Umeed hadn't missed his increased stress levels. She hadn't ignored how he was getting up extra early, coming back extra late and staying up all night long for almost two weeks now. She had been noticing the eyebags growing bigger under his eyes, him stretching his arms and neck more often to ease the stiffed muscles and the frequent pulling of his hair. She had been closely observing it all. Every time she would ask, she would get the same response,
"Aray nahi Umeed kuch nahi, bas kaam thora zyada hai aaj kal."
She knew he was lying. This wasn't usual work stress. A little over 10 months with the man were enough to tell her when he was lying and when he wasn't. But of course, it was Farjaad - he would let himself suffer internally than stress anyone else about it.
That was the thing about him that pissed her off the most. Despite her constant efforts to show him that she wanted him to be open and transparent with her, he still did not let himself get fully vulnerable. He was very expressive when it came to love, but when it came to his tensions, he would make sure he kept them as far away from her as possible. There could be a tsunami building up inside of him, yet he wouldn't let her catch a hint. He'd always tell her, "sab theek hia meri jaan, tum tension na lo".
She hated how this man had grown up believing that he always had to have everything figured out. How he himself had to find the answers to every problem, and could never reach out to anyone for help. She hated how he always pretended to be strong in front of everyone, even when she knew he was hurting inside.
It also made a part of her feel guilty. She felt like she still had not been able to make him believe that she would always be there for him, and try to help him out as much as she could. She felt like she had erred somewhere in convincing him of her unconditional love and support, and it made her want to cry.
She was intently looking at him from the bed, seeing his eyes glued to his laptop screen, while constantly checking his phone for messages and listening to voice notes. He was a little too into work tonight, still in his office attire. Not once had he said an extra word to her apart from the formalities. She was getting a little worried about him.
Getting out of bed, she made her way to the kitchen, heatied up food for him and took it back to the room where he was on a call.
"To ye cheezein agar mene hi dekhni hein to aap sab ke aur aap ki teams ke honay ka kya faida hai? Aap logon ko kis cheez ki tankhua milti hai?"
He was pacing around the room, practically screaming into the phone. Umeed flinched slightly. She had never seen him this angry. He was a man known for his calm and composed persona, even in the worst of times. This Farjaad was not a bit calm.
"Mujhe nahi pata aap kya karein gay, kesay karein gay. Mujhe sirf itna pata hai that I want this mess cleared up in two days, warna aap sab ke sab nayi nokriyan dhoond lein!"
He shut the call and threw his phone to the bed out of anger. He ran both his hands on his face and then through his hair, his eyes shut closed. He was talking deep breaths to calm himself down.
Umeed took small steps towards him, placing both her hands on his. Farjaad opened his eyes to be met by her big, round ones, staring right into his soul. As if on cue, Farjaad tried to put up a strong face, forcing a smile on his face, making Umeed's heart physically hurt. She wanted the earth to swallow her whole seeing her husband having to hide his true feelings from her.
But this wasn't the time to be thinking of that. This was the time to be thinking of him.
She intertwined his hand with his, dragging him along her to the bed, making him sit down. She then handed him the plate of rice she had just warmed for him. He took it without a single objection. She silently observed how he took quick bites as if he hadn't eaten in days - which he hadn't. He had left for the office without breakfast, he came home after Umeed had slept the previous night too.
Once done, he placed the plate back into the tray on the bed and Umeed was quick to put it aside and shift closer to him. He wasn't looking into her questioning eyes, he knew he wouldn't be able to resist them, so he kept looking down at his fingers.
"Biryani achi thi, tum ne banayi hai?"
"Nahi, ma ne banayi thi."
"Acha."
Silence again. Umeed was busy reading his face. The crinkles by his eyes. The one vein popping out on his forehead - the one that came out when he was stressed. His jaw clinched tight. Lips pursed into a straight line. She knew he was waiting to get back to work, but she wasn't letting that happen just yet.
She gently intertwined her index finger with his, making him look up at the small yet intimate gesture.
And he made the mistake of looking into her eyes.
"Farjaad, kya hua hai?"
He gulped. Looking away instantly. Sweat drops forming on his forehead.
"Kuch nahi, bas tumhein pata to hai, kaam mein oonch neech to chalti rehti hai."
She sighed. She knew this is what he would say. She shifted even closer to where he was sitting.
