Ala-una ng tanghali kami bumiyahe ni Nessa. Nanay Fe was kind enough to let us pack some food home. Tama nga si Nessa, mas malala ang traffic kapag hindi ka umalis ng maaga. The rife home took us six hours. Sobrang init pa ng panahon at natengga kami sa traffic.
It was already dark when we got home. Wala na nga kaming oras para ayusin pa ang mga gamit namin at basta na lang namin dineretso ang mga bag sa laundry room.
Sumunod ako kay Nessa na nire-reheat ang pinabaon ni Nanay sa amin na adobo at kanin. Nay Fe said she knew we'd be home late kaya nagdagdag pa siya ng rice. When I got to the kitchen, saktong natapos si Nessa mag-reheat.
"Kain na," she said.
Kumuha na rin siya ng pagkain niya. I didn't have the appetite to eat that much. Kaunting-kaunti lang ang kinain ko dahil sa pagod. I told Nessa to just leave the dishes in the dishwasher before we headed to our own rooms.
I took a half-bath then got into my pajamas. As I delve into my bed, I immediately felt the comforting softness of my bed. Although it may seem like I would fall asleep anytime soon, my body betrayed me.
Ilang oras na akong nakatulala pero hindi ako makatulog. My body feels so sleepy, yet my mind is fully awake. I dragged my exhausted body out of my room and found myself in front of Nessa's.
I took a deep breath before knocking three times. When it seemed like she was already asleep, I was ready to leave. But just as I turned my back, the door opened. I slowly turned around.
Kinukusot pa niya ang mga mata niya bago nagmulat. "Bakit?"
Her voice was a bit hoarse so I felt guilty dahil ginising ko pa siya. I hesitated, but since I am already here, sinagot ko na lang siya. "Can I come in?"
Halata sa mukha niya na nagtaka pa siya sa tinanong ko, but she still moved aside.
"Ano naman ang gagawin mo rito?" she asked. "At bakit hindi ka nakatulog.
"Uhm. . . namamahay?"
She laughed out loud. I don't find anything funny with what I said. Noong unang gabi ko sa probinsiya nila, namamahay rin ako kaya hindi ako makatulog.
"What's so funny, Ness?" tanong ko.
"Anong namamahay? Hoy, nangyayari lang 'yon kapag wala ka sa sarili mong bahay. Lokong 'to!"
Ah, so that's what it means.
"Can I sleep here?" natanong ko na lang.
"Jack, mas maganda ang kama mo."
I sighed. "Gusto kitang katabi matulog."
Kumunot ang noo niya. "At bakit?"
Because I feel comfortable. Sobrang bilis kong nakatulog noong katabi kita.
I saw how she was hesitant. I still tried to convince her. "I just want to sleep peacefully."
"Ipangako mong tulog lang."
Doon ko na-realize kung bakit ayaw niya akong katabi. Of course! Kahit sino naman ay magtataka kung nagkatabi kaming matulog.
I held my hand in the air. "I promise, Nessa."
"May tiwala ako sa 'yo. Huwag mong sirain 'yon, Jack."
I quickly nodded. "I won't, Nessa. I promise."
With that, we both went to my room. There was a huge space between the two of us. Nessa was lying flat on her back and I guess she was really sleepy. Mabilis siyang nakatulog habang ako ay nakatagilid at nakatingin sa kaniya. I closed my eyes and within a few minutes, I can already feel my eyelids getting heavier. Hindi ko na nilabanan ang antok ko dahil sumasakit na rin ang ulo ko.
THE next morning, I woke up earlier than Nessa. Nagulat pa ako dahil nakayakap siya sa akin at nakaunan sa braso ko. Hindi muna ako gumalaw para hindi siya magising. Nakasiksik siya sa akin at nakapatong ang kamay sa dibdib ko. When realization that we are so close sunk, my breath hitched.
Sinubukan kong huminga nang malalim para kumalma, pero magagalaw lang siya. I tried to even out my breathing, but it was too late. Unti-unting nagmulat ng mata si Nessa at saka bumangon. Hindi man lang niya napansin na nakaunan siya sa braso ko.
"Good morning," bati ko, at halatang medyo nagulat pa siya.
"Good morning din," she whispered. "Maayos ba ang naging tulog mo?"
I nodded at mukhang wala pa siya sa tamang huwisyo. Her mind seems to still be asleep. She turned to her side, paharap sa akin at pinatong ang kamay sa dibdib ko. Just a few seconds later, naririnig ko na ang mahinang paghilik niya.
