{some more incorrect quotes bc i'm still sick and heartbroken}
techno: who traumatised you?
y/n: want a list?
techno, hiding his sword behind his back: yes.
——
niki: yeah, i support men's rights.
niki: men's rights to shut the fuck up.
——
y/n, hanging on for dear life: where the fuck did you learn to drive like this?
tubbo: mario kart.
——
wilbur, smacking techno: GET. SOME. REST.
techno, smacking wilbur as well: YOU. FIRST.
——
*y/n and sapnap in bed, sapnap spooning y/n, almost fast asleep*
Liam: y/n
y/n: mmh?
sapnap: move your leg you're squishing me.
y/n: *turns to the opposite side with their back facing sapnap.
sapnap: I DID NOT SAY TO MOVE OFF OF ME COMPLETELY DO NOT TWIST MY WORDS!
——
tommy: twenty pounds for you to kiss the next person coming through that door.
wilbur: i am not going to do that—
y/n, comes through the door: hey guys.
wilbur: i changed my mind.
tommy, deadpan: shocking. truly.
——
karl: you're my soupmate
karl: soulmate
y/n:
y/n: this is a verbal conversation
——
y/n, staring lovingly at dream: he could murder me and I'd thank him.
george, hearing this for the 100th time: id thank him too.
——
tubbo: remember that halloween when we dressed up like ghosts and threw eggs at y/n's house?
y/n, who was very much a part of the conversation: that was you?
tommy: y/n, please. this is a private conversation.
——
karl, pointedly: we are not ordering hawaiian pizza, i'm not into weird stuff.
y/n, raising an eyebrow: dude, you are into me. id say you're into weird stuff alright.
——
techno: WHOEVER CAUSED THIS MESS IS GOING TO-
y/n: it was me...
techno: ...is going to be forgiven because everyone deserves a second chance
——
y/n, walking in to a room: sorry i'm late... i was... doing things.
*sounds of running footsteps progressively getting louder*
tommy, out of breath: THEY PUSHED ME DOWN THE FUCKIN' STAIRS.
——
y/n: am i a mess?
wilbur: of course you are, that's why we get along.
y/n: oh... am i a hot mess at least?
——
y/n: you know, dream gives george flowers all the time, i wish you'd do that
sapnap: okay
[Later]
sapnap: *gives george flowers*
george: ?? thank you??
sapnap: i am just as confused as you are
——
y/n: the floor is lava!
sapnap: *helps karl onto the couch*
george: *kicks dream off the counter*
y/n: as you can see, there are two types of couples.
——
tommy: you need to be more careful!
y/n, who was dragged into tommy's issue: Careful? CAREFUL?! I'LL CAREFULLY WRAP MY HANDS AROUND YOUR THROAT-
——
niki: cat logic is so simple yet so effective. don't like something? smack it as far away from you as possible. literally flawless reasoning
——
y/n: guys, our group is in trouble. remember when wilbur and I went to the park on our date?
tommy: ... oh my god, you're pregnant.
y/n: yes, and it's triplets. i'm naming them Hey, Idiot, and Pay attention.
——
ted: you remind me of the sea.
jschlatt: because i'm wild, unpredictable and romantic?
ted: no, because you make me sick.
——
y/n: billzo we need to talk.
*aimsey and ranboo staring at billzo from the other side of the room*
billzo: i'm sorry! i was just so hungry and your cookies were so good and i know you told me not to eat anymore but it was 2am and you were asleep and our fridge was empty!
y/n: what? i was gonna ask you if you could help me on my history homework it's due tomorrow.
billzo: ...oh...
*y/n recalling what just happened*: WAIT, YOU DID WHAT BILL?!
——
sapnap : i just heard y/n call the dog a "fucking liar" because he barked like someone was at the door and no one was there.
