In the morning, I return to Asteria's chambers to dress her. When I enter her bedroom, she is still fast asleep, resting peacefully. For a moment, I consider crawling back into her bed. There is a space large enough to accommodate me, and I admit it was difficult waking without her beside me this morning. However, I know Asteria has matters to attend to, what with the trip to Magewell approaching, so I decide to fulfill my duties as head maid and wake her instead. I reach my hand out, shaking her shoulder softly, until she begins to stir.
Asteria lets out quiet sounds of waking and stretches her limbs slowly. As she wakes, her eyes fall on mine.
"Good morning," I say. "Sorry to wake you."
Asteria yawns and sits up slowly. "It was about time I woke anyway. Where did you go, Fe? I woke in the middle of the night, and you were gone."
"Sorry to worry you. I was having trouble sleeping and didn't want to disturb you."
"Another nightmare?" Asteria asks, worry reflecting in her eyes.
I shake my head and take a seat on her bed. She crawls out from under the covers and sits next to me, our shoulders brushing against each other. I cannot share with Asteria the depth of my thoughts, as they would expose my true identity and my mission, but I can disguise them to a certain extent.
"I was worrying about the trip to Magewell," I admit.
"I would be lying if I said I weren't nervous, too. But why you, Fe? I figured that you would want to revisit your old home," Asteria says.
"I just worry about the king or prince discovering us," I say. A truth, though not exactly the real reason I am worried about the visit.
Asteria frowns. "We will have to be very careful, but I don't think it will be an issue. My father and brother do not pay much attention to me anymore. Still, I can always ask Alba if you are that concerned. I don't want to trouble you."
"No. I want to be there with you," I say firmly. Even if I hope to see Kiana while I am there too, truthfully I worry about Asteria being there on her own, even if Alba were to accompany her. I know that she needs me in this moment, and I owe it to her after all she did to nurse me back to health after the other maids attacked me.
"Thank you," Asteria says, kissing my cheek. "I'll speak to Alba today about the trip. She may not be happy I've revoked her invitation, but I'll take the blame."
"I can still step down—"
Asteria places her hand over my own and grips it. With the same certainty that I spoke with earlier, she says, "I want you with me. Otherwise I don't know how I will be able to bear this visit."
I nod, and after a brief morning kiss, I begin to ready Asteria for the day.
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
As expected, Alba finds me in the afternoon. I am outside on the patio, hanging up laundry as the sun beats down on my shoulders. Hearing the patio door open behind me, I turn, expecting it to be one of the other maids, but my face drops to see Alba instead. While there is no visible displeasure on her face, she does not wear a smile either.
"Good afternoon," I say.
"Good afternoon, Fe. Is now a good time?" she asks.
I glance at the half-hung pile of laundry sitting in a woven basket next to me.
"I suppose so," I say. "I assume you would like to go somewhere more private?"
"No. This will do," Alba says.
I hang one last piece of clothing before turning to face Alba. I expect the long, usual lecture, but as I glance at her, I suddenly notice how tired she looks. There is weariness in her expression that I have not noticed before and clear bags under her eyes from a lack of sleep.
"Asteria has made me aware of her father's recent invitation to Magewell. I know she specifically requested that you accompany her," Alba begins.
"Yes. She asked me this morning," I reply. I know by now where these conversations with Alba go, so I skip to the point. "I assume you are unhappy with the decision."
Alba shuts her eyes. "I have made my peace with Asteria's decision-making process now. However, I still want to speak with you. Have you ever visited Magewell Castle before?"
I shake my head. "I have not had the pleasure."
"And I assume you have not met the king or prince either?"
I adamantly shake my head.
"Magewell is not like Esterpool, Fe. Asteria does not hold supreme power over all of us, nor is she treated with the same respect. I am sure you must imagine this already, but the relationship between the princess and her family is...fragile. I am sure the king and prince will speak to Asteria offensively," Alba says. "If you care for the princess, I ask that you remain on your best behavior and do not disrespect any other members of the royal family."
"I wouldn't," I say.
