🎶: 'K.' by Cigarettes After Sex
Days have passed since the dinner date.
And this whole time... Taehyun was nowhere to be found at work.
He had called in sick, despite being physically healthy, but it didn't take him much to convince his boss he wasn't feeling well. His voice was so hoarse from all the crying and sobbing he's been doing all day and all night, it could pass for a sore throat.
Why didn't he go to work and distract himself from his current misery?
Well, how could Taehyun help track down a possible criminal with the detective department, when seeing or even thinking of a car crash victim's name just slightly similar to Soobin's was enough to bring him completely out of order?
The last thing Taehyun wanted was someone at work seeing him break down because of how emotionally unstable he was.
It wouldn't be the first time, and he didn't want a second time to happen again.
Friday, in the mid-afternoon, the doorbell rang. Taehyun barely lifted his head up from his pillow when he heard the sound, and sighed, laying back in bed.
I don't wanna get up.
Too bad for him; the ringing from the door unfortunately grew even more persistent.
Taehyun groaned and lifted the sheets, climbing out of bed.
Probably some delivery guy.
He slouched down the stairs, greasy haired and in a baggy white tee paired with gray sweatpants, the exact outfit he's been wearing for five days straight, and his eyes were dull and droopy, with heavy bags under them.
The house was dusty and a bit messy, but Taehyun already planned to clean up and vacuum before Juhyeok comes home.
Oh Juju... how will I tell him?
The brunette opened the door, and immediately straightened up seeing the one on his doorstep.
"What the hell are you doing here; you're supposed to be at work!"
"I could say the same for you."
Beomgyu pushed himself through the door frame and walked inside the house, carrying a box of munchkins from Dunkin' Donuts.
Taehyun closed the door again and slumped down on the couch, just as Beomgyu shoved a munchkin into his best friend's mouth.
Close to choking, Taehyun grabbed the sweet pastry and chewed on it before speaking.
"Care to explain why you're here?" he asked.
"One, your lame excuse 'my son is sick' is invalid cuz your son is as fit and healthy as a flip flop on his trip in Daegu. Second, both Kai and I have called your cell at least ten times a day the past week without a reply, and third..."
Beomgyu's nose scrunched up.
"You smell like you last showered ten years ago!"
"Wow, hurtful."
"Now, tell me what happened."
Taehyun folded his arms and looked away, indicating no.
"I'm not leaving this house until you tell me, and Kai already said I can sleep over on the couch if I need to," Beomgyu continued.
The brunette groaned.
"Why again am I friends with you?"
"Good that you're finally snapping back; I love those remarks."
Taehyun rolled his eyes.
"Now, tell me," Beomgyu demanded.
He exhaled.
"Something... happened with Soobin."
"What? He's in love with you?"
Taehyun sighed again.
"Yeah."
Beomgyu leapt up from the couch, screeching.
"HE'S WHAT?!?!?"
"He confessed that he's in love with me, and loves Juhyeok as his own son, on our last date."
"THAT'S JUST— wait."
Beomgyu sat back down and looked at his best friend with frantic eyes.
"Don't tell me you said no to him?!?!"
"I—"
"TAEHYUN YOU'RE SO STUPID!!"
Beomgyu stuffed munchkins into his mouth to keep himself from exploding, his bomb inside of him ticking.
"Why?! Why in the WORLD would you reject him?!"
Taehyun fell silent.
And Beomgyu realized.
"Don't tell me—"
"Stop reading me like an open book Hyung!"
"I can't help it; I've known you for over ten years!"
Taehyun didn't respond to that.
And suddenly, he remembered something: his thoughts from the last time he had a deep conversation with his two best friends.
What if I... fall for Soobin... No, I can't. I promised Mihye to never love anyone except for her. And I intend to do that. Yeah, that's right. Nothing will happen between us. Ever.
"Because... yeah... I... I still... love her."
Beomgyu was stunned.
Perplexed.
Completely caught off guard.
Speechless.
He stared at his best friend with an agape expression, unable to believe the words that just came out of his mouth.
"Umm..."
Taehyun shot him a look.
"What?!"
"I did not expect to hear those words out of your mouth..."
He made no comment after that. Taehyun meanwhile also grabbed a munchkin and stuffed it in his mouth.
"I really don't understand."
Taehyun frowned
"What?"
He glanced at Beomgyu with furrowed brows.
"Soobin is literally what you spent so many nights enduring judgment for. He's more than anything you ever asked for: he's kind, he's generous, and incredibly patient too. Even more, he treats Juju like his own son by buying him gifts, taking him out to cool places, and constantly looking after him!"
"I know Hyung!"
"Then why would you reject him?!"
"I already told you!"
Beomgyu shook his head.
"I don't believe you when you say you don't love Soobin."
"Why?!"
He gestured to their surroundings.
"Care to explain this then?!"
"What?!"
"If you only love Mihye and don't care about Soobin, why are you here?!"
"Excuse me?!"
"Why are you here, moping around depressed and miserable as hell in your house, instead of being at work, helping us track down the culprit behind these recurring car accidents?!"
Taehyun wanted to fight back, desperately, but what arguments could he even use?
