." he said with a sad look in his eyes. "Oh, children. I can only imagine how many thoughts and questions you must have about V.F.D. and your guardians and who knows what else, and I wish I could be the one to answer them for you. But I believe that is a story for another day." he said as he nodded his head and Dewey came out of one of the hospital elevators with a wide grin on his face. "She's here."
Everyone smiled and got up to go follow Dewey, but Duncan and Isadora tensed up when they got to the elevators. "Um, if it's okay, I think we're gonna take the stairs." said Duncan nervously.
Quigley stared at his siblings quizzically, but nonetheless, followed Klaus, Violet and Sunny out of the elevator and over to the hospital stairs. Dewey frowned but nodded in understanding. "It's fine, children. The maternity ward is on floor 7." he called as the elevator doors shut and the sextet started to go up the stairs, with Klaus carrying Sunny.
After they had gone up the first two flights of stairs, Quigley fell behind so he could talk to Violet on the landing of the third floor. "So, what's going on with Duncan and Izzie? Why didn't they want to ride the elevator?" he asked with a worried look in his eyes. Violet sighed forlornly. "Well, shortly after Olaf had kidnapped them from Prufrock Prep, he had stuffed them into a cage at the bottom of an ersatz elevator shaft at 667 Dark Avenue before he had stashed them in a literal red herring and finally, a foul fowl fountain in the Village of Fowl Devotees. So, needless to say, they kind of have intense claustrophobia because of Olaf constantly stashing them in small, tight spaces. And it's not fair. They were only trying to help us, and because of that, we lost them three times before we saw them again." she said as she sat down on the steps and began crying loudly.
Quigley frowned. He didn't like to see Violet crying, and he especially didn't like to hear about how his siblings were treated after Count Olaf had kidnapped them, so he sat down and gently put his arm around her shoulder to comfort her. "Hey, hey, hey. It's okay, Vi. He's gone now, and no one's ever gonna hurt them again. I promise." he said with a soft smile on his face as they stood back up and continued going up the stairs.
No one else said anything as they continued going up the stairs in a comfortable silence until they arrived at Kit and Dewey's hospital room and Duncan stepped forward to knock on the door. "Come in." called Kit.
After opening the door, everyone slowly, yet eagerly, walked into the room and saw Kit lying on the bed with a tired smile on her face as she held a small bundle in her arms. "Hello, children. So glad to see you. Don't just stand there. Come over here and meet the baby."
They all nodded obediently and gathered around her and Dewey. In her arms was a beautiful baby girl who was staring up at them curiously as she babbled and gurgled happily.
The six children all smiled brightly at the tiny infant as Dewey wrapped his arms around Kit. "This is Beatrice Snicket. As soon as I learned that I was pregnant, if my baby was going to be a girl, I wanted to name her after your mother, Baudelaires. If that's okay with you." she said quietly as she pressed a gentle kiss to the baby's forehead.
The three siblings couldn't contain the tears that were welling up in their eyes. Violet was smiling brightly as Klaus struggled to keep it together and sniffled quietly as Sunny nodded her head wordlessly. They all loved their mother very much, and they couldn't have asked for a better way for her memory to be honored. However, a quiet and reserved sob broke everyone out of their trance and looked up at Mr. Snicket, who had isolated himself in one of the corners of the hospital room, who's normally blank eyes had softened.
"Lemony, I know that you miss her very much, but I think Beatrice would wanted this. She knew that she couldn't keep her children safe forever, and now, I have that chance, and I don't intend to waste it." said Kit seriously as she frowned at her normally dour and reserved brother.
"Lemony, please say something." she asked with soft tears brimming her eyes. After a few seconds waiting with bated breath, Mr. Snicket finally nodded and pursed his lips into a gentle, content smile as he wiped away his few tears. "Yes. I have no doubt in my mind and heart that she would be proud of you, Kit. The two of you were exceptionally close." he said quietly as he put his hands behind his back.
"Yes, we were close." said Kit quietly as a few more soft tears brimmed her eyes, and a soft blush formed on her cheeks for a few seconds before she shook her head and instructed everyone to wash their hands before holding Beatrice.
After washing their hands thoroughly, Dewey handed the small infant to Violet first and everyone took turns holding her. Duncan sniffled quietly as he held her and helped Sunny hold her since she was still very young and fresh out of babyhood herself. Quigley's eyes softened at the tiny baby girl in his arms, and he winked quickly at Violet, who seem to get the message and simply nodded and blushed.
Finally, when it was Klaus' turn, he slowly walked over to the couch/pullout bed by the window in the room and sat down next to Isadora, who had a soft smile on her face. "She's sooooo cute!" she said quietly as she wrapped her arm around Klaus' shoulder and helped support Beatrice in her other arm since he was visibly struggling. "Yeah, I know. She's even smaller than Sunny was when Mother and Father brought her home from the hospital." he said as he smiled fondly at her.
