Renata
Months came and went after St. Joseph's annual celebration. That time of rejoicing was certainly a night to remember. Everyone danced together, laughing and talking and maybe a little bit of drunk crying was involved.
Renata remembered leaving that event feeling so much lighter, partly because she let go of a lot of her hurt from Diamond and Rocio, and mostly because Tahoma carried her all the way home.
They were pretty much fine at this point. Sometimes, it was strange to realize her sister, and her best friend were over a decade deep into an intensely passionate marriage, but she more so felt a great relief that they were alive at all. They both played such important roles in her life. Besides that weird moment of messy and indecisive hearts, Renata was never given a reason to distrust them or to feel unsafe in their embrace, and she yearned to have that feeling back and would fight tooth and nail to keep it.
Seeing the joy in the relationship which survived years and years of apocalyptic crises filled her newly healing heart with hope for herself and her new partner, Tahoma.
He, who continued to surprise her and care for her like no other. Who encaptured her heart as easily and with as much confidence as he took his next breath.
"I love you, priya," he told her in the darkness of their bedroom only weeks ago. "And I'll whisper it here, shout it at the mountaintops—whatever you want, as long as you say it back."
Renata remembered her tightening throat and burning eyes and also the way her mouth wouldn't stop curving into that goofy, delirious smile. She turned around and kissed him in the shadows, would kiss him in the blueness and anywhere else as long as he kissed her back. "I love you so much, Tahoma. I don't know what I'd do without you."
He wiped at the tears she hadn't known were falling. His own voice was hoarse with overwhelming joy. "You'd be just fine, because you're the strongest, most fearless woman I know, and you've proven a thousand times over that you are the definition of resilience." He laughed. "But I'd be a sloppy mess without you." They laughed together.
"You'll love me even when I'm sad?" She was referring to the unshakeable depression and axiety that has plagued her as of late. It came and went just like those months, reminding her of the despair she endured following her first dance with death.
Despite being grateful for this new chance at life, she still had moments where she felt no hope. She was sometimes convinced she would drown in her survivor's guilt, believing she should have died with the rest of those who suffered from the effects of her battle with Angel. While she knew it was all over, none of what happened these last couple of years would ever leave her, not fully, just like Death.
And it was easier said than done to cope with.
Yet...
Yet.
Everyday it got just the smallest bit easier. In the face of terrifying mental stagnancy or deterioration, she continued to live, to make the effort to care for her body and soul in any way she could manage.
And with moments like those, when Tahoma listened to her vulnerable question and simply responded with, "I'll love you even more then. I promise." It meant everything to her. Those moments scattered the shadows, allowing the light to flood in and cleanse her from her inner turmoil. Then, only then could she indulge in those rare times of uninterrupted peace.
"C'mon Ren!" Diamond's voice broke her concentration. All too often did she get lost inside her own mind, but she tried not to be so hard on herself.
Renata looked forward to Diamond, who hiked at her wife's side. They both were slim and sculpted from their laborious roles in St. Joseph. This mountainous land seemed to go on forever, but they were unbothered by it.
They were surrounded by endless rows of tall trees in all directions, ever since they turned off the road about ten miles back, and it seemed the grassy ground beneath only got steeper. The transformative, fresh air made this journey a bit easier on her.
Considering spring was in full swing and the heat was returning with equal vigor, she tried not to be embarrassed that she was being outpaced by ladies fifteen years her senior. Renata wiped the sweat from her brow, so very grateful she braided her hair back. "We trekked two full days for this supposed 'pocket of paradise'," she breathed out, "it better be worth it."
"Lighten up, sis," Rocio called back. "We already told you, we've been here a bunch of times—it'll be worth it." About a week ago, the married couple suggested the four of them go on this little getaway. Apparently the pair found this place by accident and have gone anually ever since.
Tahoma, who was slightly in front to drag her along, encouraged her, "you're doing just fine, priya."
She shook her head but kept pushing forward. While a smidge grumpy from being unbearingly sweaty and hot, she was actually excited to get to this place they spoke so highly about. "Thanks. I can't believe I used to be a gym rat."
"You know you're always welcome to join me on my runs."
"There's only one type of cardio I enjoy—"
"Ew, don't you dare finish that sentence!" Rocio shouted from ahead.
Renata shared an impish look with Tahoma.
"You know," Diamond continued as though nothing strange had been said, "there's a gym next to Aimee's inn. That place has weight-lifting equipment. That might be of interest."
Renata nodded along. "I thought I saw that when I was leaving your store."
"Have you thought about picking up some shifts?"
Renata looked over at Tahoma, who of course had nothing but eagerness on his face. He volunteered to become an apprentice of Rocio, so he was definitely getting into the whole 'normal life routine' with far more ease than she was. "I'm not against it, I just don't know if that's my thing."
"It's just something to get you out of the house," Rocio added. "It's not like you have to work. You saved the fucking world. You can do absolutely nothing and that'd be fine. You'll be taken care of. You know that."
