CHAPTER ELEVEN
WARNING: SPG. Read at your own risk, or better skip.
Sweetheart. Sweetheart. Sweetheart.
He can really be annoying nonstop. Parang sirang plaka niyang pinaulit - ulit ang pagtawag ko sa kanya ng sweetheart kahit isang beses lang iyong lumabas sa bibig ko. It was just slip of the tongue once and he was using that against me.
Mas lalo akong busy nitong nakaraan kaya mas lalong lumala ang pagpapansin niya sa akin.
After taking various exams to accelerate, everything I studied the past months paid off. Nagbunga ang halos gabi - gabi naming pagpupuyat ni Gotham. He would help me understand my lessons and stay awake while I study on my own.
I was as excited as my brother, at the same time I was afraid of the new environment I was about to face. Hindi ko naman naranasan ang mag-aral sa paaralan. Bata pa lang ako, nasa poder na ako ni Bernabe. Nasa poder ng sindikato. It was far from what schools could offer.
Imbes na pumasok sa klase at matuto, I was learning and training to do bad things. Mas natuto akong maghanap-buhay sa pamamagitan ng pagnanakaw dahil iyon ang kinalakihan ko.
The only time I wanted out was when I met Russle.
For the first time, I wanted to be clean and a good role model to him. But things took the wrong way, I was brought back to my old lifestyle to survive and to make sure my brother would live long than he was intended to.
Ako lang ang gumawa ng paraan para turuan ang sarili ko noon at hindi manatiling mangmang. Hindi madaling mamuhay bilang salot sa lipunan. But some of us didn't have a choice.
It's between death and barely living.
Kung excited si Russle pumasok sa kanyang klase, nawala naman ang excitement ko nang tumuntong ako sa classroom. I felt left out of place.
Most students were teens and in their early twenties, I guess. Ako lang ang pinakamatanda sa grupo.
Kahit lunukin ko ang laway ko, may pait pa rin akong nalalasahan. Nawala ang tiwala ko sa sarili at pumalit ang pagdududa.
Maraming beses ko nang sinabi na walang masamang bumalik sa pag-aaral sa edad ko, pero hindi ko pa rin maiwasang isipin ang tagal kong napag-iwanan. Maybe, education isn't something for me.
Tahimik ako buong klase. I only talk whenever I was asked. Ramdam ko rin ang pagiging mailap ng mga kaklase ko, siguro dahil mukha akong intimidating tingnan at mas matanda ako kumpara sa kanila.
I was zoning out most of the classes. Good thing, it was only orientation day.
When my last class ended, I was the last one to leave the room.
My phone vibrated.
Parking lot, sweetheart. It was a text from Gotham.
Kusang lumakad ang mga paa ko patungo sa parking lot upang tagpuin ang asawa ko. Nakasandal ito sa may pinto ng kotse habang hinihintay ako. Other students were checking him out. Gusto ko sanang hindi dumeretso sa kanya.
Nang gumawi ang paningin ko sa kabuuan niya, saka ko lang napansin ang hawak niyang bouquet. They were pink carnation with combination of baby pink roses. Gotham was smiling from ear to ear.
"How's your day, sweetheart?" malambing ang boses niyang tanong.
Ibinigay niya ang hawak na bouquet. I was hesitant to accept the flowers. Para saan ba iyon? Anong okasyon? Masyado siyang pakitang tao gayong mag-asawa lang naman kaming dalawa sa papel.
Hindi ako sigurado kung sinasadya niya iyon o mali ang pandinig ko.
I didn't answer his question. Nilagpasan ko siya upang sumakay sa sasakyan.
Umikot si Gotham pasakay ng driver seat. Inayos niya ang seatbelt naming dalawa. He drove away from the school premises without talking, the car was filled with silence.
Hindi ako gaanong sanay na hindi niya ako kinukulit.
Seryoso ang ekspresyon ng kanyang mukha, hindi ko na naman mabasa ang kanyang isipan.
He stopped the car somewhere far from the initial place.
"Did something happen? You looked troubled, Fili. You were as excited as I am before going to school, what happened exactly? Tell me." Humarap siya upang kausapin ako nang maayos. His tone was demanding.
I shook my head slightly.