"You say that now..." Alba says. She moves to take a seat and lets out a long sigh. "I must be honest, Fe. I was quite relieved to hear Asteria did not want me to accompany her. I have tried all my life to protect her from her family, but my authority is next to nothing. The visits we have made since her transition to Esterpool have always been wrought with tension. I am sorry that I must ask you to deal with it now."
"I'll be okay," I promise, surprised to hear Alba treating the decision better than I expected her to.
Alba weakly smiles at me in return. She rises once more and smooths out the hem of her dress. "I am in the middle of working out logistics. I will make arrangements for the other maids to host you in Magewell. They have nice quarters there that I am sure you will find suited to your liking, and you will be respected being head maid, even if it is to the princess," Alba says.
Even if...
I gulp, wondering just how disrespected Asteria truly is in Magewell.
"I will work out the other details later. For now, Her Highness has requested you both leave in three days so she has time to prepare," Alba says.
"Thank you," I say.
"Fe, I know we have not always seen eye-to-eye, but please, I ask you actually heed my advice this time. For Asteria," Alba says. It is the first I have heard her say Asteria's name so openly and intimately when it has just been the two of us.
"I will," I promise.
"Then, I'll leave you to return to your work," Alba says.
I nod and return back to the clothesline. As I clasp another clothespin over a dress, I wonder how cruelly I have misjudged Alba as well. Since my arrival in Esterpool, I feared her, saw her as a villain and someone who would get in the way of my plan, but truthfully, all she has ever cared about is the princess first and foremost.
Asteria. Alba. Who else in Magnuvia does not care so much for its politics either?
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
The next few days are spent rapidly preparing for the trip to Magewell. I work diligently in preparation, taking extra care to make sure my duties are performed well. I do not have the time to write to my mother, nor to even spend much time with Asteria. We are both busy, with her meeting with the royal guards to lock down a schedule and me wondering what to pack when my wardrobe is already limited. Though still nervous, a trip to somewhere different does make me slightly excited. I have been confined to Esterpool too long for my liking, and while I would have preferred to be packing to head to Tetoa, Magewell will have to do for now.
The day before our departure, I enjoy breakfast with Maria after dressing Asteria for the day.
"I am so excited for you, Fe!" Maria exclaims while she munches on a muffin. "You must tell me how the castle is! I have never been inside myself."
"I will," I promise.
"Are you excited to return?" Maria wonders. "You said you had not been to Magewell in quite some time."
"Yes. Very much so," I lie.
"Where did you live in Magewell?" Maria asks.
I bite my bottom lip as I struggle for an answer. Maria has always been curious about my history in Magewell, but I have usually been able to deflect her questions or find another activity. I cannot lie and say I do not remember, as it hasn't been long enough for me to do so, but I cannot exactly recall the map of Magewell that Taika once showed me.
"Oh, well..." My voice drawls off, but not at my loss of thought. Rather, there one of the royal guard members is approaching me.
"Fe, you have a visitor," he says.
My heart drops. I turn to Maria and flash her a weak smile. "I'm sorry. You'll have to wait to hear of my stories from Magewell."
Maria shakes her head. "I'm patient. Enjoy your visit, Fe. I will see you after the trip."
I nod, thank the guard, and make my way to the back gates, where once again, Taika is waiting for me. Judging by the worried expression on his face, I know he has not come alone. I suddenly miss when it was just him visiting me back in my early days in Esterpool. My only concern then was that I was not getting close enough to the princess. Nowadays, I have the exact opposite problem.
"Hi," I say meekly.
"Good to see you," Taika responds. He steps forward and gives me an embrace. I wish I could squeeze him tightly to me, but it appears he is on a time crunch today because his arms fall away from my sides all too quickly."Your injuries? How are they?"
I blink, forgetting that the last time we met, I was still not fully healed.
"Oh, I'm doing much better. No aches or pains anymore," I say as we begin to walk away from the estate.
