Isabella
The light flooding into the room makes the pounding in my head even worse. With a groan, I turn over in bed and hide my face in Christian's chest to block out the light. I don't even remember getting home last night, but I guess that's what happens when you mix coke and tequila.
Chris holds me closer, easing me back into a dreamy state. He feels warm, safe. Maybe after all of that mess, this is where I belong. With Christian. I was in denial for so long, but right now feels like things are going to be okay. It feels right.
We stay wrapped up in each other for the longest time, mostly because I don't have the energy in me to get up yet. The hangover is just keeping me from wanting to open my eyes.
Finally he starts to shift, trying to get me off of him so he could get out of bed. "No, stay..." I mumble, trying to move closer to him.
"I'm gonna go make coffee. Do you want some?"
That is not Christian.
My eyes shoot open and I sit up in complete shock, pulling the blanket around myself. Harry's eyes widen at my change in mood, putting his hands up in defense. That's when I realize where we are.
"What the fuck am I doing here and why are you in bed with me?"
He gets out of the bed, "Brynn called me last night and told me that you were in trouble at Afterlife and that I should come get you. She didn't call Kat because she didn't want her to see you drunk since I'm assuming she doesn't know. And I'm glad that I went and got you because I don't even want to think about what would've happened to you if I didn't."
My eyes roll, "I was fine. Brynn shouldn't have called anyone, I knew what I was doing. You had no right showing up and kidnapping me."
He shakes his head, not looking angry, more disappointed, which hurts more. "Isabella, you don't even remember that I brought you here. When I got to you, you were so intoxicated that I had to carry you from the car to the apartment. Talk to me, Iz. You can talk to me."
"I need to go. Chris is gonna be pissed and I need to talk him down. Fuck, Harry, we were finally in a good place!"
"A good place? That's what you call a good place? He was feeding you tequila and cocaine while he was completely sober! And you aren't going back there. You are not going to be alone with that man, not after everything he's done to you."
"I am my own person, Harry. If I want to drink then I will. It's not up to you to make these decisions for me. We broke up, you're married. I'd rather Kat knew I was drinking again than have you show up again as if nothing changed between us when everything changed."
Angry tears start pooling up in my eyes as realization starts to hit. For a moment I let myself forget about him. I didn't have time to think about his wife or how they were trying to have another baby. For a few short moments, Harry didn't exist in my universe anymore.
Now we're just right back in the middle of everything. Back at Cornelia street, sleeping in the same bed. Harry saving me all over again. I don't want to get caught up in this cycle with him, it's too painful.
He sighs when he sees my tears, crossing his arms over his chest. "Look, I'm gonna go make some coffee and breakfast. Get dressed, take a moment, and we can talk more over food. But we are going to talk, Isabella. This is serious." His voice is softer now as he tries to settle me down.
"Harry, I really don't want to talk about this with you. You aren't in my life anymore, I'm not in yours. This isn't your responsibility."
My chest tightens involuntarily when his eyes meet mine. "Isabella... I know I fucked us up. I'm so extraordinarily apologetic for what I've done and what it has led to. You deserve better than me, better than Christian. Look, I could do all the talking and you could sit there and not listen to a word I say. But I care about you Isabella. You have such a bright future."
Those words hang in the air as he leaves the room and goes to the kitchen. He closes the door behind him, giving me the privacy that I need. It takes me a second to even process that this isn't some fucked up dream or my mind playing tricks on me.
I'm wearing a hoodie. Brynn's hoodie. And a quick peek confirms that I'm still wearing the lingerie I put on last night. Once I get up, I look in the mirror to see if my makeup is still on, only to be met with a fresh face. I guess he took it off for me last night.
Since I took all my stuff out of this apartment, I'm not left with many options. I end up finding my bag from last night on the other side of the bed, so I shuffle through it to get out a pair of leggings. I leave the hoodie on, but take my bra off since it's so fucking uncomfortable.
From the other side of the door I can hear Harry cooking. The sound of something sizzling in a pan, his soft whistle. It feels so familiar, but at the same time so devastating. A feeling usually reserved for the memory of my parents.
