"Don't you need to leave soon as well?" Joohyuk asked when his eyes landed on the wall clock in their living room, where papers sat at the center table with great patience, waiting to be put in his bag as a final touch of getting ready. They were both fully dressed and good to go since they had just sent Sujin off to kindergarten. However, it was unusual to see Suzy lounging at the couch as if she's not in a rush this morning, or even so for the rest of the day.
She shook her head and finally told him, "I'm not going to work."
"Wae?" he curiously asked.
"I spent my deferred time off in lieu," Suzy hinted, letting him think why she would do that particularly on this day.
But when the curiosity in his eyes did not disappear, she let out a faint sigh.
"I thought of using it today, it's our anniversary anyway." She replied without looking at him.
Joohyuk's eyes widened then instinctively looked at his phone calendar. "Aigoo, maja. It's today. How can I forget," He responded in disbelief, more so with himself. "Mianhae, Suzy-ah."
"You had a lot in mind lately. I understand." She dismissed his apology and just completely laid herself on the sofa.
"I guess I've been quite neglecting some things since the beginning of the week." Joohyuk added, sounding guilty.
"Gwenchana, I don't mind." Suzy spoke nonchalantly, not knowing why she was suddenly behaving like an insecure girlfriend.
He reached for her hand and held it as he looked at her, saying, "I'll make it up to you today. We'll go wherever you want to."
"We can just stay at home. We don't have to celebrate. We're no longer married, and it's not like I took the leave to spend the day with you. I just don't know when else I would." She suggested, trying not to make the conversation drag out too long.
"Aniya, we should still celebrate. We are still parents and partners, and partners should do that, right?" he countered.
Suzy was unable to reply to that. She can't help but be upset. It's just been three weeks since they started living together again and now an important date slipped off his mind. She can't help but think that things were just smooth sailing in the beginning.
They've been through a lot and her expectations of him are a lot lower than before. Nonetheless, it still hurts to have herself disappointed over little things that do not meet her reckoning.
"How about a drive-in movie with Sujin after I get back home from work?" Joohyuk's question brought her out of reverie.
"That will be too late then." She mumbled, unable to mask her dissatisfaction.
"Ani, I'll file a half-day leave." He countered immediately, hoping that would let him off the hook.
"You're not supposed to do that," she replied, still displeased.
"I will because I want to. I want to spend time with you and Sujin. Please?" he persuaded her further.
"You're the one working, why ask me?" Suzy murmured, not knowing why she's still putting up a fight.
Joohyuk's brows furrowed, not getting why she's not letting him take a half-day leave when it's his way of trying to make up for forgetting this significant occasion.
"I'll still make time for you and our son even if I have a lot on my plate," he assured her.
Suzy did not respond and brought herself to the kitchen instead. She needed to occupy her hands and mind with something else.
"Suzy-ah," Joohyuk called out softly as he followed her. "Mianhae. Jinjja. I know I should be proving myself consistently but I made something disappointing already."
Suzy continued to ignore him, pretending to busy herself by arranging some ingredients on the counter.
Joohyuk let his lips form a straight line, trying not to frown. He was just not sure what to do with the situation. They are supposed to be starting all over again, but it was like the progress is already having a setback.
"Suzy-ah, please say something." He pleaded, placing a gentle hand on her arm.
She looked at him for a second, not bothering to utter a single word. She then resumed arranging the utensils she gathered.
"I know I'm at fault. But please talk to me. Shouldn't we communicate better during misunderstandings?" he still tried. She didn't move and just stood still, thinking.
"We're making a progress in our relationship, right? Fights and disagreements will not disappear and they will get in our way. But I want to overcome them with you." Joohyuk added.
"Let's just talk about it later. I'm not really in the mood right now." Suzy finally replied.
Joohyuk's phone rang, and she knew what it meant. He has to leave now.
"You'll be late if you don't follow your alarm," she said nonchalantly.
"Promise me first that we'll talk later until you feel better about it." He countered, not letting her get away with the conversation so easily.
Instead of speaking, Suzy walked to the refrigerator and pulled out a lunch box from one of the trays. It was something she prepared for him earlier this day. She went back to the counter and slipped it inside an insulated bag, pushing the packed meal towards the edge closer to him.
Joohyuk felt more guilty. She probably really thought a lot about doing this for him again, like she used to in the good old days of their relationship.