Taika nods, letting silence fill the air again. I walk beside him, listening to our footsteps echo against the gravel roads of Esterpool. I glance in the distance at the rolling hills, nervousness already invading my stomach. As the forest approaches in the distance, I let out a sigh, knowing who is waiting.
"I am sure Mama is fed up with me. She only ever comes here to scold me," I say, beginning the conversation once more.
"You know that's not true, Fetia. She wants to see you as well. But...I must admit she wishes you were writing more useful information. I had to stop her from coming to see you during that period you stopped writing altogether. Thankfully, I convinced her to give you the benefit of the doubt," Taika explains.
"Thank you for that," I say, now feeling doubly guilty. It is one thing to lie to my mother, but Taika has always been on my side. I feel I am betraying him too with my reluctance to carry out the mission.
Though my limbs begin shaking and my throat goes dry as the forest approaches, I realize I have not yet been able to tell my mother about my visit to Magewell. Perhaps she will be happy to know that I will soon be in close proximity to the rest of the royal family, including Prince Stephan, who I originally was tasked with murdering.
My footsteps cease near the forest's edge. I take a deep breath in as Taika gestures forward. "After you," he says
I nod and enter. I only need to take a few footsteps before my mother emerges from the shadows of the woods. Her eyes lock onto mine immediately, and I want to shiver from the cold gaze she is shooting my way. I brace myself and wince, awaiting a slap like last time, but before she can open her mouth or move an inch, Taika stands beside me.
"Arihi, do not be harsh," he warns.
"Why did you not write for a few weeks?" my mother asks. Her tone is quiet and devoid of emotion, scaring me more than our last visit, when she raised her voice and scolded me instead.
"I was getting used to my duties, as I told you in the letter," I say. "I have since been writing. Don't worry anymore."
"Fetia, I cannot keep buying you time or letting these excuses fly. Your sister is making great progress. And what do you have to show? Littles stories and notes from the princess's past that I have no interest in," my mother says.
"Mama, I cannot control what Asteria tells me!" I exclaim.
"But you can ask questions to lead to answers!" she counters.
"Mama, before you get angry, will you please hear what I have to say?" I ask. "I am leaving to Magewell tomorrow."
Mama glances at me, confused.
"Not forever," I clarify. "It is a short visit. King Ruben has requested Princess Asteria's presence, and she has asked that I accompany her. I have been preparing for the trip all week, and I think it will be well worth the wait. I will be able to get a better sense of Asteria's dynamic with her brother and father, and Kiana and I will have the chance to scheme together after being apart for months."
"That is wonderful news, Fetia," Taika says. His words are comforting to hear, but it is my mother's response that I am more eager to hear.
"I am also pleased to hear that, but...Fetia, I need results. This trip must bring about something – useful information of some sort. Otherwise...I cannot say for certain that you will be the one to murder Prince Stephan any longer," my mother says.
Though my moral compass has been skewed for some time now, I am still infuriated to hear this. "But, Mama—"
"That is the deal we agreed on, no? If you would prefer I pull you from the mission altogether—"
"No. I will give you results," I state firmly. "But," my voice lowers in fear someone may be around. "I must speak with the both of you also. It was too risky to send in a letter."
"What is the matter?" Taika asks.
"King Ruben has partially requested Asteria's presence because he has been made aware there are spies in his kingdom. I asked Asteria for details, but she does not know the explicit details. Perhaps we should be more careful. If we are already under suspicion—"
My mother waves her hand in defiance. "It is not for us to worry. We have been diligent. The mission will be completed soon enough."
"Arihi," Taika says. "Don't you think we should take this more seriously? What if Fetia or Kiana are compromised?"
"I trust that you two will not let yourself be compromised," my mother says simply. "This mission has always been a risk, and Fetia and Kiana have always been aware of that fact. Haven't you?" she asks, her gaze turning to me.
I nod, but still, I cannot help but worry.
"Go to Magewell. Speak to Kiana. Get some answers," my mother says. "The mission will proceed as normal, and hopefully in a short period of time, the royal family will be dead."
