In the spur of the moment, somehow, someway, through whatever magical Goddess that possessed me, the craziness of the party escalated through the likes of myself, Tori and Mikayla who had a bit more drinks than she could handle.
"I was not that drunk," she wrote and even through the loud cries and cheers around me, I smiled. It carried out on the field before me.
My awkward shell, when Chance came in and kissed me and I changed subjects – tried to – it broke and my butterfly wings opened. Goddess wings sounded more accurate, and fun. I could've said God but it was like, Goddesses are more beautiful and for whatever reason, Chance called me that. Even in my Grim Reaper costume and when I called him a Princess he just beamed with joy. Like what?
In no words could I pinpoint the degree of which his damning grin showed off his confidence and bright, joyful attitude and behaviour. Maybe it was the drinks talking. He broke out of that stage as fast as I did and to see him bring down the house with his boys was not only crazily strange, but awesomely breathtaking in an odd sense.
"You were making out with random guys, laughing your butt off," I wrote back. Then I took a quick shot at Tori who clearly didn't suppress any of her excitement for her man on the field, taking some wins for The Arkham Knights, Henrick's Official Football League.
"Key, den. I was having fun. Nots like I has a boyfriend like yous."
"Looks like that hangover is still with you."
No scares were present, but a whole lot of drinking and games and random, nonsensical acts, I shall not say, were the money shots of the party. Tori wished she brought her camera and captured the moments. It had been a while since she filmed something and eagerly awaited when her professor would give the assignment to do so. But my, oh my were those kids, the same ones plotted through the bleachers, were a bunch of literal wild animals. Even Chance, Chris, Tori and Levy. I never knew how much one could party and how much fun it was. It was like after my shell shed from my skin did they all act like they corrupted me and Tori laughed her butt off, being as drunk as Mikayla.
A few words and they'd both die on the ground.
One thing anybody should learn was that to never be drunk with those girls, even when it got Tori to the point with Chris that night. I'm sure her wild, freaky sex happened when those two secluded themselves from the live dance floor and on upstairs to solitude. Good for her, though, and still weird how we both got our men on the same day. Although calling Chance my man felt... different. Weird. I never really called Leone that before, except maybe a few times just testing the waters to see if I liked it and if he did. Of course he did but I don't know, I felt awkward saying it and now, I warmed up to it with Chance.
Kind of made me feel we were moving so fast. In actuality our relationship changed very little. Picture us as friends but with the romance and intimacy and kissing, strikingly comparable to the likes of Tori and Chris' flirtatious relationship. Though I was a horrible flirt. Like, if I met a guy at a club that I liked and tried flirting with, he'd walk away the second my mouth opened. Yet Chance smiled at every flirt I threw his away and continued doing so.
Also kind of made me wonder if he just pitied me.
"LOL. I'm just playing with you. But no, seriously, Josh and Jared were the drunken ones. Did you not see those two? They dry humped each other, man. Dry. HUMPED," she wrote and my attention quickly snapped back from the standing ovation around me and I stood up abruptly. I peered down on the field and saw my man making a score and then did my hands, much like Tori, flail in the air and our voices streaked the wide air.
Yes, Chance, yes! First Levy, then Chris and now the actual Quarterback. Okay, was this cliché that I dated a Quarterback? I considered that. Then I realized I'd have to be a cheerleader and Tori actually considered that. But nope. I had not much upper strength. I aligned more with a cross country runner. Well my legs did. Maybe I should get back to running. But dating Chance felt like being with a jock in some sort of, out the box, way. And I liked it. A man with brains, a mystery and whole lot more we didn't know of each other.
I don't know why that intrigued me so much but it did.
Exploring this relationship was going to be nice, and rather slow since we were both new to it. But not beginners as to bring down the awkwardness. It was just strange how good friends we were carried over and let the relationship grow from there. Even after the next day after the Bash.
On cue, everyone on the bleachers sat back down and I wrote back to Mikayla. "Oh, I saw them. They were just as bad as you and Tori. Trust me."
