Scene : In hotel lobby
Mitchell : Well, it is a big one the lavender ranch, Where they
grow 45 different varieties of lavender. 45.
Phil : You hear that, kids? 45 different varieties. Yeah, I can't sell that. Go with god.
Cameron (rather awkward) : Oh, well, more lavender for us.
(Commentary)
Cameron : When Mitchell and I first met, I may have exaggerated
my interest in adventurous travel by implying that I had any. But
it's one of the things he loves most about me, And I can't tell him
the truth now. It would be like Lewis telling Clark That he didn't
like to walk. Side note... We're very good friends with a couple
named Lewis and Clark. Clark bought a big, sparkly belt in New
Orleans that he calls his "Louisiana purchase."
(Back to the scene)
Alex : So, you still switched the room huh!
Me : Oh..yey. I can't stand them. I would like to do some work after I go into my room.
Alex : What are you working now?
Me : Just some business stuff.
Alex : You do realise that doing business at your age is very unusual not to mention owning a company. Now you look like someone doing 9 to 5 job or something.
Me : Highly unusual. And not one but two. But what can I say; I like what I'm doing and it gives me a sense of purpose and raises my adreline to new normal.
Haley : Sense of purpose?! What....are you into some sort of monk stuff!
Me : No.... Just ' I'm a legend' stuff.
Hayley : Very funny, "Ha ha ha".
Man : Aloha. Hi. Sorry, folks. This pool is for adults only.
Alex : Aw.
Phil : Don't turn around.
Claire : What?
Phil : Trust me. Just keep walking.
Haley : Wait. Where are you guys going? Guys? What just
happened?
Me : Nothing, it's just we are on our own.
(Cut the scene)
Scene : Outside hotel
Mitchell : Ooh, so, we can drink lavender tea while eating
lavender scones.
Cameron : Oh, neat. So is this an all-day thing, or...
Mitchell : Oh, no. I know what you're thinking, Cam. Don't worry
- we'll still have time for the whaling village.
Cameron : Oh. Good. So...
Mitchell : Okay.
Cameron : I can't.
Mitchell : What?
Cameron : I-I don't want to go. I know I said I'm not a stay-by-the-
pool type of guy, but I really am, Mitchell.
Mitchell : What are you saying?
Cameron : I'm saying that I like adventure, but not every minute
of every day. Can you just go by yourself?
Mitchell : But the lavender ranch... It's... it's something two men are meant to do together.
Bus driver : On or off, folks?
Mitchell : Well, I'm on.
Cameron : I'm off.
Mitchell : Think about what you're missing, Cam. It's an entire
ranch full of lavender.
Cameron : You're not making the compeling case you think you
are.
(Cut the scene)
Scene : At the pool
Jay : Hey, you little monkeys! No standing around! There you go! (Start throwing us in the pool)
Here goes another one! There you go! Here! Here comes another
one! There you go! (Mistakenly threw a hotel employee) I thought you were one of ours.
Gloria : Hey, Jay! Be careful. You're gonna hurt somebody...Like you.
Jay : Don't get too comfortable. I reserved us a tennis court.
Gloria : Yay.
Gloria : Thought that one of the advantages of marrying an older
guy was that I was going to be able to relax. But all the swimming and running and rowing... It's just like how some of my relatives got into this country.
(Cut the scene)
Scene : At one of the private pools
Phil : You know?
Claire : Hmm?
Phil : You look prettier now than the day we got married.
Claire : Oh, honey, and you are even more handsome.
Phil : I did pushups in the bathroom.
Claire : you're funny.
Phil : You're nice.
Claire : I have always been nice.
Phil : I've always been funny.
Claire : Well.
Haley : Mom? Dad?
Phil : Ignore her. That could be anyone.
Haley : Phil and Claire Dunphy?
Claire : Yes, Haley? Honey, what is it?
Haley : I'm gonna go get some shaved ice at the hotel next door
with some kids.
Claire : What kids?
Haley : Just some kids I met at the pool.
Claire : Okay, I should go with her.
Phil : Claire, no. You have to learn to let go. Turning a family
vacation into a honeymoon takes commitment. You can do it. Eye
of the tiger.
Haley : Hello?
Claire : I should at least meet them.
Phil : No. That is not eye of the tiger.
Claire : Okay. Okay. All right, hey, honey. Go and have fun. And
be back in time for your grandfather's birthday dinner, okay?
Haley : Thank you!
Claire : Okay! All right!
Phil : Bye, honey.
Claire : Oh, god. That feels weird and good all at once.
Phil : I know. I was leaning up against that nozzle a minute ago.
(Cut the scene)
Scene : At spa spot
Mitchell : Hey.
Cameron : Hey, you're back. How was it?
Mitchell : Oh, Cameron, it was the most incredible thing I have
ever seen in my entire life.
Cameron : Really?
Mitchell : And you know who else was there?
Cameron : Who?
Mitchell : Elton John. Yes, and he was so blown away by the
beauty of it, He sat down at their lavender piano and played "tiny
dancer." and we bonded, because he, too, likes adventure.
Cameron : Did that really happen?
Mitchell : No, that didn't really happen. I'm just trying to get back
at you for bailing on me.
Cameron : I'm sorry! If it means anything, we've been relaxing
here, doing nothing. Maybe you can join us tomorrow.
Mitchell : Oh, I-I can't. I just don't... I don't find relaxing that relaxing.
Cameron : I understand. You are who you are. Leilani.
Mitchell : You know what? You know, I-I think it's because of my
parents.
Cameron : It always is. Kipu.
Mitchell : I mean, vacation with my mom and my dad Was them
sitting around like statues When, you know, the only thing that me
and Claire could do for excitement was... Oh... was, you know, sit
around and listen to my skin sizzle.
Cameron : You poor thing. Sue.
Mitchell : So that's like... that's why, when I'm on vacation, I want
to go out and meet the locals. I want to immerse myself in the
culture. You know, I don't want to sloth around all day... Ah, sweet
Lady Gaga, that is good. Oh! Oh, thank you. Mmm! What's this
called?
Cameron : Happiness.
Mitchell : Ohh.
(Cut the scene)
Scene : At their hotel room
Manny : I'm curious. Is there any sand left on the beach, or did
you bring it all up to our bathroom?
Luke : Sorry, mom.
Manny : And now you're sitting on my linen jacket. I guess I can't
have nice things.
Luke : Oh. I'm sorry. I didn't know it was there.
Manny : It's okay. Oh! Luke! Stop! I'm wearing that tonight.
Luke : I'm wrinkling your linen! I'm wrinkling your linen!
Many : Ooh! You know what? Out! I want you out! This isn't
working! I don't care where you go, as long as you don't stay here!
Luke : What are you saying?
Manny : What don't you understand about "out"?
Luke : Fine. I'll just move in with Will. Ooh! Ooh!
Manny : Oh, no. Who will pee all over the bathroom floor?
Luke : I was brushing my teeth at the same time. You try to do
that!