"Total Drama, Yum Yum, Happy Fish Tails." I stuck my toothbrush back into my mouth, humming the tune over and over again. As I had expected, Japan was lovely. The weather was comfortable, the sights were beautiful, and the contestants were awful. What's new there, though? The challenge was comical to watch, but it lacked depth and I was bored majority of the time. The only redeeming quality was Harold's song for their candy commercial, even though everyone else hated it.
"Lilia, will you please stop singing Harold's song?" Chris called from the shower, voice slightly irked.
I spit and rinsed my mouth. "It's catchy!" I responded in defense, dropping my toothbrush into the holder. "What, would you rather me sing Sierra's version? No, I don't think so." Chris barked a laugh as the shower water shut off. The shower curtain opened and Chris grabbed his towel, drying off quickly before wrapping it around his waist.
Hot damn. I was staring. Of course, I always stared, that's not new. I just couldn't help myself. That toned body of his, slightly wet with water and glistening— it sent me feral. "Unless you wish to have a repeat of Japan, I suggest you stop staring, even though I really enjoy it," he joked, winking. My face burned a blush, remembering us sneaking off during the last challenge for another quickie. I obliged, looking away and sauntering out of the bathroom behind him.
"How cold is it again?" I asked, changing the topic and opening the closet to change into warmer attire. Chris was silent, so I peered over my shoulder. All he did was shrug. Ugh. "You're literally no help, you know that?"
Behind me, I heard a breathy laugh. "Cold. That's all I'm gonna say." I mimicked him under my breath, unsure if he heard or not. I'd like to imagine he did, and that he was rolling his eyes as I grabbed a sweater and jacket off their hangers. I tugged the sweater over my head, Chris standing in front of me when my head popped out of the neck hole. "Hmm?"
"Oh, son of a bitch!" I interjected in a startle, face scrunching as he laughed. "You're not funny, you know that?"
Chris's towel dropped and he pulled on a pair of boxers, mumbling, "Really? I always thought I was quite funny." He looked at me for a response as I pulled on my jacket, staring back at him blankly. It wasn't until I had my jeans pulled on over a separate pair of pants before he continued. "Am I not funny anymore?" Either he was using his pro acting skills, or he was genuinely worried about not being funny anymore.
I busted out laughing at either possibility. "Funniest guy I know." Chris smiled at me, his big brown eyes twinkling. Wasn't he adorable? Smiling at me as if I told him the nicest thing he's ever heard. Not a day goes by where I don't look at him and let my eyes linger for a few moments, taking in his presence; how did I get so lucky? "Now come on, slow poke. If I stare at you any longer, we will be having a repeat of Japan."
Chris laughed, but dressed himself a bit faster nonetheless. Once he pulled on the last of his outfit, we stepped out into Chef's room and walked through the victors room — doing my best to ignore Sierra's strange behavior toward Cody — and into the losers area. I felt bad for Cody, but if Sierra obsessing over him meant she'd leave Chris alone, then I'm fine with it. More than fine, really.
"And how's everyone doing back here!" Chris introduced, stepping in with me following behind him. All of the contestants glared at him, looking either tired or frustrated. Except Owen, who was out like a log. "That's what I would ask if I actually cared, but I don't. Coming through, coming through." I followed behind Chris to the center of the room.
"Where are you taking us next?" LeShawna asked before we stopped. "Please tell me it's somewhere with no pinball of any kind."
"Our next destination is everything you've asked for!" Chris said when suddenly, the plane jolted. I felt panic settle in almost immediately and I looked over at Chris in fear. The seatbelt lights overhead dinged on and, once again, I glared at him. "It's just to scare the contestants, Lil. Don't worry, we're still safe. Go to the bedroom, okay? I'll be in there in a moment." I was going to kill him; I would've right then and there if I wasn't too scared. He is no longer the funniest man I know. I nodded, lightheaded, and did my best to get to the bedroom.
Passing through the victors suite, I'm glad everyone was too busy panicking to notice my pale and nauseated face. Let's hope I make it to the damn bathroom before everything in my stomach comes up; with the way the plane was shaking, there certainly wasn't a way I was.
I pushed through Chef's room and into the bedroom, beings knocked around until I managed to land on the bed. Loosely, attempting to swallow back vomit and stable my breathing all the while, I grabbed the blanket and wrapped it around me.
I couldn't even tell if the panic attack was settling in. Chris said it was all to scare the contestants, so it wasn't real. Right? That meant we were still safe. Right? He wouldn't actually kill us... right?
We're so fucking dead.