"Fine, whatever then. Can't believe your boyfriend can have that many drinks and still seem sober. Must be a hard core heavyweight."
"He is."
A heavyweight Leone turned out to be, too. I couldn't stand him after that, not after on Sunday, the following day. His jealousy turned off the interest of us being friends again, good, close friends like before. It just had to manifest through his fists when all of us slept over. Tori and I weren't built for breaking up fights like the one I witnessed and I hated violence and yet understood it anyway. Fear scared my heart so bad that day, I could've died of a heart attack then, instead of when I got kissed.
Now it just got awkward between Leone and I. We didn't talk, didn't acknowledge each other's presence as much, and barely said a single word. Through this week, when he'd come home late at night and I'm up reading, I'd feel his eyes, on occasion, stare. No doubt wondering if he was in the wrong and yes he was. Wished things could be different but he kept up this jealous act all because his second chance was long lost.
It would be smart to move out but quite immature. Like he once said, I needed to stop being immature about things. Especially in life.
"And so hot. Hotter than Jamal, LOLZ. Remember him, Pissy?"
"Okay, I'm done talking to you. Bye." Embarrassing of a name to say the least. Recalling that level of embarrassment was enough.
My focus now shifted back on the pack of wolves with dirt under their nails, their aggressive confidence fighting against the enemy and roughhoused field. Victory was close for either team and hoped it was ours.
"Your boyfriend's great out there." The voice stood beside me and I felt startled at first. His voice became recognizable, a bit, and his face conjured up a few little pictures in my mind piecing together how similar it appeared. Who was he?
"I'm sorry, Pissy. I mean, Tommy." Yup, so done with her.
"Sorry, I'm Andrew, by the way. I saw you two at the Halloween Bash." He reached out his hand and I shook it.
More familiar he seemed. So I questioned it. "Were you having a few shots with him? In The kitchen? I think... you, Chris and a friend of mine, Josh."
"Yeah, yeah. That was me. Chance was going to introduce me, but I had to leave early. And I saw you here so, I thought just why not, right?"
True, so I nodded my head in agreement. Then asked another question. "Why did you leave early? The party got a lot crazier near the end."
He stroked the five o'clock sprouting his chin, chuckling a bit to himself. "Ha, yeah. I heard. But I had to visit my cousin in the hospital. Her name's Ariel."
"What happened? And tell her I said she has a beautiful name. And I hope she gets well, too."
"Yeah..." a slow breath left his lips. "Just a long list of medical problems I don't have the time to tell. But I hope so, too." Then it seemed more likely the hospital was more of a home to her.
"Can you guys shush?" Tori asked, stalking eyes following Chris' every move. "I'm trying to watch. And by the way, Andrew, Chance is like, horrible. Kay?" Same old, same old and I shook my head smiling.
"He's a really... broken ma and yet he keeps on living for those around him and finding a reason to for himself," Andrew said. I agree, but to an extent I wondered what made him as broken as he said. With Bentley... Shane, there had to be more. "He reminded me a little bit of Ariel who keeps on smiling even when she's never left her bed in so long. Takes a lot of courage, and a lot to discover to tell yourself you can explore other parts in life; like a relationship."
I eyed him in question. "You don't have anyone?"
"Been a while but I mean, it's not all that bad. Sometimes it nice being casual with others – no strings attached. You get to figure yourself out."
"Exactly," I said. "I don't truly know what this relationship with Chance is going to bring me, and for all I know, we could end it soon, keep on living or leave on mutual grounds. But I know for sure I do want to understand him." A whole mystery left untouched and the clues scattered around the people he loved – that's how it first started with him. Now, the clues were thinner and I also hoped he'd understand me fully enough, too.
Andrew's smile grew. "Ariel... she always insists I explore the world and stop suffocating her on her deathbed. I don't even like to believe she'll leave me behind like our parents. We've been close since birth and understanding how she finds happiness in anything, who's so very motivational about my life is what I don't get."
