"I'm guessing you want an applause or something?" Pipp says curtly, twirling a long lock of blue hair. She's gorgeous. Looks like she came out of a magazine with her dark lipstick and corset style dress. I've never seen anyone so exotic looking in real life (James was 'trailer trash', or at least that's what he told me. Not really exotic. I'm not even sure what 'trailer trash' means). I'm sure the green color of her eyes are due to contacts, but even so, she looks like a bunch of different people in one. I'm no expert anyway, but I can't figure out what race she is.
She also thinks I'm the devil for some reason.
"I didn't mean to be late, really. Sorry if I-"
"Not about you being late." She cuts me off. "I mean about that stunt in the lunchroom with the curly-headed jerk."
"Pipp," a girl with short, red hair warns. I think she was 'Faith'. Maybe she was 'Ri'. I don't remember. Harvey was the only nice one, and he left me to the wolves too. Now to think of it, Harvey isn't that bad looking either. I've never met anyone who pulls off a fedora so well.
"What? We're all supposed to praise the East-Winged Folk for being genetically and socially superior, right?"
"Shelby is from the East Wing, you know that," the girl speaks up again.
"Shelby is different. My point, Faith, is the fact that people like me, people like you-you remember when you tried to hold your boyfriend's hand, Bobby? You couldn't do that in school without people saying terrible things about you, but Jock Boy over here sticks his tongue down Kern's throat and is West Crimson's big hero, right? 'ooh, Brandon Owens is so bold and confident-' you're not even gay, are you?" Pipp is genuinely angry with me.
I have no words.
"That's enough, Pipp. We're sorry your dog died last week," Bobby speaks up. I can just feel my cheeks burning. We never ever should've come here. I thought Shelby's friends would be like him: nice and cool and accepting. I was so wrong. So wrong.
Pipp scoffs at Bobby's comment and throws her hands up in the air, silencing herself. "We're sorry," Bobby says to me. "Pipp isn't usually such a jerk. She's acting out."
"Thanks, Bobby for clarifying that to everyone. You should be my spokesperson," Pipp says sarcastically. Shelby when are you coming back-
The rest of the group sits in silence, not even saying a thing to defend me. Well, I suppose they shouldn't have to. I need to defend myself.
"I wasn't trying to prove anything, you know," I say after a period of silence. "It was just a joke." Pipp takes my comment with a shake of her head before she begins to laugh.
"Well, Jock Boy. You just had the biggest and best gay joke ever. You do deserve an applause. C'mon, everyone! Applaud the boy." She begins a slow, exaggerated clap.
"Why are you such a jerk?" I ask.
"You're not even gay!" she fires back.
"Neither are you, Pipp," Bobby says.
"But at least I can understand it. Those idiots over in the East Wing haze in the locker room and stick things up each other's asses and sometimes do a big kiss on camera as a joke and think they can just... ugh. It just drives me nuts. My brother was over at the East Wing. It's all a big joke to you guys. Ridiculous."
Well fuck you, Pipp.
This can't be real. This cannot actually be happening. I'm just waiting for someone to tell me she's acting. They're theater kids. Flower children. I'm just a test; I know this is an initiation of some sort. A brutal initiation, but a trial all the same. Nobody is actually this nasty to someone they just met. She's the Mitchell Kern of this group.
"What do you mean you can understand it? You have a boyfriend and nobody cares if you grope him at a party or hold hands with him so there's no reason you should be offended over a stupid video," Faith says.
"Well-" Pipp begins. I really don't want to hear another word come out of her filthy mouth.
"I'm bisexual," I snap. "You should do your research before you decide to shit all over someone's life. You don't even know me."
Everyone is quiet. So quiet that we can hear creaking footsteps upstairs. I do hope that means Shelby is coming downstairs with Harvey and Aiden soon. It's just chips and dip...
Do people really think my crack at Mitchell was a stunt of some kind? I didn't think anybody would take that with more than a grain of salt. Even Mitch seemed to discharge the act, picking on me a little less, but still picking on me. I thought the stupid video was behind me.
