'Oh my god I like Campbell Bain!' My head screamed at me, as I laid there in my bed gazing up at the ceiling, Tilly's bear beside me.
I was restless and in love.
I hated it but I didn't, maybe cause my last relationship if I could even call it that. I know Campbell isn't like that, I know he isn't, there's just an awful nagging feeling though. I could probably easily ignore it but still.
I sighed and turned over onto my side gazing at the other bed.
Empty and neatly made, it was probably cold. Such a poor cold bed, probably needed warmed up, I hummed watching it as I decided to get up and lie in it.
I shivered covering myself with the thin duvet.
I was right, the bed was cold, I curled into myself like a shrimp in a freezer, garnering as much warmth as I can. I pressed my face into the pillow, taking in a deep breath. The pillow smelt different than my own, not in a bad way, it was interesting.
Smelt like must and sugar.
I hummed shutting my eyes as there was soon a gentle knock, I sat up slowly as the knob twisted and in poked Campbells head.
"Hey sorry to- you sleeping in the other bed tonight?" He interrupted himself as I nodded quietly, he shut the door behind him and came to join me, I nudged up a bit as he sat right next to me.
"Sorry if I woke you by the way, I just couldn't sleep tonight, Fergus is snoring and I just- y'know." He shrugged.
"I get it, so you came to sleep in here tonight." I said as he smiled and nodded, tucking his hair back for it to fall back in his face.
"Only if that's alright." He whispered shyly as his hand gripped the side of the bed.
"Of course it's alright! I'd love to have another Joey Herbert and Campbell Bain sleepover." I grinned as he wrapped an arm round my shoulder and brought me in a side hug.
"You're the best Joe, I'm glad we're friends." He whispered as my stomach sank.
"Right and I'm glad being your friend too Campbell." I whispered back, it hurt to say, to hear.
It made me ill.
"You wouldn't mind if I just went to sleep? I'm actually quite tired tonight." He asked as I shook my head and smiled, indicating over to my bed.
"Thank you Joe." He whispered pecking my cheek as he walked over to my bed and settled down.
I slowly laid down with a gentle gulp, I gazed towards the ceiling, a sense of deja vu, I'm back to where I started. Except I was much more content, my stomach light and my cheeks warm.
{Time-Skip}
We got to leave again, under the condition that we stay in the garden and had plenty sunblock on. As it was at least 23° today, it was sweltering, I had come prepared with a water bottle as provided by Isabel.
Fergus, Rosalie and Francine had come down to join us, they were at least allowed out to the shop since they never exactly went anywhere yesterday. Well aside from Fergus, I'm a little surprised they let him out into the garden.
Aside from that, Campbell and I set up a little spot near the trees so if we ever so needed a break we could crawl into the shade.
"This is brilliant!" He cooed happily, removing his shirt. He laid down on the warm grass and stretched.
"It's too bloody warm out here!" Francine complained, fanning herself with her hand.
"Aww lighten up Fran, no one else is complaining!" Campbell sighed, bringing his arms back resting his head on them.
"Aye cause they're either dead or dying of sunstroke." She huffed sitting in the shade.
I sat down next to Campbell and took a sip out my water bottle.
"It is rather lovely out." I said as Campbell smiled. While the others situated themselves ignoring Campbell and I.
"Just as lovely as you Joey!" He teased as I shook my head lying down next to him.
"Oh Campbell Bain, whenever will you stop talking to me like I'm some single night stand." I sighed dramatically as Campbell rolled over to his side.
"Oh Joey, I'm only being honest, you're personality out shines us all, well all except me of course!" He chuckled as I just smiled watching him contently.
"Can't out shine a radio star I suppose." I flipped over onto my back and shut my eyes, shielding them from the sun with my forearm.
"You'd just have to become a better radio host than I am." He said in a snarky tone, I know he was still going for gold with this joke.
"I suppose I'll have to." I hummed and smiled, despite it being a joke, I was desperate to outshine him.
{Time-Skip}
I sat on Campbells bed, he was lying belly first with his face on his pillow as I gently rubbed his back with aftersun. He whined softly, the cool cream sent shivers down his sunburnt back.
"Could you be more gentle?" He snivelled as I continued massaging his back.
"I'm being as gentle as I can Campbell, you shouldn't have fallen asleep in the sun." I frowned as he groaned longingly, biting his fist.
"It wasn't my fault, it was just nice outside, the grass was soft, it was a nice temperature and I just...I just dozed off." He sighed as I finished up his back, he sat up slowly.
