"Alice, Alice! Get up! You'll get late. Hans is already here to pick us up. We've our class in next 15 minutes. Get up!" I heard Susan's urgent voice. I look at the time. "Oh no! I am going to be so late! Why didn't you wake me up early? I shouted.
"We have been trying for an hour. But you didn't even respond once." Serene said.
I got out of the bed. There was no time to take a shower and I wasn't even keen on it so I just brushed my teeth and splashed some water on my face. I managed myself into a pair of blue denims and a grey sweatshirt, collected all my hairs into a messy bun and I was ready to go.
"No shower?" Zia asked.
"Its nothing new!" Serene laughed when I nodded a yes to Zia's question.
We heard Hans' honking. So, before letting any of my neighbours get irritated, I locked my door and we all rushed down.
"You look a whole lot of mess, Allie! But I am glad you made it today." Hans hugged me as I got into the car to sit next to him while the other three in the backseat.
"I'm messy and I like it!" I winked.
"Well, even I like messy." and he roared his Range Rover's engine to life. We drove from the busy streets of Upper Manhattan and reached in 10 minutes to Washington Square Campus, in the heart of Greenwich village. Normally, it takes 28-30 minutes from the FDR Drive but as we had Hans as our driver he always managed to get us there in maximum 15 minutes.
Our professor of Mathematics, Mr. Nicholas Rodgers, who was in his late twenties, had just started with Laplace transformation. We weren't that late so he allowed us in. He looked at me with sympathetic eyes and asked, "I'm sorry to hear about your parents. You okay?"
"Yes, Mr. Rodgers." I said faking a smile because I wasn't okay. How can someone be okay after their parents death. That too unannounced.
"Welcome back." He said and motioned with his hands to tell me to take a seat. Everyone behind him repeated, " Welcome back, Alice!" I smiled back at everyone and went to sit with my group at the end. I laughed inside. I was just away for a week or so and they're welcoming me. Is it out of pity or sympathy? Well, I don't need any!
My mind wasn't in class at all and Mr. Rodgers understood that when he asked me questions twice and I couldn't answer. I didn't even know what the questions were. But he didn't say anything and continued teaching. I was now used to sit quietly during the classes. I didn't participate in any of my group's discussion while in the class.
As the class got over, we were joined by few of Hans' friends. Everyone again started with 'sorry about your parents' and stuff. I never get why people say sorry for such things. It's not that they were responsible for it. I was sick of getting sympathies now. I didn't want any.
Their sympathies can never fill my loss.
As our Stats class got over, I thought of texting Neil. He said it was his frst day of internship.
'So, he was here for an internship,' I thought. I recalled the last night on terrace. Today, he will have to answer my questions for the answers I gave him yesterday.
I ended up calling him instead of sending a text.
"So, how is your first day going at work?" I interrogated.
"Everything is new and yet to be learned. You say, how's your college going?"
"Fine. So are we meeting in the evening ?" I came staright to the point.
"Yes, if you say!" He teased.
"What do you mean? I never force you to meet me, okay?" I shouted. I could hear him laughing on the other end.
"Stop laughing." I scolded him.
"Sorry! We'll go for dinner. What do you say?"
Hmm, dinner. Not a bad idea. We could talk and discuss while eating.
"Done. What time you'll leave your office?"
"5:30, most probably"
"I'll see you outside your office. Text me the address. Bye!" and I ended the call.
•••
We were done with our classes by 3:30 p.m.
I decided to leave for home as I wanted to freshen up before going for dinner. Hans, just like everytime was ready to drop me home. I really wanted Hans and Neil to meet because I knew they would get along well. On the way back home, I told Hans about my dinner with Neil.
"So, you're going on a date?" His face dropped saying that.
"What! Date? No, no. You got it completely wrong, Hans. It's not a date. We don't have anything of that sort between us. Neil is my very old and a good friend. We can never be together that way. Never!"
There was an instant change of expression on Hans's face after hearing that. I didn't want to give him false expectations either. So, I continued.
"Infact, I will never be able to love anyone else. I don't even want to. I had already decided from the beginning, it will either be Theodore or no one else! I really wanted my love, to be him but if he doesn't want then I don't even want to force him. Love is always given. You never ask for it."
"Why can't you get over him, Alice? There are so many people who are ready to throw themselves at you. But you! You're stuck with a guy who left you and doesn't even care to call once to know how you are doing! Don't you see he doesn't deserve you."
"I will never get over him. True love only begins. It never ends. You don't put conditions in love. Just because I feel that way for him, I can't expect Theo to reciprocate exactly. He is one complete different person. Also, there might be a reason why he left. Why do you guys keep judging him? Why don't you people realise, when you judge him, you are actually judging me and my love? And that really hurts. Just because I love him, unconditionally and maybe if even he loves me that doesn't mean that we are meant to be. And sometimes, two people have to fall apart to know that they shouldn't be apart."
I really meant what I said but at the end of the day, I too was a human. I do get pissed off at Theo for not fighting for our love and giving up so easily saying it holds no value as it's just a tag. I can never take this line out of my mind. These words had made a cut, even deeper than a knife. My heart bleeds everytime I think of them. No matter, how much I cry or how much I want or how much I make efforts, maybe our story doesn't have a happy ending.
Maybe, this is the very end. I have to accept it. I have to accept that Theo is no more a visible part of my life. Yes, visible! That's because he is always with me in my head and heart, so no one would see him there. He'll be invisibly walking next to me, holding my hand.
