pairing: hailee steinfeld x reader
summary: the ups and downs that come with secretly dating under the watchful eye of the media prove to be too much for you and hailee...so you decide to come up with a solution yourselves instead of giving in to the chaos.
warnings: an overwhelming amount of fluff; mentions of anxiety + panic attacks but nothing super detailed; protective hailee; petnames for days; secret relationship; rude paparazzi's and ruder interviewers
wordcount: 2.1k
a/n: this request was sent in via pm on tumblr and it was an absolute delight to write. thank you everyone for the continued support and lovely requests. hope you enjoy <3
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You're not sure if you're too optimistic or a complete fool but either way, you've found yourself in a situation you were promised wouldn't end up in. If you were anyone else, you might be mad but you're far too overwhelmed to think like that.
"y/n! Hailee! Over here!"
You flinch as another camera flash hinders your vision. Right now is not the best time to be thinking about anything except getting the hell away from everyone.
Everyone except the one person keeping you safe amidst the chaos.
"It's alright, baby," Hailee mumbles, no doubt picking up on your rising anxiety. "We're almost there. Just hang on, okay?"
All you can do is nod in response as her grip on your waist tightens. She pulls you closer to her side, the subtle action filled with all the love and protection she always exudes so easily.
You're not the only one who notices the affectionate gesture considering the amount of camera clicks that go off the next second. You're more worried about finally reaching the safety of your home than the number of headlines those pictures will create.
The brunette leads you inside, doing her best not to lose her temper at the paparazzi yelling at you to smile. They're just doing their job. A job she strictly told her team she didn't want to be a part of.
You breathe out a sigh of relief once you're back in the familiar walls of your apartment. It's not until you move to take your jacket off that you notice how fast your heart is beating and how shaky your hands are. A second longer and you surely would have had an anxiety attack.
Hailee comes to the same conclusion as you once she reaches your side again. "I'm sorry," she says while her hands find your waist again.
"It's not your fault," you reply, not so subtly reaching up to wipe away the few tears that blur your vision.
Hailee's frown deepens and she gently pulls your hand down before taking your face in her hands, her thumbs wiping away the wetness that starts to streak your cheeks. "I should've known they would call the paps on us. They always do this."
"I get it, it's your job."
"My job and my life are two separate things, love. This shouldn't have happened."
"Lee, it's fine." You both know you're lying but you're far too tired to have this conversation all over again. The problem wasn't whether to go public with your relationship or not, the problem was the number of people involved in the decision. A decision that ultimately wasn't yours to make.
"Okay," she relents. "Let me make it up to you, though."
She attempts to move away, probably to put on a movie so the two of you can cuddle up on the couch and forget all the unnecessarily complicated details that make up your relationship. You stop her before she can get too far, though, and instead pull her into the embrace you so desperately need.
Her chest rumbles with the affectionate chuckle she can't hold back. Her arms go around your body in an instant as you rest your head against her shoulder. "I've got you, y/n. I promise."
You don't doubt her words for a second and yet you don't understand the full extent of them until much later.
To no one's surprise, the paparazzi pictures end up going viral leading to countless articles speculating what exactly you and Hailee are to each other. Neither of you cares much but of course, that doesn't stop everyone who knows the truth about your relationship from freaking out.
You're given the usual advice you're used to hearing from both your friends and your girlfriend's PR team. Advice that just boils down to people who have no business butting into your relationship telling you to break up or, at the very least, put some distance between you until everything cools down.
It's not something either of you plan on doing but you agree to tone down your affectionate displays for a while. It hurts more than you're willing to admit but you know Hailee's not doing it to be malicious, she's just trying to keep you safe from the constant criticism that looms over your head nowadays.
Criticism that doesn't bother you...until it does.
Somehow, Hailee manages to convince you to join her for an interview a few weeks after the paparazzi incident. There's no real reason for you to go with her other than she wants you there and well, how can you say no to her puppy dog eyes?
You're sitting a few feet away from where your girlfriend and the interviewer are set up, your eyes focused on the brunette's radiant beauty more than anything else.
"So, you've been pretty hush-hush about where the inspiration for these songs has come from," the interviewer says.
Hailee chuckles, her eyes drifting toward you for a split second before she focuses again. "Yeah, well, being cryptic is part of my charm. Why spoil the fun, right?"
"The rumors don't bother you?" The question seems simple enough but you know by now these situations are never what they seem.
"Which ones?" She jokes.
"The ones that say you wrote Coast after having a fun time with y/n down by the beach."
The implications of the words and the tone aren't lost on you and you suddenly regret agreeing to come along. There's a high chance this section will be edited out of the interview clip but you still can't believe she genuinely said that.
Hailee does a good job of not letting her anger show on her face but the way she's gripping her chair gives her away. "Let's leave y/n out of it. Rumors are just rumors but they're still uncomfortable to listen to."
"Right, right," she says with a nod, acting like she's going to change the subject. "But I mean, rumors are nothing compared to knowing you're being used."