"Farjaad, mein koi bachi nahi hoon. Na hi mein andhi hoon. Kaam ki oonch neech mein, aur kisi baray maslay mein farq samajh sakti hoon mein."
He was looking anywhere but at her as he ran a hand on his chin.
"Nahi aisa kuch nahi hai, bas thora sa issue hai, I'll handle it."
And there he said it. The three words that pinched Umeed's heart, "I'll handle it".
She lifted her free hand and gently placed it on his cheek, making him look up at her. She let her hand rest on his cheek as her thumb ran circles over the growing stubble.
"Farjaad, kabhi kabhi khud ko itni ijazat de deni chahiye ke har cheez handle na ho paa rahi ho to kisi se madad le lein, ya kam se kam kisi ke saath share to kar lein."
His eyes widened as he looked into hers - full of compassion and concern. He felt himself melting.
"Nahi Umeed, aisi baat nahi hai bas thora issue chal raha tha, nothing to worry about."
"Farjaad! Mein aap ki biwi hoon. Allah ne mujhe aap ka saathi banaya hai, khushi AUR ghum mein. Aur kisi se na share karein, mujh se to karein!"
He had never experienced anyone begging him to make them a part of his problems. If anyone ever even asked, it would be solely out of courtesy.
Maybe that was why she was his soulmate.
She noticed how he was contemplating breaking his walls down, all he needed was an extra push, and she was more than willing to provide him that.
She brought up her other hand to his hair, slowly running her fingers through them, then letting it slide down to his face, both her hands cupping his face now.
"Mein shayad aap ka masla to na suljha sakoon, par kam se kam aap ke dil ka bojh to halka kar sakti hoon na."
Farjaad held both her hands in his, bringing them to his lips and kissing her fingers, before letting their intertwined hands fall into his lap. He looked down on the hands, still refusing to meet her eyes. Umeed kept eying him intently.
"Aik deal sign ki thi abhi recently. Kaafi bari deal thi, croron ki, aik naye partner ke saath. Contract bananay wali team ne buhat se loopholes chor diye hein contract mein. Hamaray account se mostly amount trasnfer bhi ho chuki hai, aur ab wo doosri party unresponsive ho gayi hai. Mumkin hai ke wo fraud kar ke faraar ho chukay hon."
Umeed gasped lightly.
"Ab meri samajh mein nahi aa raha ke mein kya karoon. Seedha seedha 3-4 crore ka nuqsaan hai. Us project ki wajah se kuch aur projects ko on hold kar diya tha to wahan se bhi nuqsaan ho raha hai, peeche se suppliers ki bhi compains aa rahi hein. Buhat loss ho raha hai business ka."
Umeed kept rubbing circles with her thumb on his hand, a gesture Farjaad greatly appreciated.
"Ab mujhe kuch samajh nahi aa raha Umeed. Aik ke baad aik sab kuch kharab se kharab-tar ho raha hai. Jo cheez theek karnay ki koshish kar raha hoon, wo mazeed kharab ho rahi hai, I just - I don't know what to do!"
Umeed saw a lone tear come out of his eyes as he shut them tight. She could see the weeks of frustration that had built up inside of him finally finding an escape.
She got one hand out of his hold and brought it to his face, wiping the tear away.
"Farjaad, idhar dekhein meri taraf"
He did as she asked him to. She could see his eyes turn red.
"Paisay hi hein Farjaad, chahay jitni bhi bari raqam kyun na ho, aap khud ko paison ke peeche yunn pareshan kar rahay hein?"
"Sirf paisay nahi hein, Umeed. Itna nuqsaan honay ke baad mere under jo itnay employees kaam kartay hein, mein un sab ki tankhuwayein kahan se manage karoon ga? Chalo wo ho bhi jaati hein, to phir jo is loss ko overcome karnay ke liye mujhe aur projects karnay hon gay, un ke liye amount kahan se aaye gi?"
"Farjaad, rizq Allah ke haath mein hota hai. Wo aik jagah se tang karta hai to koi doosra raasta nikaal deta hai. Allah par bharosa rakhein, wo koi raasta zaroor nikalay ga."
Farjaad ran a hand over his face.
"Aur tum, Mimi, ma? Tum sab ka kya? Mein aglay pata nahi kitnay time ke liye wo lifestyle tum logon ko provide nahi kar sakoon ga jo ab tak karta aa raha hoon."
