"Leave. Me. Alone." Hyuka wasn't kidding. He wore that 'lone wolf' persona like a badge of honor. It was the perfect mask to hide behind. He never asked for Taehyun's help. The situation may have turned out better if he was allowed to handle anything by himself. But no. Taehyun always had to insert his nose where it didn't belong. Hyuka didn't need saving.
Taehyun pleaded "I was just trying to help you!"
Hyuka turned to face him when his duffle bag was packed. "NO YOU WEREN'T!" He took a deep breath. He had been waiting to say this for a while. "I know your type and I'm sick of it. Your savior complex is sickening. I never once asked for your help but you put you had to put your two cents in didn't you? You took me in because you saw me as some wounded puppy who just needed some healing. Except I'm not a fucking dog you can just order around!"
Taehyun was close to crying. Everything that spewed out of the younger's mouth was true. He wished they had never met.
Hyuka wasn't done. "You tried to turn me into something I'm not. Then you had the NERVE to say I FAILED YOU when I couldn't become what you wanted! I didn't fail you. YOU failed ME! You need more help than I do! Fix yourself and do the world a favor. Don't try to 'help' anyone ever again!"
Taehyun fell to his knees as he watched the younger storm out into the rain. Lightning cracked across the sky. Thunder softly rolled on as he dragged himself to the window. He watched Hyuka sit at the bus stop in the corner of the street. Five minutes later, he was gone.
Bottles of alcohol rapidly disappeared from his fridge. All he wanted to do was save Hyuka. But the younger was right. He never once asked for his help. Taehyun insisted he lived with him. Then he got him a job behind his back. Expectations were in place. The unwanted pressure was driving Hyuka away. He was too blind in his own pride, too busy patting himself on the back, to see it. Maybe he should've asked what Hyuka actually wanted instead of assuming. Perhaps the younger should've been left alone. That's all he thought about as he kept drinking.
Tears kept streaming down his face as alcohol continued to grace his lips. That little house was full when Hyuka was in it. It felt lifeless now. Taehyun was alone. He longed for the younger to be sitting next to him. Every happy memory he had with him was now tainted. Hyuka's laugh seemed so genuine. His smile was the epitome of sunshine. Now he wasn't so sure.
The 5th bottle was tossed into the recycling. He reached for the sixth but lacked the energy. His head leaned against the cabinet. The floor seemed cooler than before. Thunder rolled on as the rain picked up.
Taehyun grabbed his phone. His lock screen was a candid picture of Hyuka under Christmas lights. He unlocked it to see his home screen being a selfie they took together on the couch. He never did tell the younger how he felt about him. That was probably for the best. Or maybe he would've stayed if he did. Taehyun didn't know as his finger hovered over the telephone icon. He wanted to call him so much. Instead he reached for another beer.
Hyuka leaned his head against the bus window. His headphones went in as his eyes closed. He told Taehyun the truth. One that no one else was brave enough to say. There was one thing he wished he could take back. Taehyun didn't need to fix himself. His unconditional love just needed to be put into the correct people. Hyuka had no idea where he was going. Anywhere didn't seem like a bad option.
By the 8th beer, Taehyun's self control was gone. He called him. He couldn't help it. The phone rang until the younger finally picked up. He started to pour his heart out. "Hyuka... come home... I should've asked what you wanted. You didn't need saving. You didn't need to be changed. I fell in love with you. I'm never giving up on you. I'll always be here when you need me. I love you and I'm sorry..." Taehyun muted the phone so Hyuka couldn't hear him sniffle. His eyelids felt heavy. He forced himself to stay awake when he heard that honey voice in his ear.
"Taehyun... I'm wrong for you. You're drunk. You need to get some sleep. We were never meant to be together. You don't love me. You love the person you wanted me to be. Goodbye..." Hyuka hung up. He found himself back at his abusive ex's house. He stared at the white chipped door with no idea why he was there again. Before he came to his senses, the door opened.
His ex blew a cloud of smoke in his face then smirked. "I knew you'd be back. Sending the police after me? What did you expect?" He slapped Hyuka hard across the face. "You're gonna get it for leaving me you stupid piece of shit. You should've come back after the first threat."
