Chapter 28
The snow is still falling.
The open space in front of the Tongzi Building in the Family Courtyard of Veteran Cadres was covered with snow, and occasionally there were a few large and small footprints. Li Zan walked across the snow with his head lowered, without an umbrella. Snowflakes covered his hair and shoulders.
He walked quickly into the corridor, patting the snow on his body unintentionally, and took a few strides up to the second floor. When he turned a corner, he stopped for a moment. Chen Feng was wrapped in a military coat, smoking and stamping his feet in the cold, waiting at the door of his house.
Li Zan paused and said, "Instructor."
"Back." Chen Feng raised his hand and put out the cigarette butt on the snow-covered railing.
A dim sensor light was on in the corridor, and a thin layer of snow had already fallen on the cement floor.
"How long have you been here? I didn't even make a call." Li Zan took out the key, opened the door, and turned on the light.
Chen Feng followed him into the house: "You're busy with your work; I can't interrupt you. It doesn't matter if you wait for a while. Liangcheng has seen a ghost this year. It's snowing at this time."
"It's a cold spring." Li Zan threw the key into the bowl on the cabinet in the entrance hall, went into the living room, turned on the electric heater, and said, "You warm up the fire first, and I'll make you a cup of tea."
Chen Feng sat down, rubbed his frozen hands on the stove, and asked, "Where is your dad?"
"Back to Jiangcheng." Li Zan's voice came from the kitchen, "My grandparents are not in good health. He will take care of them when he returns."
"If you want to be transferred back to Jiangcheng, you can. Luo Zhan said that he would find a civilian position for you there." Chen Feng said, "You retain your status as a cadre, so you cannot volunteer outside forever. Don't even think about quitting, the organization will not Will agree."
Li Zan didn't answer.
Chen Feng looked at the table in the corner of the living room. The table is piled with books, chemical analysis, circuit analysis... and a pile of wires, plastics, metals, chemical powders, plus small tools such as scissors and tweezers.
Chen Feng felt uncomfortable.
Still thinking about it, Li Zan came out with a cup of hot tea and handed it to him.
Chen Feng took the tea and took a sip, then subconsciously glanced at the table. Before he could take a closer look, Li Zan threw a scarf on it and covered the table tightly.
Chen Feng also pretended not to see it and said, "How is your health?"
Li Zan said: "Very good."
"Where are the ears?"
"same as usual."
He obviously didn't want to say more, and Chen Feng was also speechless.
Chen Feng put down his teacup, was silent for a while, took out a cigarette to smoke, then thought of something, and handed another one to Li Zan.
Li Zan refused.
"Still don't smoke?" Chen Feng smiled lightly. I remember that Li Zan told him that smoking was a form of mental control. He rejects this control.
"Don't think too much." Li Zan said, sitting down next to him and warming themselves by the fire together.
The smile on Chen Feng's face disappeared, he smoked a cigarette, blew out several smoke rings, and said, "I found the sealed file from Luo Zhan on September 26th last year."
Li Zan looked down at the electric heater, his rubbing hands stiffened, but his expression could not be seen. The snow on the hair on his shoulders has melted, leaving some water stains on his clothes, and his hair is twisted together in clusters.
……
Chen Feng ran to Jiangcheng to find Luo Zhan over and over again, and it took a lot of effort before he could see last year's top-secret files.
That day, after bomb disposal officer Li Zan killed the first female suicide bomber, the detonator accidentally triggered. As he fled, he discovered the second male attacker.
The bomb disposal team rushed forward to try to control the opponent and prevent him from detonating the bomb.
The previous explosion knocked people down, leaving a mess all around. The injured bomb disposal soldier struggled with the attacker, but after a struggle, he was unable to deload the bomb due to lack of physical strength. Seeing that the explosion was about to detonate, the bomb disposal soldiers rushed the attacker into an abandoned house on the roadside, closed the door and escaped. At that moment, the bomb exploded.
The bomb disposal soldier fell unconscious on the spot. Afterwards, the Dongguo military found many broken corpses in abandoned houses. When it was pieced together, it turned out that in addition to the attacker, there was also a family of six hiding inside - a young couple, three little boys, and a little girl.
The Dongguo military completely blocked the news, and the peacekeeping headquarters also set up top secrets and hid everything from Li Zan.
