The Great Escape by P!nk
10/05/20
I woke up and I couldn't describe the feeling that was weighing on me. It felt like my heart was being torn from chest, like my lungs were on fire, like I needed to cry but physically was incapable.
I just laid in bed on my side, staring at the white wall stood in front of me. I'm not sure how long I laid there, but I know I did.
"Hey! I'm off to work, can I have your phone for a minute?" Steph asked, walking into my room and sitting on my bed. I pointed to where my phone was and she grabbed it. She had it for a few seconds before setting it back down and rubbing my back. "I'll be home soon, okay?"
I nodded and she kissed my head gently. She left in silence and when I heard the apartment door close, I broke. Tears rolled down my cheeks in a silent curse at the world.
It's my dad's birthday today and I tried to see if my brothers could come, but they were all busy doing something. So I opted for laying in my bed. My phone dinged quite a bit, but I just ignored it. I couldn't handle people today.
What felt like an hour passed before I rolled over and saw a tall lanky brit standing in my bedroom entryway. He had bags in his hands and I cried more. This boy is gonna fucking wreck my world.
That or he's going to completely mend it back together.
"Steph texted me. How she got my number I'm unsure of, but she texted me and now I'm here baring flowers, chocolate, and pizza." He said. He walked over to my bed and sat on the edge. He sat the bag on the floor and I fell into his embrace, crying embarrassingly hard.
"Do you wanna talk about it?" He whispered, rubbing a hand up and down my back. I shook my head and just clung onto him. "Alright, we won't talk about it. Let's lay more comfortably though, love."
He laid back with me and I just laid my head on his chest. He didn't push me to talk, he didn't tell me to stop crying. He didn't care about anything except if I was okay.
"I'm sorry." I sobbed, trying to will the tears stop but nothing was working.
"Don't apologize, love." He whispered, kissing the top of my head gently before laying his cheek atop it.
"I miss him so much." I sobbed.
"I know you do."
"He was everything to me and now he's gone and I want him back and I hate this feeling."
"I know." He whispered. He doesn't though. He doesn't get it. He doesn't fucking know. "I lost my mom at age fifteen. She was in a car accident which is why I only use my car in important cases. My sister is a lot older than me. I basically grew up with my nephew in completely different areas of London. My niece and I are so close because we bond over everything and have a seven year age gap. She reminds me of my mom in a good way. Izzy doesn't remember her, but she acts a lot like her. It hurts and it doesn't really ever go away, but you learn to live with it."
Maybe he did get it...
"I don't know how to breathe without him, Will."
"Yeah, I get that." He whispered back. We fell into a silence that was more comforting than painful.
"Do you like that your sister is older?"
"Yes and no. It's like a twenty year difference, but she's been my biggest supporter. We fight, a lot, but i'd rather fight with her than lose her completely. It's like sometimes she's the closest person I have and other times It's like I barely know her."
"I bet it was hard growing up."
"Not really, to be honest, not like you'd expect. I basically grew up as an only child unless it was holidays."
"That sounds terrible." I laughed.
"Meh, not really." He laughed back.
"I don't know. I grew up very close with my brothers. We're all like a year apart so it's hard imagining life without them."
"See, Im like that too. I can't imagine life without my sister. Just sucks sometimes." He laughed.
"We shoukd watch The Beauty and The Beast." I gasped, looking up at him. He reached a hand down and wiped my tears away with a smile.
"I agree." He said, confinuing to amile at me.
"Steph has a projector in her room, let's go there!" I said, sitting up and grabbing his hand. We ran the short distance to her room snd laid in the bed.
"I feel forbidden in here." He laighed.
"Dude, it's fine." I laughed back. We ate pizza and watched the movie on the projector which is probably one of my favorite memories to date with him.