Chapter 32
There is only the last day of February left, and the weather is still cold.
The temperature at night is less than 2°C, which in the humid Liangcheng city can be said to be bone-chilling.
The first floor of Song Ran's house was originally cool and comfortable in summer, but it was extremely cold this season. Song Ran opened the door and entered the house. Li Zan followed and stood in the porch and looked at the ground.
Song Ran said hoarsely: "My house has a cement floor, so I don't need to change my shoes."
Li Zan glanced around the room and asked, "Do you live alone?"
"Yeah. This is my grandparents' house. They both passed away."
Song Ran put down her bag, immediately turned on the electric heater, and said, "You can warm up by the fire first, and I'll wash my face." Although she stopped crying, her face was covered with tears.
Li Zan nodded and said, "Okay."
Song Ran walked away a few steps and looked back. Seeing that he was still standing there, looking a little lost in thought, he pointed to the sofa and said, "Sit down."
"Hey." He walked over.
Song Ran went to the bathroom to get cold water and poured it on her face. When she looked up, she saw her own eyes in the mirror were red and swollen, making her look ugly.
When she went out, Li Zan was sitting on the sofa, hunching his back slightly and warming himself by the fire.
He rested his elbows on his knees, and turned his head over the stove casually with his long and well-proportioned hands. The firelight reflected on his fingers, revealing the color of pink flesh. His face also reflected a warm red light, but there was an indescribable loneliness in that calm expression.
Song Ran had never seen him look like this since we met again this year; or rather, he had never seen him look like this before, as if the hot firelight could not melt away the loneliness in his eyes.
She thought that in the past six months, when she didn't face the mirror or anyone, she should have the same expression.
Song Ran walked over and sat on the small sofa next to him, also hunching slightly to warm himself by the fire. There was a distance between her hand and his, neither close nor far.
After entering the house for a while, my body was still cold and the coldness had not gone away. She asked: "Have you been waiting for a long time?"
"It's been a while," he said. "You can't get through on your phone."
"out of battery."
"Um."
"Why did you come here today?"
"In that case, I think what you said may be right."
"But you are right. Wang Han lied to me...I can't say he lied. He made up 1% of the facts."
They are all right, but they are also all wrong.
At this moment, neither of them seemed to want to have a deep conversation on this issue, as if they had reached some kind of tacit understanding.
There is something more I want to say in my heart.
He and she sat at right angles, both staring at the stove, rubbing and turning their hands, revealing a little uneasiness in their hearts.
Finally, he raised his eyes to look at her and said, "Go and drink some water."
"Um?"
Li Zan said: "Your voice is a little hoarse."
I was crying just now.
Song Ran was stunned for a moment, and then she realized that her throat was dry, astringent, and painful. She got up and went to the kitchen to mix two glasses of warm water and handed one to Li Zan.
Li Zan held the cup and asked, "Have you cried a lot since you came back from Dongguo?"
Song Ran lowered her eyes and said, "I won't cry out."
Li Zan said: "Is it because of 926?"
Song Ran's hand froze for a moment, and she said softly "Hmm" and said in self-reflection: "Maybe it's because I'm not strong enough, so I always feel pain."
"It doesn't matter." Li Zan said, "I think it's good to be softer."
Song Ran raised her eyes to look at him. He lowered his head slightly, and the firelight reflected on the side of his face, which was particularly soft and warm.
Growing up, her parents always criticized her for being fragile and not being strong enough. No one ever told her that I thought it was good to be softer.
Li Zan said: "Do you know how I felt when I saw CANDY for the first time?"
"What?" Her heart tightened slightly.
"The world in the photos makes people feel sad and desolate. But at the same time, they are very proud and grateful."
Song Ran was stunned: "Why?"
"Because I know the person who took the photo. She allowed the world to see the suffering of a country. I feel honored to know her."
"My comfort may not be of much use, but I think that only those who have fought alongside you are qualified to evaluate you. I think," Li Zan raised his eyes and looked directly at her, "I am at least better than those People who don’t know you have more say.”
His gaze was firm yet gentle, seemingly with power, penetrating through her eyes and touching the depths of her heart with warmth.
Song Ran's nose suddenly became sore and she hurriedly lowered her head.