The mask falls and even from this distance, you notice the way her eyes narrow and her jaw clenches. "Excuse me?"
"I don't think someone like that is dating you just for fun. You're not exactly being subtle and I'm sure all the attention must feel great."
The words feel like a punch to the gut.
You'd been spending less time on social media to avoid reading all the theories about your relationship but this...this was insane. Did people really think you were with Hailee for the attention? Were you being made out to be a golddigger and nothing else despite how careful the two of you have been so far?
You tried to tell yourself over and over you didn't care what anyone said yet your mind seemed to disagree with you. You couldn't get a single rational thought into your brain.
Whatever Hailee replies to the interviewer doesn't reach your ears.
Nothing seems to register until you feel her loving touch against your skin. "Come on, darling, let's get out of here."
She helps you onto your feet and you instantly lean into her, looking for something to ground you before you get lost in your overwhelmingly loud thoughts. Her arm goes around your waist to pull you close and you focus on the tiny circles her thumb draws against your side. No words are spoken as you start to make your way out of the building.
Even before you reach the doors you can hear the bustling of people gathered outside, no doubt waiting to catch a glimpse of Hailee. The noise makes you groan and your girlfriend is quick to ease your worries.
"It'll be okay, y/n." She presses her lips to your temple for a sweet kiss. "Don't think about them, just focus on me. I've got you, remember?"
That night in your apartment seems like a lifetime ago but Hailee's never broken a promise to you. And you don't think she's about to start right now.
"I know," you reply in a quiet voice. "I love you."
"I love you too." You can hear the smile she's wearing through her words.
She gives you a loving squeeze before resuming the journey away from all the prying eyes that watch you closely. It's a struggle to get outside even with the security team that opens a path for the two of you.
Everywhere you look there's a camera or someone demanding answers for questions you can't even hear over all the noise. Hailee's grip on you doesn't waver for a second, her focus entirely on you and making sure you don't fall prey to your growing anxiety.
You can hear her mumbling words of encouragement against the side of your head. You can't make out what she's saying but the soft tone of her voice is more than enough to keep you calm...or as calm as you can manage to be considering the situation.
It feels like hours pass before you finally catch sight of your car. Hailee hands her keys to one of her security guards once you reach the vehicle and she quickly helps you climb inside.
The second the car door is closed, you seek out the warm safety of her embrace. She knows exactly what you need and she guides your face into the crook of her neck. Her arms wrap around you as you cling to her shirt, ignoring the shouts and camera clicks that still fill your ears.
"It's alright, you're safe," she mumbles, her hand running through your slightly disheveled hair. "Everything's okay."
You can't bring yourself to reply just yet and Hailee doesn't push you. A tense silence hangs over the both of you while the car begins to move. It lingers until you're finally able to catch your breath and relax your shoulders.
"There we go," your girlfriend says once she notices the change in your breathing. "Better?"
"Yeah," you reply. "Thank you, babe."
"That's what I'm here for."
You let out a soft hum before you ask the question that's been on your mind this whole time. "Is that really what everyone thinks? That I'm using you?"
"y/n, it doesn't matter what they think. We're what matters."
"It matters a little," you mutter.
A beat of silence goes by until the brunette speaks up again. "Baby, can you look at me? Please?"
There's no way you can deny her anything when she uses that tone on you.
You shift a little, making sure your body is still pressed tightly against hers, before lifting your head out of the safety of her neck. You look into her eyes, feeling vulnerable and safe at the same time.
"My love, is it the rumors that bother you or the fact that we have to hide?" She asks, her eyes shifting to find the answer in your features.
"I don't know." You hesitate for a second and then tell her the truth. "I get why we're keeping everything a secret but...I don't know, I just...I don't want to hide how I feel for you. I don't want to worry every time we step outside if we're standing too close together or looking at each other too long. I just want to be with you...all the time. Does that make sense?"
The little grin on her face is enough of an answer but she goes the extra mile by leaning in and giving you a quick, reassuring kiss. The remaining tension leaves your shoulders the second her lips meet yours. You may have hundreds of ways of showing your support for one another but this one might be your favorite one.
She pulls away from you but rests her forehead against yours. The close proximity allows you to notice the specks of gold hidden in her warm brown eyes. "It makes perfect sense, baby. I want that too."
"Are you sure?" You find yourself asking. "I know it's a big step. And a risk."
"I've never been more sure of anything."
The car comes to a stop right after those loving words leave her lips. She gives you one more quick kiss before climbing out and leading you inside her home.
You're greeted by Martini and Brando who distract both of you enough to leave your conversation on the backburner for now. It feels good to be able to relax and spend time together without anything getting in the way and you both take advantage of it.
You're curled up in bed together when she asks a question that makes your heart stop in the best of ways. "What if we just...come out right now? We can post a picture of us and let everyone figure it out if they want to."
The answer is as obvious as your love for her. "Okay...but I get to choose the picture."
She laughs, the sound reminding you of all the reasons why no one else compares to your girlfriend. "You've got yourself a deal, love."