While she knew her sister was only trying to be supportive, Renata still felt like a complete loser when she realized she'd made zero contribution to St. Joseph since she'd arrived. "I'll think about it. Getting out of the house would be good for me."
"Absolutely no pressure," Diamond persisted. "Even if you just want to come by for more visits. I don't see you enough!"
Renata sighed. "I'm just glad we were able to go on this trip."
"Cheers to that!" Tahoma raised an empty hand. "We must be almost there, I can hear the water."
"You're right! Thank you to all that is holy!" Rocio shouted, "We're here." The two women rushed ahead into the line of trees before them, as they thinned out to reveal the bright blue sky.
Tahoma pressed a kiss to her sweaty temple before picking up his pace, therefore picking up hers too.
Renata was rendered speechless as they got to the edge of the cliff.
"See," Rocio drawled. "We told you."
Renata studied the waterfall which fed into the lake. They stood upon the raised terrain on the opposite side of the waterfall. The rocky texture was stratified and absolutely gorgeous as it almost completely surrounded the beautiful, steep lakewater. She peered down into the water and expected it to be dirtier.
She imagined this place must have been invaded by countless tourists in the time before the blast. Now? It was a pristine place of undisturbed nature.
"Wow," she breathed, still enraptured by such a view. "This place is amazing, and way bigger than I expected."
"C'mon!" Diamond exclaimed as she began to strip, and so did her sister. "We've earned a cold dip in the water!"
"Right here?" She wasn't sold. "Is the water deep enough? Maybe we should go lower."
Diamond laughed. "Yes, the water is actually very deep. We've checked this entire lake for any protruding rocks many times over the years—there's none." She helped Rocio, who was already down to her bra and panties, remove her prosthetic.
"You don't have to," Tahoma, who'd already stripped to his briefs, told her with the sincerest smile. "We can go down lower."
"Well, while you decide," Diamond inserted herself, "we're not wasting any more time."
Renata watched with fondness, amusement, and some fear as they held each other's hands and simultaneously jumped into the air and descended toward the water, shrieking with elation the entire way.
She rushed over to their spot just in time to see the impact and the huge splash that followed. Her heart froze as they didn't emerge right away. But in the very next second, both of their grinning faces broke the surface.
"You guys are fucking nuts!" Renata shouted down at them. "When you said cliff diving, I imagined five feet, not five miles!"
"What?!"
"Nevermind!"
"Priya?"
She diverted her attention to Tahoma. She just loved to look at his beautiful, striking face and body. She admired his soul even more. She wasn't sure she could be more in love than she was then, but knew he would only continue to take up more and more space in her heart.
"Priya?"
She realized he'd said something and she was too busy being a creep to notice. "Yes?"
"Are you done eye-fucking me?"
She shook her head and put a finger up, as if to tell him to wait. Then, after a prolonged breath, she went, "go ahead."
"I was just saying that we should jump together."
She scoffed. "Like I was going to do it without you." He laughed at that.
She finally removed all of her clothes besides the underwear.
"It feels amazing down here!" Rocio shouted. "Come join us!"
Renata flexed her bare feet against the ground and returned to the edge of the cliff, a giddy Tahoma by her side. He palmed her bottom just because he couldn't help himself, and she made sure to give him an appropriate glare.
"Don't listen to them," he whispered to her, though it wasn't like they could hear him over the rush of water. "Take your time."
She studied his face like she always would, like she was seeing it for the first time. "I'm scared."
Of course, there was not a shred of judgement in his face when he registered her admittance. "That's okay, priya. You just have to remind yourself that you've faced literal Death." He gestured all around, "This is just another day."
"You would think so," she chuckled, "but death isn't so scary. It's always been the life part, just another day, that's scared me shitless—at least nowadays."
He squeezed her hand, eyes contemplative. "I never thought about it that way. Is that really how you think?"
She struggled not to turn into herself in the face of his intrigue. "I guess." She tried pulling away. "Sorry, I'm ruining the fun."
One thing she loved about him was that he never let her get very far. "No, not at all." He kissed her. "It's important I know these things. I want to understand as much as I can. Although, considering your unique experience, that's close to impossible—but that'll never stop me from trying."
She gave him another kiss. "You're so—"
"What's taking so long?" Diamond shouted. "You better not be fucking already, we just got here!"
Renata rolled her eyes while Tahoma looked tempted by the idea.
Tahoma stepped in front of her and cradled her face in his hands, grounding her as he always would. "Hey, I got you."
"I know."
He was satisfied by that answer. "That's good. Ready?"
They both turned and faced the water once more, hands clasped. She looked up at the beautiful blue sky, and for the first time in a long time was not disturbed by the color. She smiled, basking in that revelation.
Like a kiss from the universe, a cool breeze hit her brow. It was only for a second, just noticeable enough on such a warm day. And that momentary presence of cold air did not strike that expected terror into her like it usually did—instead, it was almost...comforting.
It's going to be okay, little one.
Rest now.
"Ready," she exhaled.
She held onto her beloved, unafraid as she crouched down just enough.
And jumped.
THE END.