Just then, Duncan spoke up. "Hey, so, um, what's gonna happen to Esme and Carmelita? I mean, we basically just let them walk away and I'm pretty sure they got their hands on the sugar bowl by now." he said worriedly, but Dewey smirked and held his hand up in the air to silence him. "Things aren't always what they seem, Duncan Quagmire. Frank was hiding in the shadows and tied them both up. And as for the sugar bowl, it's safe and sound. The lock I helped Sunny put on the laundry room door is nothing more than a simple decoy, like I said before. Sometimes, the answers to all the questions burning like a fire in the mind can be found just by looking below the surface." he said coyly, and winked at Kit.
Feeling satisfied with his answer, Duncan nodded his head and went back to the conversation he was having with Sunny about his favorite foods while Violet and Quigley talked to each other quietly about their hopes and dreams for the future, and Mr. Snicket smiled contently at the joyous scene before him. Even if he couldn't get his own happy ending, he felt proud to know he was able to help the Baudelaires get theirs, and that was all he could've asked for.
As Klaus continued to hold Beatrice in his arms, he noticed Isadora smiling thoughtfully and turned to look at her. "What?" he asked with a confused look on his face.
"Do you think that we'll get to babysit at all?" she asked with a small smile on her face as she looked down at Beatrice.
Klaus nodded. "Possibly. I don't see why we wouldn't."
Isadora continued to smile as a small blush formed on her cheeks. "Well, I've always liked kids, and I'd love to have some practice for when we have kids of our own." she said with a sly smile on her face as she leaned in and pressed a gentle kiss to Klaus' cheek, which made him blush profusely as his eyes' widened.
"Interesting......" he said quietly.
A few minutes later, Beatrice started to get a little fussy, so Klaus got up and gently returned the crying infant to her mother, who looked up from breastfeeding her daughter to see Mr. Snicket trying to leave the joyous scene before him. "Lemony, why are you leaving? You haven't even got a chance to hold your niece yet." said Kit with a shocked look on her face.
Mr. Snicket blushed, and put his hands back in the pockets of his suit. "While I've enjoyed our time together, Kit, I'm afraid that I must leave posthaste. I saw some people in the lobby eye me and the Baudelaires suspiciously, and now, I must depart before certain wicked people can arrive and dampen this joyous occasion, like how an excessive amount of mayonnaise can dampen and ruin a bologna sandwich. Children, I hope to see you again soon. But now, I must be leaving. Farewell, Kit. I have no doubt in my mind that you'll make an excellent mother."
And with that, Mr. Snicket had left the hospital and was successfully able to lead even more cruel, wicked and dangerous people away from the Baudelaires and Quagmires, who looked at the vacant spot in the quiet hospital room where he was standing moments earlier with dumbfounded looks on each of their faces. Finally, Quigley looked up at Kit and Dewey with one of his eyebrows raised. "I'm sorry, but does he ever smile or show any type of emotion? Or has he always been that much of a stone-cold loner?"
Kit sighed forlornly, and Dewey put his arm around her to comfort her. "Unfortunately, yes. Ever since that night at the opera when the sugar bowl was stolen and Beatrice broke off her engagement to him, my brother has not had what you might call an easy life. He used to be a content man with everything he could ever want in life, including an extremely reliable typewriter, but a series of false accusations of murder, arson, and other assorted misdemeanors, too many cups of sugary tea, and heartbreak have turned my brother into something of a lonely and tired man. Thankfully, he is still very noble and will do his absolute best to help anyone he meets, including you Baudelaires and Quagmires. In fact, I have no idea in my mind that if he wanted to, he could write a series of books documenting every last unfortunate event that ever happened to you so that way the general public can finally know the true, honest-to-goodness story and see the truth." she said with a small smile on her face before she let out a loud yawn.
Dewey looked down at Kit and back up at the sextet, and smiled at them apologetically. "Children, as much as we've enjoyed having you here, I think it might be best for you to go back to the hotel. Frank is waiting for you and will gladly answer any more questions that you might have, but for now, I think Kit and I would like to have the rest of the night just to ourselves, save for when the doctors come in to check on Kit and Beatrice."
Violet and the Quagmires all nodded in understanding as Klaus picked up a yawning Sunny. "We understand completely. Congratulations again from each of us. Goodbye, Kit. Goodbye, Dewey." she said quietly as they left the hospital room, leaving Kit and Dewey alone.
A few minutes later, Kit smiled brightly at Dewey who was sitting next to her on the bed as she held Beatrice in her arms, and felt tears brimming at her eyes. "We did it, dear. We finally did it. Count Olaf is a threat to us no longer, the children are safe at last, V.F.D. can rise up once again to extinguish the fires of the world, and we have a beautiful little girl just like we wanted." she said as she let out another yawn and felt herself start to fall asleep.
Dewey chuckled lightly and went to go put Beatrice in her bassinet before rejoining Kit on her hospital bed. "Just we like always dreamed, my dear. What was that thing Lemony said when he and Beatrice announced their engagement?"
"To the happiness of human life,
There is nothing so much inclined,
As an honest heart and clear conscience
And contentment of the mind. " recited Kit quietly with a sleepy smile on her face as she tiredly looked up at Dewey.
"A seat in a kingdom chair,
And the world combined,
Is not worth an honest heart,
And contented mind. " he finished for her with a bright smile as he brushed away a loose strand of her hair.
"The world is quiet here." Kit sighed contentedly, and with that, the new parents quickly fell fast asleep. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------