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June 13, 2023
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The stables of Sama Equestrian Centre have always been Yaseerah's second home, her sanctuary; the one place in the world where her heart felt free.
She savored the snug fit of her riding gear–a second skin that carried the lingering essence of hay and fresh grass.
Each breath she took tethered her to the world she cherished the most.
Being alone amid nature, with no one watching, allowed her to be herself for a handful of moments which was both torturous and delightful.
The rhythmic symphony of hooves against cobblestone mingled with the gentle nickers of horses, enveloping Yaseerah in the tranquil cocoon only the stables could offer her.
She brushed her hand through Arzu's mane, her voice a soft murmur, as she brought a sugar cube close to Arzu's muzzle, "I brought you a treat."
Arzu's gentle whinny was like a melodious whisper as she nuzzled Yaseerah's palm, seeking the sugar cube with her velvety lips.
Yaseerah winced slightly, feeling the dry warmth of Arzu's mouth brush against the tender skin beneath her Band-Aid–causing it to lift slightly–but she paid no heed to the pain as she watched Arzu continue to enjoy the sugar cube.
When Arzu nestled her head into Yaseerah's chest, the vice of despair loosened its grip from her heart.
Yaseerah liked to think that despite the comings and goings of several horse riders like her, Arzu remembered her.
Was it foolish to desire to be special to a horse? Or was it just as foolish to seek that kind of significance from a person?
Teeth tugging on her bottom lip, Yaseerah pondered the reason why she had snuck out and come here today.
Her upcoming wedding to Fouad Farraj—a man chosen by her father—loomed over her like a dark cloud, a suffocating weight threatening to crush her spirit.
Most troubling was that she had never met her intended, even once in the two years since their engagement had been announced.
Confined by tradition, she found herself engaged in deep conversations with each of his siblings, yet the man who would shape her future still remained a stranger to her.
Lost in her thoughts, Yaseerah was unaware of the silent presence that entered the stable until a rich voice caressed the still air, startling her back into the present.
"A beautiful sight, isn't it?"
Her pulse quickened as she turned to face the source, her gaze immediately drawn to a figure standing at the threshold of the stable, also clad in his riding gear.
The afternoon sun's gentle touch painted him in a warm golden hue, casting an ethereal halo around him. His mesmerizing brown eyes sparkled with playfulness as his fingers caressed his steed's mane, radiating an easy grace and confidence that was impossible to ignore.
Yaseerah felt a sense of familiarity in his appearance–an odd sense of familiarity–despite knowing she had never seen him before. It'd be near impossible to forget such a face like his.
His strong jawline and brows triggered a recognition she couldn't place. This single glance left her wondering what impression he would leave on her heart, uncertain of her thoughts or feelings.
Her lashes fluttered, caught in a momentary trance, before she found her voice, its timbre wavering slightly as she whispered, "Yes, it truly is."
"Apologies if I've startled you," the stranger's voice resonated with a rich, melodic tone, as he began to walk into the stables. "I didn't mean to intrude."
His voice, his appearance, everything about him held her captive, rendering her tongue-tied and lost in the magnetism that seemed to pull them closer, or was it just her?
Gathering herself, she managed a polite smile and replied, "No, not at all. I was simply lost in my thoughts."
Each step he took resonated with purpose, his horse moving in sync with him as he guided it back to its stall with an easy familiarity.
His lips curved once more, a soft smile that mirrored the sun's warmth, as he turned to fix her with his attention yet again, and for a second Yaseerah wondered what it felt like to smile this freely with someone you've only just met.
"Thoughts can be both friend and foe, can't they?" His voice held the comforting depth of someone who had known sorrow and surmounted it.
Caught in the swirling emotions between them, Yaseerah could only nod, suddenly feeling self-conscious about the clothes she was wearing.
Yaseerah had always chosen to come here at 7 am, when the stables were empty, because the last thing she wanted was to engage with strangers. Yet, there was something about him that made her want to converse with him, when she'd normally ignore the other riders she met.
"I couldn't help but notice your deep connection with these magnificent creatures. I've seen enough riders and their horses, but the harmony between you two...it's a rarity to witness."
Yaseerah felt her cheeks flush with self-consciousness, his compliment touching her deeply, and captivating her even more.
Her voice was soft but resonant with genuine passion when she responded. "Horses have the ability to reach parts of my heart that words cannot. They are far more affectionate than most people think."
"Indeed," he nodded, his voice softening with a hint of nostalgia, as he glanced back at his own mare.
"May I ask your name?" he inquired, turning his gaze back to her.
A long moment passed between his question and her response, as if she had been weighing the decision of whether to reveal her name or not.
What's the harm in telling him my name? She mused inwardly. It's just a name, after all.
Knowing her name didn't mean anything.
