Aunt Ellena and Markel were so sweet together and obviously had fallen head over heels. I did feel slightly awkward to be standing here observing a moment of intimacy. However, I suspected, right now, my presence had faded into the background for them both. And I rubbed my fingers over my mouth to hide the elated grin.
Clearing my throat, Markel's startled gaze shot to mine, and he stood aside to let us pass through the doorway. I shut the door behind us and strode ahead, giving them privacy, even though I was dying to cast my senses wide and listen into their conversation.
However, in practice, it wasn't possible to give them that privacy. It was slow moving through the bustling corridors to the Servants' Quarters back door, and impossible not to catch their chuckling and the snippets of whispering between them as she proposed to assist him with Oswin and Dolcie's wedding cake.
Moths and tiny bugs fluttered around the dismal porch light as I stepped outside, my aunt and Markel following. While they remained at the doorway, I stopped further away at the edge of the porch steps, the stone scraping beneath my boots as I half-turned toward them while they said their farewells to each other. Darkness and light edged their figures, but even in the muted gloom they created in the narrow space between them, I could see my aunt's smile, the flash of teeth. "Goodnight, Markel."
She tipped back her head as he drew nearer. "Goodnight Ellena." His usually brusque voice softened by his reverent regard for my aunt. He leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to her temple, which had her eyelashes fluttering lower as a soft sigh released from her lips.
I freaking swooned.
"Enjoy your evening," Markel added, straightening and withdrawing a step.
Ducking my chin deeper into the scarf looped around my neck, I cozied into its warmth and walked down the steps. The grassy lawn was slippery beneath my feet and the amber light spilling from the mansion faded away as I entered the darkness.
The night sky was a blazing trail of starlight. A brisk breeze raked against my fingers clenched around my backpack's straps. The temperature had dropped dramatically and the air held a moist quality sweeping a veneer of dampness on my cheeks. The waning moon provided little natural light, so I bolstered it with my flashlight.
Aunt Ellena caught up, a bounce in her step as she drew flush. Her flashlight joined mine to weave ahead of us. The picnic basket hung by her side and my nostrils greedily inhaled the faint smell of coffee and chocolate.
Twenty minutes later we'd crossed the lawns and were well inside the Hemmlok Forest. Leaves skittered between my ankles borne on the wings of a wind that slithered like a snake. Twigs snapped underneath our boots and slender branches caught on our upper arms, swishing aside as we tramped along the narrow path winding upwards.
We reached the crest of the knoll and its outcropping of large flattened rocks. It sat above the forest's canopy giving us an unrestricted view of the sky. The soles of our boots gritted against the rough stone as we made our way to its edge which was softened with moss and lichen in olive hues.
Unhooking my backpack from my shoulders, I lowered it to my feet and crouched down. Unclipping the buckles, I flipped over the flap and began to unload all our paraphernalia and set the telescope up on its tripod for our evening of star gazing
A light sheen of sweat had gathered across my hot skin from the exertion of the climb. I snatched off my hat and unwound my scarf, leaving them both on top of my backpack. Unzipping my jacket a little, I flapped the collar to allow the icy air to slink inside and cool my skin. Craning my neck back I soaked up the wonder overhead. I hated the bloated full moons that hung in the sky and mocked me, but the waning moon provided the assurance of safety, and it was easy to be carefree in its silvery light because it meant the thing that resided within my aunt was safely locked away and unable to come out.
This evening the velvety sky in its autumnal hue of blackened blue held a crescent of flint and tiny flickering lights of pewter.
"It's so beautiful tonight," my aunt said in a soft appreciative tone.
"It really is," I breathed.
My aunt procured the picnic rug from her backpack and draped it over the mossy rock, while I fiddled with our telescope, squinting through the eyepiece, scanning the night sky until the moon came into view, and adjusted the focus to further see the shadow line bleeding across its cratered surface and its desert seas. Behind me, I heard the steady click, click, click from my aunt snapping photographs.
