"How the hell is this dude still alive?"
I blink, nearly collapsing as my knees buckle. The world felt underwater, black spots dancing in my vision. My hands felt slow to move, a ringing in my ears.
What was happening to me? Why couldn't I remember anything?
Wait- Thanos, Neck, Valkyrie, Fylgjur.
Right, I'm dead. And stuck with Thor. This was a horrible and terrible idea.
I could vaguely recognize the idiots in the background talking about his muscles and I fought the urge to throw up in my mouth.
That was also when I noticed three things. One, Thor was unconscious on the idiot's table. Two, I was in my Jotun form, and seemingly unable to change back. And three, Thanos's daughter, Gamora, was standing inches away from me.
Father will not be pleased once he hears you have refused our gracious offer.
She stares as I'm burned at the stake, the flames licking across my body. I scream in agony, begging for anyone to save me, she just stands next to Thanos and The Other
She watches as the corpses and hot coals are shoved down my throat, her face blank as I retch.
She looks at my poor whimpering body, but she doesn't give it a second thought as the mind stone is forced on my head, turning my brain to mush.
She is a witness as blue in my mind consumes me, a sickly power in my hands.
But she does nothing.
Failure.
It's all your fault.
You call yourself a god Jotun scum? You are nothing more than a disappointment, a weakness.
"Wake him up,"
Nononononono that's a bad idea. Thor attacks first and asks questions later, you lot are all going to die.
But the bug lady presses her hand to his forehead, whispering softly, "Wake,"
Thor erupts immediately, bursting from the table. Stumbling idiotically to the wall, lying on it for support.
I should've gone to Valhalla.
He grunts heavily like a barbarian, turning around slowly, panting, to face the other morons who have guns pointed at his face.
Please, as if guns would be enough to kill a god.
His voice comes out low and rumbling, tired and strong and intimidating at the same time, "Who the Hel are you guys?"
•••
I'm not sure how much time passes, it's hard to tell when you're floating in the middle of space. All I know is that Thor now has a bowl of soup and a blanket, and I am unable to turn my illusion into my Aesir form. Realistically, I should've listened to Val and her warnings.
Blood-red, crimson eyes and sapphire skin with raised blue patterns along my body. Grayish-brown, curved horns reaching a few inches above my head. A tail that brushes my ankles, a tuft of black hair on the bottom.
I'm sitting next to a soot-covered Thor, watching his body language. Even though it's been years since we were actually on 'good' terms, I can still recognize what every single adjustment means.
He's pissed, mourning, angry. Angry at Thanos, angry at the nine realms, and angry at the Norns for giving him this fate. Not that I can blame him. I'm pretty pissed at the Norns too. He's trying to hold it together in front of the idiots, but it's only a matter of time before he crumbles.
"The entire time I knew Thanos he only ever had one goal," Gamora says, who still has yet to tell Thor that she's actually the daughter of Thanos.
Thor says nothing, still sipping on his soup. I wrap my arm around his shoulder, my hand passing right through as if he is an illusion. I squeeze my eyes shut, secretly wishing there was something I could do to comfort him.
"To bring balance to the universe by wiping out half of all life," she finishes, leaning up against the window.
"He used to kill people planet by planet, massacre by massacre," she seems different now. The way she speaks of Thanos, disgusted by his actions. No longer blind to his true nature.
"Including my own," the weird, shirtless, gray man says, loss and guilt in his voice.
"If he gets all six infinity stones he can do it with the snap of his fingers like this," she snaps her own fingers.
I shudder at my own memories of the infinity stones, none of the encounters going particularly well.
Thor says nothing for a moment, he hasn't said much of anything really, very unlike the witless oaf he usually is. "You seem to know a great deal about Thanos,"
Observant, are you?
The gray man speaks first, "This is the daughter of Thanos,"
Invade Terra, seize the Tesseract by any means, and take it back to me.
And why should I do that?
If you do, you will earn a respectable place among my children.
I'm pulled out of my thoughts by Thor abruptly standing, marching over to the Titan's daughter with a murderous look in his eyes. "Your father killed my brother,"
And tortured, we can't forget about the torture.
"Oh boy," the raccoon sighs, his grip tightening on the gun he has wrapped around his tiny body.