"I think you owe someone an apology, Pippin," Bobby says, flipping his own black hair out of his face. Well damn. I'll take Bobby over Pipp any day. On her little rampage, I got a chance to really study her. She's not all that bangin' anymore. Too much makeup covers her face and those contacts make her look doll-ish. No, thank you.
Pipp says nothing. I thought I'd never meet anyone that I'd hate as much as Mitchell Kern, but Pipp is one hundred percent in the running. Such a shame.
Faith pulls out her phone with such a smug look on her face, and begins to play some music. It's some odd opera stuff, but I'm not complaining. Maybe nobody likes the feisty, blue-haired girl. Shelby seems to like everyone, however.
I'm not the only one who thinks Shelby is taking too long, because all of a sudden, Pipp springs up from her seat to head upstairs. Instantly, every occupant in the room sighs in relief, and Faith turns her music up a little, as if Pipp made her cautious somehow. I'd hate to be that person everyone has to tip-toe around.
"We're so sorry. She's such a bitch. Shelby deserves better and I'm not afraid to say it," Bobby clicks.
"He really does befriend everyone," I sigh.
"No, they're dating. Have been for two months," Faith corrects.
What?
"Are you serious? Shelby does not act like he's in a relationship. He never mentioned it," I reply. Wow. I did not think Shelby would get sucked into something as awful as that. There's a difference between loving everyone and putting yourself through hell to make others happy.
"He's probably ashamed. I would be," Faith says softly. "Our group meetings used to be twice a week, and they were fun. Now they're once a week, and they're miserable. We're all aware he's only dating her so he won't get kicked out of theater."
"No, that's not true," a girl says from the couch. "I think it's real this time. Shelby actually likes her. He told us that when she wasn't here, remember? Shelby never lies to us and he wouldn't date someone just to stay in drama."
"That's insane," I comment just as footsteps sound on the stairs.
"Ladies, gentlemen, and Jetta!" Shelby announces. "I present chips and dip to you lovely, lovely people." He, Aiden, Harvey, and Pipp make their way down the stairs with trays in hand, each with two different bowls on them. Food. Now this is my kind of meet and greet.
Everyone has this sort of primal 'hell yes' look on their faces. Food brings out either the best or the worst in people. Let's see how this goes.
"Okay... the dip in the orange bowl has cheese in it, so none for you, my lactose intolerant love," Shelby says, tapping his finger on Pipp's nose. "The dip in the blue bowl has meat in it, specifically for our non-vegetarian friend, Brandon," Shelby says, gesturing toward me.
Everyone else in this room is a vegetarian?
"You... you didn't have to do anything specifically for me," I say quietly. Shelby shrugs and shakes his head as if it's nothing. He's so nice I could cry. What on earth is he doing with someone as mean-spirited as Pipp?
And what was all that flirting with Aiden the other day? Does Aiden know that he has a girlfriend?
Unless he wasn't flirting... I could've easily assumed that Shelby was flirting with me the first time we met, but I know he wasn't. This whole situation shouldn't even be a problem.
We talk for a while (well, they talk) and I realize I have nothing in common with them. Like, at all.
"What are we doing tonight. Is it sob story day?" Pipp asks with a yawn.
"Well, I was thinking we'd try something new today, guys," Shelby says, sitting down. Pipp isn't even sitting next to him, and is glaring at me like I committed a crime. "So, it's an ABC game. When you get a letter, you say something positive and something negative that corresponds with it about your life. Preferably things you don't talk about much. Sound good?"
Um, no. What is this, group therapy? "I'll start... oh, before we begin. Aiden, Brandon: we tend to be completely and openly honest with each other in this group. I understand if you're hesitant now, but I do hope we can get to the point where we're all really close." Shelby just looks happier than a kid on Christmas. He could've told me we'd be discussing our life-problems.
Hell to the no. I just admitted, out loud, that I am bisexual to a group of people whom I don't even know, and one of them wants to throw me off a cliff. I don't want any part of this, really. Shelby can be all people-person if he wants to, but he just missed the brutal verbal attack I just got from Princess Pipp.
"Alright... I'll start, then I'll choose someone," Shelby says. "A. A is for Arizona. I lived in Arizona for two years back in foster care... it was hot and I have no idea why I was there. I used to live in Washington. But, it was also very pretty there. 'A' for my negative thing..." Shelby clasps his hands together and sighs. "A for abuse."