It caught me off hard, knowing Andrew was an open book about his cousin's situation and his own life for that matter. But some chapters in people's lives were freer to the public eye than others. Like the woman beside me and her crazy man helping our College Football team win. Then there were ones who closed off their books to the outside world like myself, Levy and Leone. Even my mother at one point.
"That's probably something she'll never tell you," I said.
"You're probably right. But I'm glad she pushes me to live life a little. She says I'm mothering her too much." A short, nice chuckle left our lips before my eyes panned the field and the final score was left in my man's hands.
Anticipation forced our eyes on him, clutching around our hearts and readied our feet and broken voices fore more strained cries. Then he dodges on quite large man, coils around anoher and there comes Levy to his rescue. One more foot, a few more steps and there he went. Crossing the line that erupted half the side of the bleachers, erecting our legs up and still and a mighty thunderclap that shook the rival team and its fans. Our broken voices cried out some more excitement and before I even took in reality, Tori roped her fingers around my hand and tugged. Behind came Andrew.
We touched the foot of the grass behind the benches and through the crowded hugs of The Arkham Knights did we make out our boys. Chance got mauled by hugs and frisky hands. This was the first game for these guys, a first I've ever seen Chance play sports, besides the tryouts and training sessions. It was a great way to end a Friday. The level of power and raw emotion and fun that rushed through his veins and compelled his body couldn't have been put into any other words, I bet. You could see it all from this far.
To see the pure happiness curve the muscles in his face was just... something else. Tori was taken back – a true shock for her.
This kind of reminded me of those days with Leone, watching his basketball games in high school. When we were a thing and no one knew.
When the guys caught sight of us, they ran up. What I didn't count on or even much less expected – just a hug – was that when Chance stood so very close to me, he placed a kiss on my lips, a very prolonged one. Then his hands drew around my body, drawing me close to his and soon my feet lifted from the ground and all I could hear were a bunch of cheers.
To say I was surprised at the very most was... something.
Leone would be the last one out the change room before he placed his kiss on my lips and hugged me tight like he never wanted to lose me. But Chance, he went in instinct first and just rolled with it. He gave no care about the men and woman around him, much less the audience where a few gasps and murmurs and cheers came from. So this felt weird, felt different but felt really nice.
Once my feet touched the soil, he looked with a quirked brow. "What's wrong?" Not that I didn't enjoy the kiss. Oh, yeah, I enjoyed that quite much.
But... huh. "What? Oh, nothing. I just wasn't... used to this." Not use to any kind of public displays of affection. Funny how when Leone made that conscious choice, it had to be on the day where young love meant nothing more to me.
Idiot...
Then there went Tori and Chris who made everyone a little uncomfortable with their locked lips and no doubt spit swatting.
"You guys have like, three free rooms available. No need to roughhouse on the field again, Chris," Levy said and laughter erupted.
Chris and Tori both stuck out a middle finger and it surprised so damn much how perfect they seemed for each other. I hoped it never came to the point where I would've been the topic of discussion.
"Ay, Chance," one of his fellow buddies called out. I think his name was Jackson. "You're guy's kinda cute." A bit open with his sexuality it seemed. Chance's closeness couldn't hide the blush creeping my face.
"Hey, hey," Chance called him out with a finger and stern eyes, "better not catchy any feelings. Alright?"
In false defense, Jackson's hands raised. "Alright, alright. I got it."
After the little celebration, Andrew offered up a real celebration tonight, at a restaurant down in Gravity Falls. Malcolm X. We all agreed and left back to the dorms with Andrew heading on back home. Most likely to the hospital. It was obvious Leone wouldn't have been invited, and neither would I tell him when it shocked me to see him home when I came back to my room.
All beaten up and such, an itch left to scratch, to just dive in and help him but I walked right pass. Kept my eyes on my head and just laid there, picking up the journal again. His eyes crept up on me, I could feel it. Him being here unintentionally brought up what Chance asked me after our kiss and now I stupidly wanted to avid thinking about it. Knowing how angry Chance got about it and how awkward my words were telling it.