He took the bag in his hands, feeling her warm gesture despite the cold treatment. "Jeongmal gomawo," he said sincerely.
He looked at her and tried to lean closer. Suzy stepped back, keeping her distance.
"I have to go now." Joohyuk mumbled regretfully, and with that he left the house, bringing a heavy heart along with him.
- - -
Joohyuk did get a half-day leave and went home early in the afternoon. When he got back, Suzy was still not talking to him. Sujin was playing with the puppy in the living room while they were left in the dining area, munching on the desserts he brought home.
"Appa, let's play!" his son said cheerfully as he went to him.
"Of course, but take a bite of this first." Joohyuk answered, with his hands travelling like a plane towards his son's mouth to feed him a brownie. He then looked at his ex-wife who was not giving him a single glance. He didn't know what to do next.
Joohyuk decided to let her be for the moment and went to the terrace instead to play with Sujin.
Later that afternoon, they all went to the drive-in theater together, and Suzy was still aloof. She did not even sit next to him but was seated beside their son at the back. He can't help but sigh.
- - -
"Are you sleeping already?" Joohyuk asked after knocking on the door of their room, then slowly turning the knob open.
"Not yet." Suzy answered flatly.
He walked to the edge of the bed and sat, not knowing how he should start talking.
"Jeongmal mianhae," he apologized.
"You don't have to." She said nonchalantly, her back facing him.
He got up and walked towards the other side of the mattress to meet her gaze since she did not bother turning around to look at him. He knelt on the bedside with a bouquet of scented paper roses in his hands.
"What's that for?" she asked.
"To say sorry," he spoke softly.
"I said you don't have to," Suzy replied firmly.
"I still do, for unconsciously forgetting." That one final statement resonated regret within the glint in his eyes.
Suzy looked at him and finally reached for the flowers. "You bought these?" she asked while studying the gift in her hands.
"No, I made them." He answered sheepishly.
Her eyes grew wider as she heard him. "Jinjja?" she asked, not believing him.
"Ne. I didn't have enough time so the petals aren't so symmetrical. I'm not really that good at flower origami." He admitted, but his work stated otherwise. The cuts and folds looked carefully done, at least in her point of view.
She just nodded and did not utter a word. Joohyuk looked down the floor, not knowing how to take her silence.
"Suzy-ah," he began to utter. "Happy anniversary."
She briefly met his gaze and spoke barely above a whisper, "You shouldn't say that to your ex-wife."
"I still love her," Joohyuk countered. His eyes turn different in moments like these, softer than she knew they could ever be.
A faint tremor of amusement was on her lips as she spoke back, "Ah, that's why you forgot this occasion."
"I didn't forget the date. I just didn't know it's today already. I lost track of time lately." He explained, trying to make a contrast.
"Same difference," she opposed.
"Ne, I guess." He finally gave in. He was not the type to continuously object to her, especially not when he knows that he sparked the quarrel. "Jeongmal mianhae. I know that's not a valid excuse, and I will try not to let it happen again."
Suzy just nodded.
"Please say something." He pleaded, reaching for her hand.
"Thank you for the flowers," she said followed by the little smile that flitted across her mouth.
A glint of joy glazed his tiny orbs upon hearing her appreciation. "Do you want anything else? I'll get you whatever you want." He spoke gently with affirmation.
She shook her head then thought for a moment before responding to him.
"Joohyuk-ah," his name fell out of her lips as she began. "Can I ask you something? I don't want an answer as simple as 'I miss you' or 'I love you.'"
"What is it?" He asked earnestly, ready to give her an honest response.
"How do you feel about me now?" Suzy asked as she held his hand, pulling him to get up and stop being on his knees.
They both sat on the mattress, looking at each other. Her ears ardently waiting for his answer.
"I still see you as the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with. Only you can make me feel that way." Joohyuk finally said.
Her eyes softened upon hearing his words, but that wasn't the only question she had for him.
"Do I make you feel better or worse about yourself?" Suzy asked once more.
"Better." It was a no-brainer. He didn't need to think hard about it when his heart knows the answer so well.
Suzy was expecting to hear that, but him picking the other option would be more realistic. She knows she's not perfect. She has said and done hurtful things to him.
