I once again have to grow used to the sensation of waking up in an unfamiliar room. The months I spent becoming comfortable living in the maids' quarters are no longer relevant. When I wake, there are no rickety mattress springs creaking beneath me or a roommate I must remain quiet for while I dress myself. Rather, I lie comfortably on the soft mattress in Alba's former bedroom, now my own. I pull the warm covers back from my body and gently lower my feet to the floor. When I pull the curtains back, another sunny spring day greets me.
I change into my maid's uniform and am quickly satisfied by the fact that I no longer need to worry about procuring breakfast for myself before beginning my maid duties. From here on and out, I will be sharing the majority of my meals with Princess Asteria in the dining room. Though many of my duties will change in nature due to my new status as head maid, Asteria has still asked that I dress her each morning. I make my way to her chambers as usual, though a part of me misses when I used to reside in her bedroom myself. The evening before was my first time sleeping alone since arriving to Esterpool, and I was kept awake by my thoughts for longer than I wanted without the company of another.
When I unlock the door to Asteria's room, I find her passed out in her bed, sleeping soundly. I figure she must be thrilled to have her bed back to herself now that I have recovered. Gently, I shove on her arm.
"Asteria. It's time to wake up," I say.
Her eyelids flutter with waking. She lets out a smile as she recognizes me. My heart surprisingly skips a beat. "Good morning, Fe," she says, yawning as she rises to a sit. "Did you sleep well in your new room?"
"Well enough," I answer. "Are you satisfied in having your chambers back to yourself?"
"I suppose so. Although, I forget how quiet it can become in here. But no matter. You are my head maid now, so I will see you more often," Asteria says with a smile.
I work slower than normal as I dress the princess for the day, still not completely recovered from my injuries. Though she does not seem to notice my slowness, I still feel an urge to apologize. I open my mouth to say so, but then I twist my body to button one of her gown pieces, and sharp pain runs through my body. I let out a hiss.
"Fe! Are you all right?" Asteria asks, gently resting her hand on my shoulder.
"Yes. I moved too quickly," I say.
"You're still healing, Fe. Let me take care of the rest," Asteria says. "Go sit down."
"Are you sure?" I ask. "I can call up one of the other maids to finish—"
"No. You've dressed me most of the way. I can finish dressing myself," Asteria says. When I open my mouth to protest, she narrows her eyes at me. "Seriously, Fe. Go sit."
I do as I am told and wait patiently for her to finish dressing herself. She emerges not too long afterwards in a light green gown that matches the color of the rolling hills of Esterpool.
"Are you feeling well enough to accompany me to breakfast?" Asteria asks.
"Yes, I think so," I respond.
"Let's be off, then," Asteria says.
When I walk with Asteria toward the dining hall, I do not feel so much like her head maid but rather, her friend. Once or twice I would see Alba escorting her to meals, and Asteria was always quiet, listening intently to Alba lecture her or go over her schedule for the day. However, when it's just the two of us, we talk freely and openly, and I can tell from Asteria's cheerful smile and laid-back expressions that she is at ease.
Though she may be more relaxed having me as her head maid, my duties have only skyrocketed. At breakfast, I do my best to keep up conversation with Asteria while also reviewing her schedule for the day. Alba has made me a list of the princess's obligations for the next few weeks. Eventually, I will be in charge of creating a schedule myself. I feel myself sweating as I scan the journal she has left me. What if I'm unfit for this role? What if Alba is unsatisfied with my performance? Then, I remember that Asteria is the only one with the authority to dismiss me, and Alba is on equal playing ground with me now.
"You know, you should enjoy the food, rather than look that silly journal over," Asteria leans over and says to me.
I jump, unaware she has noticed me being distracted. "My apologies—"
Asteria laughs. "Don't be frightened. It's your first day, after all. I am sure it will take some getting used to all of Alba's instructions. Besides, you are still healing. I am here, as well as the other maids, and we can help ease any burden you have as you become more adjusted."
"Thank you," I say, shoving the journal away slowly. "I am deeply appreciative."
"How about we go on another walk in the garden today?" Asteria asks. "Is there room in my schedule?"
I have to flip the journal back open, but I nod. A walk in the garden sounds refreshing. Now that I have become head maid, this building feels suffocating as I think of all the duties thrust upon me. It will be nice to get some fresh air and enjoy a simple walk with Asteria once more.
"I am afraid that Fe does not have the capacity to do so," one of her guards interrupts.