So I just delved inside the world the journal depicted and waited for night to dawn. The new chapter read like a real journal entry from someone. Some girl.
She died bringing a curse to the world. Not my mother, but hers. Friends since births, sisters for life. Family forever. Her mother died cursing this world, spreading a cancer people called the Devil's Conduits. But they were never a curse nor a cancer, not like how she manipulated the media to believe. Not like how my own corrupted department tried shying away its secrets.
She was the cancer who conducted it all. And I could never believe my eyes, the very ones who painted her innocent and care-free and yet strong-minded and who took no shit from anyone. Not even from me, her sister. Though we were never blood-related, we shared a bond only sisters could have and felt right giving our relationship a title like that. A title she broke the day she tried murdering Shosui, or Se7en, the failed and yet successful experiment. Still don't know how that worked out, how one was a failure but a success.
Sad really. How we never really know the people around us, how we never truly understand them or the world we lived in. A great many secrets lied before our very own eyes and all it took was a simple, cancerous lie.
Then it stated the psychology of another world, much like the first pages, and how choices were different. Events took place at different intervals in time and thus creating a new string of history. A whole new world very unlike our own and this. This first entry explained her world and the one she trusted in the perfect light. Who were these Conduits? Why was this woman a cancer? What happened to that world that didn't happen here? So many questions and each page asked a few more.
Where were the damn answers? Agh!
Night fell in place and another chapter was done. Leone left a while ago, somewhere and I knew deep inside that I hoped he was okay. He was barely the last thing on my mind when Chance walked in the room. One shy smile and I doubt I'd get over the V-necks this man wore. Chests were another weakness of mine – so I understood the infatuation other men had with breasts. Like, if you were going to lay her on them and fall fast asleep, wouldn't you want them to be nice and soft and the way you liked it?
Okay, that sounded weird, but made sense, right?
We first hugged and pecked each other lips and before I followed him out to his car, he had to ask one thing I dreaded hearing again. "Are we ever going to talk about it?"
What happened between Leone and me, I've never been as open as to discuss with anyone else. Not Chris, Levy or Chance who now knew. With Tori, Jared, Josh, Mikayla and my mother only. Through a bit of hesitant he did know of the history, which sparked the flames that ignited Sunday. The real reason Chance still had a scar on his right eyebrow. For why Leone, from Tori has told me, has been to the hospital a couple of times this week for his nose.
Why would I want to bring it up again if it sparked this much jealousy and rage and unnecessary drama I wanted shy away from? College was supposed to be some great years in my life as far as my future and social life with friends and family and it turned out like this. Life had a way of twisted your expectations for tomorrow, because you could never truly see how the day unfolded. Basically the world was an open book left unfinished and we all who inhabited it kept writing in it with our actions.
Surprised how far I haven't come in terms of my own progressions. Tori would hate me but... wished all the best for Kayla.
"You know the story, there's nothing more to talk about." Understanding why he wanted to know left me with more questions than the journal I read.
"I just want to understand Leone, that's all." He wanted to understand a lot of things in which he thought was the truth from so called close friends.
"Then talk to him." In his eyes, I noted how much he still cared for those two – Kayla and Leone. How much he hurt over the broken relationships with those two. He probably tried talking over things with Tori about Kayla again and I bet she replied the same way I did.
"Then I'll just get angry."
"Then let's go."
I followed him out to his car. Leone and Andrew took the back, reminding me I had a privilege to ride shotgun and I laughed it off rolling my eyes. These guys. Something else, I tell you. I prayed for Andrew's poor soul unless corrupted so soon – then I prayed my poor soul. I was surrounded by the biggest crazies known to mankind.
Chris and Tori followed behind us with Andrew giving Chance the directions. "You know where Coventry is, right?" he asked.