Okay. So we're getting deep. I was not prepared for this.
"Basically, I live with my Aunt Ayler, as you already know. Um..." Shelby takes off his glasses. "I witnessed my dad beat the shit out of my mom until I was about 9. Then she left, and I figure I wasn't good enough to take with her, so there's that..." Shelby sniffs once and shakes his head to rid himself of whatever he's feeling. "So, I was alone with Rich for about five or so years." He puts his glasses back on after wiping them off. "Do I have to go into detail? I mean, the two-by-fours, broken bones, choking, almost drowning, the hot iron burns... just use your imagination."
"You got it, Shelby," Harvey says with a smile and a thumbs up.
"Um..." Shelby shakes his head. "He used to deny me my medication for ADD, so I'd get sent home from school... and then more beating- alright. I'm done. You know I haven't talked about it for a while. Figure I needed to get it off my chest, haha."
"At least you're talking about it again," Pipp says sweetly. Ugh she's the devil.
Oh good lord this is so horrible. Shelby's father used to beat him? Now he has an aunt who is probably going to be convicted for murder... I don't think I'll ever think of my life the same way. Why would anyone want to hurt someone as kind and special as Shelby. It just doesn't make any sense. Tonight is a weird night.
"Yeah. Next time, I'll share my negative thing first," Shelby chuckles. "Brandon? You can have 'B', if you want," he encourages. Well, I'm sure as hell not going to do anything to get ridicule from anyone in this room, so I'll keep it simple.
I start slowly and surely. "Alright. 'B' for my negative thing... I guess 'blame?' I tend to take on everyone's blame and problems without solving my own... started when I was little, I guess. I blamed myself for the reason my dad and I don't get along-I mean. Shit, I'm sorry Shelby. I-I'm sure you'd do anything to have a good relationship with your father. It's dumb of me to be so selfish."
"We all have our problems. Yours aren't lesser than mine. No need to apologize," Shelby smiles. I nod and take a deep breath. "What's your positive thing?"
"Oh... um... 'balls?'"
Everyone in the room starts to chuckle, but Pipp just rolls her eyes. "Really... I mean... I did something today that I think took a lot of balls. I won't go into detail; I don't quite trust so easily. It had something to do with me being 'bisexual'. There's my other positive 'B'." I suppose being bisexual is a positive. So far, it's been troubling, but I'm sure there's some positives to come.
"Oh, good god," Pipp says exasperatedly.
"Sorry your dog died, Pipp," Bobby says again in his own exasperated tone, throwing his hands in the air dramatically. "We're all getting your attitude and we're all so fucking sorry, my god." Bobby flips his black hair and crosses his legs.
"Hey..." Shelby warns. "I'm glad you are being truthful about your feelings, Bobby, but being insensitive makes everyone uncomfortable. Pick someone, Brandon." Shelby is so different here. It's like these people aren't even his friends. He's like a teacher or something to them. It makes me uncomfortable. The way Shelby talks to me seems genuine and unscripted, but here, he's like a moderator. I don't like it.
"Aiden. C."
"Ew," Aiden huffs. I guess she's not so angry now. "C is for 'cocaine', which is why I got sent from negative 'C', California, to 'T', Tennessee. Just gonna put that out there for all you 'C', creeps."
Nobody says a single word.
Well, then. I thought Aiden would tell me that in a different way, but I suppose I don't know my cousin very well. I had the nerve to think something as personal as that would be shared with family first, but a room of rude-ass strangers works just fine for her.
"Positive 'C'..." Aiden tugs on one of her dreads and adjusts the beads. "Clean. 'C' congratulations to me." She doesn't even look at me. "I'm sorry, Brandon. I didn't know how to tell you."
"Privately?" comes my soft reply.
"I was clean for a whole year, but then we got some sketchy neighbors... Sandy wanted me to get out to avoid the temptation. It's worked. I've barely thought about it. Tennessee is really good to me, even though some people's mothers would care to disagree." Aiden shrugs. I can't believe she doesn't think this is a big deal. I don't even think my parents truthfully know why she's here.