"Originally, it should have been hidden. However," Luo Zhan said, "Judging from Li Zan's reaction after waking up, he knew it himself."
"The place with the most blood on the scene was on the wall next to the door, where the family was hiding. From this, it is speculated that the moment Li Zan closed the door and turned around to run out, he saw the family hiding next to the door. People, six people. Maybe I even made eye contact with them. ...But at that moment, there was no time to react, it was too late to do anything."
"Perhaps it was because the psychological shock to him at that moment was so great that he failed to react correctly as a special forces soldier in the next moment - sprint away, dodge diagonally, or fall down and crawl. That's why he was so seriously injured."
……
Chen Feng sighed: "Why don't you tell the truth to the psychiatrist? If you don't tell the truth, who can help you?"
Li Zan said: "It doesn't matter anymore."
"It really doesn't matter. You will go to the United States to find Dr. Jackson by yourself? Are these things still on the table?"
Speechless.
Chen Feng said: "A-Zan, you didn't know there was anyone in that room. Moreover, if it weren't for you, the 13 soldiers who were injured in the news that day would not have been injured, but dead."
But Li Zan didn't hear it, there was a bang in his head.
He lowered his head deeply, clenched his hands tightly, frowned, and tried his best to resist the sudden wave of tinnitus.
Sometimes it buzzed and sometimes it thundered, causing him to lose any ability to think.
He didn't hear a word Chen Feng said.
It wasn't until a few minutes later that he slowly loosened his clenched hands and took a breath of exhaustion. I heard Chen Feng say: "A-Zan, you are here to save people."
Li Zan said: "Just because the purpose is correct does not mean that the result is just."
Chen Feng said: "You are too kind-hearted and soft-hearted. Sometimes I even hope that you can be tougher and colder."
Li Zan didn't speak for a long time, and in the end he only said: "I am living a good life now."
After he finished speaking, he knew that Chen Feng didn't believe it.
As for whether he believed it or not, he didn't know.
……
It snowed all night.
When I wake up in the morning, the world outside is covered in silver, clean and white.
Li Zan rushed to the police station early to go on duty.
Today is the Lantern Festival, and it’s snowing again. There were no people on the street, and the atmosphere in the whole city was a bit lazy and tired.
When we arrived at the police station, our colleagues were not very energetic. There was nothing urgent to deal with in the morning. Several policemen and policemen were chatting by the fire in the office, complaining about the unusually cold weather in Liangcheng this year and complaining about hard work and little money.
Li Zan was a newcomer sent from a special field. He had only been on the job for a few days, and he didn't talk much, so he didn't participate.
During the lunch break, several colleagues fell asleep on the table.
The office was quiet.
He couldn't sit still and went out for a walk.
On the road, cars honked their whistles and people were noisy.
Perhaps because the air was fresh after the snow, he heard those sounds clearly.
Li Zan walked along and unknowingly stopped at a familiar intersection. He looked up and saw the Liangcheng Satellite TV building opposite.
He stood on the roadside and looked at the building for a while, then turned and walked back.
Halfway through, I reached an intersection and had to cross the road.
He put his pockets in his pockets and waited for the red light, a little carelessly.
The traffic light turned green and he stepped onto the sidewalk. The cold wind blew over him. He squinted his eyes and lowered his head slightly to protect himself from the cold. He inadvertently looked back at the direction of Liangcheng TV behind him.
When I looked back, I was shocked.
Song Ran was coming from the opposite side. She looked behind her, and when she turned her head, her little face looked sad. When she raised her eyes again and met his gaze, she was also startled, and her eyes widened slightly.
The two looked at each other, walked towards each other, and met in the center of the road. Both of them were a little tongue-tied.
"You..." Song Ran took his hand out of his pocket and pointed back and forth twice, but he didn't know where to point or what to say.
Li Zan smiled first and said warmly: "Why are you here?"
"I..." She couldn't say that she went out for a walk during her lunch break and accidentally walked into the Baixi Road Police Station. "I came out to meet a friend. What about you?"
"Doing some official business."
"You..." As soon as she spoke, his expression changed slightly, and he pulled her arm forward. She staggered and almost fell into his arms, but he quickly stepped back and made room for her.
It turned out that the traffic light had changed, and vehicles were passing by at high speed behind her.
On the wide road, traffic is speeding.
He and she stood on the yellow line in the middle of the road, like an isolated island in the sea.
For no reason, she suddenly smiled.