Umeed felt as if her heart was shattered into pieces.
"Idhar dekhein meri taraf."
She forced him to look straight into her eyes.
"Aap ko lagta hai ke mene aap se shaadi aap ke paisay, is lifestyle ke liye li thi?"
"Nahi, mein to bas aisay hi -"
"Farjaad, aap ke saath mujhe aik kamray ki jhompri mein rehna paray na, mein khushi khushi reh loon. Aap mujhe motorcycle par to kya, scooty pe bhi le ke ghoomein gay na, to mein aap ke saath dunya ke doosray konay tak chali jaaon. Mere liye - aur hum sab ke liye - sab se barh ke aap hein. Aap hein to sab kuch hai, aap nahi hein to kuch bhi nahi hai, Farjaad."
Farjaad's lips cracked into a small smile as his hold on her hand tightened.
"Bas kabhi khud ko is tarah hopeless nahi feel kiya. Kaash baba hotay, ya kaash unhon ne kabhi mujhe bataya hota ke is tarah ki situations se kesay deal kartay hein."
A few more tears rolled down his cheeks as a sad smile made its way to his face.
"Agar wo aaj zinda hotay to wo aap ko batatay ke un ko aap pe kitna fakhar hai. Jis tarah se aap ne ye sab kuch handle kiya hua hai itnay saalon se, ye koi choti baat nahi hai."
"Par ab wohi sab kuch apni ankhon ke saamnay bikharta nazar aa raha hai."
"Pehli baat to ye hai ke jahan tak mein Farjaad Khan Bahadur ko jaanti hoon, mujhe pata hai ke aap is maslay ka koi na koi hal zaroor nikaal lein gay."
She wiped a few tears off his face as he looked at her adoringly.
"Aur doosra ye, ke agar koi hal na nikal paaya aur sab kuch waqaye mein bikhar gaya, to hum mil kar us ko dobara khara kar lein gay. Aap aur mein, saath.
She brought her hand back to meet his, holding them strongly. Farjaad looked at their hands - a promise of forever.
"Tumhein waqaye itna yaqeen hai mujhe pe?"
"Aap par to mujhe apni jaan se barh ke yaqeen hai."
"Kisi par itna andha yaqeen karna acha nahi hota, Umeed."
"Aap kisi nahi hein, aap mere shohar hein, aur mere liye is dunya mein sab se eham hein. Mein aap par yaqeen nahi karoon gi to aur kon karay ga?"
His body finally eased as he broke into a smile.
"Thank you, Umeed."
"Thank you? Kis baat ka?"
"I don't know, is ka, har cheez ka, I guess?"
Umeed shifted even closer to him, their knees brushing against one another.
"Farjaad, mene aap se shadi ki thi zindagi bhar saath nibhanay ke liye. Sirf achay dinon mein nahi, achay aur buray donon dinon mein. Is liye ye apna thank you jo hai, issay apnay paas hi rakhein."
Farjaad chukled.
"Acha theek hai madam, jesay aap kahein."
Umeed broke out into a smile too. She brought her hand up to his hair as she played around with it. Farjaad didn't stop her, he just sat there and said a little prayer for being so lucky.
"Farjaad?"
"Hmm"
Their voices were merely a whisper as Umeed's face was barely inches away from his.
"Mujhe pata hai mein aap ke jesi smart ya koi experienced businesswoman to nahi hoon. Ye cheezein meri us tarah samajh nahi aatein, aur shayad mein kabhi aap ki business matters mein madad na kar sakoon. Par at least aap ko moral support to de sakti hoon, aap ke dil ka bojh to halka kar sakti hoon. Aap please mujh se yunn apni pareshani chupaya na karein, apna aap bekaar mehsoos hota hai."
"Aik to ye ke meri biwi ko ye fazool alqaabat dene ka aap ko haqq nahi puhanctha."
Farjaad wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her closer as he nuzzled his face into her neck, breathing in the soft lavender smell. He could feel his whole body easing down after weeks.
"Aur, ainda nahi chupaaon ga."
Umeed wrapped her own arm around him, the other hand still softly tugging on his hair.
"Promise?"
"Promise."
When his head dropped from her neck to her lap as he dozed off to sleep, he didn't realise. Umeed did not move from the position, in order to not disturb him as he slept peacefully after days.
It was all okay when they were together.