I suppose I should just be glad she's living her life well.
"You with the blue weave. D," Aiden says, a little forcefully. I know that tone: jealousy. She does know about Shelby's girlfriend, and I'm probably going to get an earful of it later.
"Should I get 'D' dreadlocks, Cali Girl? 'D' is for drama. Stupid people and their drama that I simply don't have time for," Pipp sighs. "'D' is also for Detroit. I'm going there for Christmas and I'm gonna have a great time being away from this shithole town." D is for Devil. Pipp is actually the Devil. She's borderline pushing it with the way she's treating Aiden. "'E', Jetta."
"I'm not going to do this," Jetta says. "I'm tired." She rolls over on the couch and sighs. Shelby frowns.
"Please, Jetta? We really want you to participate. You can say whatever you want."
"E is for everyone sucks."
"There. That's all you needed to say," Shelby encourages. "Bobby, why don't you go? 'F'."
Bobby frowns as he tries to think of something to say. "F is for 'forget'. I'm trying to forget some people... I need to let go a lot easier and accept the fact that some people just aren't going to like me. And 'F' is for 'friendship'. Which I have received from most of the people in this room."
I'm not sure I've met anyone as... 'F' flamboyant as Bobby, but it seems as though Shelby's friends are all diverse and unique, except me. I'm the most typical, white-boy jock in a fifth-life crisis anyone could ever meet. No wonder they all look at me like I'm trash. How many 'school's TOP aThLeTe turns out to adore PENIS!!!' stories have been circulated around the world? In movies? Here I was, subconsciously thinking I was exclusive.
I get up and leave. This is not what I need right now. Pipp in all of her nastiness knows some truth. I'm the only one who really doesn't get it. "Could you give Aiden a ride home?" I call as I head up the stairs. There's a tiny burning in the back of my eyes, threatening to spill over into a stream of salty, useless tears. Why? Why do I feel the need to be loved by everyone I meet?
Before I can reach the door, Shelby and Harvey are upstairs. I can't help thinking that Aiden might be getting a mouthful by Pipp, so I shake my head. "Go downstairs. Aiden-"
"Why are you leaving?" Shelby asks, worried. "Did something happen?"
"I'm serious-Harvey? Could you go check on Aiden? Please. It's really important." Harvey nods once and pats me on the back.
"No problem, man." I have a feeling Harvey is one of the people Pipp won't get too smart around.
Shelby is confused as he grabs my wrist. "What's up? I don't understand why you're leaving."
"I don't belong here. All your friends... they don't like me."
"Harvey thought you were awesome and he only met you for two seconds," Shelby chuckles. "I don't understand... is it the ABC thing? I should've told you earlier that our group wasn't all fun and games. Wanna sit with me?" Shelby motions toward the couch. I nod. The stinging feeling is gone once I take a seat. "I consider these people my friends... but I know that's not the case. They're all a little broken, a little hurt, you know?"
"So I'm a big, broken, hurt friend that you dragged in here? What, a self-help group?"
"No. You're here because I like you. I want to be your friend and not just help you with whatever is going on. Most of those guys downstairs? They gave up on life a while ago, and that sucks, you know? Nobody should give up on life as teenagers. There's sixty-something more years of life to go through. I just seem to finally have a grip on things, and I figure, 'why not help out some other people in the process?'"
"Maybe that's your big problem. You can't save everyone," I chuckle half-heartedly. Shelby takes off his glasses to clean them. "I don't know. I just seem like such a stereotype to them."
"Who cares?" Shelby shrugs. "I know you're different. Everyone is."
"Different. I feel like I bring up my problems in that room and everyone looks at me like 'oh yeah? You are uncomfortable with your sexuality? Your dad doesn't like you? Well my dog fucking died and my mom is on acid and I lost all my arms and legs and even my face and my brother's friend's cousin's uncle's house burned down so get over yourself, Brandon.'" When I look at Shelby, he seems as though if he doesn't laugh, he'll burst.
So I laugh. And he laughs. And he hugs me as a bittersweet tear rolls down my cheek.