After entering the house for a long time and sitting around the stove, my cold hands had gradually warmed up.
She blinked away the moisture in her eyes, pursed her lips and smiled to herself.
He drank half the glass of water, stood up and put the glass aside.
She raised her head and looked at his ears,
"What about you? Is it still a problem with your ears?"
"If you listen to the sound, it's no problem." Li Zan sat back and saw that Song Ran was still looking at him stubbornly, so he slowly added the truth, "Sometimes I have tinnitus, so silence it."
She frowned: "Is it serious?"
"It's not serious at ordinary times, but at work," he lowered his head and rubbed the bridge of his nose, "if he comes into contact with a bomb..."
Song Ran understood and asked, "What did the doctor say?"
"Stress trauma. Because of being injured by a bomb, the body instinctively rejects it."
"Can it be cured?"
"I don't know." He rubbed his hands vigorously with a confused expression, "It depends on the time, but no one knows how long it is."
Song Ran looked at his hands silently. The hands for defusing bombs were long and slender, with strong joints. Xiaoqiu said, those are hands that can play the piano.
She didn't comfort him, but suddenly asked: "Do you want to go back to your previous position?"
He was silent.
Half a moment later, just as she was about to speak, she whispered: "Tell the truth, God will hear it."
Li Zan bit her lip and replied, "I really want to."
For half a year, he anesthetized himself, pretending not to care, unwilling to admit that he was a loser, and always avoiding the desire in his heart. But at this moment, he was absurdly hopeful. If admitting it would bring good luck, he was willing to face his unwillingness.
Song Ranwu muttered something silently in her mind, and then nodded vigorously, as if saying to herself: "It will definitely be fine."
Li Zan suddenly smiled softly, frowned and laughed: "Your comfort is too perfunctory."
"It's true. If you really, really want something, then it will definitely come true."
Li Zan obviously didn't believe in this unscientific approach and asked, "Who said that? You?"
"I have personally experienced that all the things I really, really want have come true... However," Song Ran whispered, "some people say that if you want to get better, you have to stay away from the source of stimulation."
"Stay away?" Li Zan raised his chin slightly and squinted his eyes. He didn't agree. "Pain comes from 'thinking' but not getting it. Without 'thinking', you can stay away. But if you don't 'think', the pain is gone and happiness is gone." Gone."
"So I also think this is nonsense." Song Ran rubbed her fingers and said, "It's easy to comfort others, but in the end, you still have to continue to struggle."
"Yes." Li Zan twitched the corners of his lips very lightly, lowered his head and continued to look at the heater.
I just stood outside for a few hours and it was freezing cold. Now I sit inside the house and look at the fire in the stove for a long time, and the warmth gradually penetrates my eyes.
The two of you said something to me, chatting in detail.
There seems to be no comfort; there seems to be no persuasion.
Just talk and listen; that's all.
The cold wind is howling outside, and the inside is gradually getting warmer.
The night was getting darker, and suddenly there was a knock on the door by Grandma Wang next door: "Is Ran Ran at home?"
Song Ran glanced at Li Zan and stood up quickly: "I'm here."
Grandma Wang has opened the courtyard door and walked in.
Song Ran opened the door, and grandma handed her a needle: "Oh, my eyes are bad again, and the needle just can't go in. Ran Ran, please thread the thread for grandma."
As soon as Song Rang took over the needle and thread, Grandma Wang glanced into the room, saw Li Zan, and whispered: "Are there guests at home?"
"Yes." Song Ran lowered his head and threaded Grandma Wang's thread.
I don’t know if it was because she had been staring at the fire in the stove for a long time, but Song Ran’s eyes were bright red and she was a little dazzled. She kept blinking, and even after blinking for a long time, she didn't get it through.
Grandma Wang laughed: "Look at you young people, your eyesight is about the same as that of an old woman like me. Have you stayed up late recently?"
Li Zan stood up and walked over and said, "Let me try."
Song Ran handed it to him. He held the small needle and thread, looked at it intently, and gently threaded it through, and the thin thread went into the needle hole.
Grandma Wang took the needle and thread and said with a smile, "Thank you."
"You're welcome." Li Zan said warmly, "Please pay attention to the steps."
