Kendall
"Marquis stop your going to make me fall!" I yelled over the music that played throughout the rollerskating rink.
He kept his promise of bringing me skating like I asked of him. I used to love coming to the skating rink with my friends and cousins when I was younger. It was one of the many activities are parents got us to do to get out of the house during summer breaks.
The neon lights and the loud R&B and rap music that blasted through the speakers made my veins pulse with adrenaline from the excitement. The feeling of just being here gave off a nostalgic feeling to my soul.
It reminds me of when the only worry I had was how I was going to beg my dad for five dollars to get a snack from the corner store after school or when I forgot to do my homework the night before so I have to hurry and finish it during my lunch period.
You know the simple times.
Now my top worry is making sure my kid is breathing.
"Why you moving like you scared to skate?" Marquis asked moving his hands to my hips as he skated backward in front of me. He had been trying to move me so I'd be moving along the rink at his speed which was too fast for what I was comfortable with at the moment.
"I'm not scared, I told you I've never been the best skater. Plus, it's been a while since the last time I've attempted to do this. I just have to find my balance then I should be good. I need to take my time because I do not want to fall in front of all these people. That's so embarrassing." I placed my hands along his arms which were stretched out in front of me for some assistance. Him being in front of me would help me for my balance and to catch me if I fall.
"Do you want to move to the wall for help?" He nodded his head in the direction he planned on moving me to.
I looked over to see that the wall was currently occupied by small children who had to be no older than five. "That's even more embarrassing. Just stay like this, I almost got it."
He assisted me around the rink a couple of times until I was comfortable. From there we easily skated around together. Occasionally he'd grabbed onto my hand to test my comfort level.
He'd speed us up if the song changed to a more advanced tempo or grab onto my waist if it was something on the more romantic side.
After hour two of going around, only taking a break to grab something to drink from the snack bar, I found myself becoming tired. Marquis picked up on it and kept us going at a neutral pace for the remaining time.
Every so often I'd allowed him to leave me so he could skate faster like I knew he wanted to. He even tried to show off a few tricks here and there looking like one of those roll bounce skaters you see on social media.
"Stop showing off!" I said in a playful tone.
"Learn how to skate better."
I rolled my eyes as I watched him go off without me. I got a little nervous from his absence only because if I fell then I would fall right on my ass or face instead of having him here to catch me.
Deciding I didn't want to test my fate I skated off to the side sitting on one of the benches. My legs were starting to burn anyway. I looked around for Marquis to see him in the middle of a group of guys.
At first, I thought there was some kind of conflict happening but when I saw them all patting him on his back and laughing. I didn't see how he even got in that position, but now I was curious. After some more talking, I saw Marquis depart from them and start to look for me.
I raised my hand and waved it around so he'd be able to spot me. Once he did he smoothly skated over to me being careful not to bump into any of the small children that accidentally got in his way.
"I see you've made friends." I said to him smiling.
"Yeah, they saw me dancing and liked what they saw. They wanted me to skate with them but I told them I was here with someone." He smiled back, putting an arm around my waist.
"You can skate with them. I'm just slowing you down and you clearly are way better at this than me." "Yeah, but I'm here with you." He fake pouted.
"You've been with me all day." "And I wanna be with you for the rest of the night. Especially since you aren't staying at mine."
"I have to help my mom with something tomorrow. If I didn't then I would." I left a peck on his lip to get him to cheer up some. When I pulled away I saw his grin had returned.
"I just be missing you. It's been hard making time for each other." "Well schools out so I should be free besides the days I work."
"Or when you out with Nehemiah." He tried to say under his breath as he turned away from me, but I heard him. I don't know why he was still on that but I chose not to respond to it.
"Just go skate with them. Don't let me be a party pooper for you."
"Are you sure?" He asked, already standing up from his seat.
"Yes, I'm sure. Just don't show out and hurt yourself." I joked. He waved his hand dismissively at me before skating away.