It's no use anyway... I'm pretty sure we're through.
"Taehyun."
"What?"
"What about Juhyeok?"
At the mention of his son, Taehyun became tense again.
"How exactly are you planning to explain this to him once he comes back home from his school trip?"
The brunette groaned.
"Don't remind me."
"Oh I will remind you, because I can guarantee you that Juhyeok will be SO upset!"
Taehyun sprang up from the couch.
"Don't you dare strike a nerve here," he spat, irritated.
Beomgyu harshly rose to his feet as well.
"I'm not and you know it, so stop denying it! Juhyeok may have forgiven you up until now with everything else, but this time, he'll be crushed! He likes Soobin so much! And yes he'll nevertheless see him at school, but do you seriously think this whole conflict between you two won't put a strain on their bond?!"
"I—"
Now it was Taehyun's turn to become speechless.
Again, he was trying to find the right words to fight back, but he couldn't.
Not when the ugly truth was hovering above him like a cheeky demon mocking him for his actions.
"Taehyun, lemme ask you this."
"What?"
"Was a second parent for Juju really what you needed this whole time? Or was it actually someone who would mend the pieces of your broken heart and share this journey made for two with you, as it became too much for your shoulders?"
Taehyun fell silent.
The more he tried to deny it, the more it became clearer to him.
Have I really been chasing after the wrong thing this whole time? Or was it cuz... like Soobin said... it's too obvious that I still haven't let go of Mihye, which is why... I'm forbidding myself to love? To love someone else other than her... wouldn't that break the promise I made to her?
Beomgyu saw his reluctance. And that was when he knew: Taehyun was not listening to him.
"Oh my god."
Taehyun snapped his head to him.
"What?"
"If I can't get through your thick skull, then who else will open your damn eyes?!"
"Excuse me?!"
"Taehyun, I beg of you, please, you have to move on! Leave Mihye in the past! I'm tired of seeing you so miserable all the time when you literally have the key to happiness right next to your son!"
"Don't fucking tell me what to do."
"Would Mihye want that?! Would she want you to hold back on everything in life because you're locking yourself up in the past?!"
"Shut up!"
"Don't talk to me like this Taehyun! I'm trying to help you, and all you do is act so fucking stuck up!"
"What do you know about losing someone you love at a young age?! Do you know how fucking hard it is to move on?! Obviously not! At least you or Kai won't have to go through what I did!"
"You're wrong. We knew Mihye for as long as you did. We were there when you lost her, and shared your pain of losing a friend, but not—"
Taehyun pointed at his door.
"Get out."
"Taehyun—"
"Get OUT of my house. I'm sick and tired of people telling me shit!"
Beomgyu scoffed and stood up.
"Gladly. Call me and Kai only when you get some sense in your head, capiché?"
He looked at his best friend for the first time with real anger.
"You really are making this harder than it should be, for you, your son, and everyone else around you."
With that, Beomgyu left.
As soon as the door fell shut into place, Taehyun collapsed back to the ground, his fists hitting the wooden floor.
"You're such a fucking coward!" he yelled.
Only the walls of his house heard him.
When will I ever admit it?
He did love Soobin.
Why else would he find himself blushing, stuttering, feeling shy, feeling safe, and it all happened whenever he was around Soobin?
But he wouldn't admit it.
He couldn't.
Not when part of his heart still belonged to Mihye, even after six and half years.
Taehyun hated that he had to argue with Beomgyu— hell, he could potentially lose his best friend to this fight.
And even more, he hated that he couldn't bring himself to tell Beomgyu this.
He couldn't tell anyone his true feelings.
That he is too afraid to let go of Mihye, and make her just a memory.
What if she hates me? What if she hates me for falling for someone else? It was always supposed to just be us two. Right as we packed our bags and met in the night to run away, we made a promise that no matter what comes in our path, we'll forever stick together.
Taehyun felt tears brim in his eyes again.
Yet... I... part of me... longs for him instead. For his warm embrace. For him to tell me that... eventually... everything will be alright.
Suddenly, Taehyun was fueled by a drive to find an answer to all his struggles.
Only one person could give him that.
"I need to... I need to see her!"
And as if he were on fire, Taehyun ran up the stairs again.
+x+
Beomgyu drove back to work in anger.
He was surprised he didn't cause an accident with how frustrated he was at his best friend's behavior.
Just when I thought he'd finally show some growth after spending nearly four months with Soobin. But no, he's still the same as a few years ago.
Taehyun has all my understanding of how difficult it's been for him to move on, but it's been so long already. Holding onto the memory of Mihye is doing him more harm than good.
Kai was there in Beomgyu's office, as he had some free hours and wanted to check up on how his boyfriend was doing. So when he saw he was angry, he immediately came to him.
"Hey hey, what's up?" Kai asked, wrapping his arms around the older's frame.
Beomgyu sighed, resting his forehead on his shoulder.
"Taehyun, that's what's up."
"I assume the talk didn't go well."
"Yep."
Kai sat down with Beomgyu on a nearby couch, listening to his boyfriend rant.
"... and I love Taehyun and Juhyeok so much, they're like our second family, but Taehyun just frustrates me so much sometimes!" Beomgyu exclaimed.
