"Guess who decided to grace us with her presence!" Andre exclaimed as I entered.
My eyes swirled into a roll before they trained themselves on Andre, curled up on a couch with a guitar. I turned back to see that the bodyguard who stalked behind me as I entered the building left.
I guess we were all alone now.
"I'm here!" I shrugged, slowly entering the studio.
There was a huge, glowing picture of all Dilemma members, looking slightly younger, posing in the middle of the field. Silver, golden, and even platinum records adorned the wall, and there was a large control panel overlooking a spacious recording booth.
"Come and sit Ez," Andre said, his voice tingling with anticipation.
My heart skipped seven beats at the sound of the nickname on Andre's lips. I would love for him to call me until my knees buckled like a seatbelt.
I put my purse on the floor and sat across from him awkwardly. His presence was thick all around me. I tried not to make eye contact.
So much for avoiding him, Ezra.
"What are we going to do?" I asked.
"Vent," Andre said, before strumming a bit of his guitar. "Music is a great way to do that. Get it all out of your system before the show."
He strummed it simply in a basic form. "What are you playing?"
"Nothing," he said. "I don't really even know how to play the guitar. I just started learning a month ago."
"What about all those times you've played guitar on stage?" I wondered.
"Fake," Andre revealed. "Fairouz thought it would help my image if I wasn't just a singer."
I sat back in surprise. "Do I have to sign an NDA, or will I get killed on the way out?"
"Sorry to break it to you, but we do have assassins on site," Andre fake-sighed. "R.I.P. in advance."
"Dang it!" I sarcastically shouted.
Then it became quiet again. I clutched the ends of my sweater amid the slow strum of his guitar and swallowed a gulp. What was I even doing here? I didn't even like Andre that much.
He liked Ray. Not me. I'm pretty sure he just saw me as a friend.
"Why do you come to the studio so often?" I wondered. "I thought 'Overdrive' just came out. There's not a lot to do."
"I come here for me," he grinned. "Sometimes I write music."
"What are you working on?" I asked, moving to face him.
Andre reached in front of the coffee table where a notebook lay. He flipped it open, and I could see the squiggles of notes and eraser marks of song lyrics abandoned beneath the real writing. I couldn't tell the difference. He had horrible penmanship.
I leaned over, trying to catch a glimpse before he turned it over to face me. The song was called 'Girl'.
"Sing it for me," I asked, smiling at him. "Girl."
In the depths of my soul, I'm searching for release,
Lost in memories of the girl you used to be,
A journey of transformation, finding your own truth,
But there's a part of you I miss, a bittersweet reprise.
I'm mourning the girl I left behind,
The innocence and dreams that were once yours,
Through the pain and struggle, you've emerged anew,
But there's a longing in my heart for the man you never knew.
Oh, I mourn the girl you used to be,
In her eyes, a world of possibility,
But you've grown and changed, and I'm learning to see,
The strength in embracing who you're meant to be.
Whispers of the past echo in my mind,
The struggles and the battles you've left behind,
But you carry the scars, a testament to your fight,
For the girl you once were, and the man I am tonight
I'm mourning the girl I left behind,
The innocence and dreams that were once yours,
Through the pain and struggle, you've emerged anew,
But there's a longing in my heart for the man you never knew.
Oh, I mourn the girl you used to be,
In her eyes, a world of possibility,
But you've grown and changed, and I'm learning to see,
The strength in embracing who you're meant to be.
In the ashes of the past, you rise up strong,
A phoenix of my own, finding where your belong,
Though i mourn the girl you used to be,
I'm grateful for the man I've come to see.
Oh, I mourn the girl you used to be,
In her eyes, a world of possibility,
But you've grown and changed, and I'm learning to see,
The strength in embracing who you're meant to be.
I'll sing this song of mourning, let my heart be heard,
For the girl I've lost, and the man I've become
Embracing my truth, you'll spread my wings and fly,
No longer mourning, but celebrating who you are.
His voice, unprocessed, was like raw honey. It was so smooth and rich but had this raspy depth to it. The song was more meaningful. It held a message in the palm of its hand. He stopped before looking up at me, eyes trying to figure out what I thought. It was...
Good?
Not like the cookie-cutter mess of Dilemma. This one felt more real. Rooted somewhere deeply.
"I liked that," I complimented. He smiled. "Was that a Dilemma demo that didn't make the cut?"
"Just me," he revealed. "The label would never allow us to record it. It's too... real. Fairouz doesn't allow me to write anything."