I turn around, not having noticed the guard in question enter the room. Alba introduced me to several members of the royal guard yesterday since I had not had much of a formal introduction prior to my promotion. If I remember correctly, the bulky, gruff man standing in front of me is named Frederick.
"What ever do you mean?" Asteria asks, almost in an annoyed tone.
"Fe, you have a visitor," Frederick says. "He arrived shortly after breakfast began."
I grip my fork tighter in my hand. Why have I been so foolish? I should have known that my mother would be furious about my inability to write eventually. I had hoped in the past few days to finally send a letter, but between healing from my injuries and accepting my status as head maid, I was unable to, and now, Taika, and presumably my mother, have taken it upon themselves to come visit me. I wonder if I can get the princess to vouch for my absence, but Asteria seems undisturbed.
"That is too bad. I was hoping to enjoy your company, Fe, but I know you must want to visit with your colleague from back home," Asteria says. She gently rests her palm over my own hand. I can feel the warmth from her fingertips radiate onto my own skin."We will have to postpone our walk for another time."
"Forgive me," I say. I open my mouth to ask where Alba is, but then I remember that she is not my supervisor anymore. I do not have to ask how long I am permitted to visit. Instead, I turn back to Frederick. "I will meet with him shortly. Can you tell the guards to escort the princess back to her chambers?"
He nods and departs. Asteria is already rising from her seat, even though I wish there was some way she could delay my visit with Taika. However, I cannot let her sense my anxiety this time. She is beginning to read my emotions too well, and if I let her in even further, I risk jeopardizing the mission. I hope if she sees me looking somberly, she assumes it is because I am homesick.
"I am sorry we could not spend more of the morning together," I tell Asteria before I depart. "I will be back later this afternoon."
Asteria shakes her head. "Don't worry about me. Enjoy your visit. We will go on our walk some other time."
I nod, wondering why I feel such guilt stirring inside me as I leave the dining room. I sigh and begin walking towards the back of the estate, where no doubt, Taika is waiting for me. As I do so, I pass by the maids' quarters and withhold a groan as my paths cross with Josie and Arabelle. I could ignore them, but truthfully, I am still slightly frightened of them.
"Good morning," I say as cheerfully as they can.
Arabelle lets out a faint, "Morning," while Josie nearly dips her head at me. I can hear them whispering to each other as the distance between us grows again. But no matter. I am too nervous about what Taika will have to say to me than worry about the rumors about me being spread among the maids. I remind myself again and again that I can handle whatever scorn Taika shows me. I am now in a greater position than ever to receive information from Asteria. I can only hope he will be thrilled to know of my new promotion.
As I expected, Taika is lingering near the back gate of the estate. He paces back and forth in circles on the gravel path, only halting when he looks up and notices me walking toward him. When our eyes lock, I pick up my pace to greet him, even if it worsens some of the lingering pain still remaining in my body from my injuries.
"Fe!" Taika exclaims when I exit the gate toward him.
Though I want nothing more to engulf him in a hug, I halt him before he can wrap his arms around me. "Sorry. My ribs are still recovering," I say.
Taika nods disappointingly and motions for me to follow him. "It's good to see you upright and walking. Although it looks like there's still some healing bruises on your face."
"Compared to my ribs, the bruises were the least of my concerns," I say.
"Fe," Taika says, more seriously this time. "Why did you not write to us? I—your mother and I—were so worried about you."
I feel my heart lift in my chest knowing that my mother cared for my well-being. "It's complicated," I murmur. "We should probably get farther away from the estate before I share anything."
"That will be fine. My plan was to take you a little farther away, anyway," Taika says. As he moves us away from the road and to the forest, I dryly gulp, suddenly understanding what he means. It is not just me and him, as I had hoped. My mother must be waiting, ready to speak with me. I suppose it was foolish of me to assume anything less. My limbs are slowly beginning to shake, but I assure myself of everything I thought earlier. There is nothing disappointing that I have done. I have made great strides, even in the time I was injured.
Mama is hidden in the foliage of the forest behind a clump of thick tree trunks. I can see her dark hair through the bushes, but she remains still until Taika and I come into view. Whereas Taika's look on his face was one of relief when he saw me, I am quick to notice that Mama only wears an expression of pure anger. She does not rush to hug me or check that I am okay and healing. I walk toward her slowly, until we are only inches apart. I open my arms to hug her, but, in a flash, the palm of her hand slaps against my cheek, echoing loudly through the forest.
"Arihi!" Taika exclaims, quickly grabbing Mama's wrist.