Dumako ang tingin ko sa labas ng sasakyan. "Wala. Wala naman talagang problema. Utak ko lang ang nag-iisip na mayroon." Huminga ako ng malalim. "Unang beses ko yatang makaramdam ng hiya sa buong buhay ko, 'yong hiyang may kasamang panliliit."
"Hindi dapat. But I feel inferior seeing my classmates achieving what life failed to give me in such a young age. Habang ako, ito pa lang ang unang beses kong makakapag-aral sa school. Nanliliit ang buong pagkatao ko, Gotham." I bit my lower lip.
"Pero ganoon naman talaga ang buhay, hindi ba? Libre ang mangarap, pero hindi pantay - pantay ang oportunidad na makamit ito dahil laging lamang ang may pribilehiyo."
Tinanggal niya ang suot kong seatbelt, kinabig niya ako payakap papalapit sa kanya. My eyes moistened a bit, but I tried so hard to keep a brave face. I don't want to be vulnerable in front of him, he knew me as a tough woman.
"It's fine, sweetheart. It's okay to cry... I won't hold it against you." Hinalikan niya nang marahan ang aking noo.
Niyakap ko siya pabalik, humigpit ang pagkakayakap ko. The tears suddenly fell, allowing his shirt to be wet. I have always know that life is unfair, but I get slap by it from time to time.
And every time I was reminded, I felt bad for myself even if it wasn't really my fault.
I was a victim of the circumstance like many.
"I don't know what to tell you to make your mood a little better, but I'm here. Just look at my face, you're gonna feel better." I heard him say.
Agad akong kumalas sa pagkakayakap ko sa kanya. Pinahid ko ng sariling palad ang mga luhang naipon sa aking pisngi. It was supposed to be a wholesome moment, but he ruined it with his lame joke.
"Baka masapak kita kapag hindi ako natuwa," I showed him my fist.
Ngumisi siya. "Violent as always."
Bumaba siya ng kotse, pinagbuksan niya ako ng pinto. "Let's have an ice cream, there's a convenient store around the corner," aya pa nito at inilahad ang kamay sa akin.
Ngayon ko napagtuunang muli ang mukha ng kaharap ko. Our heads were levelled.
His goddamn good-looking, sharp features were striking. Siguro kung hindi ko siya kilala, baka matulala ako sa kagwapuhan niya. Ang siste, nauna akong mainis bago magwapuhan sa lalaki.
He's mine.
Epekto ba nang pag-iyak ko kanina ang ganitong pag-iisip?
Tangina, ang tangos talaga ng kanyang ilong tapos mas mapula pa ang labi sa akin. His lips were even tastier than candy. May sariling flavor ang labi niya na kinaadikan ko.
I was able to get out of trance when his chuckles echoed. Naramdaman ko na lang ang pagdampi ng kanyang labi sa mga labi ko. It was a reflex and etched in my body to respond to his kisses with the same passion and intensity.
"If my gorgeous face can't make you feel better, my kisses will." He winked at me.
Inirapan ko siya, tinanggap ko ang kanyang kamay na nakalahad at bumaba ng sasakyan. After securing the car, we went to the convenience store with our hands intertwined.
I offered to buy us ice cream. Wala rin naman siyang dalang barya. His definition of barya is a thousand peso bill. Naupo kaming dalawa sa labas ng 7/11 habang inuubos ang ice cream.
Nakakatawa lang na pareho ang likaw ng aming bituka, pero imbes na pagduduhan siya, mas nakahanap pa ako ng kapayapaan sa piling niya. It was ironic and funny, but isn't life like that?
With our clashing personalities, I wouldn't even imagine what we have right now.
Date in a convenience store. Huh, what?
"How are you feeling now?" tanong ni Gotham sa tabi ko. "I couldn't say a thing out of respect to your feelings because I'm the privilege one. One thing I know, it isn't your fault, Fili. We can't choose the life we would be born at. It's probably all about luck."
"Naniniwala ka sa suwerte?" I find it interesting.
For such a wealthy man, luck isn't a thing. They usually say it's hard work. Hard work is the key to be rich, to be successful, when in reality it's not.
I say it's bullshit.
Hard work is a word used to deceive the poor. Hard work is a myth without privilege. Hindi naman lahat ng pinaghihirapan nagbubunga. Masyadong pinaniwala ang mga tao sa ganoong ideolohiya. Ang daming mahirap ang masipag at matiyaga pero umangat ba sila?