Hyuka found the belt of his pants being undone. He shouldn't have came back. He told himself this was the kind of love he deserved since it was the only one he knew. His ex was the exact same as his father. Posessive. Killed every ounce of self worth he had. He didn't know what real love was. It scared him more than the abuse because who could ever love him? He was nothing. Taehyun just wanted to help and he walked away from it. His lips met that cigarette stained mouth. He wanted to cry as he was pulled into the house. This was what he deserved. This was all he ever knew.
Taehyun's sobs became uncontrollable. He yelled towards the ceiling then threw his phone across the house. This was the worst night of his life. He was physically and emotionally drained. Taehyun fell asleep on his kitchen floor. He woke up with dried tears on his cheeks.
The sky remained a light shade of gray in preparation for the rain that afternoon.
Hyuka woke up in his ex's bed. He ran his finger over the cigarette burns on his wrist. His back was killing him from his ex's selfishness. His own pleasures were ignored like they usually were. He looked around the tiny studio. Everything looked the same. It was like he never left. He got up to start cleaning. The punishment would be bad if he didn't.
Taehyun called in sick for work. He forced himself to wash up then threw on an oversized t-shirt.
Beomgyu figured something was wrong. Taehyun never called in sick. He went over to his place and peaked through the window. His friend was asleep on the couch. He rung the doorbell until the pink hair answered.
Taehyun rubbed his eyes. "What are you doing here?"
"To make sure you're okay." Beomgyu peaked further into the house. "Where's Hyuka?"
"Gone. I'm fine. Really. Thanks for stopping by."
"Talk to me?"
Taehyun let him in. They sat together at the dining room table after he made himself some breakfast. "I told him I loved him..."
"And what did he say?"
"That I didn't."
Beomgyu poured himself some coffee then sat back down. "Did he tell you he loves you too?"
"He doesn't. I thought he did. I guess I was wrong."
"Taehyun. Please don't tell me you actually believe that." Beomgyu watched him slowly eat his food. He glanced over to see all of the empty bottles in the recycling. "Why did he leave? Wait, no. What happened before he left?"
"I called the police when his ex threatened to kill him on the street. The threats got worse but I told him I would protect him. He lost his job shortly after. I got really mad. He said I made things worse. Then he left."
"Why did he lose his job?"
Taehyun finished his food. He sipped his coffee to waste time. He muttered "he wouldn't tell me..."
"Listen. I'm not going to tell you how to handle this but do you want my advice?"
"Sure."
"Don't try to find him. That will make him feel like he's being chased. He loves you. He will eventually come back. Just make sure he knows he's safe here."
"I'm not so sure he'll come back. He doesn't love me but thanks for trying to make me feel better."
Beomgyu pulled up a picture of Taehyun passed out at a bar. He showed it to him. "I took this because it was funny." He swiped to the next one. "See it now?"
Taehyun saw Hyuka carrying him in his arms. The way the younger was looking at him was a look he had never seen before. That morning, he couldn't remember how he got into his bed. He just figured he stumbled there on his own. "I miss him..."
"I know. Give him time." Beomgyu put his phone away then gently slapped Taehyun's shoulder. "Put on some cologne. You still reek of alcohol. I'm taking you out today."
Taehyun smelled his arm. "I don't smell that bad!" He put some cologne on anyways.
Hyuka jumped when he heard the door open. His ex threw his jacket at the floor lamp. It fell over. Hyuka ran to pick it up. He felt unwanted hands run all over his body. His ex's breath smelled like alcohol and tobacco. He wanted to puke. He turned his head to the side so he didn't have to smell it. His neck was harshly kissed. The back of his knees were kicked so he would fall. His mouth was forced onto his ex. It wasn't over fast enough.
After it was done, his ex left him to go to a strip club. Hyuka ran to puke into the toilet. He cried on the bathroom floor. He missed Taehyun. He wanted to go back. Doubts consumed his mind. Taehyun wouldn't take him back. Why would he after all of the horrible things he said? He didn't deserve the older because he was worthless. All he needed was a sign that Taehyun still wanted him. This was his life now until then.