My eyes squeezed shut as the plane jerked violently up and down, another wave of nausea slamming through me. I'm never stepping foot on an airplane ever again once this seasons over. I'm still stupid as hell for getting on this one, but that's Chris's fault. He makes me do stupid things.
Over my panic and racing heart, I failed to hear him enter the room. "Lilia, baby," I heard in his rushed voice as he came up to me, hands pulling the blanket off of me. In an instant, he grabbed me and held me against his chest. I felt like a baby, but it was fitting; I was being a baby. "It's okay. Chef has it under control, it'll stop soon. Were about to land, okay. It's okay baby." I couldn't emote back to him any form of emotion. If I opened my mouth, I'd throw up everywhere.
Maybe Chris noticed that, because then I was being carried — or drug, I'm not even sure — to the bathroom. As soon as I set in front of the toilet, it was over. Could you blame me? I mean, I was in a modern torture device. "I'm going to fucking stab you," I coughed out after I finished, heaving over the toilet. Thankfully, the plane landed and the shaking stopped. If that happened again, I would literally kill him. Like, I mean, throw him out of a moving plane without a parachute murder. And he had the audacity to laugh behind me after I threatened him. "How is this funny?"
"It's not, baby," he reassured, rubbing my back. I could hear the smile in his voice. "Your threats are funny, that's all."
"Won't be laughing when I actually do it." I pushed him off of me and pushed myself up, grabbing some toilet paper to wipe my mouth. "I need a drink." Somehow, conveniently, he handed me a hot chocolate. I eyed it, then him, then the drink again. I took it angrily, making sure to not thank him; I was thankful for the drink, but that's all. Nothing else.
I exited the room, sipping slowly on the hot chocolate. It did manage to ease my haywire nerves, as well as soothe my stomach. And, it tasted pretty damn good.
Chris lead the way after I stopped to let him pass me, guiding us out of the plane into the arctic and to the finish line. All of the contestants were standing there, shivering and looking even angrier than before. "We've been freezing our asses off out here for ten minutes, what took you so long?" Heather spat.
Like I said, the last thing I needed was her to catch on to how I feel about anything, I did my best to conceal my anxiety. "We were making hot chocolate," I smiled out, holding up my cup. Chris took a sip of his own, letting out a satisfied sigh after.
"Hot chocolate is Chris's favorite drink!" Sierra suddenly exclaimed, dashing up past the finish line to him. "Next to tomato juice." Had I not been cohost, I would've grabbed her my the ponytail and yanked her back behind the finish line. But we were only four episodes into filming, and I couldn't be kicked off that early, so I resulted to digging my nails into my palm so hard I felt then penetrate through the glove. "I found that out from your high school teachers for my unofficial biography I'm writing about you. I also found out—"
"Sierra," I said, smiling with clenched teeth. Her wide and ecstatic eyes whipped over to look at me. "Fascinating stuff, really. Get back behind the line." She nodded eagerly and dashed back behind the line. I wanted to smack that dopey look off her face.
Heather's eyes caught mine, and she smiled through her chattering teeth. She definitely figured out my distaste for Sierra in that moment. Well, it only took four episodes for her to figure it out. I never was the best at keeping my emotions at bay, though, I guess. Oh well. She had to of learned from last season that if she fucked around, she would find out.
"Back on track," Chris interjected, smiling. "Thanks to global warming, the once solid lake is now a lot more wet. Todays challenge, teams need to make their way across the watery chasm from ice floe to ice floe. First team member across must make their way to the dogsleds on the far shore and become the dog, pulling the sled all the way to the finish line as you grab the rest of your team along the way at marked meeting points." All of the contestants stared in horror at the challenge. Okay, I'd agree about the fact that this challenge was a little ridiculous. But, then I'd laugh. "Sleds are first come, first serve. Better get to moving, people!"
"What's the reward?" Heather chattered out, body trembling.
"Did I say it's a reward?" Chris said smugly, looking at me. So, one teansy weansy fact I forgot to mention... "This season, there is no set reward challenges! Per Lilia, I found out contestants try harder when elimination is on the table!"
Everyone shot daggers at me. "Don't you guys look at me like that, it's not my fault. It's not like I knew he'd do this!" I absolutely knew he would, and it's funny as hell. And, personally so, I don't feel to bad about it. The faster we got contestants off, the faster we'd get to land for good.
Chef gave the contestants the go, and they ran past us quickly. I turned to watch them manage the course when my footing slipped on the ice and I fell backwards. "Son of a bitch," I muttered. Chris chuckled and helped me up. "Babe, respectfully, I hate this place."