Hindi. They never will.
Because they don't have privileges and opportunities as same as the people in the higher hierarchy.
Iyon ang realidad, putangina.
"I do," Gotham answered. "How do I explain the phenomenon when I found you? I was lucky enough to be at the same place and time when we first met, don't you think?"
Napailing ako. Puro kalandian ang alam niya.
Is it working? Tangina, oo na.
"Are you kilig, wife ko?" he even teased me. Tumawa siya sa harap ko.
Kusang gumalaw ang kamay kong ipasok ang kabuuan ng ice cream sa kanyang bibig nang nakahanap ako ng tiyempo. Nasa cone ang ice cream niya kaya madali ko iyong nagawa. He almost choked.
Napailing naman ako. "Hindi mo pala kayang sumubo ng titi, Gotham. D'yan pa lang nabibilaukan ka na." It wasn't even comparable to his manhood. Malaki iyon at mahaba.
Mas lalo naman itong nag-panic at inubo. He looked like he couldn't breathe.
Nabibilaukan din naman ako kapag binibigla niya. Kinagat ko ang aking labi.
It was a familiar scene in our bedroom.
Tumayo ako upang daluhan siya. I rubbed his back to stop him from choking, eventually he did. Binigyan ko naman siya ng tubig.
"Fuck, Filantropi. You'll be the cause of my death." He groaned.
"Happy to hear," I answered sarcastically.
Bumalik ako sa upuan, inubos ko ang ice cream na kinakain ko kanina. It was already melted. Pinunasan naman niya ang gilid ng aking labi. He was biting his lip while looking at me devouring the vanilla ice cream.
That's the last thing I remember --- the next thing I knew we were in the car, he was driving around the city while I was sucking his dick, it was deep down my throat.
My breasts were hanging from the blouse I wore. Natanggal na nga ang butones ng suot kong blusa. He tore my panty full of secreted juices, I was so wet for him.
Nakahawak sa manibela ang isa niyang kamay, sinabunutan naman ang buhok ko ng kabilang kamay niya. Umalingawngaw ang makamundong mura niya sa loob ng sasakyan. Gotham was calling my name sensually.
Before he could release his orgasm, I delayed it for the mean time. Inalis ko ang kamay kong nakahawak sa kanyang pagkalalaki. It was long, hard and erect. Sayang naman kung bibig ko lang ang makakatikim nito at hindi ang pagkababae ko.
"What?" iritadong tanong niya. "Sweetheart, stop teasing me, I beg."
I just smirked.
Walang pasabing umupo ako sa kanya, ramdam kong gumewang ng bahagya ang sasakyan.
We could die. We could die reaching heavens.
I wrapped my hands against his enormous shaft as I guided it towards my entrance. Dahan - dahan ko iyong ipinasok sa pagkababae ko. We did it every chance we got, but it still felt huge in my fucking cunt.
I moved... up and down.
Up and down. Until it buried inside me.
I was wild... only his dick could tame me. The pleasure was addicting. Sagad na sagad hanggang kaibuturan ko, lasap ko ang langit. It was so much pleasure in every pound I could burst.
Tumigil ang sasakyan, pero hindi ang paggiling ko sa ibabaw niya.
His hands were fully attentive to my mounds. Kasabay nang paggalaw ko ang pagpisil niya rito. Dudugo na ang labi ko sa sobrang diin ng pagkagat ko upang pigilan ang pag-ungol. But I couldn't help it. I was moaning loud.
Moaning his name as I fucked him good.
We both came. Sabay na sumabog ang kaibuturan.
Nanghihina akong sumandal sa kanyang dibdib. Magkahugpo pa rin ang maseselang parte. They were unified to be one at the moment.
I was exhausted.
"That was mind-blowing," Titig na titig siya sa akin. Inayos niya ang hilang hibla ng buhok kong tumahob sa aking mukha. "You're driving me insane. Guns and bullets wouldn't kill me, you will. You're a tease, you know what buttons to push to make me insane as fuck."
"Isang kalabit ka lang, Gotham." Tumawa ako.
Oop --- it sent vibration to our connected private parts, he was groaning hard. Muli akong napaungol. I don't mind another round in his car. Damn his influence. He unlocked the side of me I wasn't aware.