For the next few hours, we compared the constellations to our maps, took more photographs, and made notes in our journal. However, stargazing wasn't really what we were about. This was just another cover for our disappearances to the krekenn cave every full moon. So most of the time we were gossiping and laughing and teasing one another. Sitting beneath the celestial hemisphere was peaceful and relaxing, something we both shared an enjoyment for because it was just the two of us and our time to chat about anything and everything.
A while later, my aunt sat cross-legged on the rug and opened up the picnic basket Markel had made for her. She oohed over the delectable treats. Chef really was wooing her every chance he got. I leaned over and glimpsed the miniature selection of morsels sitting on a bed of red and white checkered napkins. Chocolate brownies and pistachio truffles and raspberry blondies. It reminded me of the box of desserts Varen and I had shared while the galaxy of willwips stained the night in a rainbow.
The thermos warmed my fingers as I twisted the lid open and poured two black coffees, steam unfurling from the plastic mugs. I handed one to my aunt, who in turn offered me a chocolate brownie.
Both of us turned around and leaned our backs against one another, our combined heat radiating through our jackets and warming our bodies like sitting beside a toasty fire. I bit into the chocolate brownie and moaned, closing my eyes briefly. Rich dark chocolatey bits melted all over my tongue along with a faint tang of rum. "So delicious," I mumbled around my mouthful. "I love this about Markel."
"His ability in the kitchen?" I heard my aunt say, a smile in her voice.
"A-huh," I replied, savoring another bite of brownie. So freaking good.
My breath washed out in white clouds as the forest whispered around us and night creatures came out to hunt. The glowing eyes of otherworldly creatures stared at us from the rusty boughs of nearby trees.
After a few minutes of peaceful silence, both of us immersed in the constellations overhead, I finished the brownie and coffee. Placing the empty cup by my side, a streak of light brightened in my periphery. I jerked my head upward in excitement as a meteor whizzed across the hemisphere leaving a trail of filmly silver.
"A shooting star!" I cried, pointing skyward, my fingers sticky with chocolate.
Wisps of hair brushed the back of my neck as my aunt turned to look over my shoulder. "Quick, make a wish," she urged.
I squeezed my eyes like a child and my mind was instantly filled by a man with deep violet eyes and a broad unrestrained grin he shared just with me.
I wish, I wish, I wish...
My childish exhilaration stumbled headfirst into reality. I could never tell my aunt anything about Varen. There'd never be a moment I could speak about him to anyone.
And it was a foolish thing to wish upon.
My throat knotted as anguish buried its thorns inside my heart at the thought of always being kept in the shadows like a dirty secret.
After I pried my damp lashes apart I discovered the shooting star had winked away into oblivion.
Snatching up a napkin I wiped the chocolate off my fingers, jerking the soft material over my chapped skin, rougher, harder, as I pushed back at the misery threatening to engulf me. I reminded myself not to look too far ahead. I'd experienced the most amazing evenings in my entire life with Varen and I shouldn't spoil it with regret or worry about what the future would hold.
Folding the napkin and shoving it into my jacket's pocket, I stilled, warmth spilling into the emptiness in my chest, when I realized my aunt could have everything I ever wanted. For this evening, I'd bathe in my aunt's happiness and steal a piece of it to ward off the sorrow.
Aunt Ellena shifted behind me. Her jacket slid against my own as she leaned sideways. In the corner of my eye, I glimpsed her rummaging around in the picnic basket. She retrieved a pistachio truffle and offered one to me. The chopped nuts dotted around the white chocolate shell pressed into my finger pads as I pinched it from her grip.
I swallowed back the lump in my throat. "So," I began lightly, turning the truffle around with my fingertips. "How is it going with Markel?"
We'd talked about everything else, now it was time to indulge in the same sort of talk Beckah liked to do when she whispered to me about all the boys she'd stolen kisses from.
When my aunt hesitated, I knocked my shoulder blade into her making her sway forward and laugh. Her carefree laughter caressed the night air and made my heart soar with its girlish ease. "It's been so lovely," she sighed. "I feel like a teenager all over again."