"Is that all where your burnt?" I asked as he faced me with red cheeks.
"Is that sunburn or are you just dying to ask me out?" I teased preparing the cream as Campbell just rolled his eyes, he held up a smirk as I gently rubbed his face.
"Not like you to be hitting back with the flirty jokes." He muttered as I made sure I wiped the cream on the burnt bits of his face before moving on with everything else.
"Well you're always saying them to me so I thought why let Campbell Bain have all the fun." I smiled petting under his chin, down his neck.
I stopped smiling for a moment, my hand hovering under Campbells chin again as I came to a realisation. This was probably the only time I've actually touched Campbell since I got here. The first proper time without over thinking anything. The urge finally simmering and I was fine. I was completely okay and Campbell wasn't angry that I was touching him.
Well to be fair I am helping with something to help soothe him.
"Why'd you stop?" He asked glancing up at my eyes.
"I- I'm done." I gulped as he gently took my hand and put it on his cheek, I just looked at him as he held it there.
"please- just- go over my face one more time." He begged as I continued staring at him and nodded, just rubbing his cheeks with my grubby aftersun hands. I was mainly just using my thumbs, making gentle circles, beneath his eyes.
"Does that feel better?" I asked, my voice low.
"Yes." He whispered, I could feel my stomach standing still, I stopped rubbing at some point and just held him. Staring longingly into his soft gaze, Campbell glancing down at my lips for a moment before glancing back up at my eyes. I glanced down at his, I could see him edging closer, I gulped nervous.
"I uhh- I think I'm done now." I whispered moving a hand up to his hair.
"Yeah." He muttered back, I could feel our noses Eskimo kissing.
"You feel okay?" I asked, my voice like mist while Campbell muttered another 'yeah' before our lips touched. I had shut my eyes, a small hum in our kiss as we held each other like delicate pottery.
Oh how I longed for this, how I long for more. Oh to praise his chest, his thighs, his stomach, oh to have it all.
I was becoming needy but I controlled myself, he kissed me slow, his lips chapped but I didn't mind it. We eventually slowly parted from each other but we still held onto one another. There was a moment of silence that held between us, just looks of tired belief.
Campbell gulped and turned, letting his legs hang off the bed while he covered his mouth.
"I'm so sorry Joey I- I don't know what came over me..I-I should've asked- I-" he stumbled over his words as I went to hold his shoulder, I froze and left it untouched.
"Campbell it's okay! You don't have to apologise, I liked it, I really liked it!" I said trying to reassure him.
"But you won't even touch me." He stated as I gulped clenching my hand.
"It's not your fault I can't touch you or anyone Campbell, I haven't been able to touch anyone for a long time, I can't even initiate a hug with my sister never mind giving anyone a light shoulder rub." I sighed pinching the bridge of my nose.
"I really want to touch you Campbell, I'd love to be able to hug you or hold your shoulder out of my own free will but there's just this barrier, this reminder why I can't so I freeze and give up."
"I need permission or if someone's already holding me I can bear that cause it gives me this net of safety that it's okay." I explained taking a deep breath as Campbell went quiet, he nodded gently before sighing.
"That sounds like a nightmare." He muttered as I huffed.
"Tell me about it." I said while rolling my eyes.
"You seriously can't go a day without reaching out to someone, even like let's say you had a question and no one was listening you wouldn't like- tap their shoulder?" He asked as I shook my head.
"Out of fear something bad would happen I tend to just keep to myself." I shrugged, Campbell went quiet again.
"You don't think I would do anything to you..do you?" He asked, a little hurt or worried.
"Of course not Campbell Bain, I know you would never hurt me but-" I bit my tongue, glancing down.
"But I would never want to risk it, just encase." I muttered as hummed in response.
"I would never hurt you Joey Herbert, not in a million years, not ever, not even if I was angry or sad or whatever, if let's say I didn't want to be touched one day I'd let you know. I'll tell you like- Excuse me Mr. Joey Herbert, I do not wish to be held in such a way today! Thank you very much!" He smiled as I chuckled a little as I could feel our hands intertwine with each other.
"So there's no need to worry around me, I'm more than happy for you to touch me! And you'll know when I say I don't want touched." He said squeezing my hands as I gently squeezed back.
"Even if my words don't help, I don't mind being the initiator for now." He cooed as I thanked him quietly, we hugged and held each other in the baskness of his room, gently swaying side to side.