{some more incorrect quotes bc i'm sick and heartbroken}
y/n: tubbo... why did you draw a pentagram on the floor?
tubbo: your text told me to satanize the house before you returned.
y/n:
y/n: i wrote sanitize, tubbo.
——
*y/n walks through the door*
punz: they're so stupid. i can't believe i'm gonna kiss them.
sapnap: well you don't have to...
punz: no i'm gonna
——
aimsey: look at me straight in the eyes and tell me the truth, y/n!
y/n: you can't expect me to look into your eyes and be straight.
——
y/n: so tell me why you can't sleep at night?
ranboo shaking: does mike wazowski wink or blink?
——
wilbur : name a more iconic duo than my crippling fear of abandonment and my anxiety. i'll wait.
y/n: you and me!!!
wilbur, tearing up: okay.
——
tommy: hey y/n. it's lookin kinda muggy outside, isn't it?
y/n: tommy. if i look outside and find you put all our mugs out in the garden, i'm kicking you out
tommy, drinking coffee from a bowl: •-•
——
philza: there are seven chairs and ten kids. what do you do?
y/n: have everyone stand.
tommy: bring three more chairs!
wilbur: the most important ones can sit down.
techno: kill three.
——
tommy: i've done a lot of dumb stuff.
tubbo: i witnessed the dumb stuff.
y/n: i recorded the dumb stuff.
billzo: i joined in on the dumb stuff.
aimsey: I TRIED TO STOP YOU FROM DOING THE DUMB STUFF!!!
——
dream: i'm an idiot.
sapnap:
y/n:
george:
drista:
dream:
y/n: if you're waiting for us to disagree, this is going to be a long day.
——
y/n: techno doesn't look very happy.
wilbur: that's his happy. he's just a bitch.
——
y/n: ine time i witnessed two of my friends bickering and this is how it went.
tommy: anything that comes out of your mouth is stupid!
wilbur: tommyinnit.
y/n: to this day, i laugh out loud in inappropriate settings because i still randomly think about it.
——
dream: you're a lying piece of shit!
george: oh yeah? you're the idiot that thinks you can get away with everything you do, WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD!
sapnap: I'm leaving and taking y/n with me!
y/n: aaaand that's enough monopoly for the day.
——
tubbo: oh you just think you're smarter than everyone else.
tommy: tubbo, i don't think i'm smarter than everyone else. i know i am.
——
kidnapper, on the call with the group: five thousand dollars and we'll give tommyinnit back to you.
techno: ....you don't HAVE to give him back-
tommy, offended: you think i'm only worth five thousand dollars??
kidnapper: ...what?
tommy, shouting: MAKE IT TEN MILLION!
wilbur : TOMMY SHUT THE FUCK UP, I SWEAR-
——
techno: y/n, i beg of you. please , PLEASE go to the doctor.
y/n: hey, i'm sorry. is this OUR stab wound?
——
fundy: i think it's time i get my life in order.
y/n, narrating: but he did not get his life in order. in fact, he got drunk last night and fought a raccoon.
——
c!dream: honestly? what if i killed you
c!y/n: yeah i don't think i would like that.
——
wilbur: *laying his head on y/n's lap*
y/n, petting his head: this is why people think we're dating.
wilbur, sitting up: wait- we're not dating?!
——
y/n: *sitting on their bed, reading. Hasn't eaten all day*
y/n: *looks up suddenly* why do i hear boss music?
punz, kicking down the door: Y/N M/N L/N
y/n: OH FUCK-!
——
niki: *breathes*
y/n: your so hot
wilbur: get a room
y/n: WE'RE IN THE FUCKING DESSERT WIL!
——
billzo: y/n and i don't have pet names for each other, we're cool.
aimsey: ...yeah sure,whatever you say,... hey bill?
billzo: yeah?
aimsey: what do bees make?
billzo: ..honey?
y/n, yelling from the distance: yeah, love?
billzo: ....
aimsey:
aimsey: don't ever fucking lie to me again.
——
george : we can't stay here forever.
y/n: why not? it's nice in here!
george: y/n, it's burning in here.
y/n: ...it was nice in here!
——
karl: you really think this plan is going to work?
sapnap: no, not at all
y/n: then why the bloody hell are we doing it!?
saonap, shrugging: it sounded fun
karl looks at y/n: we're all going to die
——
wilbur: DICKHEAD I'LL THROW YOU TO THE SUN
techno: FUCK YOU I AM THE SUN
——
niki: how petty can you get?
y/n: i once edited a Wikipedia article to win an argument i was wrong about.
——
wilbur: hello all, it is i, your favorite person.
y/n: actually, tommy's is my favourite.
wilbur, sighing: of course he is. okay then, it is i, that bitch.