"What's not to love? The cold air, the beautiful scenery, our freak show on the brink of falling into freezing water?" Eh, I guess he was right. Other than the fact my shoes were causing me to slip all over the place, I guess it wasn't half bad. It was no Japan, and the challenge was actually more entertaining, considering I just watched Owen launch Noah when he jumped onto an ice floe. I laughed, and Chris nudged me. "See? It's not bad."
"I won't admit you're right. At least Sierra isn't stuck up your ass now," I said, motioning toward Cody and her. Cody looked absolutely miserable, which was understandable. She was all over him until he managed to fall into the water, and her awful screech of horror echoed off the cliffs. I don't know how it didn't cause an avalanche. "I don't like her." She proceeded to stick her bare hand into the water and pull out a fish, using it as an ore. What the fuck was going on this season? Was it always this crazy before?
"You say that every day."
I huffed. "Well, yeah! It's true!" Chris laughed under his breath, mitted hand finding mine. We walked toward the finish line, enjoying the views. The views being said freak show jumping and launching and throwing one another around.
LeShawna and DJ were the only people who seemed unbothered by any of their surroundings, jumping successfully across each ice floe. I had hopes for LeShawna this season. She always was a good contestant, played the games well. DJ... not so much.
He was great during the first and second season. Now? My god, he couldn't go an episode without hurting an animal and crying about it. And he started crying as soon as he reached the sled, though I didn't see him hurt an animal in the process.
Chris and I reached the other side of the lake, DJ sniffling next to a sled. "You okay?" I called, and he started crying even more. I looked back over at Chris. "What's wrong with him?"
"What's not wrong with him? LeShawna!" he said suddenly, changing the topic. I looked back ahead and saw LeShawna as she joined us, and I smiled at her. "Lucky for you, DJ here was first." LeShawna smiled happily as she stepped up to the sled, the expression fell when she saw her teammate crying.
I laughed, snorting. Poor girl.
Courtney and Heather were next, showing up at the exact time. "Courtney! Better get to pulling," Chris exclaimed, smiling at them. Heather smiled eagerly and sat on the sled, her snarky gaze meeting my eyes.
I looked away to glared at Chris. "Why aren't you making Heather pull?"
He laughed, then shrugged. "It's funny to see Courtney not get her way." I rolled my eyes. Jerk. Since when was he siding with Heather? Last time he went buddy-buddy with her was last season, and we all know how that ended. Heather started to whip Courtney, who yelped, and Chris giggled. "Will anyone survive the coldest challenge in total drama history? Stay tuned to find out!"
I didn't bother sticking around. "I'm going to find another team." I walked off, walking past meeting points and watching more and more contestants get picked up. It was toward the very end when I found Bridgette, her tongue stuck to the meeting point pole. "Hey, Bridgette."
"Eh."
"So, how'd this happen?"
"A-eh-ah-ro!" she exclaimed, waving her arms up and down. Really, girl? Alejandro? That was all I could gather from her nonsense, though. The rest of it made no sense.
"Bridgette, come on, really?" She gave me an exasperated eye roll, and I laughed. "I'm doing this outta respect." I looked behind me at the camera crew, flashing them the thumbs up. Off sounded the musical chime, and she groaned again.
Team Amazon pulled up less than a second later. How convenient. "Trouble in paradise, Lilia?" Heather called, smiling at me smugly.
If she wanted to play, I would play. "And, look! Back up singers! Better get to singing. I'd hate to eliminate any of you." Her smug grin fell into a scowl as an upbeat tune began to play from the speakers by the camera crew. I was enjoying the torment on Heather's face too much to really enjoy the song, but I knew it was catchy. So far, every song had been catchy though.
Team Amazon didn't stick around much longer after the song finished. "I-ia!" I looked over at Bridgette, who was reaching for my cup. I think she had said my name, and I think she was attempting to say hot chocolate but all I heard was oh's and ah's.
"Hot chocolate?" She nodded frantically, and I frowned. Not only would it be cheating if I helped her, but it wouldn't be as funny for the show if I did. "I'm sorry, Bridge, but I'm actually out." I removed the lid off of my cup to show her the empty cup, and she let out an exasperated sound. "One of the crew members will get you though, okay? I gotta get to the finish line." She let out another huff, attempted to say something, rolled her eyes, and flashed me a thumbs up.
The finish line wasn't too far from Bridgette, thankfully for me. Even in my layers I was beginning to get cold. Chris stood at the line waiting for the teams, smiling upon my arrival. "There you are."
"Still mad at you."