I smiled a bit and turned on my side as well, to face her. Slowly, I embraced her in my arms and pulled her in even closer. Wala na akong balak bumalik sa pagtulog, pero mas wala akong balak umalis sa pwesto ko ngayon.
Habang wala pa akong balak bumangon, I had nothing else better to do. I stared at Nessa. Medyo lumayo din ako dahil baka hindi pala siya komportable sa pagyakap ko. Unti-unti kong kinalas ang pagkakayakap ko sa kaniya.
She opened her eyes and her orbs immediately stared into mine. "Bakit ka tumigil?" she asked.
"Hmm? What do you mean?" I asked, confused.
"Bakit mo tinanggal ang pagkakayakap mo sa akin? Mas mahimbing ang pag-idlip ko kapag ganoon, eh."
I instantly felt my blood rushing to my face. Para hindi niya makita, hinila ko siya at sinubsob ang mukha niya sa dibdib ko. She immediately pushed me as she sat. Her glaring eyes met me and I can't help but laugh at her.
"May nakakatawa? Makasubsob naman 'to, akala mo ang lambot-lambot ng dibdib mo, eh 'no?"
I hugged her waist. "Sorry na nga. Don't be too grumpy, Ness. Masiyado pang maaga kung magsusungit ka."
She looked at my bedside. "Anong maaga? Jackson, late na akong nagising at wala pa akong nalulutong pagkain mo."
"Or, we can stay in bed and I can order take out?"
Mas lalo siyang bumusangot. "Take out na naman? Mamaya masanay na akong hindi nagluluto, ha?"
I pulled her back to bed. "C'mon, I just want to hug you right now?"
"At bakit?" mataray na tanong niya.
"I don't know. . . it just feel. . . right."
Wala naman na siyang sinabi, pero naramdaman ko ang pagyakap niya pabalik sa akin. Mas siniksik niya ang katawan niya sa akin.
"Ness, huwag kang ganiyan," I whispered.
"Ha? Anong ibig mong sabihin?"
"You're too close."
She did not even budge. "Bakit, ayaw mo ba sa akin?"
"No! It's just that. . . kinikilig kasi ako."
"Hmm?" she hummed in a mocking tone, as if she knew it would drive me even crazier.
"Yayakapin mo ako tapos ikaw pa ang kikiligin. Paano na lang kung ako na mismo ang yumakap sa iyo?"
I could not take her unseriousness anymore so I stood and went to the bathroom. Narinig ko pa ang pagtawa niya habang naglalakad ako paalis.
"What is happening to me?" I whispered when I locked the door. Sinapo ko ang dibdib ko at nakumpirmang napakabilis ng tibok ng puso ko.
Ilang saglit pa ay narinig ko ang pagkatok ni Nessa. "Huwag ka nang oorder, ha? Magluluto na ako."
Wala na akong narinig pagkatapos no'n. I had to take a cold shower dahil pakiramdam ko ay iyon ay tamang gawin sa ganoong oras. After that, sumunod ako kay Nessa.
I don't know if my eyes were playing tricks on me, but she smirked playfully.
"Good morning ulit!" masayang bati niya.
"Uhm, what's for breakfast?" tanong ko.
"Hindi man lang ako binati pabalik," dinig kong bulong niya.
"Nessa, what's for breakfast," pag-uulit ko. I was trying to sound authoritarian.
"Sinangag at saka hotdog!"
"Iyon lang?"
I looked up to her and she was glaring at me. Umirap pa siya.
"Kung ayaw mo, e 'di magluto ka," bulong niya ngunit naririnig ko pa rin.
"Galit ka ba sa akin?"
She tried to act surprised but miserably failed. However, she did not try to drop her act.
"Hindi! Bakit naman ako magagalit sa 'yo?"
I sighed. "Look, I'm sorry, okay? I just feel wierded out by myself."
"Bakit? Dahil niyakap mo ako?"
I quickly shook my head. "No. It's just that. . . I don't really understant what I feel. These emotions are new to me and I try to comprehend them with the best I can. Minsan, those feelings are just too overwhelming and I can't control it."
"Pero hindi naman puwedeng pabago-bago ang trato mo sa akin, 'di ba?" she said. "Okay lang sa akin kung naguguluhan ka dahil naiintindihan ko kung ano ang nararamdaman mo. Ang hindi okay sa akin ay ang pabago-bago mong trato. Parang kanina, hindi mo man lang ako binati pabalik."
Tumango ako. "I understant that. I'm sorry, Ness. I'll try my best to control myself and not do that again."
Tumango lamang siya. Hindi na siya sumagot, pero alam kong okay na kami. Alam kong bati na kami.