——
y/n: i'm a person who's got a very specific type.
sapnap: oh, yeah? like what?
y/n : oh, y'know — polite, handsome, athletic. that sort of thing.
karl, stumbling and falling over a tree root: motherfucking shit cocksucking LITTLE TREE CUNT!"
y/n : that one, he's my type.
——
niki: you believe me?
y/n: niki, you're the last good person on this planet. id believe cartoon birds braided your hair this morning.
——
y/n: wilbur, have you ever been arrested?
wilbur: yeah, i have. how did you know?
y/n: i going to say its illegal to be that hot- what in the bloody hell did you do...
wilbur: hit & run.
——
dream: whenever y/n's mad at me, i tighten all the jar lids so then they have to talk to me.
george: i don't think that's gonna wor-
*glass breaking in the background*
george: ...
dream: huh. i was sure that was gonna work.
——
purpled following y/n : y/n come back here i am trying to have a serious conversation with you!
y/n walking faster : and i am trying to avoid it !
——
Tommy: uh. i think i got your lunch.
*holds up a note that reads 'i am very proud of you. love, philza'*
y/n: oh yea. i didn't think this was for me.
*holds up note that reads 'be good. for the love of god, please be good'*
——
punz: i have decided that i am in fact a snack. people are just not hungry.
y/n, under their breath: i'm fucking starving.
——
techno: dandelions symbolize everything i want to be in life
wilbur: fluffy and dead with a gust of wind?
techno: unapologetic. hard to kill. feral, filled with sunlight, bright, beautiful in a way that the conventional and controlling hate but cannot ever fully destroy. stubborn. happy. bastardoues. friends with bees. highly disapproving of lawns. full of wishes that will be carried far after i die.
y/n: ...edible?
——
Tommy, at the banana he's peeling: may i take your jacket, ma'am?
——
ranboo:...and i have not had french toast enough to put it—
aimsey to y/n: i don't know why you care so much
y/n: WHY DO I CARE SO MUCH? did i say a fucking thing? why do i care so much? you just went on a fucking 3 minute tangent about how much you care. i was actually trying to interrupt you guys to say this is A FUCKING HYPOTHETICAL QUESTION. tomorrow when we wake up there'll still be waffles, there'll still be pancakes, there'll still be french toast. AND I CARE TOO MUCH? I COULDN'T GIVE LESS OF A FUCK. RANBOO CAN WAKE UP AND EAT ALL THREE TOMORROW. WHAT ARE YOU SAYING I CARE TOO MUCH, I'M LITERALLY WAITING FOR YOU TO STOP.
——
tommy: i'm crying, you made me cry.
y/n: baby.
tommy: no, now is not the time to use pet names.
y/n: no, i'm calling you a baby.
y/n: i'm insulting you.
——
y/n: how come you've been abnormally nice to me lately?
techno: what do you mean?
y/n: you just seem nice to me lately.
techno: i'll punch you in the face if you want.
y/n: bet.
——
dream, looking under the couch: where is it...
y/n: what are you doing??
dream: george said i lost my dignity, i'm looking for it now
y/n:
y/n: look harder
——
tubbo: i've never done anything wrong in my life
tommy: you married ranboo
ranboo: love you too, tommy
——
tubbo: alright guys. time for a group hug!
SBI: *wonderful found family embrace*
philza: you guys are adorable. bow who took my wallet?
wilbur: well let's see. i stole it from tommy who stole it from tubbo who stole it from you.
——
tommy: we didn't start the fire!
y/n: we maybe started the fire.
wilbur: oh we definitely started the fire.
——
aimsey: what's the height of stupidity for you?
y/n: i don't know
y/n: ... tommy how tall are you again?
tommy: FIRST OF ALL-
——
sapnap: please- you're just jealous that y/n would throw themself in front of a moving car for me and not you.
george: y/n would throw themself in front of a moving car AS A DARE.
sapnap: ... okay i admit they ain't perfect but you grow to love them.
——
phil: good morning.
y/n: good morning.
techno: good morning.
wilbur: you all sound like robots. why don't you spice things up a bit?
tommy: MORNING MOTHERFUCKERS
——
sapnap: what if we swore more?
y/n: titties!
dream: y/n that's not a swear.
y/n: fuck you.
——
y/n: did they hurt you?
techno: no, no, i'm okay. did they hurt you?
y/n: who cares?
techno: i do!
——
y/n, holding a bottle: is this whiskey or perfume?
wilbur: hold on let me check
wilbur: chugs the whole bottle
wilbur: it's perfume
——
aimsey: these look comfy as fuck
y/n: what big is it?
aimsey: what?
y/n: uh, what's the size? how big ass does it need to be?
——
billzo: hey, do you know the password to y/n's computer?
ranboo: fuck you, Billzo.
billzo: hey!!
ranboo: no, you misunderstood, the password is "fuckyouBillzo".
billzo: oooh, no numbers? not very safe.