"Jeongmal? Even when I treat you so coldly? Even if sometimes I get irrational? Even when my emotions get the best of me that I end up saying and doing unkind things?" She overwhelmingly asked in disbelief.
"You do that for a reason. Besides, who doesn't get irrational? We all do. And you were never unkind, just less kind sometimes." Joohyuk countered. "It would be too superficial of me if I'm going to base it on small attributes like that," he added.
"Overall, you make me feel better about myself. Just remembering that you married me before makes me think that I was great enough for someone to willingly spend a lifetime with me. Even when we were apart, you did not close the doors for me to at least make it up to Sujin. Now that you're trying to be with me again, I feel better about myself because it means you believe in me, and that I can still be worthy of you and our son. All I have to do is prove it. That's how you make me feel." Joohyuk spoke in detail, his words overflowing with meaning.
Suzy looked down to avoid his gaze, unable to hold back a faint chuckle as she replied,"You reached the word limit for this essay."
"It's the truth." Joohyuk spoke to defend his words. He was afraid that he had uttered either less or too much, that she might end up being displeased.
Suzy was still in the middle of digesting his answers. They might have sounded too good to be true, yet she can tell that they were said without him being excessive nor sugarcoating to please her. It was out of plain sincerity.
Joohyuk's worry only faded when he saw a smile swept across Suzy's face. It was tender and infectious, that he can't help but smile as well.
"Can I say something simple now?" he asked, and she nodded in reply.
"I love you," Joohyuk told her, and gave her hand a gentle squeeze.
Suzy's smile faded a little, feeling bad because she's not yet ready to reciprocate the expression no matter how much she wanted to.
"You know I can't just say those words back so easily," she honestly replied.
Joohyuk nodded understandingly, his smile not leaving his face. "I'll wait. As long as you will tell me someday," he said with a heart full of hope.
"Maybe," she answered vaguely, afraid to make a promise since she's unsure of when that day would come.
"Take your time. Even if I'm dying to hear it from you, I wouldn't want it to sound empty when you say those words without meaning." Joohyuk spoke to reassure her that he's fine with whatever she can give for the moment being.
"Ne," Suzy said and smiled at him again, grateful that he understands her.
"Aigoo, I missed this," he confessed.
"Ne?" She asked, uncertain if she knows what he means.
"Seeing you smile. Hearing your voice. Talking to you without the awkwardness. All the simple things." Joohyuk admitted, sounding like a complete romantic.
"That's sappy," she retorted with a chuckle.
"It's true though," he countered, unable to suppress his cheeks from getting red. "Can we talk more like this? You can ask me questions that bother you. I'll ask you too when I feel like it. Let's communicate better from now on, Suzy-ah. Like we used to."
"We'll try," she said simply, her lips not curving into a smile but her eyes did otherwise. They sparkled at the thought of her and Joohyuk getting more open and honest with each other.
"Good night, you should rest now." He said then stood up to leave the room, knowing the drill too well already.
They haven't slept in the same bed with just the two of them ever since they began living together again. It's either Suzy will sleep with Sujin or he will, while the other stays at their bedroom. Although most of the time they will both sleep with their son in the middle.
Joohyuk froze from walking further when he heard Suzy speak. "I won't," she said. "Not if you won't sleep here with me."
"Ne? What do you mean? That's a little too soon," he responded unseriously to mask the effect that the idea had on him. Deep in his bones, he was both nervous and thrilled.
"Ya! Nothing's going to happen," she said in almost a yell, quick to reject his unwholesome implication.
"I was kidding," Joohyuk retorted as he chuckled at her defensiveness. "But are you sure about this?" He asked, turning serious for a while.
"You own half of the bed too. I don't want you to sue me for property rights or whatever." She said, hoping it sounded logical to him.
"Arasso. But let me shower first." He replied, grinning widely.
"Ya! I told you, nothing's goint to happen," She repeated, her cheeks madly turning red.
"Just for proper hygiene. What else are you thinking Dr. Bae?" He retorted one last time before disappearing from her vision.
After a few minutes, Joohyuk returned with his hair damp and his clothes changed. He saw Suzy sleeping already. He smiled at the sight.
She was lying on her side, so he went to occupy the space left for him, careful not to make sudden movements so she won't be awakened by his presence.
"Good night to us," he mumbled contentedly before closing his eyes.