I pulled out my phone in the meantime casually looking up every so often to see what Marquis was doing with his new rollerskating buddies. I'm glad he's meeting new people. It's surprising that it's over something like rollerskating, but wherever he can make friends was fine with me.
I clicked on my camera roll and scrolled through the pictures I had taken today. My favorite was an off-guard of Jay excitedly pointing at the albino dolphins we saw today at the aquarium.
Before it was just Marquis and me, he wanted to incorporate some time with Justice today and planned a visit to the aquarium for us. I've always been a fan of aquatic animals and never got a chance to take Justice before so it was perfect.
Marquis paid for us to have this premium experience that I didn't know about until the last minute which I was a little upset about only because of the price. We could have had a normal visit like the average person.
But I wasn't upset anymore when we got to have a one-on-one session with the dolphins which is where I got the best pictures of Justice. He loved all the animals he saw but the dolphins were definitely his favorite.
I sent all the pictures of Justice to Nehemiah which he hearted in return. I also sent some that had me in the picture, but he could easily crop me out if he wanted to.
I didn't send any pictures that had Marquis in them.
Speaking of Miah, I've decided it's best if I block out all the feelings I found myself having for him. Especially after finding out that him and Brayden had become good friends since that night in the club.
Apparently, they help each other get out of their shells according to Kobe and Brayden's friend. Kobe spoke to her the last time they visited the place where they worked which they've also been going to a lot.
For instance, I was told Nehemiah tried a blueberry smoothie which threw me for a loop. Nehemiah doesn't even like blueberries! I would know from all the times I've tried to sneak them into the lunches I used to make for him.
Now all of a sudden he's eating fucking blueberries!
I don't want to sound angry or jealous, but I am a little salty. If anyone could've persuaded him to do something like that it would have been me, but even I wasn't good enough to do that.
But if Brayden got him to try it then props to him...I guess.
To stop myself from believing that Brayden was taking my spot I went back to looking at my boyfriend.
He seemed to be enjoying himself and was getting along well with the men. They all skated the way Marquis was skating earlier so it makes sense that they pulled him.
He hung out with them for an hour or so before returning to me. He took off my skates for me and went to return both of ours to the booth while I put my shoes back on. Once he returned we decided it was time to go instead of just hanging our here any longer.
On our way to the car, he told me about the new people he met. Apparently, they came to the rink often but not enough to call themselves an official skate group.
When they weren't spending their time skating they would hangout somewhere else around the city and even invited Marquis to hang out with them next weekend.
"He said there's also women in their lil group. He said it was one of their birthdays so all the girls in Miami right now for a girl's trip." He explained.
"Do the girls be skating and then randomly do a roll into a split that happens to land in front of a group of men?" I questioned. When I got an ugly face of confusion in return I knew he didn't know what I was talking about and decided to drop the question.
"I'm just glad you've finally met people who seem to have similar interests as you."
"Yeah."
We got to his car both getting in our designated seats. Marquis was driving so he let me control the music. I still played songs that I knew he would enjoy. He wasn't into hip-hop as most men are. He preferred to listen to straight R&B. So, he had artists like Brent Faiyz and Frank Ocean in his line-up.
"I'm hungry, do you mind stopping somewhere before taking me home?" I asked.
I hadn't eaten since earlier this morning when we had breakfast and after all that skating I swear I could feel my stomach touching my back.
"Course I don't. There's this little spot I eat most nights I don't feel like cooking." He responded, reaching over to hold my hand.
"What do they serve?"
"Greasy foods like burgers, wings, onion rings- stuff like that. You cool with that?"
"Do we have to eat inside?"
Honestly, I was so tired and was ready to get in the comfort of my bed so having to get out of the car was not something I was trying to do right now.
"No, we'll eat in the car. I'm going to go inside to order and then I'll take you to a place I know we can eat comfortably."
He just knows all the places tonight.
I didn't question where said place this time, instead, I nodded my head to let him know that I was okay with that plan. Marquis pulled into the parking lot and got a spot right in front of the building. I waited for him in the car while he went in to order for the both of us.