——
*After Techno accidentally broke Wilbur's guitar*
wilbur: how's your drink?
techno:
techno: did you poison me?
wilbur: don't be so dramatic, it's a mild sedative. enjoy your rest, techno.
——
billzo: 2 best friends on a cliff
y/n: they might jump
aimsey: no they won't
billzo: what?
aimsey: i said they won't
——
wilbur: excuse me? i lost my little brother, tommy. can i please make an announcement?
supermarket cashier: of course
wilbur, leaning into the mic: goodbye you little shit
——
wilbur : today i saw y/n crying for 5-6 minutes and then an alarm went off and they just... stopped crying and went right back to work.
y/n: it's called time management, wilbur
——
ghostbur: hi, tommy!
tommy, about to cry: tubbo used to call me that.
wilbur, breaking out of character: because that's your fucking name.
——
wilbur: so how did baby-sitting go?
y/n: tommy wanted ice cream for breakfast and when i told him he couldn't, he said i wasn't his best friend anymore, so we made a compromise
wilbur:
wilbur: which is?
y/n: he's on his second bowl of ice cream and now i'm his best friend in the whole universe
——
sapnap: do dragons fart fire?
karl,barley paying attention: i don't know.
sapnap: i thought you went to college.
——
y/n: when vampires bite and suck, do they suck normally or do their fangs act like straws?
karl: ...
y/n: i'm sorry, i haven't slept in days-
sapnap: no, wait! it's a valid question!
——
y/n: here's some advice
jschlatt: i didn't ask for any
y/n: too bad. i'm stuck here with my thoughts and you're the only one who talks to me.
——
purpled: i feel fine.
y/n: that's what we're going to put on your tombstone; "he felt fine!"
——
tommy, 10 years old: do you ever feel bugs on you when really nothing's there?
wilbur: those are the ghosts of the bugs you killed before
tommy:
tommy: *sobs*
y/n: you scared him, you idiot-
——
*y/n, at the police station*
y/n: i'm here for my brothers, wilbur, techno and tommy.
officer: and their last name is?
y/n: oh, you must be new here.
——
*out for lunch*
dream: aw, mcdonald's fries man... nothing better
sapnap, nodding in agreement: mhmm
y/n: 🎶 little in the middle but you got much BACK!🎶 🎼baraniiniin🎵
dream and sapnap: *laughs*
——
*y/n throwing stuff out the window*
punz: don't litter y/n 
y/n: it's skittles you stupid fuck 
punz: but still don't throw it outside what if a bird chokes on it? 
y/n: he'll taste the rainbow while he goes out.
——
purpled: y/n
purples: y/nnnnn
purpled: guess what i'm about to get?
y/n: on my nerves.
——
sapnap: i don't think there's anything worse than lukewarm hot fudge. it's like you're straight up lying.
karl: isn't kidnapping worse?
y/n: at least in kidnapping no one's lying to you.
sapnap: you're straight up getting stolen.
——
niki: it's just men
y/n: i know but i'm scared
——
chat: what would you like to say to those who doubted your success?
y/n: i hope they can see where i am now and believe in themselves too.
dream: how does my entire ass taste, bitches?
——
ranboo: i think my toaster strudel is undercooked but i already put the frosting on...
——
sapnap: BJ's!
karl: the actual thing or the restaurant?
——
george: i almost didn't recognize you.
y/n why?
george: you're wearing bright colors.
——
techno: i'm way too sleep deprived to be negative right now
——
tommy: turns out my life is just a long series of events where i make myself look stupid
——
punz: y/n thinks that this relationship is over. well, you know what? i am not gonna give up that easy. i am gonna make this way harder than it has to be.
——
dream: you look good in that hoodie.
george: you know where else i'd look good?
dream, zero hesitation: my bed.
george, at the same time: by you're side- wait, what?
——
tommy: when have i ever done something rash or irresponsible?
y/n: i keep a list.
phil: mine's in order of date.
wilbur: severity.
techno: mine's color coded.
——
dream: wait why don't YOU know how to stitch a wound, isn't your mom a nurse?!
sapnap: /embarrassing silence/
george: no, the right question is why exactly y/n out of all people knows how to do that???
y/n: well sapnap's mom is a nurse.
——
c!dream: HOW ARE YOU STILL ALIVE!!
y/n, red, coughing and low-key looking like shit: getting choked has become a regular thing
c!dream, getting more and more pissed.
y/n: plus you've got small hands
c!dream: I CAN'T TAKE THIS BULLSHIT ANYMORE!
y/n: look buddy you choked me
——
phil: who do we know that has handcuffs?
wilbur: well y/n and I-
y/n, elbows wilbur:
wilbur: ...wouldn't know.
——