"Lia..." She started, already so incredibly scared. She fears she already knows the outcome of this. "Why do you call me oppa all the time?"
"What do you mean? Isn't that what I'd call you? Oh- are you younger than me? Or the same year? How old are you?"
"I'm 22."
"Oh, I'm 21."
"That's not what I mean though, Lia..." Yeji winced in her head, knowing she had to ask directly. "What gender do you think I am?"
Immediately, Lia was genuinely confused, she chuckled a bit as she asked what Yeji meant. "What do you mean? Aren't you a man?"
Yeji closed her eyes and let out a small, devastated breath. It's exactly how she thought it was. Pressing her lips together, she quickly gathered herself. "No. Lia, I'm a woman. Always have been, always will be. Did you really think I was a man this whole time?"
"I..." Lia was speechless. "I... am I being punked? Is this a prank? Cuz that's not funny!"
"No, Lia, I'm serious. I have ovaries, tits, and a vagina." Yeji deadpanned.
"No..."
"Yes.
"No.
"Yes."
"But I'm straight. How did I not know? You've got to be joking, Yeji. Right? Please."
"I'm not, I could literally lift my shirt and show you my boobs right now." Yeji chuckled, "I'm a woman, I'm a lesbian woman."
Unable to find other words, and refusing to believe this news and that Felix was right, Lia only said, "Show me."
"What?"
"Your boobs. Th-there's no way..."
Yeji smiled shyly and lifted her shirt to reveal the bra and boobs she had underneath. Her boobs weren't very big, but she wasn't flat. Her loose clothing just made her look flat all the time.
Lia's just slightly parted, her breath getting stuck in her throat.
"This whole time, you were a woman?"
Yeji put her shirt back down, afraid to ask the question. "Do you still want to be with me now that you know?"
Lia thought back to every moment they had. They way Yeji made her feel, and now she was just confused.
"I'm so confused, I'm sorry." Lia whispered.
All the pleasure Yeji gave her, the joy, the happiness, the appraisal, all the positive ways that Yeji changed her life... but she's a woman.
"I know it's a lot to take in. I didn't even realize until you called me your boyfriend this morning."
Lia stared at Yeji again and it was clearer than day. Yeji is a woman. Her slim face and feline eyes. Her gentle lips and natural highlight. Her hands are veiny, but they are slim and slender, like that of a woman. Yes, she is tall, but her figure was still narrow. Muscular for a woman, but still slender. Lia felt like a fool, she felt stupid, and she was embarrassed beyond anything else.
"God, I'm so stupid. I'm sorry. I've made a fool of myself. Um..." Lia teared up, not knowing what to do.
"You're not stupid, Lia."
Her heart couldn't take this right now, she was so excited for this relationship, but now she doesn't know if she still feels the same knowing that Yeji is a woman. "I'm sorry, Yeji."
"No?"
"No... I don't think so. I'm straight. I'm sure... I- I'm sorry. You're a great woman, um..." she held in her tears, honestly unaware of why she was so emotional about this. "But I don't think I'm the one. I'm really sorry, I hate hurting you. I hate hurting people-"
"It's okay, Lia. I'm not mad at you. Disappointed? Hell ya, I was so ready to dive into a relationship with you because I think you're the most perfect woman I've ever met... but if you're straight. Then there's nothing I can do to change that."
Lia got up slowly from the bed, still processing everything. "Thank you. I'm sorry again...I-I don't know. I'm just really sorry,"
"Stop, it's okay. Why are you crying?" Yeji stood up, not wanting to touch Lia because things were awkward now. But all she wanted to do was cup her face or hold her hands and make her feel better. But instead, she just leaned down and checked on Lia.
"I just feel like I wasted your time, and I made you so happy, I feel like I just ruined your whole week or even month."
"You- you didn't, Lia. Please, just go. I'll be ok. It's ok."
"Ok..." Lia whimpered, wiping her own tears. But they were quickly replaced with new ones as she took off Yeji's jacket and gave it back to her. So, then Yeji went into her closet and came back with Lia underwear, she gave that back to Lia, telling her it was okay yet again.
Lia walked towards the door, stopping to look back at Yeji and the jacket in her hands. That jacket gave her so much happiness and hope. That jacket meant so much to her, she wore it every chance she got because to her it had meant that she finally found the perfect person for her. When really, she was just setting herself up from the quickest, yet most painful heartbreak she'd ever felt.
She felt even worse when she saw Yeji smile weakly at her and nod, telling yet again that it was ok and that she should go home.
Lia looked down at her feet and turned away, leaving and shutting the door quietly.
