This is the last chapter of Play Pretend, the first installment of Office Love Affairs. I took a lot longer to write this one than planned, but I never expected I would suddenly have a change of heart on how I should end Chantal's narrative before moving on to the epilogue. As someone who's currently struggling with adulthood, I'm happy to grow with her by writing this story—I hope you also did. So instead of following my initial outline, I chose to let my heart hold the pen, and I love how things turned out.
#OLAPlayPretend
Chapter 60
Wait
The next day, I woke up alone in bed. Mag-a-alas nueve na nang magising ako. I couldn't remember the last time I slept in so late. Lagi ay maaga akong bumabangon para mag-asikaso bago magising si Cami dahil medyo hirap na ako kumilos kapag gising na siya. Masyado akong naging kumportable kagabi katabi ang mag-ama ko kaya lumalim lalo ang tulog.
Wala na sina Cami at Xaiver sa kama, but I could hear faint and indecipherable noises coming from outside. Agad akong bumangon at nakuntento na sa pagsuklay ng buhok gamit ang mga daliri bago lumabas. Dahan-dahan kong binuksan ang pinto upang hindi makagawa ng ingay. Ayaw kong istorbohin sila, lalo na't iyon ang unang araw na makakapag-bonding sila.
I found them making something in the kitchen. Mukhang nakaligo na si Xaiver dahil nakaayos na para sa panibagong umaga. Siguro ay may inutusan siya para pagdalhan siya ng damit. On the other hand, Cami was still in her pajamas. Nakatali nga lang sa magulong pigtails ang kanyang buhok.
Lihim akong napangiti dahil alam ko na agad kung sino ang salarin no'n. At least he tried, though. Iyon ang importante.
Inaalalayan ni Xaiver si Cami sa paghahalo ng pancake mixture sa bowl. Medyo makalat ang lamesa dahil nasa gitna pa sila ng pagluluto. Nandoon ang box ng pancake mixture, measuring cup, at ang shell ng itlog na ginamit.
Ngumuso ako. I found it a bit messy since I am used to cleaning as I cook. Ayaw ko ng makalat kapag nagluluto.
"There..." Hinawakan ni Xaiver ang kamay ni Cami. "Now to make the pancakes pink, we will put a bit of this food coloring. Just a little bit."
Kinuha ni Xaiver ang red food coloring. Seryosong-seryoso siya habang tinatantiya ang pagbuhos. Kapag sumobra ay hindi na pink ang magiging kulay ng pancake na ginagawa nila, and I bet he wanted to impress his daughter that he could make it pink.
"Daddy, me! Me! I will put pink!" Cami volunteered and raised her hand.
Natigil si Xaiver sa pagpatak. He turned to our daughter, looking like he was in a huge dilemma. Ayaw niya sigurong ipagawa 'yon kay Cami dahil baka sumobra.
"This is a very crucial stage in making pink pancakes, my love. Can you do it?" tanong niya kay Cami na tila ba parang nanghahamon din.
"Yes!" Cami proudly answered right away. "Cami make it pink, Daddy! Pink!"
Bumuntonghininga si Xaiver. "Okay, okay, but daddy has to hold your hand while you do it. Is that okay with you?"
"Hold Cami's hand!" sabi naman ni Cami bilang pagpayag.
Xaiver carefully handed the dropper to Cami. Pagkatapos ay agad niyang hinawakan ang kamay ng anak saka inilapit sa mixture.
"Just a tiny bit..." bulong niya.
Mabilis ang ginawang pagpatak ni Xaiver sa mixture. It happened in just a split second. Cami wasn't so fascinated that she couldn't get enough of it.
"More, Daddy, more!" pagalit niyang sabi kay Xaiver. "Please put more, Daddy!"
"I'm sorry, my love, but that's enough."
Cami whined, putting on a drama for his father. She got into the bad habit of doing that to get everything she wanted. Alam niyang kaya niya akong kuhanin sa gano'n, at sa itsura pa lang ni Xaiver, she had successfully wrapped her small finger around her father.
"Okay..." Walang nagawa si Xaiver, and that was my cue to step in.
Ayaw ko sanang guluhin ang pagba-bonding nila, pero kapag nasunod si Cami, magiging red na ang pancakes at magagalit siya kapag nakitang hindi 'yon pink. In order to make her satisfied, we have to play smart. At dahil sanay na ako kay Cami, I knew exactly what to do.