The knock-off Thor steps forward, "Stepfather, technically. She hates him as much as you do,"
Thor pays them no attention, coming face-to-face with Gamora, I wince for a second, unsure if he is about to smite her. Not that I would complain, but it would be quite messy, plus, she probably had helpful insight on the Mad Titan.
"Families can be tough," he says finally, placing a hand on her shoulder, "Before my father died he told me I had a half-sister that he imprisoned in Hel. Then she returned home and stabbed me in the eye so I had to kill her. That's life though, isn't it? Round and round, I feel your pain,"
You're late.
You're missing an eye.
When did Thor get so wise all of a sudden? Wasn't it just a century ago that I had been helping his drunk hyde hide from Mother?
The knock-off steps forward in front of Thor, obviously threatened, "I feel your pain as well," he says as I roll my eyes so hard I'm surprised they don't fall out of my head.
"Because- I mean it's not a competition but I've been through a lot, Father killed my Mother then I had to kill my Father," the raccoon gives a matching eye roll. I've decided I like the raccoon.
"And that was hard," Knock-off finishes.
Please, do you really want to talk about family problems? How much time have we got? Cause I'd beat all of you like it's nothing.
"Probably even harder than having to kill a sister,"
Well, I did both idiot.
"Plus I came out with both my eyes so-"
Ooh, that's cold, even for me.
"I need a hammer, not a spoon," Thor announces, ignoring Knock-off's eye comment.
Duly noted.
Thor stumbles over to a control panel, "How do I open this thing?" He asks, slamming buttons furiously.
Well don't hit it, just press it gently.
I am pressing it gently, it's not working!
"Some sort of four-digit code or maybe a birthdate,"
"Uh, what are you doing?" The raccoon glares up at my mindless brother.
"Taking your pod," Thor says simply.
The idiots aren't going to respond well to that.
Needless to say, the Knock-off clears his throat, trying to lower his voice, "No you're not,"
"I beg your pardon?" The words slip out of my mouth before I can stop them. As if they could hear me anyway.
Everyone else on board trades confused looks as Knock-off continues, "You will not, be taking, our pod, today Sir,"
The raccoon scoffs, "Uh, Quill, are you making your voice deeper?"
His name is Quill, like the bird? I think the name Knock-off suits him more.
Knock-off pauses for a moment, glancing around, "No," He says finally, my nose wrinkling immediately at the lie.
Really? Because when you all were fangirling over his muscles, you didn't sound like that.
"You are," the gray man says, taking a step forward, "You're imitating the god-man,"
God. Not god-man, god.
"It's weird,"
"No, I'm not," Knock-off says in his fake voice.
The bug lady gasps as if this is a shocking relegation, "He just did it again!"
"This is my voice!" Knock-off exclaims.
Thor takes a step forward, glaring daggers at the idiot. "Are you mocking me?" He asks angrily.
Thor, please for the love of the nine realms, do not smite this man with lightning. You're going to make a hole in the ship.
"Are you mocking me?" Knock-off repeats back.
"Wish- Stop it, you just did it again,"
Knock-off turns his head smugly, "He's trying to copy me,"
Before I rip my hair out and jump out the window and before Thor actually turns him into burnt pieces of ash, Gamora steps forward, yelling at them.
"Enough!" She yells.
"B-but he was doing it first-" Thor protests as I chuckle at his predicament.
"We need to stop Thanos, which means we need to find out where he's going next,"
"Knowhere," Thor replies simply, marching over to a mini-fridge.
"He must be going somewhere," the bug lady protests.
"No, no, Knowhere?" Knock-off says, his normal voice returning, "It's a place, we've been there, it sucks- 'scuse me that's our food," he interrupts, watching as Thor grabs meals from the fridge.
"Not anymore,"
Am I rubbing off on you brother?
"Thor, why would he go to Knowhere?" Gamora asks, doing a remarkable job of keeping Thor and Mini-Thor in check.
"Because for years, the reality stone has been safely stored there with a man called the Collector,"
"If it's with the Collector then it's not safe, only an idiot would give that man a stone,"
"Or a genius," Thor supplies.
Exactly, because nobody would think to look for a stone in a place where a madman lives.
"How do you know he's not going for one of the other stones?" Gamora shouts, obviously frustrated with their antics.