"Hey, you wanna try these hot cheeto cheese sticks I made? They are fire as hellll." Hyunjin offered when he saw her come down the stairs, but when he noticed her state, he put his plate down and checked on her. Lia rolled her eyes at the fact that even her brother is caring. But he's not even into women since Yeji said that he's gay.
'Why are gay people so fucking nice?' She complained to herself.
"Hey, are you ok? What happened?" Hyunjin questioned.
"It's nothing really. I just need to go home. Thank you though, and I'm sorry for groping you. And if you are offering, I could really use a hot cheeto mozzy stick right now..." Lia began to sob completely, so Hyunjin gave her a couple of the mozzy sticks and let her leave. She didn't even put her shoes on, she just left with them hanging from her fingers.
"They're really good, kinda burnt though." She commented as she began eating the first one.
"Oh ok." Hyunjin responded, feeling awkward, "Th-thank you. Sorry-"
Lia closed the door and sobbed down to the elevator while eating her mozzy sticks. The more she thought about it, the more she realized why she was so emotional. Yes, she felt bad for Yeji, but she was so sad and angry at herself for not seeing it from the start.
All her life, she just wanted to find a guy like Yeji. As sweet, caring, funny, loyal, kind, confident, and good. It just made her feel like she would never find anyone, like there is actually no one right for her and she'll end up alone.
But she wants to love someone. Everybody's gotta love somebody, but why is it so difficult for her to share her heart with somebody? Every day, she wants to love somebody. The same person. Not someone different.
For the next few days, she didn't even go to class, talk to her friends, talk to Yeji or anything. She just sulked in her room and closed the world out. Her biggest heartbreak and it's not even from the gender that she's attracted to. Yet she can't stop thinking about the woman. The woman who was so different. Number 26.
It's her, on her mind. Every day. The person that would say, "You're mine."
This isn't normal, it wasn't supposed to be like this. But Yeji was the only one that made her feel like she mattered.
On Lia's third day in her room, surviving off of her mini fridge, Julie finally came in to check on her. Not even knocking, just barging in.
"Ok, what is going on with you? You come in a sobbing mess, refusing to tell anyone anything. And now I'm the first person that has seen you in three days. I'm worried, Lia."
"No, you're not. You don't care about me, just leave." Lia deadpanned, staring out her bay window at the back of her room, cuddling her favorite stuffed animal.
"Where did you get that from, Lia..." Julie admitted, coming in, closing the door and sitting with Lia at the large bench on the window. "I know you think all I do is judge you and that I wish I could kick you out. But you know what the truth is, Lia. I'm always worried about you. It's just the council that pushes me to resent you because of your reputation. But I'm more worried than anything."
"Worried about what? What could you possibly worry about?" Lia snapped, finally looking at the other woman.
"You sleeping with so many guys all the time, and you always going out to party."
Lia rolled her eyes. "I don't need a parental lesson right now-"
"No, it's not that. It's just that, I see what you pack in your purse every time you go out to these parties specifically and it scares me, Lia. I don't want you getting raped, or kidnapped, or hurt. It's so easy for it to happen to you because of how often you go out, and you're beautiful and small and there's so many dicks on campus."
Lia could see that Julie really did care, but she didn't really know how to respond to her. "It's nice to know you care. But I'm okay, Julie. I pick my guys carefully."
"... are you sure there's nothing that you're not telling me? If anyone hurt you, we can go to the campus police, or the city police-"
"It's not like that, I'm just going through something really personal, right now."
"You can tell me, Lia."
"...I think I might be bi... because I ended this relationship I had with a woman because I thought I was straight. But now I can't stop thinking about her. And I just don't know. Growing up I was taught that this was a huge thing and breaks families apart. I just don't want my parents to hate me if they find out."
"I can't tell you that they won't cut you off, because I've seen it happen. It happened to my sister. But I can tell you that if the people in your life cannot love you unconditionally, then they really don't deserve to be in your life anyway. It hurts to let some people go, but for your own sake, you have to do it. If you discover that you are bi, I and the rest of the house sister have your back, okay? We're all at an age where we just don't know much about ourselves. Even if we thought we knew a lot. Because in college, you're finally out of your parents' control, so you get to live on our own rules and discover things by yourself without people telling you whether it's bad or not. I say, if you have feelings for her, go for her. Love is love. Love has no labels. But if your heart tells you no, then it's no and you'll be ok."
Lia stared at Julie attentively, nodding and getting emotional with her well put words.
"My door is always open unless I have a boy over haha. But really Lia, take your time, I'll tell your friends and teachers that you're going through something really personal right, so they don't worry too much. And please, tell me things. You're my sister. My Kappa Kappa Tau sister for life. Our connection through this house is what makes us family. Your family away from home."
Lia nodded, trying to hold in her tears as she hugged Julie deeply.
"It'll all be ok, right?"
"In the end? Yes."