"Uh, yeah, I think so. That's near Bowring, right? I'm not that familiar with Gravity Falls' map," Chance answered.
"Yeah, yeah. Malcolm X is basically on the intersection of those two towns."
Chance nodded. A hint of sadness overcame but concealed through the shadows of the night. There must be a lot of things going on right now in his head; Shane, Leone, Kayla. Our own relationship and how it'd work out. It seemed good for now, and I only expect that it gets better and I'd understand him.
"Are you going to talk to Leone?" Speaking of which, Levy, you were late.
"No. Sunday's a good reminder of that."
"Then are you ever going to call back Kayla?"
Chance paused his next thoughts, even when his mouth laid open. It closed now for a moment until he replied. "Most likely not." The things Tori spilled to him, the fact she once hurt Bentley and on more than one occasion... I doubt he'd forgive her. He seemed to now understand what girl thing Tori hid from him about Kayla.
"I mean, if she hurt eh one dude Chance loved like a little brother, it'd make no sense to call the bitch back," Andrew added and without realizing, I nodded.
"So do I turn right at Hawkin Street or is Highway 4 faster?" Chance asked Andrew.
"Right at Hawkin. It leads into the intersection between Coventry – Parker and Main Street."
"Okay."
A quiet ride. Lit up screens and brightened streets. I took the occasional glances his way, questioning my decision to speak up, say anything to get a conversation going but ultimately thought it best to leave it where it was. Sooner or later, as I think we neared Malcolm X, conversations would fly around the tables. Unlike how our first date together as group went – though now Leone wasn't here and in place was Andrew. A nice guy so far.
We then arrived and left our problems and the quiet air at doorstep of Malcolm X, an aesthetically pleasing place on par with five-start restaurants. Andrew has informed that this place was formed by some chef who started out cooking a little at home, than through some dual credit program came out on top through school and his workplace, Astor Jack's, who finally made it and built his own restaurant. Joseph Malcolm, Andrew said.
Our hostess seated us near the bar where for once in his life, as no one could believe, not even Andrew, that Chance ordered nothing else but a glass of water. No Kayak. No Buzlighter. No Kayak! No Java. And now Kayak!
His taken back look questioned us. "I don't get drunk all the time."
"You're like a damn Russian. You can't get drunk so easily," Andrew said.
"I always thought that," Chris added and those two humoured each other while Chance eyed them hard.
Chance targeted Tori with a sly grin playing his lips. "We all can't be lightweights like Tori and Mikayla."
"I will kill you all. You better not upload any of those videos," she said, pointing her death finger at each and every one of us.
"How do you do it?" I asked.
"I don't know. Must have some Russian genes," he said. "I might've been drunk when I kissed you that night."
My eyes bulged out. "Excuse me?" See if I didn't smack that grin off his face.
"Oooh, Chance, girl, you better watch yaself. Pissy ain't playing tonight." Then I eyes Tori so hard and all I heard was Chance's laughter. As loud as the damn music here.
"Pissy?" he question. But it didn't take more than a few seconds to realize. "Wait, is that what you guys called him that time with Jamal?"
"Oh my Gosh, he told you that?" Tori asked and he nodded. The other guys held hands over their mouths and it better have stayed that way.
"I wish I hadn't."
"Well, now I wanna know the story," Chris said. Arthur and Vera won't have twins anymore when I was done with them.
"Should I call you Pissy from now on or just Goddess?" Chance asked and I considered my legal options in jail.
"You might wanna plan how you're going survive The Pissy Apocalypse," Tori said and the whole table combusted in laughter. My embarrassment shot from awkward to a stone cold killer.
"Come on, guys," Andrew began, "don't piss him off." The new guy would die off first.
"I don't like you anymore, Andrew," I said first and laughed. "And were not friends," I told to the sly smiled couple chuckling. Then there was Chance who I eyed with a pointed finger. He taunted me while drinking. "And you... you are an evil, little jock. I hope you know that." I watched as he clapped his hands and tried keeping his water down since he choked on it.