I clutch onto my aching cheek, already bruised from the injuries the other maids inflicted on me, and feel tears well in my eyes as I stare at my mother.
"You fool! What were you thinking, getting yourself injured like that?!" my mother sneers at me as Taika holds her back from raising her hand again. "Do you have any idea how much your injuries could have jeopardized the mission?!"
"But, Mama," I argue. "I could not have fought back. They would've known—"
"Your job is to carry out this mission. I do not care if you inflicted a wound on one of the other maids—"
"Arihi, settle down," Taika says once more. "Let Fetia explain herself."
Slowly, he lets go of his grip on her wrists. I flinch, expecting another blow, but my mother's hands fall to her side. My mother has only ever hit me a few times in my life, usually when I was doing something dangerous as a child, and sometimes during our combat training, when I needed a good blow to sharpen my senses. And yet, I still cling onto my cheek in shock, wondering why she would harm me when she knows I am still healing from my previous wounds.
"You don't write, so I send Taika, and then what do I learn? That you're bedridden and unable to perform your maid duties," my mother says. "And in the time that has passed since Taika's last visit, I still receive no word from you."
I dip my head in shame. "A lot has changed in the past few weeks, but all for the better!"
My mother eyes me with suspicion. "Explain yourself."
"Princess Asteria nursed me back to health when I was injured," I say. "I spent most of my days alone with her in her chambers."
My mother seems semi-satisfied in this response. "Go on," she says.
"And just the other day, when I finally felt ready to return to my maid duties, she asked if I could take on the status of head maid."
Taika gasps. My mother spins his head to glance at him.
"Sorry. That is shocking to hear," Taika says. "For Alba to step down like that. I am sure it was not a smooth transition."
"She fought the decision," I say, "But ultimately, the princess won out. I have not been able to write in that time because I was in Princess Asteria's chambers, mostly under close watch. I have only just moved into my new bedroom in the main building of the estate. If you had only given me a few more days..." I let my voice drawl off. Yes, I would have had the capacity to write, but I am not sure what I would have written. Even if I have spent much of my time with Asteria recently, none of our conversations would have been enough to please my mother.
"And did you learn anything interesting in that time?" my mother asks.
The question I was dreading.
I spill bits and pieces, but even I am aware that most of it is just fluff. Asteria and I never spoke of war strategy or the dark secrets of the royal family, as my mother would have wished. I cling to the few bits of information I can remember. I speak about Asteria's relationship with her dead mother and how she misses her terribly, Alba's influence on Asteria's life, and Asteria's broken relationship with her brother. My mother nods, but I can tell she is unimpressed.
"Any information on the king?" Mama asks.
"I..." I bite my lip because a thought suddenly does cross my mind, but I am unsure if I should share it.
"Well?" my mother asks.
"I think there was something Asteria did to warrant her removal from Magewell," I say. "Asteria has hinted at it, and so has Alba. But I have not yet been able to get those details."
"Finally. Something that may be useful," my mother says with a sigh of relief. "I need you to investigate, Fetia. And I need you to work harder to learn more about the inner workings of Magewell. Your vicinity to the princess means nothing if all you talk of is Esterpool and her somber past."
"Well, now that I am head maid, I will have some more exposure to the politics of the royal family," I argue.
"Very well, but I need you to take advantage of the situation. I am impressed how quickly you've garnered the princess's trust. The cards are in your hands. Now, it only matters how you play them. Kiana, meanwhile, is working diligently in the royal guard. She sends me letters frequently with top secret information about the castle," my mother says.
"But I am not in the castle—"
Taika interjects this time. "What your mother is saying is that we need you to contribute just as equally as Kiana. I know your circumstances are different, but as Arihi said, you have clearly gained the princess's trust. Do not be afraid. Take advantage of that opportunity."
I do not know why I get a nauseous feeling in the pit of my stomach at these words. I hold back the bile rising in my throat to answer Taika. "I-I will. But I am still getting used to the duties of being a head maid, and my injuries are still healing—"
"No more excuses," my mother says. "Are you capable of doing this, Fetia?"
"I—"
"Yes or no?" she asks once more, raising an eyebrow.
"Yes," I say with confidence. "Yes. I will continue my spying, and I will work to get more information from Asteria's lips. I promise."
My mother nods. "That is what I like to hear," she says. "Well, we shouldn't keep you, Fetia. I'm sure the princess is waiting."