My hand touches the doorknob, but I'm reluctant to turn it. I know I can't stay in this room forever, I already have the incredibly overwhelming urge to pee, but my fear of having to face him again keeps me from leaving. Once we talk, I lose him to Adriana all over again.
With a shaker breath, I finally exit the room, keeping my head down as I make my way toward the bathroom. Harry only stops whistling for a second when he sees me coming out of the bedroom, but continues once he realizes I'm not ready.
I spend a few more minutes stalling in the bathroom, trying to come up with excuses for why I was so fucked up last night. Maybe I could say that I never really had an addiction and that I learned how to control my urges. That I learned about moderation. Then again, if I was using moderation I wouldn't have been blacked out. And I don't think moderation includes cocaine.
I could fully put the blame on him. Make it his fault that I broke my sobriety. That I had no choice but to start drinking and doing drugs again because he lied to me and left me for his wife. It's not even like that's entirely made up, since it probably is the reason.
Or I could gaslight him and say that I wasn't fucked up to begin with. That's also a possibility. He'd probably choose to believe me too since it'll clear his conscience a little bit.
I think I'll go with that one.
With a little more confidence now that I've decided how to handle this, I walk out of the bathroom. Harry is putting out breakfast on the table, still whistling as if he doesn't hear me walking over.
"What did you tell your wife since you obviously didn't go home last night." It comes out harsher than I intended, but then again why should I be nice to him when he wrecked me?
He gives me a sad look as I sit down. "Isabella..."
"I mean, I can probably guess you didn't tell her you were sleeping in the same bed as your sugar baby."
"I told you before, I didn't see you as that. What we had was real to me, Bellie. Sure, in the beginning it was more of a hook up, but as I got to know you, it turned into more. And I understand why you're hurt, you have every right to be pissed at me."
"Harry, don't do that. Don't tell me what I want to hear to feel better about yourself. You did a gross, slimy thing and you need to own it."
"I'm not just saying things Isabella. I mean it. I told you in Italy that I would provide for you because I wanted a future with you. My relationship with Adriana was over before I even moved back to New York. There was nothing she could've said or done to make me want her again."
"Until now?"
"No, Isabella. It is still over. I'm working with my lawyers to figure out the divorce, whether you and I get back together or not. It's just taking a bit longer because she's making threats and it's becoming very tedious. Not to mention the prenup."
My eyes roll, "You slept with her, Harry. God only knows how many times-"
"It was just that once, and you have to understand that it was the biggest mistake of my life. I can't apologize enough for letting her get me to that state where I would let that happen."
"Don't you realize that I can't believe you anymore? You lied to me on multiple occasions about her, how she was your ex-wife, how even though she came back we still had a chance. And after every time it all just turns out to be a lie. And what threats could she possibly be making?"
He sighs, shaking his head. "Isabella, I can't discuss these things with you, my lawyer-"
I scoff, pushing my chair back with an incredulous smile. "Fuck this. I'm done trying to get answers from you. Now you're hiding behind a lawyer."
"Isabella. Please just sit down."
"No, Harry. I gave you a chance to be honest and you just talk me in circles. I should've never agreed to this contract shit. It was a mistake."
He shakes his head. "So you felt nothing for me? Is that what you're saying?"
"I felt everything for you!" I yell at him, tears pricking my eyes again. "I felt so much for you just for you to have a fucking wife and ghost me!"
My head shakes as I look at him. "I don't need your help. I don't need you to bring me here and cook for me and sleep in the same bed as me like nothing happened. All that is doing is digging the knife in more. So please just leave me alone, Harry."
He sighs, looking down at his hands for a moment. "You asked me to, Isabella. I was gonna sleep on the couch, but you asked me to lay with you. I was just trying to be kind and show you that I still care. But I'm sorry if I made things worse, I was worried about you."
"If you cared about me you wouldn't have treated me like this."
"I'm sorry but your friend called me. Have I fucked up? Yes. But I wasn't going to just let you get hurt! You can't even remember last night!"
"I wasn't fucked up, I was fine."
"Isabella, you already told me what you were on. We are way past the point where you can pretend nothing happened last night. I saw you, you were fucked up and I understand, but I don't want to see you go down this path."