Ikinabit niya ang bra ko, ibinutones din niya ang suot kong blusa. "Walang round two?" Tumaas ang aking kilay.
"In our room, sweetheart." Dinampian niya nang masuyong halik ang aking labi. "Russle is waiting for us, I don't want him to get worried."
Hinabol ko ang kanyang labi. Mas lalo siyang gumaguwapo sa paningin ko sa tuwing nasasaksihan ko kung paano niya alagaan ang kapatid ko. It really warmed my heart.
"Let's go home," I smiled at him.
He didn't move. Mukha siyang natulala ng ilang minuto, tinampal ko ang kanyang pisngi.
"Hoy! Tulala ka naman."
He shook his head while biting his lip. "I love whenever you're bickering with me. I love it when I see your annoyed expression. But you, smiling at me, will be the death of me, sweetheart. Another cause of death." Malamyos ang tono ng kanyang boses.
"Sobrang ganda ng ngiti mo. That smile is only for me and Russle. I'm going to bury someone alive if you offer that kind of smile to other people."
Umirap ako sa ere, umayos ako ng upo. I tried to find my panty in the backseat, but the light was too dim.
"Mukha ba akong masiyahing tao?" Ipinuyod ko ang aking buhok. "Mahal ang sinserong ngiti ko, Gotham. Hindi ko basta - basta iyon binibigay sa mga hindi naman mahalaga."
"Am I that special, huh? I feel honored, sweetheart." Kagat niya ang labing nagpipigil ng ngiti.
"Aba, dapat lang. Ako na 'to, napansin ka nang napakaangas na snatcher sa tabi - tabi."
He chuckled and cupped my face for a kiss. "You're fitted to be a snatcher."
"Tangina ka, Gotham!" Pinatahimik niya ako gamit ang kanyang labi.
"'Cause you stole my heart."
Pinaningkitan ko siya ng mata. "Korni mo naman, epekto ba 'yan ng pagsubo ko sa---"
"It's getting late, sweetheart. Russle's waiting for us."
I shook my head with a smile.
Pinaandar naman niya ang kotse pabalik ng mansyon habang pinagdaop ang aming kamay. Bahagya na rin akong nanlalagkit, wala pa akong suot na underwear. I need to shower first.
Nang makarating kami sa mansyon, si Gotham ang sumalubong sa kapatid ko. I ran towards our room to take a bath. Mabilis akong naligo at nagpalit ng pambahay. Russle was patiently waiting for me.
Hindi ko naman binigo ang kapatid ko, naglaro muna kaming dalawa bago kumain ng hapunan. He insisted to wait for us before eating dinner.
The next morning, I woke up late than the usual.
Naabutan ko si Russle na bihis na. On the other hand, Gotham was already dressed as well. He was wearing a school uniform just like mine.
That was his new hobby --- accompanying me in school, but never took my classes. Lagi kaming sabay tuwing lunch. Para siyang nagka-cutting classes. Iyong hiyang nararamdaman ko, napalitan ng inis kay Gotham.
But I don't deprecate myself like I did the first day, I felt a sense of belongingness with Gotham around.
***
Weekend became our escape.
It was a non-stop playing for Russle. Mas marami siyang enerhiya kapag weekend dahil wala siyang school activities. I make sure to do mine on Fridays, so my weekends would be free for them.
"Anong gagawin natin ngayong araw?" tanong ko kay Russle saka ko binuhat ang kapatid kong kanina pa umaamba nang pagpapabuhat.
He grinned innocently. "Manonood ng movie! Tapos kakain at maglalaro!" sagot niyang may kasama pang excitement. He gave me several kisses on the cheeks. "Ate, I missed you so much!"
Nanggigil akong pinisil ang kanyang pisngi. "Hay nako, Russle. Alam na alam mo kung paano palambutin ang puso ni ate. I missed you more. I missed you always."
We waited Gotham at the living room.
It was a date for us three. Solo naman niya ako madalas kapag weekdays, samantalang para sa aming tatlo ang weekends. We were a family. Minsan napapagkamalan pa kami ng ibang taong anak namin ang kapatid ko. Gotham enjoyed those interactions a lot.
"And'yan na si kuya bayaw!" sigaw ni Russle.