My stomach churns at the thought. I cannot risk bringing up that I would rather Asteria be spared from their plan. Though the thought of her murder has tormented me at night, I cannot say for certain what Asteria thinks of her country and its customs. Perhaps she shares similar feelings to her father and brother and thoroughly supports colonization. To ask that she be spared without confirming that she is an ally would make my mother remove me from Esterpool immediately. I keep my lips pursed, deciding not to say anything.
"Have a safe trip, then," my mother says. "I look forward to your letter when you return back to Esterpool." I see that same fire in her eyes I have seen all my life, fueled by hatred and revenge, except this time, they are brighter than ever before. I will have to retrieve my mother some information; otherwise, I will not be able to stay by Asteria's side much longer.
Our conversation ends abruptly there, and Taika returns me back to the estate quietly.
"Please be safe in Magewell," he urges me as we walk.
"Do you not think I am capable?" I ask.
His eyes widen in fear. "No! No, that is not what I mean. Arihi's vision is becoming skewed as her plan evolves. I worry sometimes that she fails to fully account for your and Kiana's safety."
"Thank you for your concern, Taika. However, I am confident that Kiana and I will be able to scheme efficiently and safely while in Magewell," I say.
"I'm sure you will," he says.
Whereas my mother's eyes shone with flames of revenge, when I glance at Taika, his eyes are tired. My mother may be at the forefront of this mission, but I know it is Taika who has pulled many of the strings to get this mission underway. In Kiana's and my absence, I am sure he is being worked even harder than before. I gently place my hand on his shoulder.
"Take care of yourself as well," I say. "I am sure we will be reunited in no time. I hope I have much to share about my visit to Magewell when we do."
Taika smiles fondly at me. "I cannot wait to hear all about it. Magewell truly is a fascinating city, as much as I hate to say it. I am sure you will enjoy exploring the castle."
The estate approaches in the distance. Our footsteps cease a few yards away from the back gates of the estate so we may say our goodbyes. I turn to Taika and hug him tight.
"Thank you for visiting me so often," I murmur as I dig my nails into his back.
"Of course, Fetia," Taika says as he pulls away. He rests his arms firmly on my shoulders. "Safe travels, tomorrow. Tell your sister I say hello as well."
I nod eagerly and wave to him as we part. It is a selfish thought, but I think to myself how I hope the next time he visits, he is alone.
I slowly pivot myself back toward the estate and let out a sigh. Tomorrow begins my week-long excursion to Magewell. I tug nervously at the hem of my uniform, praying that the trip will go smoothly.
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
That evening, I lie in Asteria's bed, staring at the ceiling in thought. I have tossed and turned for what feels like an hour already, praying the thoughts in my head would cease, but I still lie awake, listening to Asteria's quiet breaths beside me. I shift my body and move my legs to get out of bed, figuring that I may rest better in my own bedroom, but a voice behind me startles me.
"Fe? Are you awake?"
I turn my head. Asteria, who I had assumed fell asleep a short while ago, is staring at me, clearly wide awake.
"Yes," I say. "I can't sleep."
"Me neither," Asteria murmurs with the same annoyance.
"Nervous for tomorrow?" I ask, crawling back into bed beside her.
"Yes," she says. "I know we will be stopping in Okchester for an evening, but I can't hide my anxiety. Are you nervous, too?"
"Yes," I say. I shoot her a half a smile. "I guess we aren't of much comfort to each other, then."
"I disagree," Asteria says. She lifts her body upward and inches closer to me. Her fingers brush gently against my cheek, and I shiver underneath her touch. "At the very least, we will have each other."
I nod, moving my head upward as her lips meet mine. "You're right," I say as we break apart. "We will survive this together.."
Asteria smiles and nods. "Shall we get back to sleep, then?"
I nod, curling up into her side as she lays back down beside me. Her arms wrap around me tightly, and I take comfort in her chest rising and falling where my head lays. There is a lingering feeling inside me, hinting that something may change during this trip. Whether for better or worse, I cannot say, but for now, I savor in the feeling of Asteria's arms around my body and slowly drift off to sleep alongside her.