I pulled out a ring which I always kept with me. Theo gave it to me when we last met. Although he bought it long before it but I couldn't take then. The ring had a small hand at the centre. He gave it with a card with two more rings. Each ring with a line (picture above).
I wore it in my ring finger whenever I missed him. It really made me feel like he was holding my finger and walking next to me. I would stare at it whole day. I was missing him today. So, I put it where it rests every day when I miss him, my ring finger.
We didn't talk anything, until we reached my place. Hans knew that he shouldn't have said all that. As I was getting down from the car, I heard him say sorry.
My biggest weakness, I can't stay mad at people for long. I always end up forgiving them, no matter how mean they've been or how muh they have hurt me. But here, I wasn't mad at Hans. I know he cares for me that's why he worries.
Plus, no one knows Theo, the way I do, that's why they judge him.
"Don't say sorry, Hans! Where will I go taking your sorries?" I tried to cheer him up. "What's the time?" I was about to check in my phone when Hans announced.
"It's 4:35."
"Hey, tell me some good restraunts." Hans was the right person to ask this.
"Ofcourse. After all who knows better than me! But instead of telling, can I drop directly there?"
Hans was right, who else would know better than him. There isn't a single thing that he haven't tasted. He is a complete foodie. Besides that, he even cooks and by cooking I mean, a real pro level cooking. His girl would be so lucky to have him. An extremely handsomely cute guy who can cook! This thought only can lure thousands of girls. I wonder what his female fan following will do once they know that their superstar Hans Zimmans, is no less than a chef!
"Actually, I have to pick Neil up first from his office. So we decided to meet there." smiling apologetically for letting his proposal down.
"No problem. We'll pick him up and then I will drop you guys at a restraunt of my choice."
It sounded fine to me, so I agreed. Also, Hans and Neil will get to meet each other.
"I am texting you the address, okay? So, you're coming up or will wait here in the car for me to come back. It won't take me long." I really wanted him to stay in the car but just to be polite, I asked him.
"You go. I'll wait here. And, Alice, take a shower. You stink!" He teased wrinkling his nose as if I really was and laughed.
"Shut up!" I joined in his laughter before I got down from the car.
•••
As I reached my room, I decided to take a quick shower, incase I was smelling. It's been one and a half day, since I last showered.
I remember, how my mom used to run behind me, every single day asking me to shower.
"I miss you, mom!" I wishpered to myself as I was thinkng what to wear.
I, never ever in my life till now, did a single thing on my own. No chores! Every single time, mom called me for help, thinking this way atleast I'll work, I made all the lame excuses in this world to run away. I now wish, I should've helped her. That would have given me more time to spend with her.
Mom would be smiling if she saw me doing all the work by myself now. If she was here, she would even be laughing at me.
I wore a black and white crop top, black leather tights and black boots. I half-tied my hairs without brushing them, applied a little compact and concealer to my evergreen dark circles, mascara and my all time lip gloss, and I was done.
As I saw my reflection in the mirror, I was happy because my outfit turned out just the way I intended it to. I didn't wear a dress on purpose because I didn't want anyone to think I was going on a date. I didn't want to give any wrong indications to anyone. I didn't want anyone to acknowledge me as Neil's girlfriend. All this would make me uncomfortable so to be on a safer side, I took a measure by not dressing formally for the dinner.
It took me another two minutes to lock my doors and get down to waiting Hans. As I came into his sight, his jaw dropped.
"Are you going to wear that for a dinner?" Hans was very particular regarding food and dressing. Me, on the other hand, loved clothes but never dressed according to an occasion. I dressed always according to my own mood. And, I really hated when anyone commented on my dressing. Actually no one ever did. Only Hans!
"Yes. Now, drive!" I commanded before he could talk any nonsense.
It was only a 10 minute drive from Hudson Heights. Hans drove, slowly(which was a normal speed for others) when I was with him. That was the only condition for me to get into his car since the beginning.
We made it to Neil's office by 5:25. I texted and informed him that I was waiting outside with a friend. I looked at the skyscraper which was Neil's office. It reminded me of The Grey House from 50 shades. I looked at the name of the company, written in big golden letters just like Anastasia looked at Grey's office when she goes for the interview. It was one of the largest law firm in NY. I knew so because many times, I have read the company's name and articles in newspapers. Hans too seemed impressed by Neil.
"He is interning here?" He asked just as we parked.
My phone buzzed from my sling bag which I was carrying only for the sake of my house keys. It was Neil.
"Where are you?" I asked as I accepted the call.
"I am coming out. Where are you and with who?"
"We're parked in the lot. Black Range Rover. Third on the left. A friend, I told you." I hissed.
"There is a friend with me too. See you!" He disconnected.
A friend with me too. What! Hans was suppose to leave after dropping us and Neil is getting a company with him. When will we talk then?
"Is that Neil? Alice, who's the girl with him?" The last lines of Hans question raised my ears for 2 reasons.
1. Neil's friend who will accompany us was a girl.
2. Hans who never asked about girls, just asked who she was.
I turned up my gaze to figure out if it was Neil. Yes, it was Neil. Neil, with a girl. It was weird for me because he always told me that he doesn't talk to girls as he can't and doesn't have guts. And, now here he is, on the very first day of work, with a girl, who was a "friend".
I looked at the girl and man she was one beautiful thing- more like a modern Aphrodite. No wonder it even made Hans ask! I was myself mesmerised by her. If I were a guy, I would have done just anything to be with her.
"Yes, he is Neil and a friend of his." I answered both of the Hans questions. But he was busy gaping at the goddess who was walking towards us.