"What are you laughing at?" He asked softly, always looking down at her expression.
There was laughter in her words: "We are standing in the middle of the road, trapped. How silly."
Li Zan looked up, then looked back. Across the dense traffic, people were coming and going on both sides of the road. Two large groups of pedestrians gathered on the roadside waiting for the light to turn green. They were the only ones floating in the middle of the road.
He suddenly smiled and said, "Yes."
Song Ran said: "When I used to rush for a green light, I would sometimes get stuck in the middle of the road, and then I would feel super embarrassed. However, if two people are together..."
Her voice gradually became softer and she never finished her words. The last few words were swallowed up by the sound of rolling wheels.
Li Zan didn't hear clearly, lowered his head slightly and asked: "But what?"
She looked at his approaching side face and the hearing aid in her ear, lowered her eyes gently and said, "However, I rarely do this, just once."
"Oh." He straightened up and nodded.
At this time, the green light turned on again on the sidewalk, and the little green figure on the indicator light began to move around. On both sides of the road, crowds of people rushed towards each other.
He and she looked at each other, and their eyes were quiet for a moment.
Song Ran pointed to the roadside and said, "I'm going there."
"Yeah." Li Zan pointed his chin in the opposite direction and said, "I'm leaving too. ...Well, happy Lantern Festival."
He suddenly said such a sentence, Song Ran was stunned, and smiled: "Yes, today is the Lantern Festival. You are happy too."
"Um."
Pedestrians passed by the two of them. Figures shuttled across the line of sight between him and her. He looked at her without moving his gaze and suddenly asked: "Have you had lunch?"
……
There happened to be a good tea restaurant at the intersection. Li Zan and Song Ran found a seat by the window and sat down.
Li Zan handed her the menu and said, "Let's see what you like to eat."
Song Ran looked at the menu and unconsciously poked his face with a pencil: "Stewed fish head with Angelica dahuricae, how about it?"
"OK."
Song Ran ticked the box and asked, "Boiled cabbage?"
"good."
"The rice here comes in a small bowl. How many bowls do you want?"
Li Zan looked at the rice on the next table and said, "Two bowls."
Song Ran wrote "3" and said, "That's enough."
"Just two dishes?"
"I ordered too much and couldn't finish it."
Li Zan took the menu, ordered steamed pork ribs with black bean sauce and quicksand buns, and asked, "Would you like dessert?"
Song Ran hesitated for a moment, then suddenly raised his eyebrows and said, "Let's make glutinous rice balls with sesame paste. It's the Lantern Festival today. Reunion."
Li Zan originally just wanted her to eat dessert. After hearing what she said, he had a bowl himself and wrote "2".
Li Zan handed the menu to the waiter and said to Song Ran: "You are still the same, always so polite."
It was when I was in Garo City. That time when they had barbecue, she was reluctant to order more, but later he gave her more drinks.
Song Ran said: "I don't want to waste it."
Li Zan did not delve into this topic, but just curled his lips.
The thin sunlight outside the window shone on his face, giving him a faint flavor of the old days.
Song Ran saw the light reflected by the hearing aid on his ear again and said, "Can you recover?"
"What?"
Song Ran pointed to his ear.
"There's nothing wrong with my hearing." Li Zan said, "Sometimes it's too noisy around me. If I take it off, it will be much quieter. If I don't want to talk to you now, just take it off."
Song Ran was still a little worried, but he made her chuckle for a second.
Li Zan looked at her and smiled, unconsciously scratching the table with his fingers a few times, and finally asked: "You...were you injured that time?"
He still remembered how she fell to the ground after the first explosion that day, her face pale and her eyes closed.
He frowned uncomfortably and brushed away the memory.
Song Ran said: "My eye was hurt a little, but it's not serious. It will heal soon."
Li Zan accidentally looked into her eyes, which were as clear and bright as before, with clear distinction between black and white.
"What about you? Are you seriously injured?"
Li Zan shook his head: "It's nothing."
"That's good." She believed it and asked, "When did you come back?"
"I came back soon." Li Zan lowered his head and scratched his forehead with his finger, "What about you?"
"Me too, the reporters just rotate."
After hearing this, Li Zan smiled and said, "I've been seeing you on TV news recently, many times."