"Yaseerah," she finally answered, her voice steady as she returned her gaze back to Arzu who nudged her shoulder with her muzzle, making Yaseerah's lips curve into a fond smile.
"Yaseerah," he repeated, as if he was savoring the weight and melody of her name. "What a beautiful name. Fulan at your service."
"Fulan?" she queried, tilting her head to the side, as she silently contemplated his name.
Unless her Arabic was failing her–which was highly impossible–his name translated to 'someone'. How any parent could name their child that, baffled her, but Yaseerah had heard weirder names.
Still, it kept her wondering. "That's an unusual name."
"It is." A flicker of unease played across his features as he nodded, and for a second, Yaseerah feared she might have offended him.
Her lips parted, wanting to apologize and tell him that she actually liked his name, but the words died down in her throat, when his phone suddenly rang, interrupting the silent bubble they found themselves in.
The whole seconds it took the phone to ring out without an answer, neither of them spoke a word or moved an inch from where they were standing, gazes still fixed on each other, like they couldn't bear to cast their gaze aside.
"Will I see you again soon?" he asked, ending the silent stare down between them, when his phone began to ring again.
Yaseerah's lips parted to answer, 'of course,' but the truth was she didn't know what life had in store for her, couple of hours from now, let alone days from now.
So, she shook her head, turning back around to brush her fingers through Arzu's thick mane.
"Could I at least have your contact so we can keep in touch?" His voice held a hopeful edge that had Yaseerah's heart squeezing tightly.
Could she...
No!
The temptation to chase the connection between them tugged at her heart, warring with her better sense of judgement.
Temptation had once murmured in her ear and she'd been able to restrain herself, but this time it spoke with a fervent urgency that was impossible to ignore, making her wonder what it'd feel like to abandon caution and take a leap.
"I don't think that's a good idea," Yaseerah finally said, after moments of hesitation, well aware of the consequences that might arise.
Becoming close to a non-mahram while she was engaged to another was truly unwise.
And not to think of her father.
If he caught wind of this interaction, Yaseerah shuddered to think what he would do to her.
"I understand," he murmured, his smile fleeting, yet his eyes didn't reflect the gesture.
No, you don't.
"If you change your mind..." he trailed off, leaving space for an unspoken possibility.
Yaseerah's heart caught, suspended between beats as she turned slightly, her gaze locked with his, waiting with bated breath for his next words.
"If anything changes," he pulled out a card from his pocket and handed it to her. "Call me."
Their fingers accidentally grazed each others during the card hand-off, and Yaseerah felt something stir in her, as she clutched the tiny square of card like her next breath depended on it.
Her gaze lingered on his retreating figure until he faded into the distance, a bittersweet ache settling within her chest–an ache for what could have been.
The lingering echo of their brief encounter clung to the air, tugging at her heartstrings, leaving her with both a sense of longing and uncertainty, as she glanced at the card, knowing that accepting it was the first step into slipping down a slippery slope.
After all, she was still engaged to be married, and her loyalty belonged to someone else.
Yet, an undeniable connection still resonated within her, stirring emotions she had never anticipated.
As she held the card tightly in her hand, a myriad of thoughts swirled through her mind.
Should she discard it and forget this encounter ever happened? Or should she take the leap and see where it might lead?
Ultimately, Yaseerah knew she had a decision to make; if she chose to follow her heart, she wasn't only damning herself but Mamu and Bilal as well, but if she continued on the path already set out for her, only her heart will be crushed.
'He's just a guy, you'll forget about him sooner or later,' the rational part of her mind stated.
Was he just a guy though?
And, could she ever forget about him?
This encounter however brief had left a mark on her, and Yaseerah was unsure if things were ever going to be the same again.
Two lessons she'd gotten from her time with horses were the importance of bravery and following ones instincts.
Holding the card didn't necessarily mean she had to dial the number, did it?
A sigh slipped past her lips, and she leaned her forehead against Arzu's warm muzzle.
The ache for human companionship deepened within her–a tide that threatened to breach her solitude; a tide of desperation she hadn't felt in ages.
Usually, her own company sufficed, but today, the weight of it pressed heavily on her shoulders.
It defied reason how heavy her heart felt, how despite everything, despite the fact that she should be relieved he didn't pursue her further and despite knowing she'd made the right decision by not giving him her contact, Yaseerah felt conflicted.
By Allah, she was conflicted. And frustrated. And confused. And sad. Her emotions were all over the place and she detested that.
But indulging in self-pity wasn't a pastime Yaseerah had ever been fond of–it had been beaten out of her since she was a kid–so before she could allow herself to sink deeper into that pit of despair, Yaseerah resolved to go home to the two people in the world who only had her best interest in their hearts.
•••
Another update, as promised.
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Next update comes on Monday in shaa Allah, see you then.
Xoxo, Jidderh 😘