——
y/n: i'm going to hell
aimsey: probably
y/n: pick you up?
aimsey, nodding: yep carpool
——
philza: did you have a good day?
y/n: yes.
wilbur: no.
y/n, to wilbur: shut up.
philza: so, you had a good day?
y/n: yes.
wilbur: no.
y/n, to wilbur: shut up!
philza, to y/n: you were meant to make sure he got some sleep.
y/n: i made sure he got some sleep.
wilbur: rheu knocked me unconscious.
y/n: it's the same thing!
——
dream: do you like y/n?
sapnap: what? no, we're just friends!
dream: so you wouldn't mind if i asked them ou-
sapnap: i will kill you with my bare hands.
——
tubbo: crushes are the worst.
y/n: yeah, whenever i'm near someone i have a crush on, i start acting stupid.
tubbo: you're always acting stupid.
ranboo, snickering: don't think about it too hard.
——
philza: where is everyone?
ranboo: wilbur had a breakdown, techno is looking after him. niki is in bed, y/n has gone to purchase band aids. tommy and tubbo and trying to kill are trying to kill each other and i'm in charge.
philza: YOU'RE IN CHARGE?!!
ranboo: WHY IS THAT THE ONLY THING YOU'RE WORRIED ABOUT???
——
y/n: But i can change him!
techno: you've got your own problems, buddy
——
y/n, walking into billzo's room:
billzo: *wearing a dinosaur costume, eating mac and cheese with marshmallows, watching barbie in the twelve dancing princesses*
y/n:
billzo:
billzo: ...so you're home early?
——
tommy: i bought my partner a mood ring for their birthday. when their happy, it turns blue. when their angry, it leaves a big red circle on my face.
——
y/n: what happened?
philza: you lost a lot of blood. do you remember anything?
y/n: only the ambulance to the hospital.
techno: it wasn't an ambulance. i drove you.
theo: but i heard a siren?
wilbur: it was tommy.
tommy: sorry, i panicked.
——
karl: So sapnap and y/n were arguing. one was right. one was my partner and the other was my best friend. what do i do?
george: i don't get it.
punz: me either.
dream: sapnap and y/n was arguing. one is correct and the other was y/n.
george: oop.
——
dream: you're gonna have to trust me!
tommy: every time the word 'trust' leaves your mouth someone somewhere gets cancer!
——
y/n, billzo, and aimsey are sitting on a bench
ranboo: why do you guys look so sad?
y/n: sit down with us so we can tell you.
*ranboo sits down*
billzo: the bench is freshly painted.
——
quackity: *laying facedown on the ground and groaning*
karl: ... maybe you'd be more comfortable in your own bedroom.
quackity: no, i like the attention.
——
y/n: do we bring a weapon?
techno: i'm a weapon
y/n: somebody's cocky
——
y/n: the smp members can be really dangerous, so it's important to take all the necessary precautions when approaching them
y/n: *beeps air horn at tommy* GET FUCKED
——
ranboo: billzo was banned from the chicken shack, so we had to go out of town to get some.
billzo: well , they shouldn't say "all you can eat" if they don't mean it.
y/n: bill, you ate a chair.
——
tommy: phil! wilbur's ugly!
philza, not paying attention: wilbur knock it off
wilbur: what the fuck-
——
y/n: what's our exit strategy?
c!dream: our what?
y/n: ...
y/n: we're all gonna die
——
niki: we need a better way to make money
y/n: i know a way to get some money
niki: how?
y/n: we sell tommy to the Italian mafia
niki, sighing: you've suggested that three times already y/n.
——
y/n: you remind me of someone i once dated
tubbo: were they smart, funny, and drop-dead gorgeous?
y/n: more like obnoxious, annoying, and a pure dumbass
tommy, from across the room: HEY! WE'RE STILL DATING WHY ARE YOU TALKING IN THE PAST TENSE?!?
y/n: that's the part you chose to focus on???
——
y/n: you wanna see how hardcore i am?
y/n: *punches wall*
y/n:
y/n: take me to the hospital.
——
purpled: a human heart costs $500,000, but i'd give you mine for free.
y/n: ...
y:n: how do you know the cost of a human heart?
——
dream: where's Stiles?
sapnap: around.
dream: around?
dream: you don't have any idea, do you?
y/n, dropping down from above: did you know there's a space above the ceiling?