Plus, since he was more knowledgeable about this place he already had an idea of what was good and what wasn't. After he paid and we collected the food he placed it in my lap to hold while he drove.
He pulled into an empty parking lot of a park I'd never been to. It was really dark so it wasn't really a place you'd wanna be at night.
"This is where I go for my runs. It's always empty so I never have to worry about a crowd." Marquis explained as he took the food away from me.
Once the food was out I looked at everything he had bought. I feel as though it was too much food for the both of us, but with how good it smelt I might just eat it all by myself.
He had bought an assortment of wings that came in different flavors, a burger, both fries and tater tots and a small order of onion rings. He also got condiments on the side so we wouldn't be eating our food dry. For drinks were just two bottles of water.
Boy, I hope my stomach not gonna hurt after this.
We started eating in silence, nothing but the music playing in the car. It's not that we didn't have anything to say we were just too busy stuffing our faces with food. I swear to god that'd eat the bones of these wings if I could. The flavor was exquisite.
It wasn't until I realized that Marquis had stopped eating but instead was looking at me that I slowed down.
"What?" I asked, covering my mouth suddenly feeling insecure. I was always self-conscious when it came to eating in front of people. I hated to think about whether or not they were judging how I ate or how much I was eating because I could eat a lot.
I'm just a foodie.
But I knew he wasn't judging me off of that.
"I'm just waiting for you to finish so I can kiss the shit out of you."
I'm not even doing anything for him to be feeling that way. I literally have buffalo sauce all over my fingers and I'm sure I have food all over my face.
"I'm turning you on?"
"The Weekend is playing right now. You know the shit Abel be saying in his songs. It don't take much for the mood to shift." "We are literally eating the most unpleasant food right now."
"When you like someone as much as I like you it don't matter. You should know that."
I did understand. When you believe someone is so perfect that no matter what they do will always be something you awe. You'd never feel disgusted because you know they're being unapologetically them. You'd do anything for them.
"Mhm. I'm done eating now, I don't want to finish knowing you're just going to be watching me." I put the food away and cleaned myself off with one of the wipes that was in the bag while Marquis moved himself to the back seat. I just joined him when I was done.
I didn't even have time to freshen up my breath with a mint before his lips were on mine. And based on how hard and passionately he was kissing me, this was definitely going to lead to more than him kissing the shit out of me.
I've only ever had sex in the car twice and that was because desperate times called for desperate measures. Now both of those times weren't bad, it was just difficult because neither of us could properly get comfortable because of height restrictions.
This time with Marquis would probably be even harder because he was a bigger man in size. If it becomes too difficult I might just end it before it even starts.
"It feels so good to be back with you like this." He mumbled huskily in my ear. He sucked my earlobe into his ear, biting on it before releasing it. I let him have my body as I felt my body shudder against him.
He started removing his clothes telling me to do the same. But I was hesitant as I cautiously looked out of the window every few seconds. "Baby, what's wrong?"
"I just don't want anyone to see us." I mumbled, looking outside the window to make sure no one was passing by.
"Just relax baby. No one's going to see us, I got you." His hand found my waist as he sat me on top of him.
He only had on his boxers while I still had on my shirt and and underwear. I could easily feel all of him even through the fabric that separated us. I started to tug my shirt off but was stopped by him. He wanted to be the one to do it.
He gently lifted it up kissing on my chest throughout the process. He sucked and nipped teasingly as he tried to get me to relax and fully let go.
I was trying so hard but I just wasn't feeling it right now. I don't know if it was the environment or if it was something else, but I couldn't force myself to do this with him right now.
"Wait let's stop."
"Bro," he groaned. "Just close your eyes and let me make you feel good. You worrying is making my dick go limp."
"I don't want to."
"Why?"
"Because I'm not comfortable with that." There didn't need to be any more reason for it. If I didn't want to then I didn't want to.
"You not comfortable with that or you not comfortable with doing that with me?"
"What?"