"Good morning," nakangiting bati ko sa dalawa at tuluyang nagpakita.
Xaiver immediately turned to me. He looked slightly relieved while his eyes pleaded for help.
"Mommy, mommy! Look! Cami making pink pancakes!" Cami told me with a huge smile.
"Wow! Pink pancakes? I love pink pancakes!" I said with a very enthusiastic tone.
Mas lalong natuwa si Cami. She was more eager to make it look pink. Nilingon niya ulit si Xaiver upang hingin ang food coloring, at sa akin naman tumingin si Xaiver.
"Hmm... I also want to make pancakes with Cami. Can you get me another bowl, please, daddy?" sabi ko kay Xaiver.
He was flustered when I called him "daddy". Kaysa ikuha ako ng isa pang mixing bowl ay napatitig lang siya sa akin. He didn't move a muscle. He took his time to process that one word.
Bahagya akong nagtaas ng kilay sa kanya. I was speaking in Cami's language, and it just came out naturally. Kaya kaysa hintayin siyang makabawi, naglakad na ako papunta sa cupboard upang kumuha roon ng isa pang mixing bowl. Mas maliit ang natitira kaysa sa gamit nila, and that's perfectly fine.
Sinusundan ako ng tingin ni Xaiver hanggang sa nakalapit na ako sa kanila at pumuwesto sa kabilang side ni Cami. I placed the bowl down and poured a small portion of their wet mixture into mine.
"Can you help me put more in it, baby?" malambing kong pakiusap kay Cami.
"Yes, Mommy!" Cami gladly poured food coloring into my mixture until she was satisfied. Sobra-sobra na nga ang nilagay niya, pero ayos lang. Ang kailangan lang ay masunod ang gusto niya kahit papaano. "Finish!" Ibinaba niya ang food coloring nang matapos.
"Thanks, my love!" Hinalikan ko ang pisngi ni Cami bago nag-angat ng tingin kay Xaiver.
Xaiver stared at me in awe. He might have realized why I had to interrupt them and make my own pancakes. Nagtaas ako ng kilay at natawa na lang sa reaksyon niya. I'm sure now he knows how to handle her.
Tinulungan ako ni Cami sa paghalo ng mixture ko bago bumaling sa Daddy niya. Hinayaan kong silang dalawa na ang magluto habang naisipan kong maligo na.
I have no agenda for today. Tatanungin ko pa si Xaiver kung ano ang balak niyang gawin kasama ang anak—kung lalabas ba kami para mamasyal o kung mananatili na lang sa bahay para mas magkaroon sila ng quality time. If he'd choose the latter, baka ayain kong lumabas sina Hari at Macy para bago umalis si Macy ay makapag-bonding kaming tatlo.
"Here are your strawberries, my love." I served bite-sized pieces of sliced strawberries beside her pink pancakes.
My sweet daughter smiled and immediately ate one with her fork. Sinunod niya rin agad ang mini pancake na ginawa nila ng Daddy niya.
"She loves strawberries?" Xaiver asked.
I turned to him and nodded. "She usually has strawberries for dessert. Ayan ang favorite fruit niya."
"You also served them to me last time," he pointed out.
"I did," sabi ko. "Ayos lang ba? Tinikman ko at matamis naman."
"I like it..." namamaos niyang sabi.
Napangiti naman ako. At least I knew he really paid attention to the meal I cooked for him. I'd like to think he ate everything kaya umabot siya sa dessert.
And just when I thought about cooking him lunch, saka ko lang naalala na weekday pa rin, and he was supposed to go to work. Hindi ko alam kung bakit naisip ko agad na lalabas lang sila ni Cami o maglalaro dito sa bahay gayong may pasok siya dapat.
"Xaiver," tawag ko.
He was helping Cami eat her pancake. Nilingon niya ako agad habang patuloy pa rin sa pag-aasikaso sa anak namin.
"Hindi ka ba papasok? May trabaho ka pa ngayon," tanong ko sa kanya.
"I won't go to work today," he simply answered.
"Bakit? Dapat pumasok ka. Kaya ko namang alagaan si Cami. Madami ka pang gagawin, 'di ba?"
"That can wait."
"Pero—"
"I promised Cami last night that I'm gonna take her on a house tour," he said, then turned to me with a small smile.
House tour?
"Go to Daddy's house!" biglang sigaw ni Cami nang makuha ang pinag-uusapan namin ni Xaiver.
