Isabella
Harry has been pretty quiet again, but still reassuring me that he's figuring out the divorce stuff. Ottie missed class this week, surely because her life was just flipped upside down. It's probably for the better since that means there was less of a chance I ran into Adriana again.
I can't lie, I've been spending my nights endlessly scrolling through Google trying to read any article I can about Adriana. I want to hate her, but it's so fucking hard. She does all this charity work and donates all this money. Sure that was before she suddenly left, but it still speaks to her character.
They were pictured together yesterday. They took Ottie to the park. Just the sight of the three of them together made me feel sick, but I had to remind myself that he was getting a divorce. Still, it hurt when the story hit the media that Harry was seen with his wife.
Kat told me that the cameras were pretty much parked outside of our apartment waiting for me to come out. Now instead of being Harry's new mystery girl, I'm the dirty mistress. It's like everyone turned on me overnight and I have no idea how to fix it. Brynn's been working overtime keeping Chris away from the news, and she claims she's been successful so far.
A part of me gets the media circus. I mean, Harry and Adriana weren't seen together for years and now they're back as if nothing happened. Only something did happen. Harry met me and introduced me to his world. It's a classic tale of a rich man trying to have it all. The money, the family, the hot girlfriend. My entire reputation is pretty much riding on this divorce, and even then I'll just be called a homewrecker.
Harry's birthday is in two weeks. We were planning on going up to the country club for the weekend. We were gonna teach Ottilie how to golf and just enjoy a quiet weekend together. I wanted to decorate the apartment just like he did for me. I even wanted to make him a cake with Ottie. None of that is gonna happen now, not unless he can get a divorce that quickly.
He told me about the issues they were running into. Apparently our relationship didn't help his case with the prenup. Since he was so publicly in what looked like a relationship with me, Harry's lawyers have been trying to come up with excuses as to why we were together. He assured me they wouldn't say it was a sex arrangement though. The last thing I need is for the entire world to know that I'm technically a sex worker.
All of this is coming back to bite me in the ass. Maybe I should've just stayed Jezebel. Maybe this was all just a big dumb mistake and Christian was right. Now instead of being able to keep my work separate from my personal life, I'm at risk of being exposed as a glorified prostitute.
As midnight approaches, I find myself scrolling through the pictures on my phone from the last few months. Happier times when Adriana wasn't even a thought in my mind. Back when it was just Harry and I. A part of me wishes I was more honest with him, especially about how I felt.
I miss you Bellie
I want to see you
Come over
The second Harry's name pops up on my screen I feel calm again. Knowing that he wants to see me just eases whatever panic that was starting to bubble up. It doesn't take too long for me to put on a sweater over my sleep shirt and throw on some sweatpants, just wanting to get there quicker so I can be in his arms.
I slip out of the apartment as quietly as possible so that Rory doesn't start barking before making my way down the stairs. Instead of risking taking the subway this late at night, I opt to order an Uber to his place while I'm on my way downstairs. It's safer and I'll get to his place faster. Once it pulls up to the curb in front of our building, I rush out of the apartment with my hood up and my head down to avoid the few cameras outside and get in.
Is it selfish to wish Adriana never showed up? Ottilie got her mom back and all I can think about is the life we could have had if Adriana stayed away. I should be so happy for her, and yet there's an ache in my heart whenever I think of Ottie now. It's like I've been replaced, even though I never held that role in her life. She's only known about Harry and me for less than a month. There has to be something wrong with me if I'm hoping a mother abandons her daughter for a second time.
We should've stuck to the contract better. If we didn't involve feelings at some point, then Adriana coming back wouldn't have affected me. I would've moved on, I probably would've even taken that one job that I was offered. I turned it down once we got back from Italy since Harry said not to take it. At the time I thought there was a future for us. Now I'm not so sure.
I want there to be a future though. I never saw a future for myself before Harry. From day to day, I was just trying to survive. Then he came along and I wasn't just surviving anymore, I was living.
Pulling up to his building, I get out of the Uber and head inside. I wave to the doorman as usual before getting in the elevator. Harry gave me a key to his place right before we left for Italy, for when I wanted to visit. I can't help but smile as I use it to access his floor.
The elevator opens to his penthouse. It's dark, quiet, but as pristine as ever. I slip my shoes off and put my bag down before walking further in. "Hey H, I'm here!" I don't speak too loud, since I don't want to wake up Ottie. She's usually a heavy sleeper though.
I frown a bit when he doesn't answer, but I settle onto the couch to wait. While I do, I send a quick text to Kat to let her know that I'm at his place in case she wakes up and I'm not there. Lately she's been known to check in on me to make sure I'm at least trying to go to sleep. Plus, if Rory bothers her at any point she'll at least know that I'm not there to take responsibility.
Putting my phone down, I glance around the apartment and notice things out of place. The throw pillows aren't in their right place on the couch. A wine glass sits on the coffee table, a drop of red wine left at the bottom. When I look toward the kitchen, that's when I notice the bottle of wine on the counter, the cork and bottle opener right next to it. And another glass.
I never told Harry that he couldn't drink, and I mean, anyone going through the stress he is deserves a glass of wine. But I do know that Harry doesn't like having alcohol around me.
"Harry?" I ask again, getting up from the couch to start making my way over to his room. Maybe he fell asleep and didn't mean for me to actually come over. But I stop when he rushes down the hall, meeting me by the kitchen.
"Isabella, what are you doing here?" He sounds slightly winded and his words slur.
My brows furrow, "You texted me to come over... So I just..."
"I didn't... Bellie, you have to go. I... I don't want you to see me like this." He shakes his head, walking toward the elevator in an attempt to urge me out.