"Okay." The old man held his knees and walked out carefully, "Thank you, young man."
Li Zan glanced at his watch, it was already eight o'clock in the evening.
He looked at Song Ran, pursed his lower lip unnaturally, and said, "It's almost time for me to leave."
Song Ran guessed that he was afraid that the neighbors would gossip about her, so he said this to Grandma Wang.
But she remained silent for a moment.
She didn't answer, so Li Zan stood by the door and waited.
It wasn't until Grandma Wang next door entered the room that she whispered: "Let's go after dinner."
Li Zan's eyes flickered and he whispered: "I'm just afraid of trouble..."
"It's not troublesome," Song Ran lowered his eyelashes and clasped his fingers and said, "There's no food...just noodles."
……
I entered the kitchen and opened the refrigerator. There was nothing in it except noodles and eggs.
The cooking pot was placed in the top cabinet on the upper floor. Song Ran stood on tiptoe and reached it, but couldn't reach it. The next second, a shadow came over behind her - Li Zan came over, stood behind her and reached out to take down the pot. .
The pot lid tilted and suddenly slid down, falling towards her head. Song Ran shrank in fright, and the back of her head rubbed against his chest. Li Zan quickly caught the lid with his other hand.
He lowered his eyes and glanced at her huddled against his chest, and said softly: "I'm sorry."
"It's me who should say thank you." She stood up in a hurry with a blushing face, and the two walked away while rubbing shoulders.
Song Ran took a slight breath, walked to the stove and picked up two eggs. She felt they were too shabby, so she turned around and said, "There are cabbages in the yard, do you want to add some?"
"good."
On a vegetable field in the backyard, cabbage was growing crookedly. Li Zan turned around and asked, "Who planted it?"
"I scattered grandma's rapeseeds randomly."
"I can see it," he said.
She blushed inexplicably.
"Here." She handed the knife to him. Li Zan took it, glanced at the cabbage patch, and asked, "Which one do you want?"
Song Ran stood on tiptoe and pointed: "The smallest one."
Li Zan went over and squatted down, grabbed the cabbage with one hand, and cut it with a knife, making a crisp sound of the stems breaking. He returned the knife to Song Ran and squatted on the edge of the field to pick off the insect leaves.
Song Ran walked to the steps and squatted by the faucet to clean the mud from the blade of the knife.
There are no lights in the backyard and the back door is open. A ray of light was projected from inside the house and spread diagonally on the ground. Song Ran was squatting at the back door, her shadow stretched out in the light; Li Zan was squatting at the boundary between light and darkness, and his expression was somewhat unclear when he lowered his head.
Song Ran looked at her shadow on the ground and secretly moved a little to the side - her shadow was leaning on his back.
She "leaned" against him and suddenly called out: "A-Zan."
"Huh?" Hearing the title, he turned to look at her, his eyes dark and bright in the night.
She asked: "Are you afraid?"
He was still picking vegetable leaves in his hand, and paused: "What are you afraid of?"
"It's not going to get better."
He turned back and said, "Afraid."
In the quiet backyard,
The running water rushed, washing the blade in her hand, reflecting pieces of white light.
He added another word and said, "I'm scared."
I long for it, but can never get it, so I do nothing all day long. There is probably nothing worse or more terrifying in life than this.
She lowered her head, wiped her fingers across the blade washed by the water, and said, "Don't be afraid, it will be fine." Maybe she thought this was not credible, so she added, "I think so."
Li Zan curled the corners of his lower lips very lightly and plucked the vegetable leaves.
Song Ran looked at the shadow on the ground, and then gently "leaned" on his back, pretending to silently give him strength.
She squatted on the ground and staggered, not quite stable, and accidentally tilted her shadow to cover his head, blocking his light.
He looked back and saw that he had just finished picking vegetables. He stood up and said, "This cabbage doesn't look good, but it should be delicious."
Song Ran quickly turned on the faucet in embarrassment, stood up, and echoed: "Of course, this winter is too cold. They say the colder the weather, the sweeter the cabbage that grows."
……
Back in the kitchen, Li Zan washed the cabbage and the cooking pot, took half the pot of water and put it on the stove. Song Ran turned on the gas stove and the flames rose up.