Mas lalong napangiti si Xaiver. He tucked loose strands of hair behind her ear. "Yes, we're going as promised, but that's your house, too."
"Cami's house?" Sa kabila ng pagkamangha ay medyo naging kuryoso rin si Cami.
"Yes, my love. Everything I own is yours from now on."
My eyes widened a fraction. Being his daughter, I'm aware of the huge privilege that Cami will experience once Xaiver has set his mind on it. Hindi malabong ibigay niya ang lahat sa anak. Although I was worried that our daughter would grow up spoiled, I'm still content to know that she has a bright future in store for her.
"I'm planning to get all the papers done before we leave for the US. I'll set up a trust fund for Cami and transfer the mansion to her name. I hope you have all the necessary documents with you..." sabi ni Xaiver matapos naming kumain.
Nabigla ako roon. Nilingon ko siya na seryoso habang pinagpapatong-patong ang mga plato.
I volunteered to clean the table and wash the dishes since they were in charge of our breakfast. Sumaglit ng lapit si Xaiver sa akin upang tumulong kahit papaano habang namimili si Cami ng isusuot ngayong araw.
"I... have them with me," nag-aalangan kong sabi.
"Good. Ayon ang aasikasuhin ko for the rest of the week."
"What about work?"
I couldn't stop thinking about his work at DVH. The board expected him to meet their expectations. Ayaw kong masayang ang lahat ng pinaghirapan niya.
"I'll do that next week," sagot niya.
Next week pa?
Hindi ko na isinatinig pa 'yon. I guess he has his own plans at hindi ko na guguluhin 'yon. Baka mamaya ay masira ko pa ang diskarte niya.
He's a business prodigy, and I witnessed how he could perform well—or even better—while under pressure. Baka mas makakapag-focus siya kapag naasikaso na niya ang lahat ng planong gawin para kay Cami. I'll just give him that.
"Wow!" Cami's eyes sparkled the moment she entered the mansion.
She chose to wear a dress fit for a princess. May suot din siyang crown headband. I couldn't help picturing her like a real one while she strode her way around the living room. Hawak-hawak niya ang kamay ng Daddy niya, acting like her personal royal guard.
Masyado akong naaliw sa panonood sa kanilang dalawa. Xaiver was so passionate about touring her around. Huli ko na napagtanto kung gaano ako kakumportable sa pagbalik sa bahay. It was also when I realized how everything remained exactly the same as I left it back then. Walang pagbabago. Pati ang mga bulaklak na nasa mga vase ay camellias pa rin. Kung mayroon mang nagbago, it should be very minimal.
"This is where your mom and I used to live together..." Dinig kong kwento ni Xaiver kay Cami. "This is also gonna be your home soon."
Mas lalong lumawak ang ngiti ni Cami, lalo na nang nakita niya ang malaking backyard kung nasaan ang swimming pool. Out of excitement, kumawala siya sa hawak ni Xaiver at dire-diretso ang takbo palabas.
Nanlaki ang mga mata ko. My heart fell at that moment. Kahit na agad siyang hinabol ni Xaiver, the adrenaline unconsciously made me run after them until something unexpected happened.
Xaiver was running at full speed to catch her. However, we didn't foresee her abruptly stopping near the edge of the pool to crouch. She just wanted to see the pool closer, but her father was all ready to catch her in the water.
Hindi agad napreno ni Xaiver ang sarili. He dove straight into the pool, leaving his daughter astounded by the sudden splash of water as he jumped in. Kahit ako ay nagulat.
Agad umahon si Xaiver mula sa paglubog sa tubig upang hanapin kung nasaan si Cami. He was soaking wet from head to toe. Napatulala na lamang siya nang makitang nakaupo ang anak sa labas ng pool at nagtatakang nakatingin sa kanya.
"Daddy wanna swim?" Cami innocently asked.
There was a brief moment of silence before Xaiver burst into laughter. It echoed in this private oasis. His eyes rarely formed crescent moons as he heartily laughed. He then brushed his wet hair up with his fingers before looking at our daughter.
Parang pinipiga ang puso ko sa pagtawa niya. Did I already hear him laugh that loud before? Parang ngayon pa lang. It almost seemed to me like he had finally released himself from pretending and chosen to let his emotions run free.
"Do you wanna swim with daddy?" Inilahad ni Xaiver ang mga braso niya kay Cami.