He huffed. "But your name is on the credits?"
"Everything is ghostwritten," Andre revealed with a sigh. "Other people get paid a lot of money to write it, and my name gets slapped onto it. I've never written a note on any of our songs."
"But you're so good," I insisted.
"All of our fanbase are teenagers," Andre explained. "Apparently Fairouz thinks they're all too dumb to grasp anything further than a goddamn four-chord melody and cheesy lyrics."
I never knew that Andre couldn't like his own music. I thought he wrote all of it. Would I get to write my own music?
"It doesn't matter," he backtracked. "It's about the music. It's about the fans. Maybe in a couple of years, I could probably get one of these on an album."
"That's a while though," I said, locking eyes with the carpeted floors. "What's it even about? Clearly, it's not that deep."
Andre said nothing, but he looked into my eyes instead. "I have to go to the bathroom. I'll be out soon."
I nodded as he stepped up and disappeared through one of the doors. I sat awkwardly. What was 'Girl' about?
I gasped. It must've been about Ray. That's probably why he didn't want to tell me. It was probably also why Fairouz didn't want him to share it. The toxic D-1s, who went apeshit at the sight of any girl within a ten-metre radius of the boys, wouldn't want that either.
The jealousy arose again. But why would I need to be? I was here as Andre's friend. One he found easy to talk to. I had to be that person for him now.
I rose before walking around the vast studio. Beside the control board was a dark woody desk with some photos on it. Most of them were of the boys, group photos and all, some individual, and some of them when they were younger. I spotted Morri with Brian, Fairouz, and Lennon in a family photo. Now that I looked closely, it was obvious that Morri and Lennon were siblings.
Behind all the other photos was one lying facedown. I picked it up to see a young girl missing one tooth, smiling widely at the camera. She looked eerily similar to Andre. She must've been–
"What are you doing?" Andre called suddenly from behind me before his eyes widened at the sight of the photo in hand.
"I was just looking around," I quickly explained. "I'll put this back."
"It's okay," he huffed frantically before taking it away from me and placing it back down.
"Who was that?" I asked.
He turned to me with an awkward smile. "Just my sister. Should we continue to make more music?"
"Sure," I grinned awkwardly.
We sat down again on the couches. I clutched his songbook into my hands again, reading over the songs again. I stopped at one.
"Why does 'Amusement Park' have no bridge?" I asked.
He shrugged. "I guess I've never made one."
"Sing the chorus."
"Amuse me, but don't use me, for your love is a poisonous thing," he sang. "Amuse me, but don't cause a ruse for me. We can both be dangerous things."
"What is it about?" I began finding a melody in my head.
"Something Fairouz doesn't think people have the reading comprehension of," Andre hissed. "It's a random song anyway."
"Together, we play our parts. Let's not be fooled, for when we rush, I find myself acting wild," I suddenly sang. "So repeat that a couple of times. I think if you really build on that, you can do something."
"Hmm," he analyzed. "That was pretty good. You just came up with that?"
"Yeah," I said. "It wasn't that hard. I just got the melody and sang. Sing it with me?"
I sang the chorus this time, but a lower voice snuck around my melody in a deep harmony.
I turned to Andre, who smirked at me. I gazed at him even more amid our shared melody. My eyes suddenly burned on him and the air around had gotten thick with something.
I gazed at Andre amid our shared melody. Somewhere, we had gotten closer and closer until our noses were on the verge of touching. My eyes locked onto his, and the surrounding air had grown thick with something.
I suddenly found myself leaning in. Then his hand found its way onto my cheek, ticking the edges of my hair, cupping my jaw. We both leaned in. I could feel the heat, the magnetic pull that drew us in closer to one another. His big hand found its way to my cheek, ruffling between my hair.
A shiver twisted down my spine as his touch and my eyes went wide, as his fingers tangled into my hair, pulling me even closer. Our lips were so close.
A wave of uncertainty washed over me. "I—I can't."
His eyes, full of confusion and longing, met mine. "What?"
I pulled away before grabbing my bag below and rising from the couch. "I just can't do this right now."
I couldn't be like this with him. I couldn't. He was Andre Robinson, and I was just Ezra. We weren't supposed to be like this. Not when he had a girlfriend. Not when there were crazy fans.
He was a distraction. Just a boy I could talk to.
"I should get going," I said, averting my eyes away from him. "We have a long day tomorrow."
"Ezra—"