My free hand was braced on the rug beside her own. My work-roughened skin scraped along my aunt's as I wound my little finger around hers. "He makes you happy."
She squeezed my little finger back. "He does, he really does."
The moon, pitted and aloof, held my gaze but my thoughts were on Markel and how my aunt seemed to be so infused with youthfulness in his presence. She really was a teenager, frequently blushing and laughing these days.
"You two are good for one another. He's liked you for a very long time, and despite all the bellowing he does in his kitchen, he's just a big softie. Best of all he makes the best desserts."
"I gathered that already from all the scrumptious moaning you've been making."
Sinking my teeth into white chocolate peppered with tiny chunks of pistachio, I moaned in an exaggerated fashion, reveling in her laughter. "I'm so happy for you, Aunt Ellena. I'm glad Markel's been the one to reforge your broken heart."
My aunt's shoulders stiffened. The sharp inhale of breath was whisper-loud.
Shock at my stupidity slammed into me hard. I hadn't been thinking. It had fallen from my lips unheeded.
I twisted slowly around to face her. Ever since my aunt had spoken of this mysterious man last week, there'd been moments when I'd pondered on who'd broken her heart all those years ago, who'd been responsible for her closing herself off from meeting someone as lovely as Markel for far too long. She hadn't wanted to talk about him when she mentioned it during our hike to the krekenn cave, maybe now she'd open up since she was immersed in happiness with Markel. There had been deep feelings running between them both, as deep and swift as a rushing river at midnight.
My aunt turned around. Astonishment dissolved into raw emotions chasing one another across her stricken features. Awfulness stung like barbed wire as I wondered if the hurt was still too fresh.
Last week as we'd trudged through the forest toward the cave, she'd said—I fell in love with someone who could never be mine—and because it was so close to the truth of what Varen was to me, I couldn't help but think of it.
"Who was he, Aunt Ellena?" I asked softly. "Was it someone from the upper ranks?"
Her gaze sharpened. She blinked, tilting her head so her hair fell down on one side, the dark blond waves swaying across the front of her puffy jacket as she absorbed my question. She scanned my face, taking in my horrified expression. All of a sudden she burst into irrepressible laughter that spiraled through the crisp night air. "Nothing like that, Tabitha."
"Oh..." I whooshed out, relieved, the tightness leaving my chest.
"Oh my... One of the upper ranks," she repeated, shaking her head, the red pompom on her knitted hat bobbing.
While she continued laughing, I was cringing.
Gods, she would be disappointed and so worried if she ever found out I was entwined with an heir.
Aunt Ellena visibly relaxed, pushing the front of her hat back to her hairline. "You know our world..." Cold dread pressed against my bones when I realized in horror where she was going with this. Her motherly tone came out and it creased the skin around her eyes as they narrowed and became stern. "There is nothing more dangerous for one of us to have an affair with one of the upper ranks." Her voice softened as she carried on. "I know you'd never put yourself in that position. You're a good girl with a sensible head on your shoulders."
Shame weighed heavily on my limbs that my aunt thought so highly of me. I was already in that position. I licked my dry lips before saying weakly, "Of course, I know that, and I never would."
Gods, the lies falling from my lips tasted bitter and filthy. I couldn't hold her gaze any longer and I glanced down at my thighs, rubbing my palms over my jeans. It was far too late to stop what had begun between myself and Varen. But even I knew that was a lie because it wasn't too late, I just didn't want to.
My mind kept spinning it around. If not someone from the upper ranks...then who?
The answer crashed into my head and my jaw slackened.
I jerked my head up in shock. I couldn't believe it. My aunt had an affair!
It blurted from me. "He was married!"
"No...no, not that either," my aunt said in a rush to reassure me, her hand reaching outward as if to stop the terrible thought. "Oh my goodness, Tabitha. No, he was not married."
I frowned. "Then who was he?"
She blew out a breath and right then I knew I had her. She had to explain herself now.
The rug shifted slightly as she changed position to tuck her legs under and lean back on her heels. She gave me a thoughtful look before her gaze went distant as if she'd disappeared back in time.