"Yes, Daddy! Swim! Swim!" walang pag-aalinlangang sagot ni Cami.
I didn't bring her any swimwear, but luckily, she has extra clothes. Wala sa plano na magsu-swimming siya ngayon. I thought we would just give her a tour.
"Wala siyang dalang panligo," sabi ko nang tumayo na si Cami at naghahandang tumalon sa pool.
"That's not a problem. She can swim in her dress like a Disney Princess," he said, and his eyes were still locked on our daughter's. "Can you jump, baby?"
"Yes!" Cami bravely answered without any second thoughts.
"Really?"
"Yes, Daddy!"
Kinagat ko ang aking ibabang labi. I could only remember taking her out for a swim twice, and I never let her jump into the pool alone. Kahit pa nandoon ako sa tubig para saluhin siya, I was scared that she might suddenly slip and fall fatally. But then there was a sudden surge of emotions inside me. I wanted to see her bravely jumping into her father's arms with my guidance.
"In three!"
Mabilis akong lumapit kay Cami. Hinawakan ko ang braso niya at inalalayan ang likod.
"Two!"
Cami was skipping happily in place, excited to jump and swim. I smiled to see her eager and full of courage.
"One! Jump!"
Bahagya kong inangat si Cami upang tulungan siya sa pagtalon. Nakaposisyon si Xaiver at mas lumapit upang masalo siya. And as soon as her body came in contact with the water, hindi hinayaan ni Xaiver na lumubog ang ulo nito. Agad niyang inangat si Cami at hinayaang kumapit sa kanyang leeg.
Just like her father, Cami laughed once she successfully landed in Xaiver's arms. Pinapadyak niya ang mga paa sa ilalim ng pool. Mas lalong lumalim ang dimple niya dahil sa sobrang tuwa.
"That's my daughter," Xaiver whispered proudly, kissing her cheek.
"One more, Daddy! Please!" Cami demanded.
"Okay, okay."
Hindi nagdalawang-isip si Xaiver sa pagsunod sa gustong mangyari ng anak. Iniangat niya pabalik sa taas si Cami at muling pumuwesto para tumalon. At sa pangalawang pagtalon, I let her go on her own. I knew she could do it. I trust that she will be safe no matter what because it's her father who's going to guarantee her safety.
"Ikukuha ko kayo ng towel," paalam ko nang nagpatuloy sa paglalaro sa swimming pool ang dalawa.
Mukhang hindi nila narinig ang paalam ko. Masyadong abala ang dalawa sa paglangoy. I heard Xaiver promise Cami to buy her a floater next time. I just smiled and shook my head, knowing I couldn't stop him from spoiling our daughter.
Tuloy-tuloy akong pumasok sa loob ng bahay at umakyat sa taas. Huli ko nang naalala na may mga spare towel nga pala sa common bathroom sa baba para sa mga bisitang gustong mag-swimming sa bahay. I was even the one who suggested that to Xaiver before.
Tatalikuran ko na sana ang master's bedroom at bababa ulit para doon na lang kukuha ng tuwalya, ngunit hindi ko napigilan ang sarili sa pagiging kuryoso. Gusto kong malaman kung katulad ba ng ibang parte ng bahay ay walang nagbago sa kwarto. It was once our bedroom anyway. This is the place where we had and shared all our intimate moments. I wanted to see what it had become after I left.
After taking a deep breath, I finally decided to follow my curiosity and open the door. Kinapa ko ang switch ng ilaw sa gilid at nang nabuksan iyon ay agad tumama ang mga mata ko sa picture frame sa ibabaw ng kama.
My expectations didn't disappoint me. Our wedding picture was displayed right above the bed. It was the same photo as the one he had hidden in his office drawer.
Naghalo-halo na ang lahat ng emosyon na mayroon ako, lalo na nang mabilis kong inikot ang mga mata sa paligid. Just like downstairs, pareho pa rin ang ayos. Even the bed frame was still the same, and only the bed sheet and pillow covers were changed.
The same set of questions barged into my mind. Why he still had our picture displayed over his bed was beyond me. I had no idea why he chose to keep things the way they were, and I didn't want to assume.
It honestly felt overwhelming. My throat felt dry, and I could hear my heart beating wildly in my ears. Para akong nataranta sa hindi malamang dahilan. I quickly stepped out of the room and closed the door. Nagmadali ako sa pagbaba at mas lalong hindi ko inaasahan ang naabutan ko.