——
wilbur: what type of net do i need in order to catch a FUCKING BREAK???
——
purpled: why are you sad?
y/n: i don't know.
purpled: so just for no reason?
y/n: oh no, there are plenty of reasons i'm just not sure which it is this time.
——
*tommy and y/n sitting in a jail cell*
y/n: so who should we call?
tommy: i'd call wilbur but i feel safer in jail.
——
*y/n listening to taylor swift out loud, laying face down on the floor*
tommy: oh dear lord
wilbur: not again
ranboo and billzo: *sigh*
aimsey: this is how they deal with things, we have to be supportive.
y/n, sniffling: it's me.
smp members: hi.
y/n, starts crying: i'm the problem, it's me.
——
aimsey: someone peer pressure me to go for a run
y/n: do it or you're straight
aimsey: i said peer pressure me not THREATEN ME
——
billzo : let's just agree to both say we're sorry on the count of three .
billzo : one...two...three.
ranboo : ..
billzo : ...
billzo : see, now i'm just disappointed in both of us.
——
y/n: techno, you're like an angel without wings.
techno: so... like a person?
——
philza: you really put aside everything and came all this way for me? how did you even get here so fast?
tommy: several traffic violations.
techno: three counts of resisting arrest.
wilbur: roughly thirteen cans of energy drinks.
y/n: also, that's not our car.
——
techno: do you wanna know how i really hurt my wrist?
tommy: yes
techno: i was hoola hooping. phil, y/n and i attended a class for fitness and fun.
tommy: oh my god
techno: i've mastered all the moves. the pizza toss, the tornado, the scorpion, the oopsie doodle.
tommy: why are you telling me this?
techno: because no one will ever believe you
tommy: you sick son of a bitch
——
tommy: so, you two are together?
wilbur and y/n: yes
tommy: why?
wilbur: i think they're really hot
tommy: yeah, i can understand that, i'm trying to figure out what y/n was thinking
——
ranboo: did neither of you think this was a bad idea?!!?
tubbo: oh, no, we did
tommy: we just decided to do it anyways
——
c!tommy in limbo or smthing post-smp: wait so why'd you have that giant prison constructed anyways?
c!dream: if i'm being honest it's because punz was busy that day and he's 85% of my impulse control.
——
tommy: he is to steal the woman of my dreams!
y/n: you say every woman is the woman of your dreams.
tommy: i have a lot of dreams! and most of them are about women!
——
y/n : i once slept for a day and then i just stayed awake for like- three days :)
purpled : when i meet you irl i will personally throw you into the sun :)
——
y/n: have you drank water today?
karl: does energy drink /coffee/iced coffee count?
y/n: no it doesn't go drink water.
——
y/n: we are very creative people
wilbur: what do you create?
tommy and y/n: chaos
——
y/n: wait you like me for my personality?
dream: i was surprised too
——
purpled, grinning: before you were what?
quackity: before i was-
purpled: what?
quackity: before i was inter-
purpled: before you were interrupted?
quackity: cut me off one more time and i swear i'll-
purpled: what?
quackity: *makes frustrated sound*
fundy, nervously: stop that. before he hurts you.
——
y/n: whaddya call a fish with no eye?
techno, not looking up: myxine circifrons
y/n:
y/n: fsh
——
y/n, crocheting: not gonna lie, i think that toxic waste just cracked my tooth
niki: YOU DO CROCHET TOO??
wilbur: YOU TAKE THE CROCHET FROM THAT AND NOT THE CRACKED TOOTH?
——
sapnap: did it hurt when you fell-
karl: from heaven? Aw th-
sapnap: no i mean when you fell off the table you were standing on. i watched you fall and lay on the ground for ten minutes.
karl:
sapnap: we all saw.
——
dream: some people are like slinkies.
sapnap: explain
dream: bot really good for much but makes you crack a smile when you push it down the stairs.
sapnap: please do not push tommy down the stairs.
dream: you can't stop me
——