Agad siyang bumaba mula sa pagkakanlong sa akin at tumakbo palapit sa asawa ko. Pinanood ko ang dalawa. Hindi na talaga ako ang paborito ng kapatid ko. But it wasn't something I'm mad about, I'm happy for them. Gotham is treating him right.
We went to the mall.
This time, hindi na ipinasara ni Gotham ang mall para sa amin ng kapatid ko like he always does. Mas gusto ng kapatid ko na may kalaro siya sa arcade games at playground ng mall.
Ginawa namin ang lahat ng gusto ni Russle. After watching a movie and eating lunch, we proceeded to the playground. Naglaro siya sa ball pit kasama ang ibang bata. I was smiling seeing him interacting and befriending kids his age.
Mukhang sanay na sanay na ang kapatid ko sa presensya ng ibang bata.
"He's grown so much," Gotham stated.
Tama siya.
Matapos ang operasyon sa puso ni Russle, nanumbalik ang sigla sa kanyang katawan. He gained more pounds that brought me joy. Payat dati ang kapatid ko epekto ng sakit at iniinom na gamot, nagkalaman siya ngayong wala na siyang iniindang karamdaman.
Ganoon na lang ang saya ko na makita siyang healthy at nakakapaglaro ng hindi ako nag-aalala ng husto.
Russle could do everything he wants now. I love how he's enjoying his childhood without worrying if tomorrow will be there. Hindi lang siya ang napaayos ang direksyon ng buhay, pati ako. Who would have thought I'd be going to school at this age?
Humigpit ang pagkakahawak ko sa kamay naming dalawa. It was all thanks to my husband.
"Bakit mo ako inalok ng kasal, Gotham? Wala ka namang mapapala sa akin. It was the other way around. Ako ang maraming benepisyo noong napangasawa kita. Isn't that unfair to you?" bigla kong naitanong.
Nagsalubong ang kanyang kilay ng sulyapan niya ako. "What? Do you think it's unfair for me? In what sense, sweetheart? I won a jackpot, Fili. You're more than what you think of yourself."
Hindi ko inalis ang mga mata kong nakatitig sa kanya. I heaved a deep sigh.
"Gusto mo ba ako bilang babae, Gotham?" seryoso kong tanong. "We entered the marriage like entering a business partnership. Tanging kailangan lang nating gamitin ang isa't isa. Gusto mo ba ako ng hindi lang dahil mag-asawa tayo?"
He didn't look away. Sinalubong niya ang tingin ko.
Before he could answer, Russle interrupted us. My brother came back with a baby on his hand. A literal baby. It was probably a year old.
Bitbit pa niya ang stroller nito.
Napanganga naman ako sa buhat ng kapatid ko. "Sino 'yan, Russle?! Why are you holding the baby? Alam ba 'yan ng magulang?" I was being hysterical.
He shook his head slowly. "Nakita ko lang po, ate. Kawawa naman siya, walang kasama. Sinubukan ko lang naman po buhatin tapos sumama po siya sa akin. Kapag ayaw naman po ng baby, iiyak siya. Hindi naman umiyak, kuya bayaw," marahan niyang paliwanag.
I was out of words.
May lahi ba kaming magnanakaw? Napailing ako at mariing kinagat ang pang-ibabang labi ko.
Russle was smart to explain his side. Wala akong ideya sa magiging reaksyon. It was funny and a serious situation at the same time. He just kidnapped an unconscious child without the parents knowing!
"Big boy," Gotham called his attention. "We have to return the baby."
A kid's innocence always kills me, what's going on in their little brain?
"Bakit po?" His expression became sad. "Ako naman nauna makakita kay bibi, dapat ako na mag-uwi sa kanya. Kawawa naman siya, iniwan lang siya."
Napahilamos ako ng palad. Sana ganoon lang kadali mag-alaga ng bata.
Inosente. He really is.
He's so pure and kind that the first thing he thought was take care of the kid he didn't even know.
"Sinong mag-aalaga d'yan kapag may pasok ka sa school?" Tumaas ang kilay ko. I was asking him questions to make him realize the responsibilities of having a child to take care of. "Bad 'yang ginawa mo. Hindi mo dapat kinukuha ang hindi sa'yo."
