A.N.- Hey guys! So on the side is a video I took of "Collide" by Go Radio live on the Wake Up And Be Awesome Tour :) They're a really, really great band and I highly recommend checking them out!
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“Said that I’m a douchebag, won’t ever call back,” I sang as I searched around for a shirt. “I didn’t mean to fuck you over, just wanna have some fun!”
“Anthony Andrews! Did you just cuss?” mom demanded angrily.
I spun around and blushed. “Uh…no?”
Her eyes watered. “It’s my fault, isn’t it? I always swear in front of you. I can’t raise you right Ant!” She buried her face in her hands miserably. “I just want you to grow up right!”
“Mom,” I said with a sigh, going over and placing an arm on her. “You’re a great mom! You raise me fine!” I promised her, pulling her hands away from her face and kissing her cheek. “But I have to get going soon. The Archer’s are having that bonfire tonight.”
Yep, it had been two days since I had found the letter. Colin hadn’t said anything about it. He had shoved me down in the hallway today and threatened me, so I guess nothing had really changed. Collie hadn’t said anything else about the letter either.
“Okay Ant. Be very careful driving,” she said, wiping at her eyes and hugging me tightly. “I love you so much.”
She pulled away from me and made a face. “And put a shirt on, young man!”
I looked down at my topless self and rolled my eyes. “I was working on it when you barged into my room!” I whined.
She gave me a joking shove and left my bedroom. I shook my head and went back over to my closet, grabbing a shirt and pulling it on.
I texted Collie to let him know I was on my way as I walked out of my bedroom. I peeked into the kitchen and saw my mom making dinner for herself. I frowned and walked in.
“Hey mom, uh, do you want me to stay and eat dinner with you?” I asked, feeling bad.
“No, no, no. Go have fun with your friends Ant,” she said, glancing over at me. “I want you to go have fun with your friends. Just drive careful, like I said. And if you drink at this bonfire, you call me for a ride home. Got it, kid?”
I nodded at her and gave a small wave before grabbing the keys and leaving the house. I drove myself to the Archer’s house and took a deep breath as I walked up the driveway and rang the front door.
“Hello Anthony!” Mr. Archer said with a smile as he opened the door. “Collie’s down in his bedroom with Colin and Emma.”
“Okay, thanks Mr. Archer,” I said with a polite smile as I entered the house. I made my way downstairs and knocked on Collie’s bedroom door. I could hear music exploding from inside the room.
Collie opened the door and nodded at me. “Hey Ant. Come on in,” he said, motioning at me to follow him.
“Well, some girls just freak me out. She’s the sweetest, the sweetest thing, but I know she’s no good for me. Gonna take you home and take off your clothes. Baby, I’m nothin’ but bad news ,” Collie’s speakers screamed.
Colin glanced at me and glared. He turned his attention back to Emma. He was lying on Collie’s bed, Emma sitting next to him.
“Hi Ant!” Emma waved at me.
“Hi Emma,” I said, waving back.
“Our parents are just trying to get the fire going outside. Some of their friends will be here. And some of Colin’s other friends are coming too,” Collie said.
“Collie, they’re your friends too,” Colin said, frowning over at his brother.
“Colin, you’re the one who hangs out with them. I barely know any of them,” Collie said, rolling his eyes. He grabbed my hand and led me over to the couch in his room. He released my hand and we sat down together.
Collie reached behind the couch and produced two beer cans. He handed one to me and opened his, taking a sip.
“Colin doesn’t drink,” Collie said.
“Because I’m underage. And so are you,” Colin said sternly.
“No thanks, Collie. I have to drive home. I don’t want my mom to have to come pick me up,” I said with an apologetic smile, handing the beer back to him. I’d feel bad if I made my mom come out here to pick me up.
Collie took it and set it back behind the couch with a shrug. “Suit yourself, Ant.”
“And if I was Da Vinci, you’d be Mona Lisa, paint a smile perfectly on you,” Colin sang along with the music, smiling up at Emma.
I felt myself growing jealous, but reminded myself that I had that letter. Collie had said it was from Colin, and I believed him.
After a while of us sitting there listening to music, Collie stood up. He tossed the empty beer can behind the couch and motioned at me to get up as well.
“I’m sure the fire is ready by now. I’m bored down here,” he said, turning and walking out of his room. I hurried to follow him.
He led me upstairs and out of the backdoor. Colin and Emma were following behind us as well. We walked across the backyard to where a fairly large fire was blazing. Several adults were standing around it and talking, beers in hand.
“Hi kids,” Mrs. Archer said, smiling at us. She put an arm around Collie’s shoulders. “There’s chips and soda inside if you guys want any. There’s also stuff to make s’mores on that table over there. You guys can pull up some chairs around the fire if you want.”
Collie shrugged his mom’s arm off and nodded at her. “Come on Ant. I want soda,” he said, pulling me into the house.