Nakangisi si Knoa, habang pinapanood ako pababa ng hagdan. Beside him was the clueless Hariette, who looked like she had been dragged here against her will. Nang makita nga lang ako ay agad nanlaki ang mga mata niya.
"Chan! You're here!" She made it sound like it was a miracle to see me there.
"Hi..." I greeted in a small voice.
Umamba siyang lalapit sa akin, ngunit agad ding natigil nang biglang pumasok sina Cami at Xavi sa loob ng bahay.
"Want milk and strawberries!" Cami demanded in such a cute voice.
"Daddy will check if we have strawberries, okay?" masuyong sabi ni Xavi.
"Strawberries!"
"We'll che—"
Naputol ang pagsasalita ni Xavi nang mag-angat ng tingin sa mga hindi inaasahang bisita. Agad sumiklab ang apoy sa mga mata niya nang makita si Knoa.
"Daddy?" Cami pouted and wrapped her arms around Xavi's neck. She was intimidated by Hari and Knoa's presence.
"Daddy?" Hari echoed, looking shocked and confused.
Kinagat ko ang ibabang labi ko. Hindi ko magawang kumpirmahin ang nasa isipan ni Hari, lalo na't mukhang ubos na agad ang pasensya ni Xavi kay Knoa.
"Hey, Xav!" kaswal na bati ni Knoa sa pinsan.
"Ano'ng ginagawa ninyo rito?" matigas na tanong ni Xavi.
Knoa chuckled. "Chill, Xavi. I heard you're coming home with Chantal and Camellia, so I dragged Hari with me." Inangat niya ang dalang mga paper bags. "I bought something for my niece."
"Niece?" ulit ni Hari sa narinig.
Inilabas ni Knoa ang dala-dalang regalo para kay Cami. It was a white dress with strawberry patterns that Cami would surely love.
"May dala rin si Hari." He gently elbowed Hariette who was still in awe. "Show them, Hari."
Hari's lips trembled while her eyes were glued on Cami. "K-Kuya Knoa asked me to bring s-strawberries so..." Ipinakita niya ang dalang fresh strawberries.
"Strawberries!" Cami cheered after being enticed by her favorite fruit.
Nagpababa siya kay Xaiver at tinakbo ang mga regalo sa kanya. Hari immediately crouched to meet her. Hindi siya makangiti. Manghang-mangha niyang tinitingnan ang aking anak. And seeing them facing each other, the resemblance became much more vivid.
"H-hello, our little princess..." Sunod-sunod ang pagpatak ng luha ni Hariette. She tried to calm herself but failed miserably. She pulled Cami into a tight hug and buried her face on her shoulder. "We love you... I love you..."
Nawala ang ngiti sa mga labi ng anak ko. Knoa's jaw clenched as he turned away, but I caught him getting emotional.
"Mommy..." Cami turned to me, looking worried.
I nodded and smiled at her to ease her worries. Once she got the assurance from me, she didn't think twice and returned Hariette's embrace. She even patted her back to console her.
Saglit na natahan si Hariette, ngunit muli ring humagulhol matapos ang ilang segundo. Mas humigpit din ang yakap niya kay Cami, and my clueless daughter didn't know what to do anymore.
Lalapit na sana ako, pero naunahan na ako ni Xaiver. He knelt down, smiled at Cami, and cradled the two Dela Vega princesses in his arms. Kasabay no'n ay hindi lang ang pag-iwas ng tingin ni Knoa, kung hindi ang pagtalikod niya upang hindi siguro madala sa emosyonal na pangyayari.
It took us a few minutes before we all settled down. Pumunta kami sa kitchen at si Hariette mismo ang naghanda ng strawberries para kay Cami. Both she and Knoa were also introduced to our daughter.
We spent all day hanging out. Minsan ay lumalayo ako para bigyan sila ng pagkakataon na makasama si Cami nang wala ako. They missed almost two years of Cami's life, at ganoon na rin ang anak ko sa kanila. I wanted her to get close to the Dela Vegas and learn how to become comfortable with them. At dahil siguro sa lukso ng dugo ay agad silang nakapalagayan ng loob.
Nang umalis sina Hari at Knoa pagkatapos kumain ng hapunan, we decided to spend the night here, lalo na't nasabi ni Cami na gusto niya rito matulog. Pagod na rin si Xaiver kakalaro kasama ang aming anak kaya hindi na ako umangal. Gusto kong makapagpahinga na sila nang maayos.