He walks over to me, his hand gently caressing my shoulder. I try to step out of his touch but my body almost goes against me and leans in more.
"Don't do this, Harry. Just leave me alone. I can't keep going back and forth like this. I can't keep having hope just to get it ripped away."
He shakes his head. "I can't leave you, Isabella. I know I've been an ass, I know I hurt you. It haunts me every minute of every day. But I felt everything too. You are everything to me. I can't just forget about you or pretend we never happened. I can't just turn my feelings off. I want to get my divorce and be with you. I want a life with you, Isabella. I should've told you about the divorce once I realized how my feelings were changing. I should've been honest. But I'm genuine when I say that I didn't think she would come back. I didn't even know where she was to send the paperwork. If I would've known, I would've sent those files at the first sign of things changing between us."
"Harry..."
"No, Isabella. I'm serious right now. Seeing you in that state last night scared me half to death. I stayed up most of the night just watching you breathe, scared that something would happen to you and I'd lose you forever. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if something happened to you and you thought that I didn't care. Please let me fix my mistakes. Give me a chance to make things right again."
A tear falls down my cheek but I don't bother wiping it away. I look down at the floor between us, taking a shaky breath. "Harry, I can't just forgive you to make you feel better about yourself... You made a choice and I made mine. It would just be easier if we just go our separate ways."
"Easier for who?"
"Stop. Please just stop. I don't want to talk to you anymore." I whisper, feeling so defeated. A part of me just wants to melt into his arms and forgive him, but I don't want to be that stupid girl again.
He cups my cheek gently, making me look up at him again. "Adriana told me that if I were to go after you the night you saw us, she would do everything in her power to get Ottilie taken away from me. She has been planting seeds the last few weeks, waiting for the right time to strike so she could blackmail me. She stole my phone that night and texted you so you would see us. She went to the dance school to fuck with you, she came to my office right after and taunted me. I know she's convincing, and I know you can't trust me, but she's trying to get under your skin. I sleep on the couch or on the floor of my office most nights, sometimes even in Ottilie's bed. I work like crazy to stay out of the house. Every day has been hell since she came back, especially knowing you're upset with me."
"She told me you wanted to have another baby with her."
Harry shakes his head. "The only woman I can see myself having another child with is you, Isabella."
My chest tightens at his words and all the air is nearly knocked out of my lungs. "H..."
"I mean it. I want to marry you, I want to have children with you. I want a life. I want us to be a family, Isabella. I love you."
Those three words hit me hard. Love. He loves me. Looking into his eyes, I know he's serious.
"You do?" I whisper, feeling more tears fall down my cheeks.
He nods as he wipes them away delicately. "I do. I love you, Isabella. With all my heart and soul, I love you." He leans his forehead against mine, holding my cheeks as I shake my head.
"You can't do this. You can't keep doing this to me." I whisper, shutting my eyes.
"I love you, Isabella."
"Harry, please, I have to go."
"I should've told you months ago. I wish I did. But I'm telling you now, I love you. And I know you love me, please just give me another chance. I'll stop with the lawyers and lawsuits and I'll give Adriana what she wants so she'll go away. Having money isn't worth losing you. I just want you and me and Ottilie to be together and to be a family again." He whispers against my lips before lightly pressing his against them.
My lips melt against his into a kiss, unable to stop or talk some sense into myself. It feels almost desperate, as if we'll pull away and this would all be a dream. When he finally pulls away, he rests his forehead against mine again, his lips like a ghost over mine.
We stand there in silence, his fingers gently caressing my cheeks, the tip of his nose nudging carefully against mine. I open my mouth to speak, but no words come out.
"We're gonna be okay, Bellie. I promise." He kisses my forehead as he wraps his arms around me and pulls me in. "I'm never letting you go again."
Burying my head into his neck, I hold onto him tighter, my hands grasping his shirt. He cups the back of my head, holding me to him as his cheek rests against me. He squeezes me in his arms, relaxing as he takes a sigh of relief.
"God, I love you, Isabella." He breathes out, brushing his fingers through my hair.
My voice comes out barely above a whisper, my lips brushing against his skin. "I love you too, Harry."
✧✧✧
gab