The two of them took a step back and leaned against the wall with their hands behind their backs, waiting for the water to boil.
The small kitchen became quiet for a while, with only the sound of the flames, accompanied by the sound of the wind outside.
Li Zan looked at the stove and saw a complete set of seasonings that could be said to be very rich, as well as various fried rice cooking tools and various pots and pans, including a milk pot.
He asked: "You used to cook, right?"
Song Ran understood immediately: "Yeah. But I haven't been in the mood lately."
"You still have to eat well." He said.
"Okay." She replied, staring at the flames, "...Actually, I'm very good at cooking. I'll show you if I have a chance."
"Okay." He said with a slight smile.
After a while, the water boiled, opened the lid, and it was steaming. Song Ran took out the noodles, took out a small handful and threw it into the pot, then took out another small handful and showed it to him: "How much do you eat? Is this enough?"
Li Zan said: "A little more."
She measured it with her fingers again and turned to look at him;
Li Zan touched his nose: "A little more."
She grabbed a few more hands and looked at him inquiringly;
He didn't want to laugh, so he simply stepped forward, took a handful and threw it into the pot, sighing: "You really don't know how much boys eat."
Song Ran was slightly surprised: "I'm afraid I'll overcook you."
Li Zan said: "Is the small handful at the beginning just for you?"
"yes."
He laughed: "Where are you feeding the cat?"
Song Ran: "..."
As soon as the noodles are put into the boiling water, they soften and the noodle soup bubbles up. After cooking for a while, Song Ran threw in the cabbage leaves and cracked two eggs.
Li Zan stood in front of the stove nearby, took two bowls, added soy sauce, bean paste, salt and chili sauce to the bowls to adjust the base of the noodle soup.
After the vegetable leaves are cooked soft and the eggs are formed, Song Ran slowly stirs the noodles in the pot with chopsticks.
The steaming hot air hit her face, stirring it, and she suddenly called out: "A-Zan?"
"Huh?" Li Zan was spooning chili sauce into a bowl and turned to look at her.
But she stared at the noodle soup pot, stirring the noodles seriously, and said, "Did you go to save Shen Bei that day?"
Li Zan looked at her for a long time, lowered his head, put the sauce into the bowl, and said clearly: "No."
The ice-like thorn in her heart slowly melted, and the corners of her mouth rose unconsciously.
He caught a glimpse and asked, "What are you laughing at?"
"Happy." She looked at the pot, "Although it's not quite right, I'm very happy." She pressed hard with the chopsticks in her hand and the noodles broke. She turned to look at him, her eyes bright, and said, "The noodles are ready."
Li Zan smiled: "Okay."
Song Ran stepped aside and handed the chopsticks to Li Zan. He scooped the noodles out of the pot into a bowl, poured the soup over them, and stirred them up.
It was the most ordinary bowl of noodles, soaked in miso soup, nestled with an egg and a pile of cabbage leaves. The two of them ate very satisfactorily, as if they had not had such a satisfying meal in a long time.
By the time the kitchen was cleaned up, it was already nine o'clock in the evening.
Li Zan was about to leave. Song Ran sent him to the door of the courtyard, took a look at the dark alley, and suddenly said: "Wait for me."
She ran into the house quickly and quickly ran out again, giving him a flashlight. Her cheeks were rosy, she pursed her lips and said, "It's dark in the alley."
When Li Zan was about to say something, she interrupted him: "I have a lot of flashlights at home."
Li Zan was stunned for a moment, then smiled and said, "Okay."
Then he looked slightly solemn and said, "If you have any trouble tomorrow, tell me."
"Okay." Song Ran said, "If something happens, can I call you?"
Li Zan said: "Of course."
Today's society is very strange. Many people clearly have each other's numbers, but making phone calls seems like a private and out-of-line thing.
The two looked at each other, both smiling in understanding.
"Let's go." Li Zan said and turned on the flashlight. A beam of white light cut through the darkness and projected brilliantly into the alley.
"Yeah. Goodbye." Song Ran waved to him.
After walking a certain distance, he turned around and saw her still standing at the door. He raised his hand to her and said:
"It's cold. Come in!"
"Hey!" Song Ran replied and closed the courtyard door.