He went over to eh refrigerator and tossed me a Mountain Dew, also getting one for himself. He opened it, took a drink, and sighed.
“Ant, we don’t have to go anywhere near Colin and his friends tonight if you don’t want to,” he said.
“It doesn’t bother me Collie!” I said, grinning widely.
He shrugged and walked out of the house. I followed him and we went down to the fire, where the number of people had grown.
“I’m going to go grab a sweatshirt. I’ll be right back,” Collie said, shivering a little. He turned and disappeared back into the house.
I wandered over to the fire, and Colin and his friends all looked at me. I recognized most of them. They were part of the group that always followed Colin around in school.
“Hey! Isn’t that the faggot?” one of them, Jake, asked in shock.
“Yea! That’s that cocksucker! Colin, what’s he doing at your house?” another one, Vance, asked in disgust.
My face paled a little as Mr. and Mrs. Archer stared at me in confusion. I glanced over my shoulder, but Collie was still inside the house.
“What?” Mr. Archer demanded.
“Come on Colin, what’s that gay fag doing at your house?” Jake asked.
“Colin, what are they talking about?” Mrs. Archer asked, looking at me suspiciously.
Colin looked up and met my eyes. He slowly shook his head at his parents. “I…I don’t know what they’re talking about. Jake, Vance, he’s not gay. You must have confused him for someone else,” he said.
“But he’s the one you always-”
“He’s not gay,” Colin said, cutting Vance off. “Are you, Ant? Aren’t you basically dating that one girl from school?”
“Uh…Yea!” I said, going along with his lie and hating it. I was always so open about my sexuality. I hated lying about it. It felt like I was lying about who I truly was. I never wanted to be a fake person. I was proud of who I was.
“See? You guys have him confused for someone else,” Colin said with a shrug, shooting them both warning looks when his parents weren’t paying attention.
“Yea, I guess we got him confused for someone else,” Vance said, giving Colin a confused and questioning look. He ignored it, though.
Colin stood up and motioned me over. “Come here, Ant. I have to show you something,” he said with a pleasant smile. I followed him around the side of the house and he looked back to make sure no one was watching us before glaring at me.
“Thank you Colin,” I said gratefully before he could say anything.
“Don’t expect that to ever happen again Ant. I only did it so that Collie wouldn’t get mad at me again,” he snarled.
“Colin…it’s alright if you don’t hate me,” I said, offering him a small smile. Maybe I could get him to admit it to me. “I know you’re a homophobe and I’m gay, but if you look past my sexuality, what is it that you hate about me?”
“Your sexuality is enough,” he grumbled.
I shook my head at him. “I wish we could be friends again,” I said honestly.
“Shut up!” he snapped and shoved me roughly. “I never should’ve stood up for you!”
“But you did. And you were so nice to me Colin. If I hadn’t come out as gay, we’d still be friends right now and you know it,” I said with a sad sigh. “You left me because I’m gay, but I’m positive that we could be friends again. If we both just tried…”
He gripped my shirt tightly. “Don’t you get it, Anthony? You’re gay! That’s wrong! Hell, I bet the reason you don’t have a dad is because he left you because he didn’t want a faggot for a son! You’re a fucking freak! The world would be better if you just killed yourself, faggot! You. Are. Wrong.”
I felt my eyes watering and forced a shaky smile as Colin slowly released my shirt. “I’m sorry you feel that way,” I said, trying desperately to keep my voice normal.
“Ant, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have…I took that too far and I…” He trailed off, his face paling. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s alright Colin. I need to get home before my mom gets worried,” I lied. “Tell Collie I’m sorry, and I’ll see him at school tomorrow.”
“Ant, wait!” he cried as I walked away quickly, wiping at my eyes.
I got in my car and pulled out of the driveway. I drove out of sight of the house before pulling over on the side of the road. I leaned back against the seat and squeezed my eyes shut tightly as a tear dripped down my face.
“He didn’t mean it,” I whispered to myself. “He said he was sorry. He didn’t mean it. He’s not a bad person. He didn’t mean any of it.”
I wiped my eyes, trying to get control of myself. I couldn’t go home like this. It would worry my mom, and I didn’t want to do that. She worried about me enough without seeing me in this condition.
I shut my car off and pulled out my iPod. I could just listen to music and play games on my iPod for a while, until I was under control and ready to head home.
“The letter,” I whispered. Had the letter really been from Colin? Or had Collie just lied to me? But why would Collie be mean enough to do that to me?
I shook it out of my head as I put on Collide by Go Radio. Colin’s favorite song. I loved this song too.
“It’s just Collie with a ‘d’,” I mumbled and nearly smiled at my own dumb, perverted joke.
But then I frowned again, remembering Colin’s words. I shut my eyes and turned the music up louder. I could figure everything out tomorrow. For right now, I just needed to get myself under control.