I nod, more than happy to cut the visit short. My cheek is still stinging, and from what I can tell, beginning to swell ever so slightly from where she struck me. I do not move forward to give my mother a hug or kiss her cheek. Rather, I meekly thank her for visiting, promise she will hear from me soon, and begin to exit the forest with Taika.
"Let me look at your cheek," Taika says when we have left the forest and are back on the road. I turn, allowing him to catch a glimpse of it in the sunlight. "Hm, be sure to put a cool towel on it," he says.
"Trust me, I am well aware on how to take care of my facial injuries at this point," I grumble.
There is a pause in our conversation, and I listen to the sound of us crunching the gravel beneath our feet.
Taika sighs. "I am sorry she struck you, Fetia. I knew she was upset, but—"
"It's fine. If anything, it was a wake up call," I say. "She's right. I should be doing more. I apologize for not writing. I could have asked for some parchment or--"
"You have made progress," Taika assures me. "I think you have done well to get yourself in the position you are now. Now, you only need to get the fine details from the princess. It should not be too difficult given your proximity to her."
I nod in agreement, hoping he is right.
When we return to the estate, Taika holds out his arms to embrace me. Then, his arms fall limply to his side. "Sorry. I forgot," he says.
"I am sure a small hug would not hurt, so as long as you do not squeeze," I say.
He nods, and we briefly embrace. As we pull apart, he gently touches my unstruck cheek. "I am sorry you had to deal with your injuries alone," he says. "It must not have been pleasant. I know Arihi was angry back there, but truly, she was just as worried as I was, even if she did not show it. You are strong for enduring it alone."
I wasn't alone, but I cannot tell Taika that. Still, I blink back some tears and reach up to squeeze Taika's hand. "But I survived it. That is what matters," I say. "And I will continue to survive and make both of you proud."
Taika smiles warmly at me. Quietly, he murmurs, "Best of luck, Fetia. We will meet again soon."
I nod, watching as he departs. I turn back toward the estate and begin walking toward the princess's chambers. As I tuck a strand of loose hair behind my hear, my fingers brush against my still-stinging cheek. I wince slightly. I cannot be bothered by my mother's harsh words or this minor injury now. It is time to return to the princess, where my spying needs to commence.
When I enter Asteria's chambers a little later, I expect her to be off on a walk in the garden without me, but instead, she is seated by the windowsill with the window open, allowing the sunlight to touch her skin. Her golden hair flows slowly in the breeze. She is quiet, looking deep in thought. I almost do not wish to disturb her. When I shut the door to her chambers, however, her head shifts toward me.
"Oh, Fe! You're back," Asteria says. Her face immediately lifts into a grin. Whatever thoughtful trance she was in is now obsolete. She descends from the windowsill to greet me. I put on a cheerful face, trying to ignore the memories of the painful visit I just endured. I watch Asteria's face slowly transform into a frown as she grows closer to me.
"What's wrong?" I ask.
"Your cheek. It's red," Asteria says. She moves to touch it, but I cannot hide that it is injured. I flinch against her touch. "What happened?" she asks, looking concernedly at me.
I wonder how she knows that I am hurt without me saying a word or how she can be so attune to everything that goes on with me. It is both a curse and a blessing, I think. Quickly, I conjure up some lie.
"Oh! I was being a bit clumsy, that's all," I say. "Taika and I went on a walk, and I tripped and knocked my cheek against the ground."
Asteria nods, still looking at my cheek concernedly.
"Um, if you still wanted to go on a walk, I would be happy to accompany you," I say, trying to change the subject away from me.
Asteria shakes her head. Instead, she leaves me for a moment, then re-emerges from her bathing area with a damp towel. I find a comfortable seat on the couch, and she sits beside me. Though I wince as she presses the towel against my cheek, the coolness is soothing.
"Thank you," I murmur.
Asteria sighs. "What are we going to do with you, Fe? You can't go one day without injuring yourself. Perhaps you should be locked here in my chambers with me. Clearly the outside world is too dangerous." I glance over at her, seeing the smile on her face. Her tone is playful, even if bits of concern still shine through.
"That does not sound like a bad idea," I respond. "Although I am sure you would grow tired of me quickly."
"Nonsense. You are too good of company," Asteria replies. She continues holding the towel to my cheek, though I am sure it is growing warm from the blood rising to my cheeks.
"I am sorry again I could not accompany you on a walk today," I say.
"That is okay. We'll have plenty of time to take walks in the future," Asteria says.
I smile at her, and as she returns my grin just as warmly, my heart twinges in pain. It is becoming increasingly difficult knowing that I will be playing a role in the princess's demise in the near future.