That's when I realize that Shelby has been through so much, so fucking much. No one on this earth would ever guess that Shelby had been through abuse and foster care and whatever else he went through. The thing about it is the fact that he doesn't put his past problems over anyone else's, nor does he dismiss them as if they don't affect him anymore. I saw him about to cry down there. I saw the way his eyes darkened as if he were having a devastating flashback and I saw him hurt. But he's upstairs with me, treating me like my problems are the most important thing in the world.
"Pipp can be a handful," Shelby nods once our hug lets up.
"Handful. More like a truckload," I scoff.
"She still doesn't talk about her real issues," Shelby sighs, disappointedly. "I think I'm attracted to that limitless stubbornness. A fatal flaw in me."
"She is pretty, I guess. She's just so..." I crinkle my nose up and shake my head.
"Yeah, I know. Hey, if they're still playing the alphabet game downstairs, tell them they don't have to. I forgot drinks, so I'll go get some soda." I give him a distressed look. "You'll be fine."
"Eh... alright." Shelby pats me on the back before leaving out the door. Aiden hops upstairs right when he leaves. "Hey."
"You didn't leave." She sounds huffy and fatigued. "Good."
I shrug. She sits by me. "I don't like that bitch."
"Me either," I sigh. "Pipp."
"What the fuck kind of a name is 'Pipp'. Sounds like a penguin. Fucking blue-haired bitch."
"Now you sound jealous."
"Kinda wanna suck Shelby's dick, so yeah. A little jealous. She's so mean why? Why is she so goddamn mean, like bitch really? She has the hottest guy in the school on her ass and he obviously doesn't care that she has a porcupine up her penguin behind. If I had her tits I'd be nice as hell and make damn sure Shelby never saw my bad side." I agree, it was quite disappointing to find out that Shelby has a girlfriend, and the fact that said girlfriend is a know it all extreme makes the situation ten times worse.
"Maybe she doesn't let Shelby see that side of her," I sigh. Aiden flops on the couch, all limbs and dreads. "Let's go down there. At least Bobby and Harvey are nice to us."
"Oh man, I'd climb Harvey like a tree," Aiden sighs. "Agree or disagree?"
"I... well," I can feel my cheeks get red. Harvey is definitely good-looking. Aiden giggles. "Yeah, Harvey is pretty damn attractive. I've said maybe ten or fifteen words to him, but I wouldn't mind more conversation." I don't know how Harvey's face is so smooth and blemish-less, but he's lucky. And his hair? All rounded out under that fedora. Maybe we should go back downstairs.
Aiden leads the way, quietly tip-toeing down the steps to catch bits of the conversation ensuing. I hear a 'this group used to be so much better', from Bobby.
'Yeah, now we have Mr. Brandon the Bisexual here-he does know that bisexual isn't even a thing, right?' someone says. Maybe Jetta. I frown and Aiden looks back at me. 'Bisexual is either straight with hopes of being cool or gay with hopes of impressing your parents. 'Mom, Dad, I'm still gay but I might marry a chick to make you happy'. Gimme a break.'
My mouth is open in something that's not quite shock. I really don't know what I'm feeling right now. What-what does she mean by that? I mean... I thought I found what I was feeling, you know? 'Gay' didn't feel right; I know I still like girls... don't I? Shit, maybe I'm obviously partial toward guys, but I was clinging onto the idea that I could still make my parents happy. I don't hear many people talk about being bisexual anyway... maybe I just snatched the label out of the air, thinking it would shadow who I really am.
"Don't listen to that bullshit," Aiden whispers. I shake my head and begin to back up the stairs slowly. "Brandon, she's just-she has no clue what she's talking about."
I can't find any words, but I keep backing up. Everything in the last few months... it's all bullshit. It-it just makes so much sense. "I'm going home." It's a whisper. Aiden nods and takes my hand. I hope I never see any of them again. It was the worst mistake, coming here. Even if Jetta is wrong, which she could be, it's still enough to get me questioning.
I decide to text Shelby once we get into the car.
Brandon: hey, we left. Srry, I have football tomoro nd I need some rest lol. See you tomoro morning @ the pep rally.
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Note: tell me what you think! What is Pipp's real problem with Brandon? Vote, comment, let me know, bros.