"Nothing, forget it." I was pushed off of him harshly causing me to hit my head against the window pretty hard. I placed my hand on the back of my hand to try to soothe the pain as I watched as he began to get dressed.
I don't think he meant to push me as hard as he did and knew he'd apologize for it later when he wasn't mad. It's what he always did when he unintentionally hurt me. He's just heavy-handed and most times he forgets that.
"It's like I try so hard to get you to trust me and every time I try to test that you do something that proves you don't."
"I do trust you. Just because I told you no doesn't automatically mean that I don't. Were intimate all of the time so why would you think that I randomly don't because I don't want to have sex now?"
"It's not just about the sex Kendall! This is about everything!"
"I want you to tell me how you feel, but I won't argue with you so don't yell. We can talk like adults."
Sometimes his anger could be comparable to how quickly Justice is to throw a tantrum. If he was yelling at me he wouldn't be able to hear what I would tell him.
Getting him calm would be the key to making sure wherever this conversation was going would end well. To help him I placed a hand on his shoulder and gave it a light massage. "Just gather your thoughts and when you're ready I'm here to listen."
I hate that I triggered him and don't know how. It gets hard being there for him sometimes when you don't know what you did. But I care about him and don't mind being patient with him.
"I'm sorry," He apologized. He removed my hand from his shoulder, moving it to be held in his own. "It's not even you so don't think you did something to me because you didn't. I just got a bunch of stuff built up."
"Like what?" I moved myself back to his lap to have direct eye contact with him. He never let go of my hands as he looked at me, instead his grip on them became tighter making us feel conjoined to one another.
"I didn't want to ruin our day."
"You didn't. Just talk to me, baby. I think this has gone on a little too far now. Whatever you've been keeping from me for months needs to be let out on the table right now. I'll never judge you because we all go through shit and we shouldn't feel embarrassed to be vulnerable or afraid to talk about it. I'm here for you like you've been there for me."
He sighs as if he's relieved to hear me say that. He then places his head against my chest and moves his hands underneath the back of my shirt as he begins to rub on my back.
"I wanna talk about my family if that's okay." His voice was slightly shakey as he spoke. I obviously knew talking about his family would be hard for him since he hasn't done it all this time. But after I let out a hum to let him know that he could rant, he finally began to open up.
"Growing up was never hard for me. My family is very well off and I had everything I wanted and went to places across the world that most people can only dream about going. I was happy and I thought my family was perfect. That was until I started to go to middle school and was able to process my family's dynamic fully"
He looked up at me to see that I was already looking at him. He had my full attention and every word he said was being heard clearly. I pushed him to keep talking by nodding my head at him.
"My dad works at a high rank for a big corporation. He's not CEO or anything but it's up there. So most days' he'd work long hours and my mama would be at home taking care of everything in the house. But that wasn't the problem for them. The problem was that my dad never thought my mama did enough and he never showed her any grace for anything that she did for my brother and I"
"He wasn't a hateful person, he was just so into his job that it seemed like he never cared about his family. My mama is the opposite of him. She cares about family life which is why she convinced my dad to let her be a stay-at-home mother. My mama liked to work, but if she worked as hard as my dad then our parents wouldn't be around and it'd be my brother taking care of the both of us. My mama had to take care of her siblings because of her own parent's absents and she didn't want that for us"
"But by high school, my mama was back to working just as hard as him. He manipulated her into feeling like she was lazy and had no purpose in her life, meanwhile, she was raising two boys by herself. My brother was out of the house by my sophomore year so they only had me to worry about. I didn't know this at first but my dad had been recruiting my brother to his colleagues getting my brother internships the average person would never be able to get,"
"So when he finished college my mama, dad, and brother were all working at one of the biggest companies in the city and my dad thought I was going to be next. When I rebelled against his plans for me he only forced it harder on me. He made me stop hanging out with my friends and made me start going on fancy boats with all of his coworker's kids. I'm pretty sure you know who was on them boats"