He laughed. He had the audacity to laugh. "Lil, if you're going to be mad at me every time I torture any other contestant aside from Heather, you might as well not talk to me the rest of the season." I rolled my eyes, despite him having a point. Even though Heather deserved every punishment this show had to offer, I knew it wouldn't go over well — viewer wise — if other contestants didn't get the same treatment.
I shuffled a step closer to him. "You're right, but I don't like that you are."
"Mhm, you never do."
I faced away from him and up to the top of the hill at the sudden movement in my peripheral. Somehow, all three teams were barreling down at the same time. In a nearly photo finish, all three teams crossed the line milliseconds apart. I had to look at Chris for his judgement; if it were up to me, I'd say it was a tie. "Victory crossed first," he called, and Victory began to cheer.
"No," I corrected, frowning. "They crossed without Bridgette. So they lost." Their cheers turned into groans and I looked at the other two teams. Amazon versus Chris is Really Hot? Obviously I know who I'm picking. "Chris is Smokin' Hot actually takes the win."
"Smoking, huh?" I shrugged, looking over at him with a smile. His nose was slightly pink from the cold, the chill penetrating through his layers. I'm sure my nose was just as pink. "Well, you heard it folks! Victory, we'll be seeing your butts at the elimination ceremony."
Back on the plane, finally grateful to be on it and out of the cold, I shrugged off my layers and returned to my typical outfit. "I already know Bridgette is getting voted off," I said to Chris, who was doing the same thing. His winter coat was strewn across the floor.
"Probably. Does that bother you?" he asked, looked over at me. His khakis were now buttoned and his hair was thawing.
I shook my head, walking into the bathroom. My own hair was still a little frozen at the tips, and I pulled it over my shoulders. "Nah, she had it coming. I'm more annoyed it's not Sierra." Chris was laughing as I walked back into the bedroom. "What?"
He shook his head. "Nothing, baby. Nothing at all. I just don't think you'll be satisfied until she's off the show."
"Duh! I'm just happy she was up Cody's ass today instead of yours." Chris barked another laugh before ushering me towards the door, the elimination ceremony ready to begin.
We walked through the victors cabin and to the back of the plane, Team Victory already seated on the bleachers. Bridgette still had the pole attached to her tongue; did he really leave her stuck like that? Chris took to the stage as if nothing happened while I stood between him and Victory, holding the tray of peanuts. Bridgette looked at me and I looked back, throwing a defensive glare at her. "Victory! Seems like a trend to see you here. You know the rules: peanuts, you're safe, and no peanuts, bye bye. Let's see..." Chris picked up he passports and shuffled through them, smiling. "LeShawna, Lindsey..." I handed the two girls a bag of peanuts. "DJ or Bridgette... I think we both know where this is going. DJ, you're safe, you walking disaster."
DJ started to cry again as I handed him a bag of peanuts. "Bridgette, looks like it's your time to go." She frowned and stood, walking toward the door. Chris handed her a parachute that she barely had time to put on before Chris shoved her out of the plane.
Me, him and LeShawna looked down as Bridgette began to say something about how Alejandro is bum. Unfortunately for her, her yells were cut off as she went to open her parachute and it got caught around the pole stuck to her body. "Wow, I definitely did not see that coming..." I knew Chris lacked sympathy sometimes, but really? He about killed Bridgette and he acts surprised about it?
I nudged him with my elbow hard enough to make him go "ow!" before returning to the bedroom. He followed after. "What was that for?"
"You're gonna get someone killed, Chris."
He pushed out a breath, almost mimicking a scoff. "Lil, I think you forgot the interns that stay behind. Bridgette is fine." He was right, again. I had forgotten the interns; like I said previously, I didn't think we were allowed to just push people out of a plane and leave them. But it didn't make it any better. Chris walked up to me and grabbed my hands. "They're fine, and we're fine. Don't worry."
"Yeah, yeah. I'm just on edge, and I don't like torturing people as much as you." He laughed, his smile heating my body delightfully. Bliss coursed through my like it always did when we were together. For the first time all day, I felt calm. My heart stepped back a few paces from the edge and sat, eyes shutting with glee. "I am grateful I'm not on the receiving end this season."
"You wouldn't of lasted an episode."
"Hey!" I scoffed, then pondered. He was probably right. Sierra would've been murdered by me after she named her team Chris is Really Really Really Hot, or after she switched teams and complimented him. Probably, if I were on the season, I'd be in jail right now for a murder charge. "Ugh, I hate to say this again, but you're right."
He smiled charismatically. "Better get used to saying it, baby. You'll find out I happen to be right all the time."