Napakamot si Russle sa kanyang ulo at umaktong nag-iisip. "Si kuya Dean," he answered referring to one of Gotham's men who always play with him. "Eh, kawawa naman po siya, ate."
"Anong ipapakain mo? May gatas ka ba? May pambili ka ba ng pagkain?"
"Ano po... hingi ako kay kuya bayaw."
"Bawal." I told him. "Malaking responsibilidad magpalaki ng bata, Russle."
"Hindi na lang ako kakain, ate. Siya na lang papakainin ko." He pouted at me.
I looked at Gotham, sending a message for him to handle my brother. Hindi ko na mapigilan ang pagtawa ko. I bit my lower lip to stop myself from laughing.
It was so innocent of him to think like that and somehow, I envy him. There was no time that I was allowed to be thinking innocently like him. At the same time, it made me happy.
Malayo na kami sa ganoong kalakaran. Naibigay ko sa kanya ang buhay na maaari siyang maging bata at kumilos na parang bata.
He wasn't forced to grow up to cater his needs. I love Russle so much. I didn't experience being a normal kid, but I was glad, he was able to.
"Charlie!" A woman's frantic voice echoed around the playground.
Napalingon ako sa gawi ng babaeng dumalo sa kapatid ko. Sigurado akong iyon ang ina ng batang napulot ng kapatid ko. She looked exhausted and about to cry, and I felt bad.
"Ma'am, pasensya na. Na-cute-an yata ang kapatid ko sa anak n'yo kaya bigla na lang niyang dinampot ng walang pasabi." I told the woman.
Mas lalong humaba ang nguso ng kapatid ko kahit kinausap na ito ng paborito niyang bayaw. "Bilhin ko na lang ng piso bibi mo po, ate." Hirit pa niya. Instead of getting mad, the woman laughed at his innocent request.
Medyo nakahinga ako ng maluwag na hindi ito galit.
Pumantay ako kay Russle bago pa siya umiyak. Binigay niya rin ang bata sa magulang nito. I kissed him on the cheeks. He still cried even if he assured he could play with the little one.
It was Gotham to the rescue. Pinaamo siya ng asawa ko. He even promised him to buy ice cream to lift up his mood. And just like that, he was easily swayed. Ice cream lang pala ang katapat nito.
Sinundan ko sila ng paningin habang naglalakad patungo sa ice cream shop. Iniisip ko pa rin ang napurnadang pag-uusap namin kanina ni Gotham. I didn't get the answer from him.
Inatake naman ako ng hiyang itanong iyong muli. Sa kanya ko lang yata unang naramdaman ang hiya. It was a new feeling to me.
Kumunot ang noo ko.
Nalingat lang ako saglit kay Gotham at sa kapatid ko, pamilyar na pigura ang nahagip ng paningin ko.
My heart skipped a beat.
Bernabe?
It can't be.
***
"Is there something bothering you?"
I sighed. Russle was already sleeping on the middle of our bed. My eyes was fixated on the ceiling.
Bumangon si Gotham sa pagkakahiga. Dumako siya sa gilid ko at naglahad ng kamay para tulungan akong makaupo sa kama. I took his hand.
"Do you want to talk about it outside?" Inginuso niya ang balkonahe.
Tumango naman ako.
It had been occupying my mind since we went to the mall. Nang umuwi kami, wala na akong ibang inisip kung hindi ang tungkol sa lalaki.
Iniwan namin ito sa nag-aapoy na bahay, pero hindi ako sigurado kung tuluyan ko itong naitumba. Seeing his shadow makes me nervous, I'm fearing for my brother and husband's safety.
Alam ko namang hindi ko kailangang mangamba sa seguridad ni Gotham. I still can't help it.
"I think I saw Bernabe," panimula ko. "Noong nasa mall tayo."
I've seen that look before... I know he's back for vengeance.
"It's going to be fine, I won't let any harm near you and Russle." Hinigit niya ako sa isang yakap, sumubsob ang mukha ko sa kanyang dibdib. "Don't worry about it, sweetheart."
Pumikit ako habang pinakikinggan ang tibok ng kanyang puso. Somehow, his heartbeat calmed my system. I am safer in his arms.
"Your question last time, Fili..." My heart became aggressive inside its ribcage. "Was I not clear with my intention? You take it as a joke that I like you, but I do."