"I'm quite big – in all ways," he replied. "Not so much little. So..." A first I ever heard make such a joke that got the waiter who arrived at our table dying on the floor. Just like Asuka all over again.
Once he regained himself, I felt bad. Poor Josip. Being subjected to the crude, crazy humour I surrounded myself with. Not to the mention the most, rude devilish children.
My glaring eyes never left his and his sly smile was all that remained locked on me. "Just Quesadillas please. Six piece," I ordered.
This dinner together... this was going to be some celebration dinner, so Lord, help me now for I would not sin and let my innocence remain pure.
After about two hours of crude humour and satire and Tori's open mouth embarrassing me, we went our separate ways. I've never felt relief like this since forever and yet couldn't deny how bad my stomach tensed. I rode with Chance, of course, dropping Andrew off while Levy took his leave with Tori and Chris. Andrew was a really great guy, the only one who defended me against everyone else's attacks. Despite a few jokes from him, too. A really funny guy. I'd like to hang out with him sometime.
Then Chance drove me home and parked on the driveway. My parents weren't home so neither would my siblings and I contemplated inviting Chance in. Fear came over in that moment, half expecting sex and jumping back into that, after like three years, no sir no. All kinds of nope on that.
But what he asked me trumped all the assumptions I made. "How do I make you feel?" He laid back in his seat, hands clasped over his lap and eyes through the windshield, at the clear night sky.
The question, I didn't understand it. What did he mean? How did he make me feel? A lot of things. There weren't any words at the top of my head now but a lot of things for sure.
"A lot of things."
"A lot of things..." slowly, he nodded his head, which turned. Then his lips curved a little. He said nothing but lean in and lock his lips with mine.
I haven't actually gotten use to kissing him and I would always dream of doing so. I felt like somehow, because of my own fear, I'd be the one to break us up if anything. He seemed so confident with this and me... a bit. My confidence might've grown but this relationship has only assured me of my insecurities. Supressing it seemed like a good idea, then I wouldn't be faced with telling him, and so soon in the relationship. It was last Saturday that we made this official.
He made me feel a lot of things while I made myself feel scared. I always looked happy, and I was, and the way said nothing after I figured he realized it.
But before he opened his mouth again, a knock on the window came from behind him. My mom? I looked through the back window and saw my dad's car parking near the curb. Well now they were home. I got out as did he and watching him shy up around them was something else. Dallas and Christian ran up to him with huge smiles and hugged him while my mom said something that made Chance jump.
"Were you going to go without telling us, Thomas?" she asked. "How long did you think you could fool me? Let alone your poor excuse for a father?"
"Excuse me, Miranda. I have a right. A father's right protecting his little boy."
"But he's not little anymore. And look at Chance. He's so big."
Chance had no words. Bet he didn't think my parents were so open about my sexuality and the guys I was with. I saw him tense up the minute my dad firmly clenched his shoulder. "Yes he is. Now, they are some rules to dating my son." Now Chance was definitely at a loss of words.
Father of the year.
Mom swatted his shoulder. "Now will you stop your nonsense? There are no rules. There are only his rules. His and Chance's rules."
"Miranda, you will never understand. He's my son."
"Yeah, and he stretched my vagina so he's my son, too."
Oh my God... I had no words. But this. "Well... it was nice seeing you Chance. Drive home safe." I hugged him before he went in his car.
But before that even, he asked one thing of my parents; a promise. "My parents don't know..."
My parents nodded. "We understand," mom said.
"But first-"
"Okay, get home safe and goodnight," I said, shoving Chance back in his car and watched as mom dragged dad by the ear to the front door. Again, father of the year. Most certainly, mother of the year.
With his window rolled down, I kissed his lips one last time, assuring myself that these insecurities were not going to become of me. They weren't going to bother my relationship with this man like it once did with Leone. I learned. I should've learned.
My past mistakes with Leone and myself weren't going come to fruition here. Sure of that enough for a restful night.