Ngumuso ako nang makitang diretso ang lakad ni Xaiver papunta sa master's bedroom habang buhat si Cami. I wasn't sure if I should still sleep with them or take the guest room. Nag-aalangan din akong pumasok dahil sa nakita kanina. However, Xaiver didn't seem to mind that I would see our wedding picture. Iniwan niya lang na nakabukas ang pinto nang pumasok sa kwarto, giving me access to enter.
Lakas-loob kong nilunok ang kaba at pag-aalangan. Dahan-dahan akong pumasok sa loob. I tried not to glance at the picture and focused on Xaiver tucking our daughter in bed. Malalim na ang tulog ni Cami dahil sa pagod. She didn't squirm or flinch when her father put her down. Tuloy-tuloy lang ang malalim na pagtulog niya.
"Your clothes are still in the walk-in closet. If you want to take a bath or change before going to bed, you may do so. The code's still the same," he said while fixing Cami's blanket.
Muli akong napahinto. My clothes are still here?
Ayaw kong maniwala. For some reason, I wanted to prove him wrong. Upang makumpirma kung nagsasabi siya ng totoo, hindi na ako nagdalawang-isip sa pagpasok sa walk-in. I pressed the date of our wedding anniversary to open the lock, and it opened right away.
I shut my eyes tightly for a second and took a deep breath. Gaya nga ng sabi ni Xaiver, nandoon pa rin ang mga damit ko. Naka-hanger ang mga dresses at mga office attires na naiwan ko. Nang buksan ko naman ang drawers sa side ko ay nakatiklop doon ang ilan pang damit na pambahay at pang-alis.
Seeing how everything is the same as it was before, it was hard for me to continue being nonchalant. Pakiramdam ko ay parang hindi naman ako nawala. Hindi naman kami naghiwalay. It felt like I just went on vacation and came back with our daughter.
Nagsimula na akong maguluhan dahil doon. He was supposed to be mad at me. I mean, he was.
Noong nagkita kami sa restaurant matapos ang ilang taon, he was indifferent to me and borderline rude. Naalala ko pang nainis ako sa ugali niya. He didn't show any affection or sympathy except when he talked about my stepfather. Kaya hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit parang kabaliktaran nang lahat ng 'yon ang nakikita't nararamdaman ko sa kanya ngayon.
Is it because we have a daughter?
"Bakit nakatayo ka lang diyan? Are you not going to take a bath or change?" Narinig ko si Xaiver sa aking likuran.
Agad ko siyang hinarap. Tears had already pooled in my eyes. I didn't have the strength to keep my emotions in check. Hindi ko na kayang maging matapang. I fought great battles for the past few years until I finally had the courage to show my weakness.
"Ano 'to, Xaiver?" Nanginig ang boses at nagsimulang mamaos. "Bakit nandito pa ang mga damit ko? Bakit hindi mo tinanggal ang wedding picture natin sa kwarto?"
Xaiver's eyes widened a little to see me getting all emotional. Naalerto siya at agad humakbang palapit, ngunit agad din niyang pinigilan ang sarili nang makitaan ko siya ng takot.
"Nakita ko rin ang mga singsing at kwintas sa drawer mo sa office no'ng naglinis ako. Nandoon din ang picture frame..." dagdag ko. "It's been years since we separated, but why do you still have them? Bakit tinago mo pa ang mga 'yon?"
"Do you want me to throw them away?" balik niyang tanong sa akin.
"No. But I expected you to do it," agad kong sagot dahil iyon ang opinyon ko. "Nagalit ka sa akin. Parehas nating nasaktan ang isa't isa. I expected you to dispose of everything that would remind you of me. I'm sure sumagi rin 'yan sa isipan mo kahit isang beses, 'di ba?"
Xaiver went silent, and I smiled bitterly. Confident akong tama ako ng hinala. Imposibleng hindi niya naisip 'yon. If he was really mad... if he really wanted to cut me out of his life... if he wanted to move on, he would do that. Because if I were in his position, I would probably do that to set myself free or to escape the past from holding me back.
Kung wala si Cami, I might have done that. But I knew for certain that it would be a far-fetched idea to forget him after giving birth to our daughter. He, on the other hand, had a higher chance of succeeding. Wala siyang ibang iisipin. Kung hindi siguro dahil sa kaso, baka nagawa niya ngang kalimutan ako.