Song Ran pursed her lips and smiled: "It's all because of the photos that I won the award." She fiddled with her chopsticks with her fingers and said, "By the way, let me tell you, I am now developing into an independent journalist and can do many things freely. You can also choose topics that interest you and want to focus on.”
With a smile in his eyes, Li Zan listened to her words carefully and said sincerely: "It's very good."
She nodded: "Yes. However, sometimes I feel that this society is really realistic. Just because a photo is successful, you can gain a lot. It's too consequential. On the contrary, I feel..." She felt a pain in her heart and said, "One For this matter, the true and correct purpose and process at the beginning are more important. It is a bit biased to use the results to deduce the original intention."
After hearing this, Li Zan was silent for a moment and said: "I used to think so, but now I feel that sometimes the right purpose does not give immunity to the wrong result. If you make a mistake, you have to take responsibility, no matter how good your original intention is. "
Song Ran was quiet for a moment, lowered his eyes, and said softly: "But... it is a bit cruel to completely deny or distort a person's original good intentions because of mistakes or imperfect results."
Li Zan thought about this sentence and did not answer for a while.
The waiter served the food.
Li Zan spooned out a bowl of clear fish soup for her.
"Thank you." Song Ran took a few sips slowly and raised his eyes, "By the way, where are Political Commissar Luo, Jiang Lin and the others?"
"Political Commissar Luo has just returned. Jiang Lin will probably arrive next month."
"Oh." Song Ran nodded, and after a few seconds, asked again, "Is Jiang Lin still catching chickens now?"
Li Zan was stunned for a moment, then smiled: "I should still arrest him. I heard it is a newly opened land."
"Changed location?"
"Well, Garo also started a war. The station was moved 60 kilometers south."
"Oh," she suddenly remembered, "where are Benjamin and the others?"
"I was a little injured and returned to the United States."
"You still have contact?"
"Yes. Last time I went to the United States, I met him." Li Zan looked at her and said, "He even asked about you."
"Eh?" Song Ran's eyes widened slightly, "What are you asking me for?"
"It's nothing, just talk about how things are going, how you are doing, etc."
"……oh."
"Is the reporter named Sashin okay?" Li Zan asked.
Speaking of Saxin, Song Ran smiled again: "He is fine, he has been rescued a long time ago."
"That's good." Li Zan said, "You must have saved him."
Song Ran was eating glutinous rice balls and raised her head in confusion. She had never thought about this problem. She deliberately avoided recalling many things that happened that day.
She held the glutinous rice balls in her mouth and mumbled a vague "um". Seeing that he hadn't touched the dessert yet, he reminded him: "This glutinous rice dumpling is delicious. Try it. It will cool down after a while."
Li Zan scooped one out and put it in his mouth. It was soft and waxy, not overly sweet, and had just the right taste.
"Is it delicious?"
"Yeah. It's delicious."
"How long will you stay at your current position?"
"I'm not sure at the moment. At least for now..." He moved his eyes to the window, "It's not bad. It's quite relaxing."
"That's right. You don't have time for yourself in the army." Song Ran said sincerely, "It's good to return to life. No one has to devote his whole life to something."
Li Zan listened to this, pondered for a while, and asked: "Will you still go to Dongguo? Reporting, etc."
Song Ran squeezed the spoon tightly, raised her eyes and smiled: "No, not for the time being. There is still a lot of work at hand, and I can't spare time."
"It's pretty good. Girls are still prone to injuries when they run outside alone."
"Yeah. My mother has always been against me going to Dongguo. She said it's the same as developing in China and paying close attention to domestic news."
"Yes." Li Zan said, "To do things seriously, you don't need to stick to a specific place or environment."
Song Ran nodded.
After finishing the meal, it was already past one o'clock in the afternoon.
When Li Zan settled the bill, Song Ran didn't say AA this time: "Can I treat you next time?"
He smiled: "Okay."
After walking out of the restaurant, the two parted at the intersection.
Li Zan said: "See you next time."
"Well, see you next time." Song Ran waved to him.
She followed the flow of people to the other side of the road. After walking a few steps, I couldn't help but look back. He was also crossing the road, with a tall profile and the faint light of noon shining on his hair.
Li Zan followed the crowd to the roadside, and then turned to look diagonally across the intersection. Song Ran had already crossed the road and walked far away.
He looked away, put his hands in his pockets, and continued to move forward. Walking through the gap between two buildings, the wind blew.
There was silence in his heart.