"Are you okay, H? You're sweating..."
"I'm fine, just go. We'll talk in the morning. I'm sorry, you just have to leave."
"But why? H, I know you're drunk but it's okay. I'm not upset or anything. Let me at least get you to bed-"
"No!" He raises his voice before sighing sharply. "Isabella, I don't want to keep repeating myself. Get out."
"Get out? Harry, what is going on?"
He reaches over me to press the elevator button, just about ready to shove me in once the doors open. He just keeps mumbling that I have to leave, slurring his words and stumbling here and there. But before the elevator door can open, I finally get an answer.
"H? Baby, is everything okay?" Her voice sounds soft and concerned, her words also slightly slurred. Adriana meets us in the hall, her arms crossed tight around her chest. She's wearing Harry's button down. "Oh, Isabella..."
I look from her to Harry and back, my brain not wanting to comprehend what I'm seeing. Harry won't even meet my eyes, instead just chewing on the inside of his cheek as he looks at the elevator button. Oh.
My heart starts to race as it all sinks in. Even Adriana is looking in Harry's direction, almost expecting him to say something. But he doesn't have to say a word. The look of guilt plastered across his face says it all.
"You slept with her." I whisper, shaking my head in disbelief at the words that came out of my mouth.
"Isabella..."
"You got drunk and you slept with her. And then what? You felt guilty and texted me that you missed me?" Angry tears fill my eyes as I look at him.
"I... I can explain..." He tries to meet my eye but can't.
"Don't bother, Harry. You wanted me to leave so badly, well guess what? Now I am."
Adriana bites her lip as she watches this unfold, "Isabella, maybe it's better if you don't show up again..."
"Don't listen to her, Bellie, I can explain... Just let me explain..."
I look toward Adriana as the elevator doors open. "I hope you two have a great life together."
Harry shakes his head, stepping forward to stop me from getting in the elevator as he just repeats that I have to listen to him, but Adriana takes his hand. As the doors close, I watch as his shoulder slump in defeat and for the second time, he chooses her over me.
In a tearful daze, I mindlessly walk around his area, trying to process the fact that he slept with Adriana. He didn't even deny it. I didn't even know she was in his apartment. Has she been staying with them this entire time? Harry had told me she was staying somewhere nearby to be around Ottie more, but I didn't think he meant that they were staying in the same apartment. I almost want to throw up as I wonder if this was the first time they slept together since she came back or if they've been doing this.
I know I shouldn't feel betrayed, I'm the one who doesn't belong with him. I'm his extramarital affair. She's his wife. The guys that have affairs always say they're gonna divorce their wives, but they never do. I don't know why I thought he would be any different.
Instead of going home, I go to Cornelia Street, making a stop at the liquor store around the corner before going up to the apartment. In a tight fist, I hold a bottle of tequila as I step into the apartment that Harry rented for us. Tears stream down my cheeks. All the memories we created in this tiny apartment, now tainted forever.
Leaning against the front door, I sink down to the ground, clutching the bottle as if it's my life line. My brain screams at me to keep it closed, but it's outweighed by the overwhelming feeling of betrayal and hurt. Images of Harry and Adriana sleeping together in the bed we once shared haunt me.
My last ounce of will power is put to the test. Maybe I should've just gone home. Being alone right now is the last thing I need. But I'm here now. And the bottle is in my hand. And Harry picked Adriana.
Defeated and alone, I twist open the cap. The second it's open, my sobs increase.
I was supposed to have a family. He was supposed to be my family. He told me he wanted more than just a contract. It couldn't have all been lies. Why would he lie to me? I trusted him and he still turned out to be like Christian at the end of the day. He made me feel like a whore, but maybe that's just what I am. I was an idiot for thinking we could have something real.
The liquor burns my throat as it goes down, but I still feel numb. As wrong as it is, the familiar feeling is the only thing I can find comfort in. I don't stop until the bottle is empty and I can barely focus on my hand in front of me. The room spins as I lay on the floor in the living room, staring up at the ceiling as if it has the answers I need.
This was a mistake. Getting involved with him was a mistake. Thinking that I was important was a mistake. I should've known nothing good was going to come out of it. Now here I am wishing I never met him. It would hurt less to have never crossed his path.
It's not fair. I should get my happy ending. My parents died, I had a shitty boyfriend, I had to become a sex worker to get enough money to survive, I'm an alcoholic drug addict. When does life turn around and get good? This was supposed to be my chance to finally be respected and appreciated. To be loved.
The universe just keeps punishing me and for what, I don't know. Maybe I have some evil past life or I was just hit with the bad luck stick as a kid. There's only so much I can take before I'm pushed over the edge. And I think I'm nearing my limit.
This is all just a bad dream, it has to be. I'll wake up in Italy with Harry and Ottilie in bed next to me. There would be no Adriana, just us together as a family. I'd give anything to have them again.
After a while I get up from the floor, tripping over my feet as I walk into the bedroom. From the closet I pull out the suitcase I used to bring all my shit to the apartment and I start my best attempt at packing. Throwing all my clothes and things in wherever they can fit. I can't stay here.
Tears fall as I accept what's to come. Even if by some miracle he does leave his wife, he'll never want me again. I'm not someone he would want around his daughter, or around his reputation. I was stupid to think this would last.
Sinking down onto the bed, I pull my phone out again, feeling a pain in my chest when I see no missed calls or texts. He doesn't even care.
Thankfully it doesn't take long for the world to fade away around me, a dreamless sleep finally taking over my body, putting an end to this horrible day.
✧✧✧
my poor sweet bellie ...
gab