"You're right. I did wanna move on. I tried forgetting you," he admitted.
Napalunok ako at nag-iwas ng tingin. Though I had already expected that, it brought a twinge of pain to my heart. Masakit pa rin ang malaman na sinubukan niyang makalimot.
Kahit hindi na ako, paano na lang si Cami kung sakaling ganoon nga ang nangyari? Will he still accept her without doubts or inhibitions, or will he question her identity?
"But I knew it was an impossible case," he added, pulling my eyes back to look at him again. "That's why instead of discarding those things that remind me of you, I chose to keep them. It didn't lessen the longing, and I still fucking missed you every day, but it helped me get through those days without you."
"D-dahil ba sa kaso?" Nanginig ang boses ko.
"If it was only because of the fucking case, I would have thrown out everything the moment you left," he said when he took another huge step close to me. "But since you still don't seem to get it, let me make it clear to you... right here, right now," he said in a deep tone and stopped just a step away from me. "Mahal kita, Chantal."
My eyelids fluttered, and my chest rose as I breathed deeply and slowly. Tuluyang natuyo ang luhang nagbabadya sa aking mga mata. There was also a lump in my throat that I couldn't swallow as I anticipated every word that came out of his mouth.
"But... but you said you can't love the same person more than once," sabi ko nang maalala ko.
Ilang beses sumagi sa isipan ko noong nasa ibang bansa pa kami. Iyon ang sinabi niya noon tungkol kay Macy. Na imposibleng magkagusto siya o magmahal ulit sa iisang tao.
"Did you hear me earlier?" he asked, sounding a little annoyed out of frustration. "I said it was an impossible case to move on from you. I didn't move on. I couldn't. So, I'm not loving you for the second time around because I never stopped. It's always been you. I still love you."
He still loves me?
My lips parted. Bumilis ang paghinga ko kasabay ng pagtibok ng puso.
"At kung sa tingin mo, dahil lang 'to kay Cami, remember I kept our tangible memories here with me even without knowing her existence."
Namilog ang mga mata. Before I could voice out that inner thought, he had already proven me wrong. He probably knew that I would think that way after introducing Cami to him.
"I don't know if you still love me, or if you still have feelings left, but I want us back, Chantal," he said, stressing every single word. "And now that we have a daughter, I want it more than anything else. I'm desperate and frustrated."
Xaiver carefully reached out to hold my hand. His Adam's apple moved when he swallowed hard, keeping himself together. Titig na titig siya sa akin at hindi ko magawang umiwas ng tingin. I wanted to show him that I was listening. I wanted him to know that I wanted to understand him.
"That's why I'm willing to do anything to make things work for our family." Xaiver breathed deeply. "And as a start, I want you to come with me tomorrow."
Kumunot ang noo ko. Nalito ako sa bigla niyang pag-aayang umalis sa gitna ng seryoso naming pag-uusap.
"S-saan tayo pupunta?"
"I scheduled an appointment with my psychiatrist," he answered without batting an eye. "A new set of tests needs to be done, then I can proceed with my medication and therapy. I... need you there."
Kahit na natutuwa sa narinig, napatulala na lamang ako sa kanya. Hindi ko ito inaasahan. He was so adamant about not needing help to overcome trauma. Iniiwasan niya 'yon Akala ko ay kakailanganin niya pa ng mahabang panahon para makapagdesisyon, but he's doing it now of his own accord!
"As promised..." He squeezed my hand, locked eyes with mine, and smiled. "I will strive to be the best father for Cami and, hopefully, a better man for you."
I pursed my lips, and before the tears fell once again, I threw my arms around him and buried my face in his broad chest. Xaiver's arms immediately returned a warm embrace. I felt his chin rest on top of my head and sighed heavily while his hand started caressing my back.
"Why are you crying?" he breathily asked.
"I'm happy," I replied with a muffled voice. "I'm so happy for you."
"Does this mean you still love me?" he asked, sounding hopeful.
Hindi ako sumagot. Hinigpitan ko lang ang yakap sa kanya. I still love him, but I feel like it is not yet the right time to confess. May tamang panahon para doon. For now, I want him to focus on healing and building his relationship with our daughter. Kaya kong maghintay at dahil magkasama na ulit kami ngayon, alam kong kaya niya rin.
I can wait because I love him too.
Our love can wait because it's strong and true.