"Not that I had anything against them, it just didn't feel like my element you know? But anyway, I tried to fight against him but the harder I fought the harder he did as well. He started making my mama and brother talk to me to try to get my mind to change. And when that didn't work he started displaying his frustrations differently. He wouldn't dare touch me, but my mama got the wrong end of the stick"
"She was already used to the degrading, but once it turned physical I don't think she could take it anymore. If she wasn't talking about work she wouldn't talk. My dad is greedy and he controls them on a string like they're his puppets and his just waiting for the day he gets to control me. I'm not letting it happen though"
"Moving here wasn't just for you-it was for me. I needed to leave and try to have my own life for myself. I hate that my brother and mama are still suffering, but you can't help people who don't want to be helped"
"Now I know you've told me multiple times that I've crossed boundaries when it comes to Justice, but it's only because I thought we were similar. His dad wasn't around and I knew what that felt like. My dad was physically there but he was never a father. And I feel like if I could've filled that void for him then maybe it would've made me feel better and it does. I love that kid and I'm not trying to disrespect anybody. But I truly feel like he's mine in its own unique way"
"And for you, I'm just grateful we met. You understand me and you patient with me when I know I'm not patient back. I'm trying to work on myself, I really am. But it's hard to break the cycle of what I know. You've been here for me and your help has meant everything to me. I don't ever want to lose you because I've fallen in love with you"
"Your probably not gonna say it back which I get. But I can't pretend like I don't love you because I do. It's why I tend to be so possessive and jealous. I know that's not an excuse, but the day I lose you is the day I'll break. And right now I need you more than ever."
This explains a lot honestly. His dad has shown him toxic behavior and it's rubbed off on him. But with work, I know he can get past this because he wasn't like this when I first met him. He's just going through a rough patch and I won't let this affect this any more than it already has.
"Well first off, your right. I'm not ready to say that to you. But I care deeply about you and want to be here to help you through this. I see how badly this is affecting you and it's also bad habits and behaviors. The drinking and your anger management are the most severe."
"I know it's bad and I'm trying. I don't mean to get mad at the little stuff I do." He sounded exhausted like he was tired of his own behavior. Him recognizing it was a good first step.
"I know you are. Look at me"
I think he felt ashamed of himself for some reason. Like it was shameful that he allowed his dad to tear him down like this. However, to me, there was nothing to be ashamed of. Sometimes it's hard to admit that your parent is in the wrong because love can get in the way.
But his dad is blatantly wrong and I wanted him to feel okay with being upset with him.
"You're fine - I'm completely get it. I know that was probably a lot for you and I appreciate you being honest with me. But before you are honest with me I have to know you going to be honest with yourself. You have to be committed to work on yourself."
"I am baby, I promise."
"The drinking stops now. It only makes things worse. And I think you should go to counseling as well. Talking to me about these things is not for the best because I can only help so much."
"I don't know..."
I figured he'd be reserved about speaking to someone. But professional help is just that. They're more educated on these kinds of things and I feel like I'd just end up repeating myself over and over which isn't going to be effective.
Not only that, but I feel like there might be something going on that neither of us see. For instance, his mood swings are very concerning. Now I don't want to diagnose him with anything, but I do feel there may be something serious going on as well.
"It's just a thought." I finish.
"It was hard for me to tell you so imagine telling a stranger."
"Yeah, but a stranger knows techniques that'll get you to open up and help you better manage the situation."
"I know I just...it's hard."
"All of this is going to be hard. But you'll get through it."
And that's what I really believed at the time. That he was capable of overcoming the damage that his dad had done to him.
What I didn't know was that I was going to be completely wrong about the kind of person Marquis was.
That my life was going to take a turn for the worse.
That I wished I never even met this man.
***
Sooo...
Thoughts?
Predictions?
FYI...I'm so excited for next chapter LMFAO! It'll be posted on Monday at 8:30 pm central time. (which will be my update time from here on out!)
I'm still messing around with the days but I'm thinking Monday and Friday will be my update days.
Ahhh I'm just so excited for what's to come next!!!
😈