"I know Beomie, I know—"
"Kai, let me speak."
He held his hands up in defense.
"Look, we have our own lives to live. As much as I love being with Juhyeok, neither of us can keep organizing our schedules to revolve around him."
The younger brunette nodded.
"I agree."
"When Juhyeok was in kindergarten, it was easier as he could stay there until 4pm, but now that's no longer the case. Taehyun knows all of this as well. He feels guilty about it, but when someone willingly wants to help him, he rejects it! I don't get it! He's being so hypocritical and I'm sick of it!"
Beomgyu could feel tears of frustration build in his eyes. Kai noticed them, so he wrapped an arm around the older, pulling him close, allowing him to rest his head on his shoulder.
"And not only that, I want Taehyun to be happy for once! For six years, he's been so miserable, and Soobin changed it. He brought back a certain spark in his eyes; he looked like he was actually living instead of surviving. But his fear keeps holding him back; I doubt he's even forgotten what happiness is."
Kai exhaled.
"Well, Beomgyu, we need to take this into perspective: Taehyun has been alone since high school. He and Mihye ran away without a trace, and contacted us months later, only to tell us that she died, leaving a child behind."
"That phone call still haunts me," Beomgyu sighed.
"I know..."
It was just two hours after midnight, and rain was falling in showers from the sky. Lightning flashed outside, illuminating the dark streets.
But even the noise of the thunderstorm couldn't overpower the cell phone ringing on Beomgyu's night table, waking both him and Kai up from their sleepover slumber.
"I'm sorry, I forgot to mute it," Beomgyu apologized.
"It's okay; who is it?"
Beomgyu looked at the ID, and gasped out loud.
"It's Taehyun!"
"Taehyun?! Answer the call!!"
The brunette instantly swiped the green button and pressed the cellphone against his ear.
"KANG TAEHYUN WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?! YOU AND MIHYE DISAPPEARED LIKE GHOSTS!!"
It was quiet on the other side for a moment.
Before Beomgyu, and even Kai, heard the most heartbroken and pained sobs coming from the receiver.
["Hyung... I-I... I just became a dad."]
"Kai... when we came up to Seoul, were we even there enough?" Beomgyu asked.
"What makes you think that, Hyung?"
"I often wonder if we didn't look out for Taehyun. Ask him how he's coping with the grief, make sure he was sleeping at night, or—"
"Hyung, you know how stubborn Taehyun is. We tried to convince him to go to therapy, and he refused."
"I still don't understand why..."
"Because all he ever focused on was Juhyeok, never himself. He only came to us whenever he really needed something, like financial support or us to pick Juju up, but other than that... he was always doing everything himself."
"I hate how selfless he is sometimes. He has to realize it's okay to depend on someone."
"I know, and that's why he's scared to be with Soobin."
Beomgyu frowned.
"What do you mean?"
"I know you're the psychologist here, but this is something I've observed over time. After being so used to worrying and prioritizing Juju and making sure he's okay, Taehyun has forgotten he too needs someone to take care of him. Soobin saw right through him on that night a few months ago, and instead of turning his back on him... he chose to offer his hand."
Even kindness can scare the ones who've had to rely on themselves for so long.
Beomgyu just sat there, then leaned back, sighing.
"You're right."
Kai smiled.
"Let's just wait; maybe he'll come around."
"Will you kill me if I told him he shouldn't contact us until he gets his shit together?"
"Choi Beomgyu."
"What?!"
Kai sighed.
"How did I fall in love with you again?"
"Cuz I'm smart, beautiful and sexy?"
"Especially in bed."
Beomgyu giggled, slapping his chest, and then they were interrupted by someone coughing. They glanced up to see Mr Oh, holding a cup of coffee.
"Am I interrupting something?"
"No, not at all," Kai rambled, sitting up.
Beomgyu rose to his feet and faced his boss.
"Is something wrong?"
"Got another case coming in; Officer Park reported two passengers, one immediately delivered to the hospital; the other is currently in a state of heavy shock and is being kept stable with an oxygen tank."
"Oh god."
Beomgyu swiftly left the office to treat his incoming patient, hoping that something would change soon for his friend.
It has to.
___________________________________________________________
A/N: putting the two hotheads in the same room without the coolheaded one was totally such a good idea, wonder who came up with that *glares at own reflection* I'm sorry for ghosting this book but I unfortunately will have to return to my weekly upload schedule (if you've been here since February you will remember I used to update only once a week) cuz I've been back to school the past week, and.... HOLY JESUS THE AMOUNT OF WORK COMING IN MY WAY. I usually updated early in the morning during the summer but now that won't be possible cuz
A. I need my sleep
B. I have to hurry in the morning
So the next chapter will come out in a week (after I see KARD live lol, rip to my voice), and the only spoiler is... something big is gonna happen :D
Last thing before I go, idk how many of you all saw my message board, but I've uploaded a (late) trailer to this book onto my personal YT channel; the link will be in the introductory chapter for you to find it. In case you're having trouble accessing it, just let me know and I'll send it to you :)
That's all, till Tuesday lovelies 💜🩵✨