"There are six stones out there. Thanos already has the power stone because he stole it last week and decimated Xandar. He stole the space stone from me when he stole my ship and slaughtered half my people,"
There is blue in my mind.
"The time and mind stones are safe on Earth, they're with the Avengers,"
There is blue in my mind and a sickly power in my hands.
Gather Ter-Midgard's mightiest heroes. Let them defeat me so Thanos will lose the mind stone, so he will not get his hands on the Tesseract. Gather the Avengers so that one day, they will be ready. They will be ready for Thanos.
"The Avengers?"
"The Earth's mightiest heroes," Thor explains.
"Like Kevin Bacon?" The bug lady asks excitedly.
Who in the nine realms is Kevin Bacon?
"He may be on the team, I don't know, I haven't been there in a while. As for the soul stone, well no one's ever seen that, no one even knows where it is,"
A strange expression flicks across Gamora's face, but vanishes so quickly I wasn't sure I had seen it at all. That's when it hit me.
She knows.
She knows where the soul stone is.
"Therefore Thanos can't get it, therefore he'll be going to Knowhere, hence he'll be getting the reality stone," Thor says, not noticing her tense expression.
You might want to take the stairs to the left.
Did she suffer?
You're not.
Thor grovels a 'you're welcome' as Gamora turns away. "Then we have to go to Knowhere now," she states.
"Wrong,"
Oh Norns, what now Brother?
"Where we have to go, is Niðavellir,"
The blood pools in my mouth as the thread wraps around my lips. Odin watches as the dwarves sew my mouth shut. A punishment. A punishment for a silly dare from the Warrior's three. My vision fades in and out as they pull the string, Odin seals it with Gungnir.
Weak.
Pathetic.
You deserve this, boy.
I fade into unconsciousness as I choke on my own blood.
"Only Eitri the dwarf can make me the weapon I need,"
Eitri commands the other dwarves to take me to their dungeons. He does nothing as his men bring the metal hot whip against my back. He glares at me as I cry out in pain.
Learn not to mess with the might of Niðavellir, Asgardian.
I recognize Thor and the raccoon talking about leadership and captains by the time my mind swirls back to the present.
We are not going to Niðavellir.
"Uh, except for the fact that I'm the captain," Knock-off says, unknowingly coming to my rescue, "And that's my backpack,"
"Quiet,"
"Go sit down,"
"Look, this is my ship, and I'm not going to... wait, w-what kind of a- what kind of weapon are we talking about here?" Knock-off protests.
"The Thanos killing kind,"
Really? Because the last weapon you got from there wasn't even able to stand against our sister. What makes you think a new one can stand against a full-on Titan?
Knock-off seems to be at a loss of words for once, "W-don't you think we should all have a weapon like that?"
Thor turns around, grinning, "You simply lack the strength to wield them, your bodies would crumble as your mind collapsed into madness,"
"Is it weird that I wanna do it even more now?"
I definitely like the raccoon.
"A little bit, yeah,"
Gamora steps forward, interrupting the bickering once again, "If we don't go to Knowhere and Thanos retrieves another stone he'll be too powerful to stop,"
"He already is,"
Well, aren't you just a little ray of sunshine?
"I got it figured out," the raccoon interrupts, "We got two ships and a large assortment of morons,"
I don't think there were truer words ever spoken, little raccoon.
"Groot and I will go with the Pirate Angel,"
I snort at Thor's new name, unsure of whether to be amused or disgusted.
"And the morons will go to Knowhere to try and stop Thanos,"
A lot of emphasis on try.
"Cool? Cool," the raccoon explains, turning to Thor for approval.
"So cool," Thor grins, stepping into the escape pod.
The raccoon jumps off the crate it was sitting on, while Knock-off hisses in his ear.
"For the record, I know you're only going with him because it's where Thanos isn't,"
I mean, honestly? Me too, I'd rather take Niðavellir than Thanos.
The raccoon just glares up at Knock-off, "You know, you really shouldn't talk that way to your captain Quill. Come on Groot, put that game down, you'll rot your brain," the raccoon snorts, gesturing to the walking tree playing some sort of illusionary game.
Begrudgingly, I venture into the pod with the raccoon and tree.
"I bid you farewell and good luck, morons. Goodbye," Thor announces pleasantly.
And with that, we drop from the ship and fly away. Racing off towards the place where I ever so kindly got my mouth sewn shut.